Parents going away and sis wants a load of friends over, I'm "in charge"...

LegacyUser

Ok, basically I'm 18 and my sister's 15. My parents are going away next weekend.

They did this once before and my sister asked could she have friends over and I refused on the basis that it was their first time leaving us on our own and we should respect thier trust. She told my mom she made arrangements to sleep in a friend's house. I went out that night to come home to 6 drunken 14 and 15 year old girls in my house.... I gave out to my sister, but I knew she didn't really care, and I could hardly kick them out at that stage. I told her never to do that to me again and I let it go.

Now this time when she asked me if she could have friends over I compromised by saying that she could but only her two close friends could stay the night. She wasn't happy with this and wants 10 girls over that night and wants 5/6 to stay over and keeps at me with the whole "pleeeeeaaaasse!" act. I told her that she could either accept my compromise or I'd quietly tell my parents what she'd been up to. Now I really don't want to go telling tales, but it seems my only source of power/authority here. I don't want the house being used as a hostel of sorts for my sisters drunken friends so they won't get caught by their parents. I know I could simply let it go, but my sister's attitude towards our parents these days is horrible IMO and she seems to think she can do anything she wants.

And besides everything else, I don't want my head wrecked with a load of most likely drunk 14/15 year old girls in the house on a Friday night....

I know I'm not going to be able to stop this from happening, however, but I don't want to just let it go like last time. I really don't want to go telling tales to my parents either...

Sigh, perhaps I'm being too uptight about this, but I really don't like this situation, what should I do?

Nevyn

ASk your parents advice.
Tell them what she has been asking you questions about and ask for thier advice if she should invite a load of people over.

PeakOutput

Thaedydal wrote:

ASk your parents advice.
Tell them what she has been asking you questions about and ask for thier advice if she should invite a load of people over.

i know your probably rolling your eyes up at heaven to this advice op but in fairness im 21 and my little brother and sister try to get around my parents loads by asking me to do things...i just say it to my parents and they are generally ye dats grand.....parents are happy as long sa they know wat brother nd sister are up to brother and sister are happy with me cause they think im the cool bro(hahaha) and bro and sis are happy

there is no way id be thinking about letting them drink especially in the house under your supervision even if your sister has permission to drink the other girls mightn't and if something happens who do you think their parents will come running too.........

i reckon let her have MAX 10 mates over and see how it goes

edited due to too much text speak

Carrigart Exile

Slightly off topic and I do apologise but as a long suffering parent, welcome to 'pester power' which I am sure you used on your own parents, we all did, ain't payback a pig:D

I agree with the other posters, don't let little sis dump this responsibility on you. Tell her if your parents agree she can have them over otherwise its one or two very close friends. Drunken people do not always respect for your property the way they should

StormWarrior

10 friends? I think that is COMPLETELY unreasonable, especially considering the state she got into last time. If it was me, I would let her have just one.

StormWarrior

sigh....... wrote:

I know I'm not going to be able to stop this from happening,

Whyever not???? Just don't allow the kids in your house! If necessary threaten to tell your parents or even call the police! There is no way I would allow such nonsense to carry on in my house.

spurious

You can always get a neighbour in to help you root them out.

The Sweeper

If I was your parents and something happened, I'd string you up for

a) not telling me my youngest was a teenaged drunken brat
b) negotiating with my youngest in MY HOUSE over how many people she can have around
c) betraying the trust I placed in you to keep the place safe

And I'd probably be seriously revising my opinion of how adult you were yourself.

Don't let your sister do anything she wouldn't do if your parents were home, full stop.

Cleavage1970

Very well put jackdaniels...........couldn't agree more. Besides, should anything happen that shouldn't happen, I'd be afraid the sister would put the blame back on OP by saying that he said it was ok to have X amount of her friends in the house.

tbh

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

And I'd probably be seriously revising my opinion of how adult you were yourself.

the op knows that she can't handle the situation by herself, and is asking others for help. More adult than most, if you ask me.

OP, I think what you need to do is make sure your sister knows how you feel about the situation and she knows exactly what you'll do if push comes to shove. You need to be careful about making empty promises. So - what I would do:

1. Sit your sister down and tell her calmly that while your parents are away, you are responsible for what happens in the house.

