best way to dispose of women the morning after

mogsy

discuss

dr.bollocko

Make sure that the last thing you did after coitus, before falling asleep was piss yourself in the mattress.

mogsy

my own personal favourite was throwing their clothes out the window/hotel and telling them to skidatle

Hagar

I'm assuming this is after she has made the breakfast and cleaned up after it...

DublinWriter

Faking Tourette's Syndrome and proposing at the same time.

...and for that added touch, profer a Hula-Hoop as a gestalt substitute for an engagement ring.

*makes OK sign* Works a treat each and every time.

dr.bollocko

You could always just wave a bar of chocolate in front of their face, but hold it up too high for her to grab it. When she is good and mad, humping your leg, has dropped the mop and bucket etc. throw it out the window and watch as she plummets to her chocolatey doom.
This works better if you are not on the ground floor.

smashey

Ask her how much she is owed. Guaranteed walk out.

Two words... get out. Simple.

xebec

What's your name again?

FuzzyWuzzyWazza

*roll over* ........ who the fcuk are you??

the watch them storm off.

mogsy

could ask "is that a mushroom growing on my lad?" really should get myself tested one of these days

StephenC_IRL

simple : "could you help me clean up, my wife will be home at about 2"

Victor

dr.bollocko wrote:

You could always just wave a bar of chocolate in front of their face, but hold it up too high for her to grab it. When she is good and mad, humping your leg, has dropped the mop and bucket etc. throw it out the window and watch as she plummets to her chocolatey doom.
This works better if you are not on the ground floor.

There is a short film of a postman and a snappy Alsatian along those lines.

Robbo

From the excellent Profanisaurus in Viz...Breakfast Maker (n): An early morning fart so pungent that she has no option but to get our of bed and make the breakfast.

sioda

Personally used to find copious Arthurs and being a heavy sleeper usually did the job chemical warfare the way to empty a bed

K-9

Seeing as I know you so well now, let me show you my S&M collection.

pclancy

smashey wrote:

Ask her how much she is owed. Guaranteed walk out.

Lol guaranteed slap more like!

Peyton Manning

With Beerguts and Receding Hair, I dont think you lot will ever have to deal with this problem.

nads

Archimedes wrote:

With Beerguts and Receding Hair, I dont think you lot will ever have to deal with this problem.

This guy...

John Mason

you mine girls actually stay after until the morning - how biazzare

MOTHERTRUCKER

DublinWriter wrote:

Faking Tourette's Syndrome and proposing at the same time.

...and for that added touch, profer a Hula-Hoop as a gestalt substitute for an engagement ring.

*makes OK sign* Works a treat each and every time.

I can't believe someone would fake Tourettes Syndrome. That is sick.
I can't believe that Dublinwriter would never have posted that reply if he had been aware how much pain it would cause others, and how damaging a message it was sending.

When a Forum stoops to poke fun at people for having a neurological disability that causes symptoms that are beyond their control, it sends the message that it is okay to do so. Perhaps even more damaging was that you portrayed people with Tourettes Syndrome as foolish individuals who need to be segregated from others so as not to annoy them.

It hurts adults with TS who frequently encounter discrimination in the workplace as well as in public and private places.

I understand that this forum is an entertaining outlet for people, but it's success does give you a voice to affect peoples' hearts and minds for the better. I urge you to use this voice in the future to raise awareness of the realities of Tourette's Syndrome and not to perpetuate misinformation and hurtful stereotypes.

DarkJager

Get down off your horse kiddo....If you're offended by this forum then go read through the Celebrity or Christianity forums and take your moral high ground posturing elsewhere...

jester77

I usually headed back to their place, saved a lot of complications afterwards! But on the few occasions where this was not possible what I usually did was hop out of bed making sure I woke them and went for a shower. Most would get the idea, few even left before I had finished my shower!

justsomebloke

in the morning turn to her in the bed and say "man they must have been some beer googles I had last night if i ended up with you"

MOTHERTRUCKER

DarkJager wrote:

Get down off your horse kiddo....If you're offended by this forum then go read through the Celebrity or Christianity forums and take your moral high ground posturing elsewhere...

