Sister is anorexic and i'm really worried

LegacyUser

Hey,

So my sister is 18, just started college this year i.e. last september. She worked really really hard in 6th year, got 600 points and won lots of prizes in her school for doing so well. She didn't have much of a life last year but this year she's doing an easy enough subject in college and has made loads of friends and stuff.

However before christmas, she told my mum she hadn't had a period in a long time and so my mum rushed her to a doctor. (my mum told me this in confidence, i'm 21 at the moment) she was told by her doctor that she was borderline anorexic and the she should go to a psychiatrist to talk about stuff.. you know what i mean.. She was told she had to put on weight in order to stay healthy.

I was naturally shocked when i heard this and talked to my sister saying that i was there for her and that if she ever wanted me to go to the psychiatrist with her i would be willing to do so. She didn't freak out or anything and was very mature about the whole thing. Something i admired very much.

Anyways she's been going since then and seemed to be eating well enough. She always gets really stressed about college work and life in general though, even about small things. That's just her, she never like to do things 80%, she always gives it 110%. I think that puts her under a lot of strain but she seems to handle it well.

Yesterday she went bcak to the doctor/dietician whatever who said that she hadn't put on any weight and that she really needed to put on a stone weight. She also recommended anti-depressants but the original doctor said that was ludicrous and not necessary at all.

My parents are real worried now was well and are going to a counselor to talk about anorexia and what not to say, how to help... all those kinds of things. I should probably go as well right?

Has anyone ever had a sister in the same situation or a daughter?? It's real wierd cause she's such a nice friendly girl with loads of friends and stuff. She's very pretty as well and you wouldn't really consider her anorexic to look at either, but she seems to have some sort of block about eating.

Any tips/suggestions?

thanks,

Her concerned brother..

LegacyUser

'I'm not clear.

U say she is under the care of a doctor & dietician.

But - is she eating (and keeping it down) or not ?
And, if she's eating, what kind of stuff is she eating ?'

Trinity

Hey sorry to hear that.

There was a thread a while back about this you may get some tips from that one.

I dont have any experience with this to be of any help i'm afraid but this size zero craze is just well crazy!!

Was only reading a story today about a girl who had anorexia and she is on the mend. Even though she was hospitalised twice, The only thing that shook her up was when the doctor told her she had the bones of a 90 year old and if she didnt give her body the nutrition it needed she'd end up in a wheel chair.

Not trying to frighten you sorry!

I'm not sure what to say only be there for her.

It really is a matter for the professionals as it goes beyond their control and telling them to eat just wont do it.

I hope everything works out.

Marksie

ConcernedBro wrote:

I should probably go as well right?

or at least offer.

The fact that she is going to see professionals is good.

All that you can do at the moment is give her the love and support she needs. If she wants to talk about it let her.
Other than that you cannot really watch her all the time or force her to do anything. So just being there is all you can do until you know more.

Oh and one thing..... give your parents some support too, they are probably frantic.
all the best
mark

yournamehere

Have a look here for more information:

http://www.bodywhys.ie

b3t4

ConcernedBro wrote:

My parents are real worried now was well and are going to a counselor to talk about anorexia and what not to say, how to help... all those kinds of things. I should probably go as well right?

I'd highly recommend you head along as well. They'd be able to answer any of your questions and you'd be better able to help your sister get well again.

Any tips/suggestions?

My advise would be to try and learn as much as you can about the disease that your sister is battling. I posted similar advise on the thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=52551050 . Other's also posted some useful advise on that thread so it may come in handy.

Anorexia is a terrible disease but there are those out there who've come threw it, always remember that.
Best of luck,
A

boffin

OP- Is she underweight because of weight loss due to stress or is she intentionally not eating or restricting her diet because of a desire to be thin/believes she is fat??

gd2000

Buy and read the book "Overcoming binge eating" by Dr. Christopher Fairburn. He is very influential in the field of eating disorders. Although the title refers to binge eating, it applies to bulemia and anorexia as well.

A person very close to me suffered from an ED from years and this book helped us both greatly.