2. Tell her you are not prepared to get into trouble for the sake of some 15 year old you don't even know, so if your sis keeps pestering you, you'll tell your parents what's happening, and ask them not to go away. If she brings them into the house, you'll phone your parents and ask them to come home.

Make sure you tell her all this in a calm "if you do this, know that this will happen" way, not in an "oh my God I swear you are dead if you do this" way.
You could maybe compromise - let her have one or two friends over, and NO drinking - but make your mind up and stick to it.

You are still quite young yourself, and without wanting to sound patronising, you don't really have the skills to cope with this yet. If you feel like your sister is going to do it anyway, tell your folks.

Beruthiel

sigh.......
I have to agree with majd.
As a parent myself, if I put my trust in my daughter and she breaks it, then she would have to do an awful lot to regain that trust once lost, I've told her as much.
Your little sis is acting like a little child, go to your parents and explain the situation, ask their advice.
Don't feel like you are telling tales. Your sis has put you in this position and she has no one to blame but herself, if she had behaved in the first place then you'd never have had to go to your parents.

tbh

hang on tho - it's not like the OP has had a party him/herself - she knows what she has to do, she just doesn't know how to do it - I blame the parents myself

Petey2006

OP, you really need to put the foot down and make sure it stays down. You offered your sister a reasonable alternative, yet she continues to push her luck. Tell her no means no. If she ignores you and goes ahead with her own plans anyway, chuck her friends out. By giving in the first time, your sister has taken it that you're a pushover and while she did ask your permission, I think it was merely a formality to her. You need to take back control of the situation. It's all well and good to be a nice person, but nice people tend to get walked all over if they give in too much.

If all else fails, tell your parents. It's their house after all, and your sister is abusing it's privileges.

00112984

The time to put your foot down is NOW. You don't want her thinking that she's getting anywhere by pestering her.

A few thoughts after reading your opening post-

It's illegal to ply kids with drink or allow them to drink under your supervision.

What if one of them gets very drunk and ends up in hospital? Let's just say a 14 year old girl gets her stomach pumped after a night of drinking in your house when you were meant to be supervising. Who'll ultimately be blamed? You!

Another thing- I don't know if you're male or female. I don't have kids but, if I did, and found out that my 14 year old daughter got drunk in a house surpervised by an 18 year old boy, I'd be livid. Of course, you might be a girl which would negate my last point.

seamus

10 is far too many. Your compromise is reasonable (even if she doesn't think so), but you should definitely keep your parents in on the matter.

I'm pretty sure that my brothers never told my parents that I had my friends over when I was 15/16, but then again I never asked if they could come over, I just brought them over.

Perhaps it would be an idea to get a couple of your mates over that night too, grab a few pizzas, a few beers and a DVD. Your existence in the house will dampen any madness they had planned, and you'd be on hand when the inevitable teenage stupidness happens. You'd also have backup when your sisters mates decide to try bring some drunken males in too.

Cancer-chick

If i had a son or daughter like you i would be very happy !

You have the sense to realise that its a bad idea and like all else here i would advise that you speak to your parents and let them deal with it..
What you dont want is a situation where one of the friends arrives with pills or something (and it could well happen) and ends up unconscious or worse ..

14/15 is too young to be pi**** i dont care if we do live in a society where booze is happily accepted. I drink myself and enjoy it but if i was the parent of a girl who was getting drunk in your house and she od'd or worse .. I know who id be after..

Not your problem..Talk to parents asap.

PeakOutput

maybe ten was a bit high but i still reckon 5 with NO drink will be ok as a tester but still let your parents know what your "offering" her dont mean let her have 5/10 behind their back.

i think it would pretty easy to make sure 5 are not drinking in the house at least

OldmanMondeo

It is not your house, it is your parents. They have worked hard to make a home for their family.
If you wanted to have a few friends over for a drink etc, you would ask you parents first.
Tell you sister to ask your parents and that in no way will anyone be allowed in the house unless your parents say otherwise.
If I were you I would explain to your folks what your sister is asking and tell them that you don't want any of her friends 'cause you don't fancy babysitting her and her mates.
Your folks are not dumb and they will know exactly what your sister wants to do and will either bring her with them or tell her no way.

limklad

First of all, In this day of age for parents to think that their little innocent darling (especially teenagers) to behave :eek: when there are out, (They the parents) are insane!!

