The 'ONE'.

Mrs_Doyle

Ok, so this is probably a bit rosemantic for AH, but I wasn't sure where else to put it.

An old friend of mine is due to get married in 6 weeks time, and invited me along to her Hens Night, which was held on Saturday Night.

I met up with loads of girls I had gone to school with and hadn't seen in ages. As you can imagine, a lot has changed over the last few years and each one had a story to tell.

One of the girls had been in a 5.5 year relationship. She has a 4 year old little girl, had bought a house with her boyfriend, got engaged and had even started to plan a wedding.

But last November she said she just couldn't shake the feeling that even though she loved him, he just wasn't 'The One'.
So she ended the relationship and moved home again.

Later in the evening she asked me if I felt my BF was 'The One' and I answered that yes, I really did think so.

She asked me how did I know............. and all I could think of, in answer to her question, was that I just couldn't imagine him not being in my life.
I struggled to come up with anything more elaborate, but I really did mean what I said. To me, it was as simple as that. I couldn't imagine not being with him, and I couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else.

I know many of you boardsie's are in Long term relationships, are married, or soon to be married, so I ask you...
How did you know that you had met 'The One'?

Or, on a slightly more pessimistic note, is there anyone out there who truly believed that they had met 'The One', only to have their heart broken?

Some of you might even believe that there is no such thing as 'The One', and that its nothing more then romantic idealism.

Whatever your take on it, I'd be interested to hear what you have to say on the subject.

cold_filter

the fact that when she farts and it smells really bad, i still love her!!

petes

Wimmins, you will find your perfect man here

xzanti

petes wrote:

Wimmins, you will find your perfect man here

Grrrrrr

Femelade

My sister was seeing a guy for over 7 yrs....then she realised wasnt "in love" with him and that he wasn't "the one". a few yrs later she meets a guy, falls in love, they get engaged after 8 months, thay are now happily married, 2 kids, house ,business..the works.
I think there is such a thing as "the one". i am with a guy at the moment (7 months today) and i'd like to think that he is the one, i certainly hope he is.

peasant

After the usual teenage shenanigans I approached all subsequent relationships in the firm believe that this one would be "the one" ...resulting in 2x5 year grinding battles to try and make it work and one occassion where I was totally lovestruck to the degree of total blindness and convinced against all advise that this one was definetly "the one" and subsequently had my heart not just broken but shattered.

When I met my wife, we both "just knew". We where engaged within four weeks and married within 6 months (could have been sooner, but we couldn't get away earlier).

That marriage is now well into its seventh year and neither of us has regretted it for even a split second. It just feels completely natural ...not even overly romantic or "Hollywoody" ...just natural,it was just simply meant to be this way.

DarkJager

Keanu Reeves???

HJ Simpson

Getting married next year. Been together 9 years (these things cant be rushed!) Just like above cant imagine ever being without her or with anyone else.

hjs

Mrs_Doyle

peasant wrote:

It just feels completely natural ...not even overly romantic or "Hollywoody" ...just natural,it was just simply meant to be this way.

That's it, that is exactly what i was trying to say. It feels like this is just naturally how things are meant to be, I am supposed to be with him, he is supposed to be with me, its simple and lovely and relaxed and just natural.
He's my best friend.

Red Hand

Holy smoke-engaged after 6 weeks, and yet still together? Cool!

Well, before I saw that post by Peasant and others on this thread, I was going to post that it was a Hollywood/Hugh Grant/RomCom ideal, but now, ye're proving me wrong.:)

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

what if your 'One' was born in palestine or africa and is now dead.. does that mean you're ****ed and doomed to loneliness all your life?

this thread could also answer some questions that were asked in the '#why do women let this happen' thread, maybe each wife beating maniac is also 'the one'.

peasant

Well ...in my case, we were both 30+ when we met and both had sufficient experience of relationships that had gone south even though one had thought at the time that they were meant to be.

dr.bollocko

I dont think that you will ever really know the One. Also the one now may well not be the one in six months time. I dont really believe in marriage. I think it is an outdated church concept that is simply another barrier to two people who dont like each other anymore just breaking up and moving on. my relationship is continually re-evaluated. We choose to be together every single day. Thats much more of a commitment in my opinion.

Boston

I don't believe in "The one" theory.

dr.bollocko

Boston wrote:

I don't believe in "The one" theory.

I thought that you believed that love was "More than A feeling"?
Cos if that was just cynical song writing man, I will never listen to Boston again.

