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Money Disagreement - Am I wrong?

  • 26-03-2007 10:44AM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭


    Can't be bothered to go unregged but I'll change the names of some of the other people involved. It may be trivial compared to the rest of the problems here but it's wrecking my head.

    Right so the story is, 7 of us were due to head off for a weekend in April. There was myself, my two sisters Emma and Kel, Kel's mates Linda and Tina (also sisters), Tina's mate Sarah, and my mate Claire. Six of us had been away together before but my friend Claire had only ever met my sisters.

    Anyway, as it turns out I won't be going on the trip. As Claire doesn't really kow the rest of them she didn't feel too comfortable with the idea of going without me, which is totally understandable. By way of an apology to Claire I paid for both her flight and my own. It came to just over €250. Grand.

    Here's where the hassle started. I was chatting to my sister Emma on Saturday and she mentioned that Linda and Tina said their younger sisters (twins) were thinking about going on the trip. I sent a text to Linda and said that instead of the girls booking separate flights at this late stage they should just get the names changed on the flights I had paid for. I even offered to pay for the name change and said that they could just pay me the difference.

    The response I got said "well they were only going to go if they only had to pay for the name change." I replied with "well to be honest hun, I wouldn't really be happy with that. It's a bit unfair for me to be down €250 while they just pay for the name change and use the flights I paid for." I got no response so I thought no more of it.

    Yesterday morning I mentioned it to my sisters and they both agreed that it was uot of order to expect to just use the flights without reimbursing me anything. Emma also said that I shouldn't have to pay for the name change as the cost of 2 new flights would be around the same as the two I paid for plus the name change. As she said herself, I've paid hat I owed so why should I have to pay towards their trip?

    Yesterday afternoon I got a message from Linda which said "Fine if thats how you feel about it. Change the name to xx and I'll refund you the cost less the name change when you send me the confirmation details." Now I know you can easily misinterpret things through text but I felt that the message came across and quite rude and a bit snotty, and Linda is normally not like that. I was very surprised and showed it to my sister Kel, who would be closest to Linda, and she agreed that it was a bit rude. Anyway I replied and said "Maybe I'm reading that wrong but it seems like you're pissed off because I don't want to foot the bill for their flights. Can you not see how unfair that would be on me? I know I had written off the money before this but that doesn't mean I'm happy to let someone use them for nothing. Anyway, Kel has the info so I'll ask her to change the name". All I got in return was, "grand. thanks."

    So messages ended up flying back and forth and I ended up getting so annoyed at the fact that she couldn't understand why I thought it was out of order. I told her then that I wasn't prepared to pay for the name change anymore as I had already paid what I owed and I didn't appreciate the messages she was sending me. I kept telling her to drop it and she kept saying "oh I thought you would have wanted some cash back on the tickets. oh well. Guess not." and "well now you're refusing to pay for the name change so I'm going to book them two separate tickets, at least they wont feel like they're stealing someone elses tickets." wtf?! First they had no intention of me getting any cash back and were perfectly happy to take them for next to nothing. Then she started on the "they were just trying to make up the numbers" even though they were aware that Kel had already said there would be no problem chanign the hotel room so nobody would have to pay extra for that. I ended up having to turn my phone off.

    I'm just very surprised by her. I don't like falling out with people over money but I really think it would be unfair to expect me to get nothing back from the flights. Am I totally wrong on this?


«13

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    You're right, she's trying to screw you over.....don't change the names, take the hit for the €250 out of stubborness and leave her get her own flights.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 7,486 ✭✭✭Red Alert


    Unfortunately some people can be like that, especially when the view arrangements etc as set in stone. I think what you did was perfectly reasonable and was offering them a convenient and less costly way to book their flights - as it is the only person that stands to gain from it is the airline, and that is a pretty silly undertaking. I think your offer to pay for the name change was quite a sweetner indeed, and to expect you to pay for their actual travel is ridiculous. I know from experience this is so head wrecking - you are better off leaving the offer there and let them choose whether to take you up on it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,346 ✭✭✭✭KdjaCL


    Chinafoot wrote:
    Am I totally wrong on this?


    Imo yes, you accepted the loss as you couldnt go but once found out someone else would go tried to get the money you accepted you lost back.

    If it was me and i knew i couldnt go i would let someone else take the flights.


    kdjac


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 192 ✭✭mickey mac


    I think that you are being mean, you were quite prepaired to loose the 250 euro in the first place, so now just because someone else will gain, you begrude them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    KdjaCL wrote:
    Imo yes, you accepted the loss as you couldnt go but once found out someone else would go tried to get the money you accepted you lost back.

