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Confused about college

  • 14-03-2007 01:26AM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,176 ✭✭✭


    Ok no point going anonymous for this really, only people I know that use boards already know about this...

    I'm in 3rd year Pharmacy at the moment, the course I wanted to do since I was 15 because I love Science and wanted to work with people. However at the moment I really don't love pharmacy! Before Christmas of this year I skipped a fair few classes just because I couldn't be bothered going in and really couldn't motivate myself to get up and head into town. That, along with doing practically no study for my exams despite the fact I was terrified of failing meant I failed 3/6. Started back in February and was quite good for about 2 weeks, barely missed anything. However since then it's really taken out. I'm going to college about twice a week maximum and even then not for all the lectures I'm scheduled for. It's gotten to the stage where sometimes I don't even bother setting my alarm, other times I head back to sleep and others I get up have breakfast but REALLY don't want to go in and sneak back to bed.

    My parents don't know about this as my dad leaves the house around 6 for work and my mam leaves around 7.30 so I've just told them I'm in late, then when they come home I tell them I finished early. They did get suspicious recently and ask if I was going in, so I feigned outrage and they apologised :o

    I think the reason I'm so unmotivated to go in is that Pharmacy just isn't doing it for me anymore. I don't know what's changed, I honestly can't pick it. Up until last year and even early this year the thought of opening my own pharmacy made me really excited, and even though what we're learning is difficult and a lot to take in I found it really exciting. Now though it doesn't excite me at all, even subjects I find interesting I can't motivate myself enough to attend.

    My boyfriend's brilliant and really supportive and I ended up spilling all to him on the phone a while ago, he'd been worried anyway about me never going in and asking why but I was saying nothing because I don't think I'd fully realised.

    I just don't know what to do... I've always been a high achiever, got mostly As in school, 590 in the LC and was always the one that extended family would say to my parents "you're so lucky, she never gives you any bother and she's always top of the class blah de blah". Understandably my parents were pissed off when I failed 3 exams but I passed it off as there being 3 modules of the 6 that I didn't like and found extremely difficult which is true. However this time around there's 5 modules I like and I could still fail several.

    I think what's bringing it all to a head at the moment is the amount of work I have to do. I have 3 huge continuous assessment projects and stress is just piling on everywhere. I don't think I can talk to my parents, I think they'd just give out, and I don't want to disappoint them. Part of me is thinking I could try and sit it out for another year and a half, then pre-reg year and I'd still only be 21. A lot goes with Pharmacy - ability to afford a house at a young age... probably shouldn't be a factor but it is. I don't know what to do really so any advice would be good and sorry this really wasn't meant to be this long!


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,117 ✭✭✭Gazza22


    I understand how you feel. I'm only a first year now, but i found the first semester very interesting, i turned up for all my classes, did pretty well in exams. But i've really lost interest even though this has been something i wanted to do! I missing lectures a lot lately and even though i know what i'm doing is wrong, i continue to do it and like you, i'm finding it very hard to motivate myself to go.

    I have a really heavy work load myself at the moment and it is stressing me out to the max, with me being only in first i can only imagine your workload with third year.

    To be honest if i was you i would try stick it out if possible, because you have an excellent course and you have done well so far to make it to the end of third year. At the very least see how you do in the summer exams and take it from there.

    Best of luck
    Gary


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 10,686 Mod ✭✭✭✭melekalikimaka


    same boat as you, dropping out a reapplying, no point in doing what ya dont want, tho it now means college will be going on til i'm 26...kinda sucks


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,365 ✭✭✭hunnymonster


    angledelight, you're going to have to make a living somehow. Is there something you've become interested in and this is why you're neglecting pharmacy? If so,look into it. If not my advice would be to stick it out. You've just over a year to go (and then the pre-reg). A degree is something noone can take away from you. Even if you decide not to use it to open a shop it's still a very useful exercise.

    If you're in maynooth, I assume you're studying in tcd? Who is your tutor? You should go talk to someone now before the exams. It looks much better that you have identified problems before they come crashing down doing the annual exams. If you don't know (or like) your tutor, pm me and I can arrange a chat with you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 289 ✭✭louisecm


    I really feel for you, its so lonely when you have a worry like this on your shoulders! I think hunnymonster's advice is brilliant, speak to a tutor, they are used to these kinds of things and will advise you well, and probably will help you strategise how to get back on track if you decide to stick with it.