High Horse? Excuse me - I only made a point that people should't mock Teurettes Syndrome. I didn't mean to hijax this thread, i was mearly making a point, and shame on you for saying "take your moral high ground posturing elsewhere" I just hope mental illness never darkens your door or that of your family.

This is a very personal issue for me, as my 12 year-old daughter has Tourette's Syndrome. She is a child of many remarkable gifts. She is a gifted student, and performs with her school choir, plays hockey, and is preparing for her brown belt in Karate. She loves to read, tell corny jokes and recently adopted a cat. In short, she is a great child, much like any other.

What my daughter wants more than anything is to be accepted and treated like any other child in 6th class. This is not always easy. Her tics make her the frequent butt of jokes and ridicule from her classmates and harsh treatment from teachers who do not understand her. It is downright heartbreaking at times. When you type jokes that mock those with Tourette's Syndrome, you send a message to her teachers and classmates that it is okay to do so, and that hurts my daughter. It also hurts every other child with Tourette's Syndrome, a group that is said to be represented in every school district in the country.

burnedfaceman

Im very sorry to hear about your daughters illness however this is a light hearted thread posted in jest. I do not equate your daughters illness with anything to do with the best way to dispose of a bird the morning after. If you want to highlight the inequalities of the world and treatment of mental illness I suggest you post a thread over on the personal issues or the disabilities board.May I remind you that this is the beer guts and receding hairlines board and as for your statement that

"When you type jokes that mock those with Tourette's Syndrome, you send a message to her teachers and classmates that it is okay to do so"

I really cannot see how schoolchildren and teachers are influenced by the actions of a man posting on a beer guts and receding hairlines board

tbh

MOTHERTRUCKER wrote:

High Horse? Excuse me - I only made a point that people should't mock Teurettes Syndrome. I didn't mean to hijax this thread, i was mearly making a point, and shame on you for saying "take your moral high ground posturing elsewhere" I just hope mental illness never darkens your door or that of your family.

This is a very personal issue for me, as my 12 year-old daughter has Tourette's Syndrome. She is a child of many remarkable gifts. She is a gifted student, and performs with her school choir, plays hockey, and is preparing for her brown belt in Karate. She loves to read, tell corny jokes and recently adopted a cat. In short, she is a great child, much like any other.

What my daughter wants more than anything is to be accepted and treated like any other child in 6th class. This is not always easy. Her tics make her the frequent butt of jokes and ridicule from her classmates and harsh treatment from teachers who do not understand her. It is downright heartbreaking at times. When you type jokes that mock those with Tourette's Syndrome, you send a message to her teachers and classmates that it is okay to do so, and that hurts my daughter. It also hurts every other child with Tourette's Syndrome, a group that is said to be represented in every school district in the country.

not to stray off topic, but you can either teach your daughter not to let the slagging get to her, or you can try to make 95% of the worlds population not slag her. Take it from me, first option is the best, realistically.
You're very welcome to discuss tourettes on the LTI forum - see my sig.

dr.bollocko

Ahahaha.
Tourettes.

Tom Dunne

MOTHERTRUCKER wrote:

High Horse? Excuse me - I only made a point that people should't mock Teurettes Syndrome. I didn't mean to hijax this thread, i was mearly making a point, and shame on you for saying "take your moral high ground posturing elsewhere" I just hope mental illness never darkens your door or that of your family.

This is a very personal issue for me, as my 12 year-old daughter has Tourette's Syndrome. She is a child of many remarkable gifts. She is a gifted student, and performs with her school choir, plays hockey, and is preparing for her brown belt in Karate. She loves to read, tell corny jokes and recently adopted a cat. In short, she is a great child, much like any other.

What my daughter wants more than anything is to be accepted and treated like any other child in 6th class. This is not always easy. Her tics make her the frequent butt of jokes and ridicule from her classmates and harsh treatment from teachers who do not understand her. It is downright heartbreaking at times. When you type jokes that mock those with Tourette's Syndrome, you send a message to her teachers and classmates that it is okay to do so, and that hurts my daughter. It also hurts every other child with Tourette's Syndrome, a group that is said to be represented in every school district in the country.

