Choosing Godparents....

Kaylee

Hi there,

How did you choose who to have as Godparents for your child?

Am I correct in saying it's more to do with someone who could look after the child if something terrible happens to the parents - more so than the old fashioned idea of Godparents as guardians of a child's religious education?

My question is: Is this something that people take seriously? Or, is it a case of 'well, we really HAVE to ask your sister/brother/best friend/cousin cos you're Godfather/Godmother to his/her daughter/son'?

Or, 'We should ask your brother/sister cos nobody else has asked him/her to be Godfather/Godmother to their child'?

Kaylee.

Noelie

I don't have a child so maybe someone else can better answer, but i would go with the who you would want to look after the child if something was to happen to the parents. I wouldn't pick someone just cause i was their childs godparent.

BoozyBabe

Yes, in my area it's the thought of who could look after them if the parents were gone.

In saying that:- my sis had a baby a while back. I already have a god child, but really should/would have been god mother to her child too, & she wanted me to be, but said that myself & bf weren't in a serious enough relationship for me to be godparent.
(She wanted one couple to be god parents)

She chose complete outsiders, so I was a little pIssed off.
More so because:- guess who is never available to look after her child, ever (i mean never in over 2 years!!!!) & I'm left doing it ALL the time.

Sorry, rant over. (Never got that out of my system before, feel all better now!!!)

Nevyn

No it is not do to with who will look after your child if you die.
For that you stipulate in your will you are to be the guardians of your child/ren.
Every parent shoudl imho have a will and life insurance,

It is about making vows before God, the priest and the gathered witnesses that as a Godparents you will help raise the child in the faith in which it is being baptised into.

Crea

Godparents are completely different to guardians. Children are not automatically given to godparents if something happens to the parents.
Anyhow, select godparents who will remember the child at birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc and who are in the childs life regularly.
You can put who you'd want as guardians into your will.

Love2love

BoozyBabe wrote:

Yes, in my area it's the thought of who could look after them if the parents were gone.

In saying that:- my sis had a baby a while back. I already have a god child, but really should/would have been god mother to her child too, & she wanted me to be, but said that myself & bf weren't in a serious enough relationship for me to be godparent.
(She wanted one couple to be god parents)

I chose a couple too. My eldest brother and his girlfriend. I have no sisters and she is the closest I will ever get. I chose these because I knew that they would always look out for him, they would always be in his life and as church goers they understand the role a godparent takes. And another great thing was, that I was not letting anybody else down. Nobody could question my choice. (apart from the bitch of a mother in law who demanded I chose one of her family, who has never seen the child, probably never will and have no intention of attending the baptism which is next week)

Kaylee

Thanks for the feedback guys, much appreciated.

The reason why I'm asking is we will be faced with this dilemma soon (hopefully ) and I'm just kind of looking around me as to who would be appropriate...

We don't have many close siblings - my brother is a possibility - he's great but he's been going though a rough patch for the last couple of years.

My partners siblings... well, less said the better. We have some nice, seemingly well rounded, successful friends, they're not close friends though - it would possibly seem odd to ask them.

I guess our years of happy, solitary coupledom have come back to bite us in the ass

Any suggestions?

Love2love

Kaylee wrote:

We don't have many close siblings - my brother is a possibility - he's great but he's been going though a rough patch for the last couple of years.

You could always chose your brother, could something like this not raise his spirits????

NextSteps

Thaedydal wrote:

It is about making vows before God, the priest and the gathered witnesses that as a Godparents you will help raise the child in the faith in which it is being baptised into.

Yes, it's a baptism, so you need to (as well as the other considerations) choose someone of the same faith, and someone you think has a solid moral grounding, who can act as mentor to the child. Otherwise it's a bit empty, I think.

Davidth88

Hi,

Thaedydal is spot on. We also thought that the godparents had this responsibilty too . However when we wrote our wills the soliciter mentioned guardianship and explained otherwise.

