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Would You Be Annoyed?

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Comments

  • Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Luka Sticky Movement


    Careful, anonymous female posters throwing around compliments like that could very well send her into another fit of jealously :)
    Good. and this time he should kick her out for doing it.

    op, you don't need relationship counselling. *she* needs *personal* counselling. Seriously, I'm not joking.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,304 ✭✭✭✭koneko


    I would agree with that, relationship counselling could help, but it sounds like she has issues with herself, incredibly low self esteem perhaps, issues trusting people, total overreactions.

    She completely overreacted to something most people wouldn't even care about, or bat an eyelid at. If she had a problem with that, how would she react if you... imagine it ... TALKED to a woman, and she saw it. Or if you looked at porn. Or do any number of things that are considered normal but probably would make her fly off the handle. It sounds like she has issues that are only going to have a negative (possibly disastrous) impact on your relationship.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    I dunno. From what you say she sounds a bit stroppy.

    She sounds over controlling.

    What would she do if you played sport/went on the beer with the boys after?

    There are some lines I personally think that a bf shouldnt cross before I get angry with them - but even for me normal piccies of Minnie Driver and Dannii Minogue-come on like.

    As someone said earlier, is she 5? Do you do everything she wants to do? What about you?

    Linda Carter. Hahahaha - I even know her name!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    eo980 wrote:
    So where do you go for relationship counselling?

    Whoah!?!?! WTF. Its not you has issues my friend, its your GF. SHE needs to get herself sorted out not you.

    Your post reminded me of the same thing that happened me a while back, whereas my ex was told where to go and not be interfering in something that was none of her business.

    If you continue doing-
    Seraphina wrote:
    yeah, she's happy with the relationship. she sulks about something stupid, you try and make it up to her even though you've done nothing wrong, and she gets her way.

    She will keep doing it. You need to explain to her that if she has a problem to come and talk to you about it, otherwise you cant mind read and you wont pander to her strops. If the strop is stupid and unwarranted, which the majority of them sound like, tell her so.

    Not only is she taking the píss, but she is showing you NO RESPECT WHATSOEVER in treating you like this. So decide- are you the type of guy that accepts being walked over and treated like shít on a reasonably frequent basis, or do you prefer to be treated well.

    TBH- it sounds to me like both of you have esteem issues. If you didnt, you would have been outta there fúcking ages ago.
    eo980 wrote:
    She'll either want to talk to me or she'll sit on the couch mopping, thinking about work and not really doing too much.

    Hmmn. Answers my TBH statement. How on earth can you stay in this relationship when she does NOTHING but glue herself to you? Have you no sense of self and head space?

    Mind you, 99% of the people I have met recently do fúck all outside of work. Hmmn. Troubling times ahead.

    K-


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,566 ✭✭✭GrumPy


    eo980 wrote:
    As a result of the following post in After Hours about choosing someone for a date my GF isn't speaking to me:
    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=52994614&postcount=35

    She was trawling through the history in Internet Explorer and was asking why there were images of the said ladies.
    I didn't delete the history as I don't think I've done anything wrong, so had nothing to hide.
    I constantly tell her I love her, I look after her very well, I spoil her etc, but she has a major problem with jealousy as I've mentioned here in the past.

    So my question is, would you have a problem if you're partner searched Google Images for pictures of these people to link to in the thread?

    Your girlfriend seems to be a bit of an idiot. I wouldnt speak to her if she acted in such a childish mannor.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,098 ✭✭✭✭Kintarō Hattori


    Kell wrote:
    Not only is she taking the píss, but she is showing you NO RESPECT WHATSOEVER in treating you like this. So decide- are you the type of guy that accepts being walked over and treated like shít on a reasonably frequent basis, or do you prefer to be treated well.

