What's going on here.... with boyfriend...

LegacyUser

Ok, me+ my boyfriend have been going out for about 6 months. Last week, I got a bit insecure+ he thought I was breaking up with him. I adore him, and reassured him I wasn't. I was just getting a little bit scared, as it was the longest either of us had gone out with anyone for. The way I reassured him, scared HIM then, as I said... I could totally see myself falling for him.
So both of us slightly scared then. He left and thought about things. The next day we emailed each other+ he said that we got together to have fun and we're not done until we stop having fun. I just have no idea am I just some piece of 'fun' to him, or if he really cares. He's 19 and alot of his friends are single. I'm 21.

It's now almost a week later. We went away with friends for the weekend and had a good laugh. I wasn't worrying about stuff etc...

He said the way he was brought up was not to 'talk' about stuff. I think I make him feel uncomfortable by talking about 'stuff'. Now it's tuesday+ he has said 'it's all cool'... but I've no idea if he's just trying to brush things under the carpet or what. He said 2 things that I'm trying to work out what he meant...
1. He said he thought he loved his last gf (4 months long... had to end, as she left the country.. still email each other)... and if love was going to be there with us, then it would be by now.
2. he was confused and didn't know if he could like me any more than he already does.

Hmm. All along... he said he kept saying he was happy. I'm not sure, was it because I was being insecure+ it looked like I was having doubts or something... that he said that stuff to me... I've since realised that I need to stop worrying so much , but I don't know whether to bring up what he said+ ask him about it (he's the sort of guy who doesn't like to 'talk', so an email might be better), or just to forget about it. He said 'just forget about that night', when I tried to talk to him on Sun about it. Hmmm.

Any ideas on what I should do?. I really really like the guy, but I'm torn between just breaking it completely off, as I think I'm being too much of a head wreck, or to just try and chill out and leave all that bad stuff that was said last week... it was our 1st sort of argument...

Trinity

1. He said he thought he loved his last gf (4 months long... had to end, as she left the country.. still email each other)... and if love was going to be there with us, then it would be by now

I'm sure he does care about you but Hes telling you he doesnt love you in the nicest way he knows how.

Any ideas on what I should do?. I really really like the guy, but I'm torn between just breaking it completely off, as I think I'm being too much of a head wreck, or to just try and chill out and leave all that bad stuff that was said last week... it was our 1st sort of argument...

Depends on what you are looking for really. Hes been honest whether you like what you are hearing or not.

Hes 19, a commited relationship may not be what hes looking for right now and it sounds like he was hurt by the last relationship ending.

If you are happy with the way things are then why end it?

People spend too much doing other peoples thinking for them.

Think about what YOU want and if he can give it to you.

Ask him where he sees it going, you are entitled to know, its your life.

Miss Fluff

At your age and at only 6 months in it is way too soon to be having the "where is this going" conversation. Stop trying to analyse it all, really it is often a case with men that it does what is says on the tin. There is no subtext, no hidden agenda, he enjoys being with you and has told you so. Stop with the overanalysing and it enjoy it if at all possible. (And no, I wouldn't rake up that chat yet again). He sounds like he likes you so stop creating a situation where there is none.

Trinity

With all due respect whether or not its too soon to have that conversation is up to the individual. And some people are more relationship orientated than others regardless of age.

6 months may be a long time to some people while a drop in the ocean to others.

My point is if she WANTS to have that conversation then dont be afraid to.

I'm all for going with the flow but this girl sees herself falling for him and while she enjoys his company, she may be looking for a little bit more than 'fun'.

Thats the whole point of my answer - what does SHE want?

6 months can easily turn into a year at which point if she wanted more from him and he says well i told you 6 months ago it was just fun well then at least she cant feel led on or lied to and he cant use the excuse well we never discussed it, thats why sometimes its best to get it out in the open.

Sometimes hurt is inevitable when we cant have what we want but but to be forewarned is better than a sharp kick in the teeth when you least expect it.

Some people can continue in a casual relationship for years, everyone to their own!

As i said if she is happy with things as they are then why rock the boat but never pussy foot about or put your own wants/needs or feelings on the back burner out of fear of what others will think.

Kell

DoesHECare wrote:

Last week, I got a bit insecure

I was just getting a little bit scared

I could totally see myself falling for him.

I just have no idea am I just some piece of 'fun' to him

All along... he said he kept saying he was happy....

Um, sorry to spell out the obvious but you sound completely and utterly paranoid to the point that you are not listening to him. If he says he is cool, why disbelieve him? After six months, and without a prior, you dont sound like you have any right to dis believe what he says.

Chill the fúck out. Otherwise, your insecure paranoia will drive him the away. Would you be happy with a BF who wanted to talk to you to make sure everything was ok and that you loved him 24/7? I think not.

K-

Talliesin

DoesHECare wrote:

he said that we got together to have fun and we're not done until we stop having fun. I just have no idea am I just some piece of 'fun' to him, or if he really cares. He's 19 and alot of his friends are single. I'm 21.

Well hopefully if it does develop into something serious you'll both still have fun.

Now a long-term partner will also be there for you if you're simultaneously dealing with serious illness, death of several relatives and major financial trauma. If he's not ready for dealing with that sort of possibility and is still a fair-weather boyfriend then I wouldn't worry about that after 6 months.

Now, if you're not having fun, possibly because your concerns about where things are going, then you've a problem. It's not working for you in either way, if this is the case.

If you are having fun then go with the flow for the time being. The worse that can happen is you both have some more fun and then it comes to an end. You're both young and having fun should be something you do.

Eventually it will come to crunch-time one way or another. The way that this seems most likely is that you'll reach a point where it has to become serious and the crunch will be over whether or not he does too. However, you could surprise yourself.

If it gets to the point where you really need to have some sort of commitment from him to share your lives and he isn't able to give it to you, then end it then. Relationships can't work if you are both having very different relationships.

If you're not at such a crunch-point, enjoy it and see what happens.