    If it was me and i knew i couldnt go i would let someone else take the flights.


    kdjac

    I think the fact that they presumed they were getting them for free is the thing that really defines whether she's right or wrong.


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  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 7,486 ✭✭✭Red Alert


    But their attitude towards the OP was taking her for granted. Had they behaved differently towards her (or me if i was in that situation) i might have done a better compromise (for them). As it is, they are saving by buying them at less than full price from her.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    First off, this is what happens when you allow texts to get a point across. What you should have done was call her up and discussed it calmly.
    Yes, they were indeed chancing their arm trying to get them for free, the best course of action was to offer them the tickets at half price, everyone would have come out better and all would have been happy.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Well I personally would never just expect to use flights that someone else had paid for and not give them anything for them. I'd insist on giving them back the money they spent. Why should they pay for my travel?

    Yeah I had previously written it off as "oh well, there goes €250 down the drain." That doesn't mean I was hapy to piss it away and would be chuffed to have two girls who are perfectly willing to pay for their own flights use them for nothing.

    I'm not mean when it comes to money at all, if I was I'm sure I wouldn't have insisted of paying for my friends ticket.

    But I appreciate the opinion anyway. Thanks :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Beruthiel wrote:
    First off, this is what happens when you allow texts to get a point across. What you should have done was call her up and discussed it calmly.
    Yes, they were indeed chancing their arm trying to get them for free, the best course of action was to offer them the tickets at half price, everyone would have come out better and all would have been happy.


    You're right, I should have phoned her up and sorted it that way. As it was, I kept telling her to forget it once the messages were getting a bit nastier, and I thought she would let it drop. At that stage nothing would be discussed calmly on either side so I wanted to leave it.

    I thought the offer of paying for the name change and taking that from the €250 was pretty reasonable but they presumed they could just use the flights for nothing. That's what annoyed me the most.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,375 ✭✭✭kmick


    Well you had written off the money - so you could have given them the tickets at no extra loss to you. On the other hand they should have offered you something for the tickets. Ye should have met in the middle. They could have given you 125 and with the name change (25 each way x 2 = 100) it would have cost them 225 - just less than what you paid originally. What they could hardly have expected to do was pay the 250 plus an extra 100 for flights that you dont want/cant use. In all fairness it sounds like both parties are behaving like children. Come to a compromise like adults. It sounds like it is too late and has gone too far for that. However you have learned a lesson about strategy. Rigidly sticking to a position rarely works in negotiations.


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  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Chinafoot wrote:
    I thought the offer of paying for the name change and taking that from the €250 was pretty reasonable

    Not really, probably the only reason they decided to go was the fact that it was going to be cheap. You getting half of your money back when you didn't expect to see a penny was a good deal imo.
    but they presumed they could just use the flights for nothing. That's what annoyed me the most.

    As it would anyone.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    Beruthiel wrote:
    As it would anyone.

    Sorry Sister B but if some of my friends presumed that sort of thing, they wouldn't be my friends.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 542 ✭✭✭lady_j


    KdjaCL wrote:
    Imo yes, you accepted the loss as you couldnt go but once found out someone else would go tried to get the money you accepted you lost back.

    If it was me and i knew i couldnt go i would let someone else take the flights.


    kdjac


    Id agree with you here, but if I was the person being offered the flights I would cover the cost out of basic decency.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    kmick wrote:
    Well you had written off the money - so you could have given them the tickets at no extra loss to you. On the other hand they should have offered you something for the tickets. Ye should have met in the middle. They could have given you 125 and with the name change (25 each way x 2 = 100) it would have cost them 225 - just less than what you paid originally. What they could hardly have expected to do was pay the 250 plus an extra 100 for flights that you dont want/cant use. In all fairness it sounds like both parties are behaving like children. Come to a compromise like adults. It sounds like it is too late and has gone too far for that. However you have learned a lesson about strategy. Rigidly sticking to a position rarely works in negotiations.

    What I offered was to pay the name change which like you said is ~€100 and they would pay me the difference which was €150. €150 between the two which is €75 each. How is that unreasonable?