    I appreciate your honest advice Kell, but as I stated earlier in this thread I've been with her for almost two and a half years. I most certainly do love her and this is just one issue. One issue that can be worked on. I'm not prepared to throw away something potentially fantastic just because it's diffcult.
    Do people give up on anything now because it's difficult rather than working for a solution towards the problem? I sincerely don't think so. As I have also stated earlier this is really the only issue I have. It's not something that happens every day, every week or even every month, it just pops up now and again and yes it does make life extremely difficult.

    I don't have any self esteem issues. I try not to worry about life or let it bring me down, it's too short and every day is a blessing and it's important to find the good in every day. I have a job that I mostly like, I have a small circle of wonderful friends, I'm relatively easy to please and I have a girlfriend that I do love very much and that I would like to marry some day.
    I have nothing to feel ashamed of, sorry about etc.

    I have been taking action about this issue already, albeit on a slow and small scale so far. I intend to try and do more for both of us. Call me old fashioned or an idiot or whatever you want, but this is ONE issue that can be worked on and that hopefully can be resolved. It'll take commitment and hard work but until I've put that in I'm not prepared to cast her aside. I'm not that kind of person. When I've done as much a I can and proper professional advice has been sought, then we'll see where this goes.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    oleras wrote:
    2 options i think

    1) Auto dump history on shutdown.

    2) Auto dump history on shutdown.....................

    Not that hard for an easy life is it ?

    auto dump girlfriend.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    eo980 wrote:
    I appreciate your honest advice Kell, but as I stated earlier in this thread I've been with her for almost two and a half years. I most certainly do love her and this is just one issue. One issue that can be worked on. I'm not prepared to throw away something potentially fantastic just because it's diffcult.
    Do people give up on anything now because it's difficult rather than working for a solution towards the problem? I sincerely don't think so. As I have also stated earlier this is really the only issue I have. It's not something that happens every day, every week or even every month, it just pops up now and again and yes it does make life extremely difficult.

    I don't have any self esteem issues. I try not to worry about life or let it bring me down, it's too short and every day is a blessing and it's important to find the good in every day. I have a job that I mostly like, I have a small circle of wonderful friends, I'm relatively easy to please and I have a girlfriend that I do love very much and that I would like to marry some day.
    I have nothing to feel ashamed of, sorry about etc.

    I have been taking action about this issue already, albeit on a slow and small scale so far. I intend to try and do more for both of us. Call me old fashioned or an idiot or whatever you want, but this is ONE issue that can be worked on and that hopefully can be resolved. It'll take commitment and hard work but until I've put that in I'm not prepared to cast her aside. I'm not that kind of person. When I've done as much a I can and proper professional advice has been sought, then we'll see where this goes.



    EO - SHE has the problems. SHE has the issues. While your dedication is all very commendable its HER that has to put in a bit of EFFORT and HARD WORK.

    If she is not willing to meet you half way then you are wasting your sweet jaysus time.

    YOU do NOT need relationship counselling SHE needs professional help.

    She must know and you must show her that you mean business. Grow a pair and tell her you are not taking her childish crap anymore that you are a person too with feelings. Dont pussy foot about the place. She sounds like a child, so be stern with her. You were not put on the planet to spend your life catering to this womans every need.

    She is not your responsibility and it takes 2 people to have a relationship.

    I gotta bow out here cos i feel there is no getting through to you. 62 replies all saying the same thing and you are still blind sided.

    I wish you well whatever happens.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    eo980 wrote:
    For me not really, I wouldn't have come across this every day.
    I don't come across plumbers every day, but plumbing is an every day sort of profession.
    Trinity1 wrote:
    YOU do NOT need relationship counselling SHE needs professional help.
    This is true, but he'll benefit from it too. It'll also be a lot easier a start for her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    She will never change. Nobody changes.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 420 ✭✭Clarehobo


    Talliesin wrote:
    This is true, but he'll benefit from it too. It'll also be a lot easier a start for her.

    Totally agree with Talliesin here wrt the counselling issue.
    First of all, by the sounds of the girlfriend she doesn't sound like the type that would go to counselling on her own especially after her comments when eo980 confronted her about her jealousy issues.

