friend let me down and lied about it.

LegacyUser

me and my old friends have all moved away to different universities. It's been a years since I saw my best friend last. Now we're both home, although he lives 25 miles away. He promised he would come and visit me today (I've been trying to get him over for ages but he works most days so it's hard but today was his day off.)

He phoned me at lunchtime to say he was getting the 1.45pm train and that I should meet him at the train station when he arrives at 2.30. So I spent time tidying the house, getting myself ready, and my sister cancelled her plans and got ready so that she could drive me to collect him.

At 1.50pm he texted to say he had missed the train but would get the next one. (they are every hour). Shortly afterwards he texted to say he had been called into work for an hour as someone was off sick, so could we do it another day. I tried to call him to say I would wait until he had finished work, but his phone was off.

So I called his place of work to let him know I still wanted him over, but the bloke who answered the phone said he wasn't coming in today. I said he was covering for someone who was sick, so the bloke checked with the manager and the manager said he definitely had not been called in.

I don't get it, why did he change his mind at the last minute, and why lie about it? I'm so pissed off, me and my sister have wasted the whole day waiting for him.

biko

I'm sorry but why do you ask us? We haven't a clue.
You should ask your friend these very valid questions.

Trinity

I've had friends like this. I'd be pissed off too but as Biko said you have to ask him. Anything we say is just speculation like for eg.


Its a lovely day, he prob didnt wanna spend it on a train travelling 25 miles. Maybe he got a better offer and met someone else for an hour, hit the beergarden and decided he was having too much fun to leave for said train.

You say you havent seen him in a year, perhaps its uncomfortable for him. Friendships fade, whether he was once your best friend or not. Maybe he feels you have little in common anymore, hes made new friends, has a new life.

Why didnt you go to visit him instead of 'trying to get him to come to you for ages'

Doesnt justify letting you down but you should say it to him

BoozyBabe

TBH I feel like this often enough with friends.

not exactly like your story, but just that if I didn't keep making an effort to keep the friendship going, they wouldn't bother.

Like, ring to ask them out, only to find out they're already going out & weren't asking you, but "sure come on out with us if you want", sort of thing.

Or the only time we meet is if I go to them.

I can't offer you advice, as I haven't really sorted it out for myself.

If you don't like it, then let the friendship go.
Me, when I'm with my friends, we have a gret time, so I don't want to lose that, so I make the effort & I only bother to go out with them when it suits ME. (Unless on the odd occasion where they do involve me in their plans, then of course I wouldn't be awkward)

Friends grow apart, it's just a part of life

Zillah

I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he just doesn't really want to spend time with you and was only doing it out of obligation or guilt.

Let him go, move on. If he gets in touch with you then maybe he hasn't lost interest.

SarahSassy

Yeah just let him off and if he wants to stay in touch he will. It seems he either got a better offer or didnt want to go in the first place and didnt know how to tell you. Its very annoying....

LegacyUser

'I know, in some ways it seems like that to me, but he was the one who invited himself over here, he couldn't make it last week when I invited him, so yesterday he just phoned up and said he was coming round.

Also, it's actually been quite a few years since we were at the same school, but despite that over the past few years we have been meeting up every few months and in fact just having alot of foreign holidays and going to concerts and festivals together, so we're used to not seeing each other on a weekly or even monthly basis.

Also, I happened to mention to him that a friend and me are thinking of going to Belgium in July. Even though I didn't ask him to come, he liked the sound of it and said he thinks he wants to come with us. He also has me as his number 1 friend on myspace. Yet at other times he doesn't answer my messages, and never calls me, I always call him. So its confusing, I just don't get whether he still wants to be friends or not. I can't ask him outright as he will just feel pressurised to say yes.'

SarahSassy

Well why dont you back off and continue the friendship as you want it. To be frank, he sounds like a user. Will use you (and anyone else) when he wants but suits himsellf 100% of the time....

WindSock

I wouldnt go jumping the gun yet. If he didnt want to come to see you at all, then I think it a bit strange to lead you on all day and say he was getting on the train. He may very well have a good reason I think it's best to talk to him about it and see what happened. Tell him everything you posted and see what he has to say about it. Don't be too confrontational though but do tell him straight out about you calling his workplace.