Beruthiel

There is no such thing as 'the one'
Lots of different people can be the one for you if they walk into your life and don't live in palestine or africa and are dead, as Mordie said.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

wh00t!

someone noticed me

peasant

Mordeth wrote:

what if your 'One' was born in palestine or africa and is now dead.. does that mean you're ****ed and doomed to loneliness all your life?

this thread could also answer some questions that were asked in the '#why do women let this happen' thread, maybe each wife beating maniac is also 'the one'.

I don't think that there is just exactly one single person that fulfills the criteria of being "the one" ...and if you don't meet that one person you're fcked and therefore if and when you think you have found "the one" that you have to hang on to them for dear life.

In my experience ...as long as you have to "think" or "feel" or "wonder" if the person you're with is "the one" ...then he/she isn't.

"the one" isn't so much a person, as a state of mind that you have to be in.
A state of mind where you happily rest within yourself and your circumstances ...where you know who you are and aren't, what you want and don't want, what you are capable off and what your limitations are.

If you then meet a person who is in that same state of mind and whose general lines of thinking about the present and the future go congruent with yours without any fights or sore compromises, but sort of just melt into one ...then the two of you might as well get married

manonthemoon

Mordeth wrote:

wh00t!

someone noticed me

Maybe Beruthiel is 'The One' for you, Mordeth?



.

Beruthiel

Mordeth wrote:

wh00t!

someone noticed me

Wake up Mordie, you're talking in your sleep again.

DarkJager

\o/

Kinetic^

She'll still be the "one" if she celebrates Steak & Blowjob Day, if not, it's bye bye birdie!!!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

manonthemoon wrote:

Maybe Beruthiel is 'The One' for you, Mordeth?



.

someday she'll realise that, until then all I can do is love her from afar

boards needs a :tear: smiley

I once thought this but my heart was broken /It had the whole you just know feeling along with the fact he was my best friend
I tried not to make me pessimistic and put it down to youth
I remain optimistic it will happen but I'm certainly in no rush as I'm way too young to have the happily ever after relationship just yet!

youcancallmeal

Can I borrow a feeling?

super_furry

DarkJager wrote:

Keanu Reeves???

Jet Li actually.

Wibbs

Personally I think it's a bit mad. It depends on so many variables. I've seen women go out with "the one", only to dump him double quick when "the one" part 2 come along. I've seen people who were together, split up and then go back thinking 'Oh sorry you were the one". Forget about girlfriend/boyfriend stuff, the high divorce rate worldwide shows the sillyness of the concept IMHO. If this "the one" thing had any validity as a judge of the future guage of a relationship, the rates would be lower. The other problem with "the one" ideal is that it can break a relationship if you have even the slightest doubt and give it that weight. I've done similar in the past. Women I could be still with today as we were very compatible, yet the first scratch on the shiny ideal and I was off like an eejit. I've seen others(mostly women, but not all) go out with someone convinced they were "the one" and they were very unhealthy relationships to anybody looking on.

I'm dubious about this whole couldn't imagine myself with another lark too. It's too happy ever after for the complexity of relationships. Some people I know think at the first sign of this it means the relationship is over. Not always. Most of us may imagine being with someone else. It doesn't mean you will go for someone else, or even that you would want to in the longterm. A shared past and common future can often be a much stronger basis for a good relationship.

Mordeth wrote:

this thread could also answer some questions that were asked in the '#why do women let this happen' thread, maybe each wife beating maniac is also 'the one'.

Very true. Sometimes being over reliant on the fantasy ideal can get women and men into serious trouble.

Sofaspud

DarkJager wrote:

Keanu Reeves???

His name . . . . . . . . is Neo!

randylonghorn

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

Or, on a slightly more pessimistic note, is there anyone out there who truly believed that they had met 'The One', only to have their heart broken?

Yes ... and yes.

But, in fairness, only because I wasn't her 'The One' ... and she was as gentle as possible, though I didn't really appreciate that at the time.

However, despite a reasonably good knowledge of maths, I don't actually believe that there is only one 'The One' for somebody, so I'm ever hopeful!



Btw ... applicants for the vacancy can apply by PM!

Sarky

People who use the buzzword "rosemantic" in cold blood deserve smacks.

bolliwoodi

i dont believe in "the one" theory either

I believe there are people out there that will suit you better than others- but come on- the idea that theres only 1 person to complete me? Why dont i just shoot myself right now!

manonthemoon

There is no "The One"

There are 6


.