    They need to work on this together.
    eo980 will definitely gain something from this counselling as well.

    No offence, eo980, but you sound like you give in to her whims quite a lot: counselling will help you to realise when you should be enforcing boundaries and how the way you have been reacting to her behaviour/moods is adding to the burden on your relationship.

    Maybe she will also learn something about the necessity of having her own seperate life too.

    Her whining about her job is a totally seperate issue, but if something is making me unhappy be it work, a relationship, etc... I either confront it and rectify it or I let it go.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,909 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    eo980 wrote:
    Do people give up on anything now because it's difficult rather than working for a solution towards the problem? I sincerely don't think so.

    There is a difference between working on a relationship and being walked all over by the other person. And your relationship seems to be terribly one sided. You really need to tell your gf to cop on.

    You did nothing wrong, and should not be getting grief for this. I used to have some fairly bad jealousy issues but I wouldn't have paid any attention to a post like that. (Well actually the Minnie Driver thing would have bugged me, but that's only because she annoys me so very, very much.:p )


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,098 ✭✭✭✭Kintarō Hattori


    Hey Folks,

    My apologies if I was giving the wrong impression. I know I don't have the issues here or need the counselling so much. I had meant to say that I was going to try and organize it and go with her to it as I don't think it's something she will organize herself. I'll try and initiate it and help her through it. That's what I had been trying to say, just not very clearly.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    eo980 wrote:
    One issue that can be worked on. I'm not prepared to throw away something potentially fantastic just because it's diffcult.
    Do people give up on anything now because it's difficult rather than working for a solution towards the problem?

    Typically I would agree with you, however something being difficult isnt an issue. Its something thats deeprooted in her as opposed to being symptom. Someone mentioned that people dont change, I very much disagree, but it takes a huge amount of effort and self awareness in order to effect big change.

    The thing is- which is the way I am looking at your predicament- you could dump said GF tomorrow, be single for about a year or whatever, then meet the love of your life who is not difficult in the slightest bit and things move along like greased jelly.

    Now- take your 2yrs and add on another 2 and a sparkly expensive rock and you'll find yourself where I was a few years back. I hadnt really noticed the obsessive jealousy until it exploded in my face one day and I discovered a history of being lied to and far out jealousy directed at people I had known all my life. My decision took all of about two weeks. My rationale, cold as it was, went "fúck this. She's lied to me about being obsessively jealous, therefore she must have no respect for me or my wishes at all. Hmmn... Time for the heave ho". Yeah, it got very messy, but at the same time, its the best decision I ever made.

    Now take your position- your GF is insanely jealous more than thrice in as many months, so that is pretty regular. She hasnt hid her insane jealousy, ergo not respecting you or what you want very much, and you see this as "one, iddy, biddy issue". Hmmn.

    Someone said you are blindsided. I thought I had no esteem issues back with my ex too. Boy, was I wrong.

    K-


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Sorry if this is a bit late for Q's OP, I'm just curious to know;

    On what grounds is your gf throwing a fit over the CD cover & celeb pics? What is her rationale? What does she say to you about it, exactly?

    Edited to answer your Q:

    No, I have no problem with my husband buying any kind of CD cover or looking at celebs - or porn for that matter. I'm quite able to separate his fantasy from our reality...I find other people attractive, it would be absolutely crazy of me to attempt to ban him from doing likewise.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,043 ✭✭✭SouthernBelle


    Her behaviour is outrageous!! I mean, you actually said "Well back in the day before I met my girfriend" and then went on to say "but of course now I would say my girfriend!"

    What's her damn problem?! You're actually saying that you find HER more attractive that these two beautiful women!!

    You don't deserve to be treated like that.

    (For the record I'm a female and married).