This is rather sad considering you posted links here disparaging people in wheelchairs, people with mental disabilities ("retard" being the phrase used), the homeless and to top it all off, reference to Michael Jackson and children.

MarkR

tom dunne wrote:

This is rather sad considering you posted links here disparaging people in wheelchairs, people with mental disabilities ("retard" being the phrase used), the homeless and to top it all off, reference to Michael Jackson and children.

Hmm.. Looks like people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Looks like it's ok as long as it's not affecting him.



Lets all agree that no one meant to personally offend your daughter. If you have an issue with the post report it and leave this thread to the purpose it was intended.

My personal favourite would be the cracking open the window, waving hands in front of nose, asking her to help you find the dead fish that your mates must have hidden under your bed, cause it reeks...

padser

tom dunne wrote:

This is rather sad considering you posted links here disparaging people in wheelchairs, people with mental disabilities ("retard" being the phrase used), the homeless and to top it all off, reference to Michael Jackson and children.

It was a fair point being made.....but clearly mothertrucker is not the person to make it.

Hypocrisy really irritates me to be honest

DarkJager

Can you say "caught by the bollocks" young hypocrite?

dr.bollocko

The guy is just trolling lads, let him have his laff...
He has taken a keen dislike to our sort and finds it enjoyable to poke fun at us from his high horse of judgement.
He's a bit like a modern day Fonzie.

Dragan

MOTHERTRUCKER wrote:

I only made a point that people should't mock Teurettes Syndrome.

He has a HAIRY PURPLE NIPPLE point i suppose guys COCK COCK if you CUSTARD AND PUBES think about it.

tbh

a modern day fonzie who has just jumped the shark.

MarkR

Dragan wrote:

He has a HAIRY PURPLE NIPPLE point i suppose guys COCK COCK if you CUSTARD AND PUBES think about it.

Great. Now people are laughing at me in work as I struggle to contain my laughter.

Tom Dunne

ferdi

dr.bollocko wrote:

He's a bit like a modern day Fonzie.

LOL

sioda

tom dunne wrote:

Brother Tom you aint alone

scojones

There are several good ways of disposing of a woman the morning after you've done the job.

1. "You'll have to leave, my mother is coming over for lunch with my fiancée."
2. "I have to go to my regular AA meeting. You'll have to leave."

Alternatively, you could just take a dump on her chest. That'd get her running for the hills.

FuzzyWuzzyWazza

Dragon and Ferdi.............. classic!!!!:D

MarkR

You could say you're so happy to finally have finally found a girl who looks like your sister / yourself / other person that would freak her out.

Dragan

Just tell her that your Grandma, who for years you thought was your Mum, and your Mum, who for years you thought was your sister all both coming over for a reunion with your brother........Dad.

K-9

Can't believe I met you in that club. Nomally I wouldn't be seen there. Bloody locked last night.

You always hang around that kip????????

Nothing but cheap s**** and t**** there.

Fey!

There's always the reliable freeze; turn off the heating and hog the duvet! Unfortunately that generally rules out round 2 in the morning.

The Hill Billy

Lads - There's nothing like a pat on the ar$e & a mumbled "Well done" to keep the wimmins happy after letting off a few rounds from the porridge gun.

burnedfaceman

pat on the horse and a congratulatory well done, like your style hill billy!:D

admiralofthefleet

say 'you're even better than my sister'

DublinWriter

admiralofthefleet wrote:

say 'you're even better than my sister'

Brothers, we have a winner.

Just 6 little words with no tomfoolery. Minimum effort required.

The Hill Billy

DublinWriter wrote:

Just 6 little words with no tomfoolery. Minimum effort required.

I can get it down to 4 words:
"You'll need an antibiotic."

cance

MOTHERTRUCKER wrote:

This is a very personal issue for me, as my 12 year-old daughter has Tourette's Syndrome. She is a child of many remarkable gifts. She is a gifted student, and performs with her school choir, plays hockey, and is preparing for her brown belt in Karate. She loves to read, tell corny jokes and recently adopted a cat. In short, she is a great child, much like any other.
.

thats lovely, but tbh its irrelevant, life's cruel.

as stated either A: you are a troll or B: you're just an idiot.

take you pick