For parents I will tell you welcome to the 21th century. What would you do in her (the pestering sister) position?

All this talk about trusting a young teenager!! She is still a child trying to behave like one of the gang. She is trying to increase her status in the gang by been able to start a party at her (In her opinion) house. To be the rebel behind her parents back increases her status. She has the perfect scape goat (Elderly sibling) to take or share responsibility for her misdeeds.
I trust teenagers to break rules and misbehave, when their parents are too strict and angry and mad over the slightest thing and closed or narrow minded. These teenagers see that parents are not truly close to their kids and they know that parents trust in them, always go out the window so often, that they know this from previous experience. It not going to change things in their eyes.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Don't let your sister do anything she wouldn't do if your parents were home, full stop.

I laugh out loud when I saw this especially the "full stop" part. If that ever did this (misbehave), they will be punished. You punished them before and they still want to misbehave. Did the punishment work? My answer is clearly NO. They are disrespect you because you did it (disrespect) to them so many times before. The “full stop” is a sign of emotional immaturity oon your (parent) and teenagers (these days) see through this as a sign of weakness. Been aggressive does not help either. (another sign of immaturity) It only serves to push her away and forces her underground.

They (The teenagers) are not going to talk to you about everything they are doing because you been to closed minded to their way of life. Yes they will make mistakes. Hey, we all made mistakes, and learnt from them. Parents need to be emotionally mature and to have understanding to be able to deal with teenagers especially the pestering (crying, innocent, etc) ones.
For parents reading this i hope you have all been watching the programme on RTE "Families in Trouble". Just to see the reaction of the misbehave parents when they relies how much trouble they (especially mothers) caused and in making a bad situation worst. It like creating a massive storm out of a tea cup.

OP, You are 18 and just started Adult hood. Sit you sister down and tell her because she betrayed your trust before in this matter, you cannot allow her to have friends over, unless your parents allow this first. This will force her to talk to the parents. Or else, you will have to take responsibility for her misdeeds, and if your parents will end up punishing you for agreeing for her friends to call over. It will shows immaturity on their part and scape goating all the blame on you. They should have seen this coming. This does not mean you can escape from your newly found responsibilities.
Stick to the terms of the agreement that her parents made. If she has made an agreement with the parents, then, asks the parents there and then with your sister present about the terms of the agreement and stick to it.

Taking responsibility is a huge burden on young shoulders, if you are not used to it and it takes courage to do so and accept the consequences of it.

Amazingly many adults in today world, (even in retirement age) still act like selfish children, because they were allowed to get away with it. Other people caved in quickly or over time.

Every time your sister uses the "pleeeeeaaaasse!" or any other childhood act, tell her that you will give her a sweet (have one ready) for her to be good (Speak to her like if she is a young 4 year old selfish child and be mature about it). Tell her if continue the act like a child, that you will tell the parents that she loves to act like a four year old child. You need to laugh at this and tell her, “I though you wanted to be a grown up!”

If she threatens to tell your parents about your past deeds, tell her to tell them. It scary I know and you been through this before. When she does, admit them like an emotionally mature adult would. When they have dealt that matter with you, you can then tell (not in a tell tales childish manner, as one adult to another) your parents the reason (blackmail) that your sister is telling tales. If they (the Parents) are mature, they will see through her blackmail and punish her for it and see you are more trusting and has grown up quicker than they relies.

By admitting to your parents your misdeeds, you are clearing the air and your sister has no weapons of mass destructions on you. Coming clean is showing maturity on your part. Remember you will be leaving the nest and by doing so by cleaning the air helps to give you a great start (No heavy weights on your shoulders) even though your parents may mistrusts you, that their choice. It up to them (parents) to heal the rift with you or they will lose you by their actions.

Good luck and welcome to world of adulthood.