    I at no point suggested that they pay me the full cost of the flights and the name change. Why would I ask that?!
    It clearly wasn't good enough for them and they only expected to pay for the name change and I said it was unfair. They got in a snot and I said to forget it. I told her I was no longer prepared to pay for the name change and to forget the whole thing. The last thing I want to do is fall out with people over money. But to just assume to use them without even mentioning it to me in the first place was out of order.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,375 ✭✭✭kmick


    Well if what you were asking was for them to pay 150 euros for something that was worth 250 euros then that is perfectly acceptable and a very good deal for them.It actually would cost you 350 euros though. However from your previous posts it sounded like that was not clear to them. I think you should have just given them the tickets for 50 quid and let them make the name change themselves. (You could have said the 50 was to pay back your friend) It would have been the same to you in terms of money but it would seem like to them it was great deal. Now you also learned something about marketing as well. Its all how you package it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    kmick wrote:
    Well if what you were asking was for them to pay 150 euros for something that was worth 250 euros then that is perfectly acceptable and a very good deal for them.It actually would cost you 350 euros though. However from your previous posts it sounded like that was not clear to them. I think you should have just given them the tickets for 50 quid and let them make the name change themselves. (You could have said the 50 was to pay back your friend) It would have been the same to you in terms of money but it would seem like to them it was great deal. Now you also learned something about marketing as well. Its all how you package it.

    Kmick, she made it perfectly clear in the OP.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    kmick wrote:
    Well if what you were asking was for them to pay 150 euros for something that was worth 250 euros then that is perfectly acceptable and a very good deal for them.It actually would cost you 350 euros though. However from your previous posts it sounded like that was not clear to them.

    It was very clear to them. The first message I sent was "hey, i was chatting to emma there and she said the twins were going on the weekend. if you haven't booked any flights yet you should change the names on mine and claire's flights. I'll pay for the name change and you they can pay me the difference."

    The problem was that they had already planned to use the flights and only pay for the name change.

    Like you said I would have been down even more cash (the grand total I would have got back on the flights at the end of it all would have been €50) but I was trying to make things easier on them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Beruthiel wrote:
    Not really, probably the only reason they decided to go was the fact that it was going to be cheap. You getting half of your money back when you didn't expect to see a penny was a good deal imo.


    Just spotted this.

    I wouldn't have been getting any money back from them as they wanted the girls to just pay the €100 between them for the name changes.

    What I suggested would have meant them paying me €150 in total. I had already paid €250 and the cost of the name change would have been an extra €100 out of my pocket, so in effect I would have got back €50.

    My sister suggested that they pay for the name change and pay me back, like you said, €125. This owuld have brought them up to €225 and the cost of a new flight is almost €350 at this stage. They were having none of it. As far as they were concerned they were either paying €100 for the name change or €150 to me and let me pay the name change.

    I don't see that as fair.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭Drift


    It was wrong of them to assume they'd get your flights free of charge ... however I think the whole situation was made significantly worse because of the use of text messages. It is really hard to gauge someone's mood from text messages and there's no body language either.

    With my friends (even very close ones) there has always been an unwritten policy of paying for oneself completely in any situation. For example if I paid 200 for a ticket to something and then wasn't able to go but my friend would instead. I would change the name on the ticket (say for 50) leaving me 250 in the hole overall. He would then give me the cost of what a new ticket would be to him. 200 if that is still the current price or maybe 210 or 220 if the price had gone up in the meantime. I would never expect more than 250 from him for obvious reasons. edit: Horsetrading to 125 each would never be done, not because I'd begrudge it to him but its almost a matter of honour that you pay your own way with us.

    IMO the OP was being very generous and the twins were expecting to get something for nothing which is a bit much.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    I dont think that you were being unreasonable at all and totally can see your point of view.

    I would be the exact same. Think its a disgrace that people act like that.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,323 ✭✭✭Savman


    Last year I booked concert tickets for me and the missus for 2 shows in the UK. It turned out we couldn't go, and there was not enough time to stick them on ebay so I just gave them away to a friends' parents who were over the moon. I was happy that they got so much joy out of the gesture, when I was prepared to lose a fair bit of money.
    In my opinion, you're getting very worked up over nothing.
    Anyway, as it turns out I won't be going on the trip.
    So you booked a trip with friends then backed out? That's the cause of the issue if you ask me, they have every right to want to fill those seats with other people and it's not unreasonable to expect you to accommodate. They probably reckon offering the new people a deal on flights is the only way to get them to go but you want all your money back when in fairness you were never getting a penny back in the first place.

    You're not wrong just stubborn. ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Savman wrote:
    Last year I booked concert tickets for me and the missus for 2 shows in the UK. It turned out we couldn't go, and there was not enough time to stick them on ebay so I just gave them away to a friends' parents who were over the moon. I was happy that they got so much joy out of the gesture, when I was prepared to lose a fair bit of money.
    In my opinion, you're getting very worked up over nothing.

    So you booked a trip with friends then backed out? That's the cause of the issue if you ask me, they have every right to want to fill those seats with other people and it's not unreasonable to expect you to accommodate. They probably reckon offering the new people a deal on flights is the only way to get them to go but you want all your money back when in fairness you were never getting a penny back in the first place.

