mementos

FranchisePlayer

well anyway as some of of you may know i am the brother of the deacesed boards.ie member Laguna or Tom.
Anyway today I just found out that my parents through out a load of consoles and stuff tom collected throught his life stuff such as snes,nes,dreamcast etc well its not stuff that they threw out it was the sentimental value of the stuff that was important to me

The thing that annoys me most is that my parents ask me was it okay to throw the items out they just did it and as you can tell I'm quite pissed about it well anyway I was just wondering what I should do I have confroted my dad about it and he said he was sorry but I'm afraid my mum will just turn it around on me like she usually does:(

Silverfish

Sorry to hear that.

I'm sure your parents are dealing with it in their own way - when my sister died, her room was left exactly as it was, and still is, the wardrobes are all still full of her stuff. About a year ago ( she died 8 years ago in July) my parents gave some of her teddies away to charity, but everything else is still there. People have different ways of grieving, and maybe this is how your parents have dealt with it.

They should perhaps have said it to you, checked that you wanted to keep these things, after all he was your brother, but I would hold back on 'confronting' your mum, maybe just mention it in a non-confrontational way.

SarahSassy

Maybe you could just suggest in a non-confrontational way that you may like to have some of his stuff so mayb ethey could mention it to you before they throw out his stuff.

wyndham

Is there anything to be gained at this stage from having a blow-up with your mother? I mean, if the stuff is gone, it's gone and having a fight about it isn't going to help or bring it back. Unless there are other things you want to keep which she may intend to throw away?

Beruthiel

FranchisePlayer wrote:

The thing that annoys me most is that my parents ask me was it okay to throw the items out they just did it and as you can tell I'm quite pissed about it well anyway I was just wondering what I should do I have confroted my dad about it and he said he was sorry but I'm afraid my mum will just turn it around on me like she usually does:(

They just weren't thinking straight Franchise.
It probably upset them to see it there on a daily basis and never took the time to consider that you might be upset about it.
Don't hold it against them. Just tell them that you are hurt as the items meant a lot to you, request them to ask you first before throwing anything else.

At the end of the day, the most important stuff are the memories in your head, you probably need no more than one item of just about anything that was his to remind you of him.
Take care.
A

r3nu4l

Aw man, that's awful. It really is I know what you are saying, I'm pretty sure that for you there are many happy memories involved.

I think that you should sit down with your parents (both of them) together and explain what those consoles ment to you and why they would still mean something to you. Don't blow your top, just say to them that you want to let them know and that you are upset about it.

The reason I say make sure your Dad is there too is because you have already told him and hopefully he understands and will back you up a little if you Mum starts getting a bit sh*tty about it.

As Silverfish said, that was there way of dealing with things but they really should have asked you imo, after all it's not like you don't have a vested interest in your brothers life and his memory. If there are any of his belongings left make sure that you get some for yourself. A momento is a nice thing to have.

You should remember that your parents didn't do this maliciously, no matter how upsetting it has been for you. To them, these were just pre-teen/teenage toys and probably not as important in their eyes as his first teddy bear, whereas to you, the consoles are probably a part of your best brotherly love/hate moments. I know my brother and I both had incredible fun and rows during our countless happy hours of playing Commodore 64 games so for me those memories are more mportant than his first teddy-bear

Good luck with your folks and try not to get angry at them, by all means be emotional, it's important that they realise how important it was to you, but don't get angry.

FranchisePlayer

r3nu4l wrote:

I know my brother and I both had incredible fun and rows during our countless happy hours of playing Commodore 64 games.

yeah me and Tom used to play pro evo together and it nearly ended in murder sometimes .
thanks everyone for your replies I suppose there is no point telling my mum even in a non confrentatinal way because she will just get angry.