PeakOutput

limklad wrote:

By admitting to your parents your missdeeds, you are clearing the air and your sister has no weapons of mass destructions on you. Coming clean is showing maturity on your part.

there is so much i disagree with in what he said but i cant stress this enough my parents know practically evrerything that iv done in the past good and bad not because they have caught me or whatever but coz when they ask me the next day or week or year have you done this or that i just tell them the truth

if they see that you have actually experienced good and bad things in life and have come out no worse for wear at the end of it they are more likely to trust your judgement at the end of the day about more things.

limklad

PeakOutput wrote:

there is so much i disagree with in what he said but i cant stress this enough my parents know practically evrerything that iv done in the past good and bad not because they have caught me or whatever but coz when they ask me the next day or week or year have you done this or that i just tell them the truth

if they see that you have actually experienced good and bad things in life and have come out no worse for wear at the end of it they are more likely to trust your judgement at the end of the day about more things.

Some parents are better than others in finding out what their kids are doing.
I hid many things from my parents due to their immature behavior. My grandparent knew more about my life than my parents did. I got punished for every little things, whenever I did not do or think about. I did not and still do not trust them because they are still telling lies. I am now in my thirties. They are dishonest, and my mother behaves like a childish immature brat when dishing out punishment which was very confusing when I was a small child.
My mother never believes me when I tell her the truth but believe the lies of others instead. Eventually with her bullying, I had to cave in and agree to her lies. This was very confusing for me as a small child and then when she say later “you are always telling lies to me” which was the truth because I was force into it. It was my grandparents who help me to see the wrong in it.

Well done to you for your honesty and hug your parents for their maturity.;)

limklad

00112984 wrote:

The time to put your foot down is NOW. You don't want her thinking that she's getting anywhere by pestering her.

A few thoughts after reading your opening post-

It's illegal to ply kids with drink or allow them to drink under your supervision.

OP already knows this! If I can shout at you I would. Stop lecturing him or her about it. And highlighting the word “NOW” is showing your immaturity with dealing with these matters.
S/He (The OP) is not that stupid!

00112984 wrote:

What if one of them gets very drunk and ends up in hospital? Let's just say a 14 year old girl gets her stomach pumped after a night of drinking in your house when you were meant to be supervising. Who'll ultimately be blamed? You!.

S/he came here to ask for help, because s/he knows these things can happen!

00112984 wrote:

Another thing- I don't know if you're male or female. I don't have kids but, if I did, and found out that my 14 year old daughter got drunk in a house surpervised by an 18 year old boy, I'd be livid. Of course, you might be a girl which would negate my last point.

You are racist here against males. :mad: also you let your 14 year old daughter out to unsupervised parties, and you did not check if it was properly supervised!! What if she got pregnant or worst died of an overdose or an accident!!
I know many females who are far FAR worst than males and act all innocent in front of their parents eyes.

You did not help OP here but instead driving her/him insane with hot tempered lectures about facts that OP already knows. Why do you think s/he came here for? However, you did showed your true self. Reread what you wrote and see the programme "Families in trouble" if you do not see any problems with it.
I can definitely guess with 1000% you will be having problems with your kids or they are hiding their true feelings from you. There is a huge distance emotionally between you and them.
I can see it now, that your kids be screwed up with emotional trauma well into their adulthood! Going to counseling sessions and you blame it on them as if it was all their fault! It a good thing that you do not have kids, at least now you can change your attidude and get some understanding of them.

I agree with Cancer-chick approval of OP behavior, I would rather have OP as a Son or Daughter that have YOU in charge of any children. because s/he showed more maturity in looking for sensible advice from every part of society. Even if s/he does not follow mine, that is ok too, because s/he is taking advise to fit her situation.

I probably get ban for my comments, But it well worth it for your attitude you took. I am a firm believer of people looking for help/advise rather than shutting or chopping their head off as you done in your post.

Beruthiel

limklad wrote:

OP already knows this! If I can shout at you I would. Stop lecturing him or her about it. And highlighting the word “NOW” is showing your immaturity with dealing with these matters.
S/He (The OP) is not that stupid!.

limklad
Would you kindly leave the moderating to the moderators.
I won't tolerate your interference.
B

TheVan

Just keep saying no.

There's no way you can trust her to have a few friends over for a video or anything considering what happened last time?

Siblings always try to pull this stuff, knowing that in the end, the person who the parents will give out to the most is the person in charge for letting this happen.

It will just be "sure do you blame her for wanting to have her friends over....you were meant to stop stuff like this".

