The big fat (&bald) woman joke thread...

Fozzie Bear

To get the balls rolling and feminists knickers in a twist...

Q; Why do wiimen have periods??

A; Because they deserve them!!!

Q; Why do wiimen have small feet?

A; So they can stand nearer to the sink!

Q; Why do wiimen have legs?

A; Have you ever seen the trail a snail leaves behind it.......

I thank you. (takes a bow and exits stage left)

K-9

Women: Looking in the mirror, "I used to be a size ten and now I'm a 16. I'm starting to get wrinkles, around my neck as well."

Now looks at husband:

Husband: "At least your eyesights still perfect."

xebec

Woman: "Does this dress make my bum look big?"

Man: "No, it's all the chocolate you eat that makes your bum look big."

Duff

Why cant wimmin ski?
Because there is no snow between the kitchen and bedroom.

What did the womin say after gettin hit by a bus?
''Dont know what he was at drivin in the kitchen''

EDIT:
How many wimmin does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2. One to screw it in and the other to suck my c0ck1

yom 1

Women - I can multitask

Man - Yeah well I can piss standing up!

Robbo

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they smell.

J.S. Pill

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

MOTHERTRUCKER

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a pub in

Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she

pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here

will buy a lady a drink?"

The pub went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the

end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter

and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them,

revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a

lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and

said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy,

it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you

keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to

be a ballerina!!! "

MOTHERTRUCKER

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where

They were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened
the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his
socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look
all mangled and weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked
"What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?"
she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected
my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his
underwear. "Don't tell me," she said.

"Let me guess..................... Smallcox?"

MOTHERTRUCKER

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the
Afghanistan desert.
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched Up
behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here
on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's
why we have Molly The
Camel."
The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about
"urges", so the camel can stay."


About a month later, the Captain starts having his own "urges".
Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.


Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the
ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"






No not really, sir... "They usually just ride the camel into town
where the girls are."