Desperate

LegacyUser

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been so down for a while and it's not going away. I have nobody to turn to. I told some close friends that I was more depressed than I had been before and they just ignored me. Last night I had a full breakdown and called a friend in tears begging him to come over because I needed someone to at least pretend to care about me for a few minutes so I could calm down. I told him I'd pay his taxi fare and give him €200 which was all the money I had in the house at the time. He told me if I was that desperate I could go to his instead. I couldn't. I was crying my eyes out and was in no state to try get up and find a cab at midnight. I've been begging him for help for a week. He'll pretend to care for a few hours then say he can't be bothered with making the effort so tells me to stop calling, suddenly he'll offer to come over and talk. I've been under a lot of stress lately and have lost all my friends. It has gotten me so down and I don't know what to do. Nobody takes me seriously. Counselling doesn't work for me. I need to have someone I know talk to me, not some stranger.

I guess this is more just me venting my frustration than asking for advice. I have nobody to turn to for help which is driving me insane at this point. I don't know what about me drives everybody away. I've been hiding how I feel for about 4 months now and it has finally completely exploded. I've been bursting into tears over anything. I've just lost everything I used to like about myself. I used to be bubbly and confident but now I get shy and jumble up words when speaking to other people.

Wibbs

I know you reckon counselling isn't the best answer for you. It is an answer though. I would try it again if you can.

Without knowing the whole story it does appear your friends haven't been the best for you at the moment. It's not always their fault. A lot of people find helping someone quite difficult, especially in cases like this. It can be an age thing too(not always). Is there anyone older you could confide in?

Trinity

Look i am not trying to be hard on you cos god knows i know what its like.

But sometimes friends (whether its justified or not) just cant cope with us when we are being needy.

He'll pretend to care for a few hours then say he can't be bothered with making the effort so tells me to stop calling, suddenly he'll offer to come over and talk

Why do you say he pretends to care? The fact he does come over eventually must mean something? How often do you call for help?

How long have you been friends? Do you have a romantic history?

I've been under a lot of stress lately and have lost all my friends

Why? Is it possible you pushed/drove them away?

Counselling doesn't work for me. I need to have someone I know talk to me, not some stranger.

Have you tried counselling? DO you have family?

Its possible your friends are not ignoring you out of badness but because they are overwhelmed by your depression and know they are not equipped to fix you *sorry for poor choice of words*.

I guess what i am trying to say (badly) is maybe you have become dependant on this friend too much. How long is this going on for? What is your behaviour like around him is it constant crying/drama? People cant handle that well either sometimes.

On the other hand he could just be a crap friend and thats why i asked all the questions!!

There is a lot of negativity in your thread.

I have nobody to turn to.
I needed someone to at least pretend to care about me for a few minutes.
He'll pretend to care for a few hours
Nobody takes me seriously.
I've just lost everything I used to like about myself.

You really do need to get help - your friends really are not equipped to make this better - sure they should support you but perhaps they think you are not even doing anything to help yourself first.

I know its hard but have you made a start at getting help other than from this male friend?

Miss Fluff

desperate wrote:

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been so down for a while and it's not going away. I have nobody to turn to. I told some close friends that I was more depressed than I had been before and they just ignored me.

I think your friends may not be able to help you in this instance. Have you a good GP you can go and have a chat to?

tbh

I think with many people - with many blokes anyway - when they listen to someone who is having problems, their natural instinct is to suggest solutions. So, if you have been trying to talk to your friends, they may feel frustrated that they can't help you - they are trying to give you advice that is not applicable, so they end up thinking "whats the point, I can't do anything here". I would suggest you talk to a councillor, even the Samaritans, just someone who is trained to listen to you getting everything off your chest.

Kell

desperate wrote:

I've just lost everything I used to like about myself. I used to be bubbly and confident but now I get shy and jumble up words when speaking to other people.

Why?

On another note re your friends, you have to try and accept that other people have commitments and pressures outside of yours and its not personal. When you are down and someone says "I cant go for a drink" "I cant see you tonight", its the end of the world, whereas if you werent down, it woulnt be a problem. When you are so caught up in your own mess, its difficult to see the woods for the trees.

When you feel like your mates are turning their back on you, ask yourself are they really or whether its your perception that they are. Usually you will find that it is your perception playing tricks on you and you need to think through times like this instead of just acting on emotion.

Example- a few years back I felt all of my close mates had let me down. They were cúnts, the lot of them because they seemed to have time for everyone else but me.

Looking back, I realise I was being a needy príck at the time and had I not been, I would never have felt that way towards my friends. Anytime I feel like people are letting me down now, I ask myself "am I being a needy príck" and the answer is generally yes. Once you figure out how you work and whats causing you to feel let down, abandoned or whatever, you quickly get over these feelings.

Be brave even. If your friends are worth having, ask them outstraight "am I being a needy príck". Armed with the answer you can start to help yourself get better.

