going to college next year

LegacyUser

right, heres my problem, next year i going to be heading off to Dublin for college, (hopefully) leaving my girlfriend whom i love behind. i cant wait to go to college for obvious reasons,but what im scared of is mine and my girlfriends situation during it. both of us have talked alot about it and breaking up isnt an option. but we are both woried that the time apart will be bad for the realationship. weve never done any kind of long distance relationships at all, and now, were spending alot of time together, i was just wondering how many of ye out there are going through/gone through the same thing and if ye found it hard, or if it worked or not, and of course advice. i will be returning every week end for work and family, so that will help alot i know, but i just want to here others stories

thanks in advance

AnonoBoy

Ok you don't want to hear this but..... it rarely, rarely works.

This is a classic situation. You're going off to college and she's staying behind. You're going to meet a whole host of new people, guys and girls, your horizons are going to be broadened and you're going be going out a lot with these new friends.

She will be at home doing the same things as before.

It's a tough situation to be in because she will begin thinking about all the new girls that are around in Dublin and all the times you're out drinking with them. Then there will come a weekend that you don't make it home for whatever reason and she'll want you to come back and you'll feel bad that you can't but also will feel a bit annoyed at the pressure she's putting on you. You'll start to feel a bit trapped and soon will be looking around at all the girls you could have if you were single and then you two will slowly drift apart and end up breaking up.

That's what happens. It's only a very rare case when people's relationships survive the 'one goes to college/one stays behind phase'. I've seen it happen to both family and friends. Most think it won't happen to them but let's face it this is probably your first in anyway serious relationship and while you think at the moment it will last forever the reality is that it won't - there's a whole world of men and women out there to be explored by both of you.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this is what I've seen happen over and over again.

You might last a year maybe a bit more - chances increase greatly of lasting if she joins you in Dublin after a year - but a lot of these relationships don't make it more than six months.

DemocAnarchis

berru wrote:

right, heres my problem, next year i going to be heading off to Dublin for college, (hopefully) leaving my girlfriend whom i love behind. i cant wait to go to college for obvious reasons,but what im scared of is mine and my girlfriends situation during it. both of us have talked alot about it and breaking up isnt an option. but we are both woried that the time apart will be bad for the realationship. weve never done any kind of long distance relationships at all, and now, were spending alot of time together, i was just wondering how many of ye out there are going through/gone through the same thing and if ye found it hard, or if it worked or not, and of course advice. i will be returning every week end for work and family, so that will help alot i know, but i just want to here others stories

thanks in advance

I was and am in the exact same situation as you. My girlfriend and I only got together about 6 months before we headed to different colleges, but we still wanted to give it a shot. Two years in, we're still going strong. It is possible.

However, its not easy. There were times when we both questioned if we could do it, not because there was nothing between us, but because we missed seeing each other. You say you're going to be home at the weekends, tbh if you didn't have that, I'd say forget it. Stay in constant contact with her, by email, letters or phone.

One thing you have to do though is not see college as a 5 day prison sentence before you can see her. Best thing to do is throw yourself into the clubs and societies scene.

There will be plenty of times when you're going to wish you could just hook up with someone in college because you would be able to see them most days, be prepared to experience quite a bit of jealousy of others. The way i think about it is with the amount of coursework I have to do, I can only really afford to see her on weekends anyway, and same with her situation.

Best of luck with it, its not as impossible as some people will lead you to believe, but its not easy either.

[EDIT] Forgot the most important point. There MUST be absolute, unquestionable trust between you two. If wither of you are going to get paranoid about what the other is up to, give up now.

NADA

I think it will be ok too tbh if you want it to work. I am in college and my girlfriend is in school but we actually live twenty minutes away from each other. So not really a problem. However I've to go to Germany for my third year. And she will be at home. It will be for less than a year. I think it will work I mean its not exactly a million miles away. However I was worried before that I will be with her till then and then when she starts College and I am in Germany she might get fed up of me. She says she won't so I just have to go with that. I think it will be ok for me cos she can cum see me pretty cheaply whenever she wants and there are lots of Holidays long weekends and stuff In the german uni system. If you are going to see her every weekend I don't think you have too much to be worried about.

Sam Vimes

my gf goes to college in athlone and comes back to dublin on the weekends. i don't see her as often as i'd like but its grand. sometimes we even get sick of each other. we've been going out for nearly 3 years and she's been going to athlone for two of them

oh wait this is PI. she's clearly cheating on you. dump her and go travelling.*








*you may not get the joke

SarahSassy

It CAN work!!!! You both sound committed and as long as you both decide on the fidelity issue (and stick to it) and keep communicating it can work. You will see her every weekend. Some good advice was not to waste your college time but sitting and pining for her - do join clubs and societies and enjoy the experience as its over all too soon

Carsinian Thau

It would require a lot of work/trust but it could work out.
Just make sure you see her as often as possible and call her a lot (but not too much, too much calling could be taken as an indication that you don't trsut her and that would put an even bigger strain on the relationship).

Patricide

My freinds relationship survived this, A year in college later hes still with his girlfreind who will be joining him in cork next year.

frizzefreckles

I tried it and it didn't work for me but I have a friend who has a boyfriend living in Spain and they only see each other once a month, 4 years on and they are still going strong. As another poster has said Trust is everything when you are doing the long distance thing.

BoozyBabe

Well, I went off to college & the bf stayed at home.
It worked no prob, & this was before the invention of mobile phone technology too!!!

I just amde you appreciate your time together at the weekend even more.
Once a week I'd get a calling card, walk to the phone box & spend it all on him, for a nice wee chat, normally on a Wed night to break up the week for me.

It's really not that bad! It's only 4 days without seeing her & trust me, we were besotted with each other, but you make new friends & college is great fun, so you won't be as lonely as you think

You'll have no prob making it work if it's what ye both want.

Best of luck