Just refuse point blank. If she then breaks the rules tell your parents. Its the only way. Otherwise you'll never be able to control what happens when you are in charge.

Nightwish

My little sister was exactly like yours, when she was 15. I had the same problem as you. What I said was that she could have one friend over, and that was it. I kicked out anyone else she snuck in. I didnt care how much she whined and moaned. She ended up robbing vodka from my parents and getting hammered and puking all over her room. Anyway I had enough, any other times following that night I refused to "mind" her. I just told my parents, I can be in the house, but I cannot stop her from drinking etc. I could try plead, beg, shout etc with her but I knew in the end she would do what she wanted to do. I went and stayed with my grandmother any other weekends my parents, and my sister was put with an aunt, and she snuck out of my aunts house in the middle of the night and threw a party in our house, where the Guards were eventually called over the noise. So that just showed me I was right in refusing to be responsible for her. Thankfully now she is a sensible 20 year old!

LegacyUser

'Thanks for all the replies guys.


Couple of things I want to clarify:
-I'm male.
-I don't want this to happen, I don't need to be told to put my foot down or told all the possible consequences of letting it happen, I want to know how to stop it...
-I don't like the fact my sister drinks. I've tried to dissuade her and it hasn't worked, but I don't want to tell my parents because she'd hate me for it, and I know a lecture from my parents wouldn't stop her anyway. Although I had decided myself that I'd tell them if it got to the stage where her attitude towards them got worse or drinking was affecting her badly. Perhaps now is that time....
-If I did let some friends over it wouldn't be drinking in the house I'd be worried about, it'd be arriving home late(-ish) from some sort of knacker drinking session already drunk that I'd be concerned about.
-It's hard to kick a load of 15 year old girls out of the house if they all just arrive at 11/12 expecting to stay the night - they'd have nowhere to go. ie. basically if it gets that far I can't stop it(although I've decided to definitely tell my parents if that happens).

@limklad
Your posts, while a little OTT, were very helpful and insightful, thank you.'

cork1

let it go ahead but make a video of and threaten to tell your parents.youll have your sister cleaning the house and serving you food and drink while you sit in front of the tv.when your parents come home destroy the tape or keep it for further blackmail.she will never invite friends over again.

WindSock

She was testing the water by requesting 10. She may have expected a haggle. Would you compromise at 5 maximum? Also if she is going to be drinkin anyway ( and she will, no matter what you say) Maybe have some of your friends come over to and act as 'police' when you see that they have had enough, (probably 2 cans/bottles) take it the rest from them, kick them off to bed or to giggle or whatever and finish the drinks off yourselves.

LegacyUser

5 to stay the night? No chance. I've said 2 max. You may have misunderstood. She wants 10 friends over that night with 5/6 actually staying the night. 10 is kinda pushing it, but I wouldn't mind if she had 4/5 friends over and 2 staying the night.

I won't be able to regulate drinks since the way they drink means they basically mix like half a naggin to a naggin of vodka with something and knock it back. I don't think they're gonna drink in the house anyway, they're most likely gonna go off knacker drinking somewhere and come back, but I could be wrong.

I think I might have some(2/3) friends over that night, not to stay, just to watch a movie or whatever. And I'll keep an eye on her and her friends. If more than 2 stay I'll tell my parents when they get back and let them deal with it.

LegacyUser

If I were you I'd tell my sister to **** off!

PeakOutput

boreds wrote:

She was testing the water by requesting 10. She may have expected a haggle. Would you compromise at 5 maximum? Also if she is going to be drinkin anyway ( and she will, no matter what you say) Maybe have some of your friends come over to and act as 'police' when you see that they have had enough, (probably 2 cans/bottles) take it the rest from them, kick them off to bed or to giggle or whatever and finish the drinks off yourselves.

that is a great idea but only if there are maybe 2/3 friends you wont be able to control anymore..........also they will probably see your mates "drinking responsibly" and therefore are less likely to want to get locked around them as that would seem immature

youll know yourself if this will work with your sister i know it would work with mine without being big headed they do their best to impress me and stuff even thought they are a teenagers so if they thought id be disgusted to see them locked nd falling over they would not do it (at least in front of me)

Tusky

we were all young once! Let her have 5 over to stay.