Kinetic^

Well, she got the flick last night....said she had to "study" for an exam on friday :rolleyes: How inconsiderate can you be ffs?

brown*eyed*girl

Don't believe in the "the one" theory myself. Used to when I was younger but not anymore. My the one turned out to the most definiately NOT THE ONE and at the time I was heartbroken. Lets just say you can fall in love but also fall out of love with someone even though at some stage you think the sun shines out of their ar8e but they end up being a pain in the ar8e. Nowadays I feel completely different and feel there's so much choice out there & tend to go with the plenty more fish in the sea theory. Too many people on the planet to think there is only the one for each person...

Heyes

I dont think there is just "One" person you are ment to be with, i think through out your life you can come across a number of people you can just click with, that make you feel so relaxed and comftorble and be the real you. A person who makes you smile and feel warm and good about yourself. Someone who will encourage you to succeed in what you love and to excell the good points you have to provide.

It is your decision who you choose to experience all those bumps and jumps through out life with and just be there for each other. No one should settle if they feel this might be the one and all that lark, a person just knows yes i see myself spending a lot of time with this person. Just relax and enjoy the fun tbh.

Sleepy

Another non-believer here. I don't think there's 'the one' out there but with any luch there are some that could make me feel that way about them. Haven't met anyone like that in a long, long time though

ferdi

there is certainly no such thing as 'the one'. there is however 'someone' and then a load of compromise.

what about Polygamy?

peasant

there is however 'someone' and then a load of compromise

Not a good idea, especially if the "compromise" feels and tastes like compromise.

Sooner or later the compromise will start to turn sour and the great adding up will begin "I sacrificed more for this relationship than you ever have" arguments flare up and the relationship exits stage left (after a long, hard battle trying to "make it work")

Of course, when two people share their lives, adjustments will have to be made. But they should be made willingly, without pain or sense of loss or sacrifice.

If you're with the right person, these adjustments will just sort of "slot into place" and there will be no arguments or compromises. You will gain more than you "lost".

ferdi

dont mind me, i'm cynical beyond my years.

Mrs_Doyle

I believe that there is a 'One' for me, and I've met them already.
I don't think my world would fall apart without them, I just no for sure that I prefer them in my world, and that is not going to change.
And before you ask, yes, I really am certain of that.

I know a lot of you have had bad experiences, and so are somewhat cynical about the whole thing, but there are couples out there that have been together for many years, who feel as though they are living their lives with the support of their soul mate.

It can happen, it probably just doesn't happen very often.

Saruman

There is no "The ONE" There is only "The Current ONE"
Seriously, there is not one mystical person out there for everyone and only this one person is right for each person, its not only a stupid belief its also illogical when you think about it.

So Im married now and she is the one for me right now.. if anything ever happened though and i found myself alone then i would find someone else who is also the one for me.

Mrs_Doyle

Saruman wrote:

There is no "The ONE" There is only "The Current ONE"
Seriously, there is not one mystical person out there for everyone and only this one person is right for each person, its not only a stupid belief its also illogical when you think about it

Of course it isn't a case of only one person be able to make you happy, its more a case of you truly being happy with one person, and truly being content to just be with them. Simple as that.

CathyMoran

Am very happily married to one of the "one"s, I believe that there is more than one perfect person for you but I am with my "one".

I knew the moment that I saw him over 10 years ago but it took another nearly 10 years to fully wake up and smell the coffee - my husband feels right, wherever he is is home; we get on very well and are totally crazy about one another; he respects my freedom and I respect his but we are at our happiest when we are together; we can spend hours together without even speaking but be happy together; seeing him sleeping is one of the most beautiful things that I have seen in my life; we complete one another; we have a lot of things in common but other interests that are different - for example he is brilliant at languages but I would be better at art though we are both into computers. I love him.

embee

The idea of "The One" to me is actually pretty depressing... I mean, if you actually think about it, the whole notion implies that there is only ONE perfect person for you on the whole planet...It would be one hell of a stroke of luck if he was within my general age group, in Ireland and available.... lets face it, most people aren't that lucky.


So, somewhere out there, amongst the 6 billion + people out there, "the one" is waiting for me?? What if he's married, gay or dead? Life on my own forever more?
No thanks!!!! I'm with someone I am content with, happy with, and love. Thats enough for me.