    You're not wrong just stubborn. ;)


    My inability to go is completely beyond my control and they are aware of this. Those seats are also fully paid for so I don't see thats an issue.

    Also can you please read the rest of the thread and noy just my opening post as it will become more clear to you that I did not expect all of my money back at all. I'm not going to repeat the sums again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,724 ✭✭✭BoozyBabe


    I think they were wrong to cheekily just expect to get the tickets for nothing, without even consulting with you.

    But I can see the other posters point of view also, that someone would see you as begrudging as you'd rather let €250 go to waste rather than let someone else enjoy it.

    Anyway, I'd imagine after all that cr@p, that the tickets aren't available to them anymore, so could you try selling them on Buy & Sell or Adverts.ie or something.
    If even just for €100 or €150.
    That way you wouldn't lose all the money, & someone would get use out of the tickets???


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,885 ✭✭✭Stabshauptmann


    Chinafoot wrote:
    It was very clear to them. The first message I sent was "hey, i was chatting to emma there and she said the twins were going on the weekend. if you haven't booked any flights yet you should change the names on mine and claire's flights. I'll pay for the name change and you they can pay me the difference."

    That to me reads as: I'll pay for the name change and you pay for the original cost of the tickets.
    ie I'll pay €100 and you pay €250.
    What I suggested would have meant them paying me €150 in total. I had already paid €250 and the cost of the name change would have been an extra €100 out of my pocket, so in effect I would have got back €50.

    Honestly, I fail to see how you get that from the opening text quoted above.


    Now if it was with my friends, especially if the price of flights has gone up since, Id give them the price of the tickets less a name change (which Id pay myself) but its not by any means generous or a bargain.

    If they had presumed they could just pay for the name change they're greedy, selfish, idiots. But since they were friends of friends and not direct friends I guess it happens.

    TBH, this seems like a communication breakdown, because I cant see from your texts the deal you are explaining here in your posts. You really should have talked about this instead of texting.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,706 ✭✭✭craichoe


    Ehhhhh .... Too complicated

    Tell them they could take your flights or pay for their own!

    If you had a concert ticket and you gave it to me because you couldn't go i'd expect to pay for it, if we were friends of course.

    Its a simple case of, if they want to get it they have to pay for it !

    Christ just stick the flights on eBay and send some weirdo off on holidays with them :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 17,555 ✭✭✭✭astrofool


    You'd accepted your loss already, as said, they suddenly have to try and get other people to go, the fact that there's tickets there waiting to be used is an enticement and was probably mentioned as a way of getting them to go, just paying the name change.

    Of course they could have offered some extra in compensation, it wouldn't even have to have been money, but maybe they're not very nice people, or tight on funds or lots of other reasons, at the end of the day, from the point you gave up the original amount, you would have lost no extra money, instead you tried to reclaim part of your original sum, that does not reflect kindly on you, and the net result has been that nobody is using the tickets.

    I bet you feel proud of yourself :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,707 ✭✭✭skywalker


    Thats a bit harsh Astrofool. The friends/sisters werent exactly being extra nice about it, it was very much up to you whether you got to do them a favour.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,522 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Communication breakdown indeed, I didn't quite understand the split option in the original text message (OP).

    I would have taken the hit and given them free tickets and not expected anything in return. However, I would like them to do the decent thing and throw me a couple of bucks in return at some point, or get me a nice box of choccies at the holiday destination. Ie: pay the 250 and let them pay the name change fee. If I was them I would probably offer to go halfway with you ala kmicks compromise.

    A question - if you didn't pay for your friends ticket also - would you have just given them your one free (single) ticket?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,581 ✭✭✭dodgyme


    You were willing to loose the money in the first place so you should have just let them have the tickets and they pay for the name change.
    However they then should have got you something, a voucher or a meal or something to show they were grateful, as they were getting something for nothing.

    I suspect that way in which they pounced on the freebie wouldnt have made you feel like they would be grateful enough to compensate you (in the examples I used) to some degree to giving them free flights. So in reality you sound like you were not being generous and they sound like if you were generous they probably wouldnt appreciate it. And dont take it the wrong way when I say you were not being generous, you were not being mean either, just triftie.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    If it was me taking your tickets i would offer to pay you the total price, minus what it would cost me to buy the tickets.

    ie. pay you 150, spend 100 on changing names.

    Thats presuming you're my friend, you have a genuine reason for not going, and that i have the money to go.

    Unfortunately it seems to have gotten waaaaay too complicated. This is why i avoid mixing money issues mixed up with friendships..


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