Tails142

You gotta think about it... everyone has parties in their house when their parents go away.

I had parties with my friends over when I was younger, we got thrashed, the house got thrashed, everyone fecks off, and you get left to tidy up, hung over. You learn your lesson and don't have any parties.

A couple of years ago my sisters did a similar thing, parents went away, I had learnt my lesson, I wasnt having a party. She said she wanted some friends over, I told her she was mad, basically that she would regret it and I went out into town.

Came back home and instead of just a few of her friends the whole neighbourhood was partying in my house and it was way out of control. Kicked them all out but the damage was done, angry neighbours, garden thrashed, house in pieces, nightmare - I just went to bed.

Anyway, she was distraught; spent the next day cleaning while I watched TV :cool: She got most things back in order though there was a funky smell in the garage that stuck around for years afterwards and many missing garden ornaments (no loss imo)

Anyway, she never wanted to have another house party after that, so it really was lesson learned.

Everyone has to learn at some stage - same goes for her drinking. Sooner or later she will drink too much and spend the next 36 hours puking her ring, you get to laugh at her and say I told you so. It's the way the world works!!

That being said though, your sister is younger than mine in my situation, I was 21, she was 18, so neither of us were in total charge, it was a mutual responsibilty thing.

If I were you I would lock the doors, and only allow your sister to enter. No tolerance and dont worry about the girls having nowhere to stay, they have parents and homes too - either tell them to piss of home or if they wont get lost grab your sis's phone and call their parents. Why do you care if they get into trouble? They're the ones wrecking your head.

Tails142

Maybe have some of your friends come over to and act as 'police' when you see that they have had enough, (probably 2 cans/bottles) take it the rest from them, kick them off to bed or to giggle or whatever and finish the drinks off yourselves.

This is a terrible idea, its practically screaming stripogram. I think it was my 18th I was having a party in my back garden with all my mates over. Anyway after much pestering I allowed my sister to invite some of her friends over. BIG MISTAKE.

Drunken 15/16 year olds, plus your older mates equals much horrible horrible activity that I would rather not describe in too much detail.

Chucky the tree

Jesus man, you cant have your young sister pushing you around, thats pathetic.

Let 2, 3 max stay over. If she goes out knacker drinking before hand tell her if she tries to bring more then 3 people back, no one is allowed stay over. Lock the front door so you have to answer it. If they get in the gaff it will 10 times harder to get rid of them.

If they manage to get in the gaff tell your sister she has 5 minutes to gt the mates out of the gaff or else you are calling your parents straight away(if thats posible).

Or, you could just let 10 stay over and try and drop the hand on some of them. Whatever you feel is the best idea yourself.

Beruthiel

sigh.... wrote:

-It's hard to kick a load of 15 year old girls out of the house if they all just arrive at 11/12 expecting to stay the night - they'd have nowhere to go. ie. basically if it gets that far I can't stop it

Try to get agreement on the 2/3 friends. Only allow them to come over if you have the phone numbers of their parents. Call the parents to validate them coming over in the first place and also this way you have their numbers if anything goes wrong. (just in case your sis trys to give you false numbers)
They won't need to be thrown out of the house then as their parents can be called to pick them up. This is normal proceedure if my daughter were to have someone stay the night. All of that seems fair imo and if your sis is not prepared to go with that, then call the whole thing off.
Don't suppose you have an aunt or uncle who can stay over that night?

PCPhoto

Heres a little method of comeback - insurance if you will....... buy a disposable camera and photograph yer sister and her mates drinking and getting pissed.

Or

Tell your parents what she plans - do you really care if your little sister has a crap opinion of you ..... she shouldnt be getting drunk - or even drinking.


I'm 28.... I have 3 little sisters, (well.....26, 21 and 19 now) .... but when we were younger.....anyways.... point is...she's gotten in with the wrong crowd....and needs to learn a lesson, in my opinion you have a couple of options.