LegacyUser

ConcernedBro wrote:

I was naturally shocked when i heard this and talked to my sister saying that i was there for her and that if she ever wanted me to go to the psychiatrist with her i would be willing to do so. She didn't freak out or anything and was very mature about the whole thing. Something i admired very much.

A good sign to be honest, wouldnt go if they weren't concerned themselves and didnt want help, or thought that it was a problem

ConcernedBro wrote:

Yesterday she went bcak to the doctor/dietician whatever who said that she hadn't put on any weight and that she really needed to put on a stone weight. She also recommended anti-depressants but the original doctor said that was ludicrous and not necessary at all.

In my experience,the majority of GPs DO NOT understand this condition, while ant-depressants may not be the right answer but the again the original doctor was being dismissive. A dietician probably wouldnt prescribe anti-depressants, see that she attends a therapist that can assess her mental status

ConcernedBro wrote:

Has anyone ever had a sister in the same situation or a daughter?? It's real wierd cause she's such a nice friendly girl with loads of friends and stuff.

Quite common that somebody would still appear to be perfectly happy to friends and family.

ConcernedBro wrote:

She's very pretty as well and you wouldn't really consider her anorexic to look at either, but she seems to have some sort of block about eating.

The same thing happened my sister at the age 11 This happened about ten years ago now and the awareness/publicity of eating disorders was not what it is today. While she mightnt not look anorexic, it doesnt mean she isnt. Part of anorexia is that the person suffering becomes very good at hiding their weight loss to those around them. If her periods have stop than she probably has had quite the weight loss. I would suggest that the family dont interfere with councilling (as in dont go in the room with them unless it is required) but so make sure that the councillor is doing their job. Although it was 10 years ago I was horrified at the time about how medical staff viewed this illness - a fad, something that will pass. I am only saying this because in case things havent changed to really research the doctors etc your sister is sent too. (not to scare monger but my sis was told, aged 11, and 5 and half stone that it was all in her head and why doesnt she just eat something, this from a therapist reccomended by temple street). Hopefully things have changed, but do monitor her progress. And just because you won't dont see her bones sticking out it doesnt mean she's not trying to control what she eats, excercising to outweigh the calories taken etc.

For yourself research the illness, like somebody else said there are some books available some especially written for the families, and how do deal with it. It can be quite traumaticeto watch someone go through this illness. Unfortunately there is not much you can do, other than be there for her. She will not get better unless she sees she has a problem, and its sounds like she does which is a very hopeful sign. Anorexia is rarely just a want to be thin, it stems from a need to control. From the sounds of your sister, she is a higghachiever and very determined, unfortunately in this case she may be using those skills in the negative sense but that can be reversed. On the upside my sis recovered, it took a couple of years but now has been healthy for 5/6 yrs and has a normal relationship with food.

I hope you sister gets through this

LegacyUser

'There are 3 stages to this
1. Does she really realise she has a problem?
2. Does she understand what that problem is?
3. Does she genuinely want to fix it?


1. It took me a very long time to admit I actually had a problem. I thought I was kjust super-disciplined about work, diet, life,...... By the time I actually realised my behaviour was not normal or healthy it had become so intrenched in my starved mind that I couldn't easily break the cycle of controlling everything.


2. It's not just about food. It may be about fullfilling her idea of what perfection is. She was the best in her class, the super achiever this is just another type of achievement in an anorexics mind.

3. You can realise there is a problem but still not want to fix it. My hair fell out, my bones broke,my lungs collapsed, I knew I was destroying my family and all I had to do was eat but it took years to do it.


Personally all the counselling and psycharists in the world didn't help me one little bit and to be perfectly honest I don't actually know what made me decide to get better but it was a long journey. It was so long because my body was so weakened from the years of abuse and control. The only advice I can ever give anyone is the sooner it is fixed the easier it is to fix. The only problem is I don't know how you do it. For me what would have worked is someone else controlling my food, sitting me down and making sure I ate enough, following me to make sure I didn't do silly amounts of exercise. Its a 24 hour a day commitment but it would have worked in the early stages. That may not work for your sister though. The gently gently approach would not have worked for me. Praising every bite I took only encouraged the anorexic in me.'