Friend trouble

LegacyUser

Basically have a friend and she is normally quite sweet. She tends however to be a little headstrong and always has to be right. Never been an issue with us before. However theres a firend of hers whose male and when we bump into him on a night out he is chatty and maybe a little flirtatious with all of us. She and this guy are close friends although he would like it to be more and she maintains that she would not. My main problem is that she goes wierd with us, her friends around him. If he is chatting to us and not her she will glare. Now I am just being polite and don't care for his friendship. The other evening we were out and I felt him touch me. I was disgusted and told her. She said that I should not be telling her of this and it was not her business what he did and to speak to him, all I wanted was to tell her? I foolishy apologised to her. Another friend said something negative about him and now they are not speaking. I was very offended that she would treat me like this. She is since despondant towards me and I feel like our friendship is in jeopardy. How can she act like this. She is insanely jealous when around him. I'm worried that she will go mad on me if I bring this up... Is it worth it?

LegacyUser

'Ah, the green-eyed monster.

We all act differently around the opposite sex, especially if there's one we like.

Your friend obviously has the hots for this chappie, but it sounds to me like you should talk to her and ask her if she likes him.

She'll do her girly thing and spew about "how she likes him, but..." for a few minutes that she really needs to get off her chest.

Once that's over and done with, mention to her that she's alienating her friends over it.

If she doesn't react well after it - pillowfight. Everything can be solved with a pillowfight.'

dr.bollocko

Eep.
Alarm bells going off with me right away with this girl.
She sounds like a bit of a domineering controlling **** up to me...

I would leave her off on her own for a while.
Its her bad behaviour that caused this, therefore its her problem to make it up to you.
Is every guy that she falls for suddenly more important than maintaining a friendship?

AnonoBoy

Whatdouthink wrote:

Basically have a friend and she is normally quite sweet. She tends however to be a little headstrong and always has to be right. Never been an issue with us before. However theres a firend of hers whose male and when we bump into him on a night out he is chatty and maybe a little flirtatious with all of us. She and this guy are close friends although he would like it to be more and she maintains that she would not. My main problem is that she goes wierd with us, her friends around him. If he is chatting to us and not her she will glare. Now I am just being polite and don't care for his friendship. The other evening we were out and I felt him touch me. I was disgusted and told her. She said that I should not be telling her of this and it was not her business what he did and to speak to him, all I wanted was to tell her? I foolishy apologised to her. Another friend said something negative about him and now they are not speaking. I was very offended that she would treat me like this. She is since despondant towards me and I feel like our friendship is in jeopardy. How can she act like this. She is insanely jealous when around him. I'm worried that she will go mad on me if I bring this up... Is it worth it?

Sounds like while she may not want him she does want all his attention and gets annoyed if he shows any interest in anyone else. Seen it all before a million times. Let me guess - she's the 'pretty' one of the group that normally gets most of the attention from lads when you're out. Even though she mightn't actually want this guy it really annoys her that his attention may wander from her.

Also the guy 'touched' you? Are you talking about grabbing your ass or just a hand on your arm briefly while he made a point about something? Hopefully it was more than that if it disgusted you to such an extent.

Kell

Whatdouthink wrote:

She is since despondant towards me and I feel like our friendship is in jeopardy. How can she act like this. She is insanely jealous when around him. I'm worried that she will go mad on me if I bring this up... Is it worth it?

How long have you been friends with this nut bag? If its only been a few months, fúck her and move on.

If its a few years, then yes its worth sorting out. No shít though. No "I am really sorry about this and that and what I said the other night...". Oh no.

It should be along the lines of-

"I am really not impressed with the way you go off on one when.............."

If you and your friends keep pandering to her shíte, she'll keep it up.

K-

Slow Motion

Kell wrote:

It should be along the lines of-

"I am really not impressed with the way you go off on one when.............."

If you and your friends keep pandering to her shíte, she'll keep it up.

K-

Agree here ! If you don't put a stop to it now this kind of situation will become more common as she feels she can get away with, in which case you will start to avoid her and lose the friendship anyway. Confront her head on and deal with it. Trust me it may get a bit tense but you'll feel better after it as you'll know what the score is.

BeardyGit

Whatdouthink wrote:

The other evening we were out and I felt him touch me. I was disgusted and told her. She said that I should not be telling her of this and it was not her business what he did and to speak to him, all I wanted was to tell her? I foolishy apologised to her

So, he touched you in a manner that caused you disgust. And you went and told your friend about it.

Why? What did you really expect her to do? Take your side? Go and slap him? Tell everyone else?

What exactly did he do? Really, what did he do that was so bad your friend should share your disgust and indignation? And if it was that bad, should you not address your complaint to an authority, and not the common friend? Surely there was someone else there you could have confided in or sought advice from if it was truly disgusting.

Or maybe YOU are the groups drama queen? Jealous?

LegacyUser

@Gil_Dub
My friend and I were in conversation at the time, just the two of us. I had my back to the guy and his friends. I felt him not simply pinch me on the ass(which would imo still warrant indignation), but put his hand firmly there and squeezed it more or less reaching under. It was "that time of the month" so sensitivity regarding that area is at a max, especially with a gang of guys i barely know making some joke of out of me!!!
As I turned to them, frankly I was mortified and looked back to my friend who clearly witnessed the incident. I remarked to her as she and I were in converstaion, not somehow to look for attention. I was shocked hurt and embarassed, telling her as she was near and we are good friends. Not to provoke her because honesly I had never noticed the way she reacts around him before that night.
Out of curiousity would others think I was a "drama queen" in that situation.

As it stands we are now talking, although there are tensions with others regarding the sep incident with the same guy and I have to let it go. She is however still something underneath. But I have no desire to see that side to her again. I will not mention his name agin.

@Anonoboy
"Let me guess - she's the 'pretty' one of the group that normally gets most of the attention from lads when you're out.
No, thats not the case at all. We are no "competition" to each other and would be both secure about our looks.


"Even though she mightn't actually want this guy it really annoys her that his attention may wander from her."
I do think its got to do with her having feelings for him and maybe too afraid of what others would think than act on them.


@KELL"I am really not impressed with the way you go off on one when.............."

If you and your friends keep pandering to her shíte, she'll keep it up."

That is probably what I will have to do as we will be spending even more time together in the future. I am probably way too submissive for my own good...

Thanks for the advice!