1. Ask parents - or tell them what she has planned.
2. Phone Gardai when all her friends are drunk (only problem is as the adult in charge - you get the blame)
3. Photograph her mates and her drinking - blackmail - illegal and chances are she prob wont care and you'll still get the blame from your parents if they see the pics - 'cos you didnt stop her.
4. Ask a neighbour to come over and complain about the noise - get him/her to overreact and throw everyone out of the house. (Parents find out - you get the blame)

5. ONLY TO BE USED IN EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES - BURN THE HOUSE DOWN THE DAY SHE WANTS TO HAVE HER PARTY

Ok...ok...seriously - no.5 is a joke.

If she is allowed 1-2 friends - chances are she'll invite more and say that her friends asked them to come..... if she's allowed a group (10people) chances are more will turn up - and it'll be a party and you wont have any control...or option... but to call either their parents/gardai, my issue with the gardai is that most likely they will only take the drink and tell them all to go home.

Overheal

I took the good guy approach with this: My friends younger brother wanted to have a house party, so I was called for backup...and to buy the beer.

I could have argued about supplying the beer, but this is Ireland and kids will find it somehow. Also, me and my friend were match enough for any problems that would have (and did) arise...usually directly due to drinking. Dopes.

The 2 times we did it we tried to regulate the flow of alchohol.......... laughs here.

Lets see: vomit in the driveway, one of the big big lads downs 700ml of black bush and starts dancing around the pile of vomit, laughing. Oh, and lets not forget the guy I found drooling at the mouth passed out...and THAT one was supposed to be helping us as a third backup! He scared the hell outta me: I thought it was a pulp fiction moment

Still, it turns out to be no less than any public night out, and worse come to shove, the day before the party, older brother breaks a 120 euro window pane: plenty to distract parentals from any potential evidence (of which there wasnt).

Anyway if you are going to let her do this, be mindful of all that.

And you might get fortunate and she will have a hot 16/17 year old friend

WindSock

sigh.... wrote:

I wouldn't mind if she had 4/5 friends over and 2 staying the night.

I think I might have some(2/3) friends over that night, not to stay, just to watch a movie or whatever. And I'll keep an eye on her and her friends. If more than 2 stay I'll tell my parents when they get back and let them deal with it.

Thas sounds reasonable. Tell her that, ask her which of her friends are coming and which are staying, so as you know. When they all get to the house, make sure they are isolated to the one room with direct access to the toilet. And hide all breakables somewhere. It may be a good idea to have a few plastic bags in the room with them, in case of any little accidents. If any extra people turn up at the door you should tell them where to go. Don't tell your parents before they go away, it will ruin their holiday and they will be useless to do anything anyway. If something happens that it does get out of hand, ask an older adult that you trust for some help, then tell your parents after they come back.

Nevyn

So your male and 18 and I would assum that your firneds would be around the same age.
So you really think it is a good idea to have your friends and her jailbait friends in the house at the same time drinking ?

PeakOutput

Thaedydal wrote:

So your male and 18 and I would assum that your firneds would be around the same age.
So you really think it is a good idea to have your friends and her jailbait friends in the house at the same time drinking ?

i dont think there are many 18 year olds who would knowingly be with a 15 year old maybe im wrong but if there his mates and anyway responsible i dont think this is something he needs to worry about

Nevyn

Even of the tales that may be told ?
How many parents of those 15 year old girls would be happy enough knowing
what the situation would be ?

WindSock

If they are in the house, at least they can have an eye kept on them. if they are told to get out of the house, they will rebel with their naggins and proceed to get locked in a field and pass out with some some strangers and younger more immature boys.
If the girls get drunk in the house and stay in there they will be safer. If they are not safe from your friends, then don't have them stay the night, as they probably will be tempted...

PeakOutput

Thaedydal wrote:

Even of the tales that may be told ?
How many parents of those 15 year old girls would be happy enough knowing
what the situation would be ?

i dont think they would be telling them much and if it was me we wouldnt be in the same room

i agree that parents probably wouldnt be too pleased at all but then its up to them to not allow their child to go if it is wat the op has to do to feel comfortable that he can handle any situation then its what he has to do

LegacyUser

'

Beruthiel wrote:

Try to get agreement on the 2/3 friends. Only allow them to come over if you have the phone numbers of their parents. Call the parents to validate them coming over in the first place and also this way you have their numbers if anything goes wrong. (just in case your sis trys to give you false numbers)
They won't need to be thrown out of the house then as their parents can be called to pick them up. This is normal proceedure if my daughter were to have someone stay the night. All of that seems fair imo and if your sis is not prepared to go with that, then call the whole thing off.
Don't suppose you have an aunt or uncle who can stay over that night?