K-

limklad

I had this post on another thread and though is was ideal for here too. I making some additions.

Nothing in life is perfect. There is always room for improvement or change.

We are only bored with our lives if we sit about doing nothing or not changing what we do everyday.

It is Only You who limit yourself in your limited lifespan on earth.

God never made us perfect, if he did we be all bored very quickly. He tried prefection once but he destroyed it, by making us imperfect, it gave us something in life to thrive for.

It is great to laugh out loud everyday for no reason at all.

It is also our choice in what choices we make in life!

Treat others the way you expect them to treat you.

Be good to yourself and have some fun with others, especially kids for they know how.

With you are feeling sad and depress, and you want to feel the happiness around you. You must first need to dig deep within yourself ,and face the facts/problems that are holding you back or making you depress. Then let it go. You have the power within you to change and the way you act out. It has always been your choice. Once you achieve that, it is easy to love yourself unconditionality, because you worth it.;)

Trinity

Have you sought any help yet?

Are you feeling any better?

LegacyUser

Well coming to terms with being told I made everyone's life hell and nobody wants to know me. I was hated for ages, they were just too cowardly to tell me. There was nothing positive about me. I'm a freak and bring on any unhappiness on myself. Nobody wants to ever speak to or hear from me again. I could go on...

Been handling it better. Trying to find things to do but failing a little. Just hard when you're told you're a horrible person.

WindSock

Dont be so hard on yourself or your friend. Maybe his shoulder is worn out a little from being cried on a lot. It is hard to be around negativeness all the time. I'm not trying to condemn you or your actions, you may genuinely have a terrible depression, and if that is the case, it would do you more good than harm to see someone about it.
As for your friend/s try socialising with them next time and make it fun. Even if you feel eaten up inside, put on a brave face, laugh along and don't bring up any heavy issues. You may even feel it will lift your spirits, but even if it doesn't, at least your friends won't be sick of you being down with them all the time.

LegacyUser

'Ok. More able to sit down and say everything now. He's an ex who has been leading me on. He treated me like crap and cheated on me all the time. I was stupid enough to let him. Seemingly he had been bad mouthing me to his(our?) friends all the time and if I got upset and said anything they'd tell me to leave the poor guy alone. Basically he was bitching about me the whole time to everyone and now due to this I'm kinda left with nothing. He'd never tell anyone he was trying it on with me so they seemed to think I was delusional and that he hadn't been showing any interest in me when in fact he'd been ****ing me the whole time. After this I've now lost everything and I'm seen as an utter psychopath. I got dependant on this guy since he turned EVERYBODY against me. He'd tell me to go talk to some other person who'd then say I was being way too harsh and told the guy clearly didn't want me around. If I said he was trying it on with me the whole time they'd basically tell me I was insane so I'd be stuck with nobody to go back to but him. I'm finally starting to see this **** for what it is'

Trinity

Ah thats why i asked did you have a romantic history as your case is not at all unique, it happens time and time again.

I know being alone is not always ideal but you really need to rid your life of this ex, and reassess the situation and your life.

I'm by no means trying to do a counselling routine with you here but am talking to you as someone who has been through similar and had to claw their way out of their rut and dust herself off. My friends too stopped calling, at the time i thought they were the biggest shower of fcuks but when i sat down and thought about it i realised why. Everytime they called i had nothing to say but moan. All negative.

They stopped asking how i was in case i actually told them!

You wont do it if you are emersed in negativity. Thats the hard part. Writing down the positives and believing them. Focussing on them.

Life is hard, people have their own ****, they dont want anyone elses problems dragging them down. Laughter might be contagious but depression is well its draining on others too.

Even good friends will only pick you up so many times and then they will drop you. I know we cant be happy and shiny all the time but people naturally gravitate towards people that make them feel good.

Its not going to be easy but if you want to be happy its gonna take a bit of work. You have to drag yourself out, join a club, if you need counselling you have to go. Do something nice for someone thats not expecting it, maybe a family member. Get your hair done, dress up for nothing!!

And keep away from that ex!!

Trinity

Sorry it wont let me edit my last post but i just wanted to add, dont be so hard on yourself over the ex.

I bet the majority of us here have gone back to an ex at one point.

The thing is to learn from it and watch for the signs in future that someone is not genuine. You will look back on this in a few years and laugh and think what was i doing with that prick - i promise!!

Kell

whatever1111 wrote:

After this I've now lost everything

So long as you have a heart beating in your chest and have no substance dependencies, you havent lost everything at all. You have to stop wasting your time with these people who sound like quite a bunch of fúckwits and especially this complete and utter fúcking a hole of an ex of yours.

At least you have realised where the mistakes have been made which is a huge help to the healing process. Have you friends outside this bunch of utter fúcking morons that you can go out with?

K-