Mrs_Doyle

embee wrote:

The idea of "The One" to me is actually pretty depressing... I mean, if you actually think about it, the whole notion implies that there is only ONE perfect person for you on the whole planet...It would be one hell of a stroke of luck if he was within my general age group, in Ireland and available.... lets face it, most people aren't that lucky.


So, somewhere out there, amongst the 6 billion + people out there, "the one" is waiting for me?? What if he's married, gay or dead? Life on my own forever more?
No thanks!!!! I'm with someone I am content with, happy with, and love. That's enough for me.

I think a lot of people assume, when 'The One' is mentioned that it means that there is only One person for you, only one perfect person, and its up to you to find them.

Well for what its worth, I don't believe that either.

My interpretation of 'The One' is a little different. I believe that when you find 'the one' it means you have found a person that you want to be with. You are happy with them, they are happy with you, you can't imagine a life without them in it, you can't remember what life was like before they were in it, and you don't want to be with anyone else. Any notion of the 'grass being greener' elsewhere just evaporates, and you are genuinely content with the person you are with.

However, should something horrible happen to this person, and they are no longer in your life, I do believe that you could find another 'one', given the time to heal.

I don't think there is only one person on this planet who holds the key to your hapiness, I do think its possible for you to find one person that you are truly happy to be with.

louisecm

I was in a 3 year relationship where he thought I was his "one" and initially I would have said he was my "one", as things just "felt right". But we were young and as time passed my interests and goals changed and what I wanted in my "one" changed too. So...I broke his heart and in doing so injured mine severely too, because I loved him so much (still do), but it just wasn't right.

So now...I have to believe that there is a "one" type of person out there for me. Someone who I feel I wouldn't ever want to live without. Its hard sometimes though right?

Mrs_Doyle

louisecm wrote:

I was in a 3 year relationship where he thought I was his "one" and initially I would have said he was my "one", as things just "felt right". But we were young and as time passed my interests and goals changed and what I wanted in my "one" changed too. So...I broke his heart and in doing so injured mine severely too, because I loved him so much (still do), but it just wasn't right.

So now...I have to believe that there is a "one" type of person out there for me. Someone who I feel I wouldn't ever want to live without. Its hard sometimes though right?

Yeah, and what happened to you is totally normal.
You will meet someone, someone who you will be really happy with. I think the main thing is, you need to be happy with yourself, and your life, when your single, that way, this person will just be the icing on the cake.
I don't think its healthy when people live for their partners and their relationship, I think that kinda pressure will always ruin a relationship.

louisecm

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

Yeah, and what happened to you is totally normal.
You will meet someone, someone who you will be really happy with. I think the main thing is, you need to be happy with yourself, and your life, when your single, that way, this person will just be the icing on the cake.
I don't think its healthy when people live for their partners and their relationship, I think that kinda pressure will always ruin a relationship.

Yep, I'm with you. I totally agree about people 100% living for their partners and relationship, I'm ALL ABOUT SPACE and my "one" will be too.

gabgab

louisecm wrote:

I was in a 3 year relationship where he thought I was his "one" and initially I would have said he was my "one", as things just "felt right". But we were young and as time passed my interests and goals changed and what I wanted in my "one" changed too. So...I broke his heart and in doing so injured mine severely too, because I loved him so much (still do), but it just wasn't right.

Gotta agree with this 100%, what you are looking for at different points in your life will have a dramatic effect on what you are looking for in a partner......

EG: At one point you may be looking for a girl that ticks a number of boxes that contrast quiete severely with other times in your life,

You may want a partner that is absolutely stunning and everyone in the room finds stares at, *because of your own insecurities

OR

You may want someone that is always there for you and can make you laugh and smile,

The ONE changes as your life moves up and down

I'v been in relationships with both these kinds of people, never both in the one person lifes funny like that ,and depending on how your life is going it has a different affect

tallaght01

What?? You mean I'm only supposed to have ONE bird on the go at a time?????

Mrs_Doyle

tallaght01 wrote:

What?? You mean I'm only supposed to have ONE bird on the go at a time?????

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bird

Birds are bipedal, warm-blooded, oviparous vertebrate animals characterized primarily by feathers, forelimbs modified as wings, and (in most) hollow bones

http://www.answers.com/topic/bestiality

Bestiality

Sexual relations between a human being and an animal.

At common law, bestiality was considered a crime against nature and was punishable by death.

One Bird is One too Many!