I'm not going to be that harsh on her. I'm fine with 2 of her friends staying over. I just don't want it to escalate to higher numbers.

Thaedydal wrote:

So your male and 18 and I would assum that your firneds would be around the same age.
So you really think it is a good idea to have your friends and her jailbait friends in the house at the same time drinking ?

Who said anything about my friends and I drinking?
And I have civilised friends thank you very much.

While I appreciate the views of parents here, you must remember that I am not a parent myself and I'm not going to be excessively strict. As I've stated before, I've no problem with her having a few friends over with 2 staying the night. It's the free for all situation I don't want.'

limklad

sigh.... wrote:

Your posts, while a little OTT, were very helpful and insightful, thank you.'

I speak from experience. I have 4 sisters and a painful mother.

Plain and simple, she (your sister) will keep walking over you (weak link) until you stand up for yourself. The emotional and verbal manipulation is a pain from her I know. You have to reverse it back on her, and only then after some time, will she get the message.
She has broken your trust before and used you.

On the other matter.

You sister will do whatever she wants to, whenever you like it or not and invite the other friends over (behind your back) in a group to railroad you, and you are back to the trouble you are trying to avoid.

I aggree with the comments knowing her friends parents phone number and ringing them before hand, and letting your parents know what is planned. This way they cannot blame you for your sister misdeeds.

LegacyUser

'Right, so now I'm at the most difficult point. She's here with 2 friends and she seems to have accepted that only these two can stay. However, I've just outlined a simple policy to her - No drinking and no guys. Unfortunately she says she's "already told" some guys they can come and I never made that clear before. I said if guys come our parents will be told. It seems like she will not heed this warning and right now I dunno whether to call my parents now(they're in Rome right now) or not....

I reckon I'll talk to her first.'

PeakOutput

sigh.... wrote:

'Right, so now I'm at the most difficult point. She's here with 2 friends and she seems to have accepted that only these two can stay. However, I've just outlined a simple policy to her - No drinking and no guys. Unfortunately she says she's "already told" some guys they can come and I never made that clear before. I said if guys come our parents will be told. It seems like she will not heed this warning and right now I dunno whether to call my parents now(they're in Rome right now) or not....

I reckon I'll talk to her first.'

its depends how much "some" are i think...........your sister will be jsut as embarrased scoring some guy in front of you as you would be and i dont think it should be too much of a problem...........unless they are a good bit older or there are alot of them i wouldnt worry too much........if theres no drink involved then they only reallyw atch a video or whatever and make sure you stick your head in every now and again asking do they want drinks(soft drinks) or food just to keep them on their toes

LegacyUser

'Yeah, problem is basically resolved at this point. 8 people are coming, 3 guys, 5 girls, guys are leaving at 10, most of the girls by 11, they're not drinking and they're not going to a kancker drinking session beforehand. Only two are staying over.

I'm surprised how effective my stubborn stance on the issue and threats to call my parents worked.

I'm having one friend over just to watch a movie and hang out, he can help me out should anything get out of hand. If any drink is brought I'll just confiscate it or tell them to get out.'

WindSock

Let your parents have their holiday with no worries. Make sure they all stay in the one room and theres no creeping off to bedrooms. If you hear people upstairs or going into other rooms then confront them and tell them to get back downstairs or leave. Tell your sister you want them out of the house by 12 at the latest. And tell her that you are being very reasonable, as it's a pain in the arse for you to have to make sure they are going to behave responsibly in your home.

Lemming

sigh.... wrote:

'Right, so now I'm at the most difficult point. She's here with 2 friends and she seems to have accepted that only these two can stay. However, I've just outlined a simple policy to her - No drinking and no guys. Unfortunately she says she's "already told" some guys they can come and I never made that clear before.

Just reading that and I'm struck by two things.

a) She's using the "Oh geeh, I already said blah blah blah" to try and see how far she can go
b) She'll have her two friends, and then say for arguments sake 3 guys turn up. Then the rest of her friends turn up and she tries a "well, you allowed the three of them in, so why not the others ... "