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭Blush_01


    Sorry dude, but you know exactly how unreasonable she's being. As Talliesin said, she's off the scale when it comes to paranoid jealousy. But you already know that. The biggest issue here is that you keep talking about how you have to get her interested in something, or you have to encourage her to take up a hobby. She needs to think she's doing it herself - if it's something you've gotten her into and the relationship goes kaputt, do you really think she'll keep whatever it is up if it reminds her that much of you when you can't even google an image without her flipping out? (That picture of Minnie Driver isn't even a particularly hot one.)

    I could vaguely rationalise it as jealous of insane proportions if you interacted on a fairly regular basis with the women whose photos you linked to. But do you? From what you've said it sounds unlikely that you have either Minnie or Danni on speed-dial. The issue isn't whether or not you love her, it's whether or not she loves herself enough to let you love her without being loopy nutcase. She obviously doesn't. Until she recognises that she has a problem (which she may do but just not know how to vocalise it) no amount of coaxing her into counselling will work as in her head it'll be something she's doing for you, not herself, and she'll never get the full benefit of it, if she gets any.

    Best of luck. It's a troubling situation, esp. as you've been living together for an extended period of time. But it sounds like you need to make her realise how her behaviour seems to a large group of people who collectively pass for normal. (Sorry if I've insulted anyone in that, but I'm generalising our normality, and I know that there are plenty of people I know from boards who have serious quirks, myself included. We'd all still be able to recognise her behaviour as vastly outside the realm of any classification of normal!)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16 scottya


    eo980 wrote:
    Hey Folks,

    My apologies if I was giving the wrong impression. I know I don't have the issues here or need the counselling so much. I had meant to say that I was going to try and organize it and go with her to it as I don't think it's something she will organize herself. I'll try and initiate it and help her through it. That's what I had been trying to say, just not very clearly.

    Hi E0980,

    Am totally new to this thread but i couldnt help but comment on this whole situation.

    Im so impressed with how you're dealing with the situation. Most blokes if they're girlfriend was acting like this would fly into a fit of rage and break up with them. You're not. And its really admirining.

    You understand thats she's not well, but thats she's a lovely person and other than her madness, you love her to bits. I can totally relate to your relationship.

    Its sounds like your girlfriend is "co-dependent". There are lots of books written on this condition, but in her case it mainly sounds like she's living her life around you and for you. I have and am still in this situation with my boyfriend. Im working on it, and we both have been to counselling... (btw i can recommend www.mrcs.ie- they were so great) and Im making my life a better place to live.

    This usually stems back to her childhood...was her parents addicts, or is anyone in her family in addiction? This is usually the case with co-dependents. Sometimes though people can come from a really healthy family and be co-dependent.

    I'm not sure if this is helping at all, but i just wanted to say well done for not losing the head like everyone is telling you to. I understand the frustration of being in love with someone who isnt completely emotionally normal, but sticking by her (as long as she's trying to fix it) is the best thing to do.

    Well done again


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,780 ✭✭✭JackieChan


    Not to take over the thread but I can make the OP feel like he is in a normal relationship in comparison to my sister-in-law and her's
    She has a b/f of 3 years and went mad if he bought newspapers-telling him that she new why he was really buying them(referring to pictures of women in the Independent!).
    He stopped buying newspapers and one Sunday he popped in on his way home(they don't live together) with the Sindo for his mother and there was a 3 hr argument about it!-She blocked his car in so that he couldn't get away!!
    She tells him that she has visions that when he is out he looks at other women.
    The guy would have run a mile at this stage except she became pregnant....what a situation to be in.
    If he makes eye contact with a half-decent looking woman he is in for it that evening!!-hence the reason they don't live together.
    Now thats a bunny boiler


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,349 ✭✭✭daiixi


    eo980 wrote:
    My apologies if I was giving the wrong impression. I know I don't have the issues here or need the counselling so much. I had meant to say that I was going to try and organize it and go with her to it as I don't think it's something she will organize herself. I'll try and initiate it and help her through it. That's what I had been trying to say, just not very clearly.
    She loves you and wants to be with you and realises she has a problem but she won't get off her butt and initiate something to help save your relationship? Enough said really.


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