For a god-parent , chose somewho who is going to be around for a while , what I mean by that is people who you would stay in touch with even if you moved to the other end of the world , for that reason siblings are a good choice IMO

One otherthing (off topic but mentioned here ) WRITE A WILL !!! It's a pain if anything happens otherwise .

Kaylee

Thanks guys for the advice on will and life insurance - that makes a lot of sense.

You could always chose your brother, could something like this not raise his spirits????

Yes, I was thinking this Love2Love. He is drinking a lot at the moment, lives in the family home and basically hangs out with the parents. 'Cocooning' is a nice way of putting it. To be honest, I'm not sure what it would take to raise his spirits On the other hand, he insists that it's not as bad as it looks, I don't know - but that's a whole other thread!

TBH I think we may be hoping for too much to find someone who will actually act as a 'mentor', or someone who will 'help raise him/her in the faith'... does this make the whole thing a sham?

Nevyn

I think maybe you should have a chat with a member of the parish baptismal team or your parish priest about what is expected and how to work through this issue.

CJhaughey

AFAIK only one Godparent needs to be of the faith in which the child is baptised.
This could make it easier to find a good godparent.

RainyDay

Godparents are completely different to guardians. Guardians are the people who will care for your children if anything happens to both parents. I look on godparent as a very different role - it is the person who can give the child some special time ocasionally, who might take the child overnight or even for a weekend occasionaly, who will probably take the child into a pub for a drink at 16 or 17 without telling the parents. It is not a parenting role, more of a mentoring role.

embee

My daughter has 4 godparents - two godmothers and two godfathers.

Her godmothers are my sister and my best friend, her godfathers are my brother and my partners best friend.

As people have already said, godparents are entirely different to guardians. If both me and my partner were to die, our daughter would go to my parents (purely because they are more than 15 years younger than my partners parents). The godparents were chosen because they were people who would be part of their lives forever, as I'll always stay in touch with my siblings and my best friends, and my partner will always be in touch with his best friend too.

nesf

embee wrote:

My daughter has 4 godparents - two godmothers and two godfathers.

You can have more than 2? I never knew that. We just went the traditional route, my sister and simu's brother.

Artmustang

Godparents should be people who really care for your child. They should serve as substitute parents incases where you can't parent them. There are times when our kids shun us and so these are the times these godparents should get in to fill their duties.:)

man1

Are there any alternatives to being a godparent and the ceremony that goes with it. I am non-religious and I dont want to go to a church and dont like the name godparent.
Like for example a baby naming ceremony (i have heard of this before)and who would you get to do it? Do you do this yourself at home.
I would like a friend to be our childs guardian/2nd parent or whatever you call it.
My wife wants a religious ceremony but as I am totally against it she is willing to compromise. She also wants her sister to be a guardian/2nd parent aswell.

I want to wait till our child is old enough (16 or maybe 18?) to decide if they want to be a christian/jew/muslim/buddist/agnostic/atheist or whatever they want. It is their life so should be their choice. What do you think?

RainyDay

The Humanist Society have suggested proceedings for naming ceremonies in a book available on their website, if you Google for them.

littlemissbusy

Just want to add my bit and my experience.
When I had my first child, I thought long and hard about who was going to be god parent to my child. At the time I didn't get on great with my sister so I choose a long time friend. What I wanted from my child's god parent was a role model for him, someone he could look up to and be a positive person in his life. It took me almost a year to decide and when he was 11months old I got him christened. My partner's brother was god father and my friend was god mother. WHAT A MISTAKE!!! At the start my friend took her role seriously, then the novelty wore off. We driffted apart (our lives were not going in the same direction) as people do when their intrests change, she moved away and my son doesn't get as much of a card from her. I mail her now and again and she rarely asks after him. I regret not asking my sister. I got the chance to ask my sister when my daughter was born in July. I would personally stay away from friends. Family are around for the long haul. Good luck with your choice and best of luck for you and the baba.