    I do think you should talk to your parents though. I was the same as you in school, high acheiver and always the "good child" compared to my brother. I went to college and halfway through first year I wasn't going to any lectures (was still going in to college as I was involved in lots of societies, so my parents didn't cotton on), by the time the exams came around the situation was laughable (literally I took one look at the psychology paper and laughed). I knew I didn't want to continue with the course but didn't really know how to tell my parents. I pretended to sit the rest exams, and then when the results came out I was on holidays in Greece. My dad knew the results were coming so he went to look for them and I can't remember exactly how, but he found out that I hadn't done them and was disappointed. Not because I hadn't sat the exams but that I had deceived them, and that I hadn't felt like I could tell them. You'd be surprised how reasonable parents can be, they may even be exactly the support you need at the moment.

    Good luck, and don't beat yourself up too much. :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,238 ✭✭✭humbert


    I'm in a rather similar situation in 4th physics in the UCD*spits.

    Repeated 3rd year and it will take a herculean effort to scrape through this year.

    You could just suck it up and get a general degree, take some time out to clear your head and decided what you want to do next. You can always go back.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,365 ✭✭✭hunnymonster


    tcd is slightly different than the NUI in that there is no general degree. It is possible (though not the norm) to leave with a pass degree after 3 years but how useful a pass pharmacy degree would be I have no idea.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 438 ✭✭podge79


    if your not happy with what your doing in college then dont do it! in the end your only going to be wasting your time doing it - if you dont know what you want to do instead, take time out - go working or travelling for a year or even a few years... you can always go back to college as a mature student.. thats what i did - threw in my job of 9 years because i was having the same motivational problems of going in to do it. i came to college and i'll be 31 if/when i finish.

    i guess what i'm trying to say is dont let your life go by you and regret that you didnt do something in a few years, if something doesnt suit you and you dont like it, change it - its your life not anyone elses, dont worry bout what other people will think either - in the end you know whats right for you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 402 ✭✭newestUser


    I'm in 3rd year Pharmacy at the moment, the course I wanted to do since I was 15 because I love Science and wanted to work with people.

    No 15 year old has the life-experience to know what they want to do 5 years from now, never mind 50.
    However at the moment I really don't love pharmacy! Before Christmas of this year I skipped a fair few classes just because I couldn't be bothered going in and really couldn't motivate myself to get up and head into town. That, along with doing practically no study for my exams despite the fact I was terrified of failing meant I failed 3/6. Started back in February and was quite good for about 2 weeks, barely missed anything. However since then it's really taken out. I'm going to college about twice a week maximum and even then not for all the lectures I'm scheduled for. It's gotten to the stage where sometimes I don't even bother setting my alarm, other times I head back to sleep and others I get up have breakfast but REALLY don't want to go in and sneak back to bed.

    It's quite common to go through phases where you hate what you're studying. I'm a PhD student in Computer Science. I'm in my 9th/10th year studying computers. There's been times when I've really *hated* what I'm doing. And there's been times when it's been very rewarding. *Maybe* you're going through a rough patch that you'll climb out of.

    I think the reason I'm so unmotivated to go in is that Pharmacy just isn't doing it for me anymore. I don't know what's changed, I honestly can't pick it. Up until last year and even early this year the thought of opening my own pharmacy made me really excited, and even though what we're learning is difficult and a lot to take in I found it really exciting. Now though it doesn't excite me at all, even subjects I find interesting I can't motivate myself enough to attend.

    I think you're experiencing growing pains. The goals and dreams you had as a 15 year old no longer seem so desirable. I decided to study computers at 16. I entered programming competitions, was quite decent at them, I found computers entrancing and fascinating in a way that *no* subject in school was. I was fired up with enthusiasm on starting college. The drive and passion I had for my chosen subject were going to take me places! Fast forward to when I was 19/20, it was a different story. The content of the course was somewhat different to what I expected, the types of people and the attitudes I encountered were not what I expected, the course was much more difficult than I had anticipated...it all seemed like much more work than I had bargained for! While I wasn't flunking classes, I wasn't carrying all before me in the manner I had hoped for. And I didn't find it as interesting as I thought I would.

    Like you, I couldn't accurately pinpoint what was bothering me at the time. Emotionally, I knew I wasn't enjoying the experience as much as I thought I would. But intellectually, I couldn't explain *why* that was. The whole situation seemed vague and confusing and contradictory, and I tied myself up in knots at times trying to rationalise things. It wasn't that I was hating my time in college, it was just confusing, and different from what I thought it would be.

    With the benefit of time and maturity, I can now articulate more precisely what was bugging me. I thought that studying something I loved would lead to a growing sense of identity, and the sense of belonging to a community of like-minded spirits, and for reasons I won't go into because this is about you not me, it didn't. Computers/IT is a very broad field, and there were large parts of the course that just weren't me. I'm not big on having to think in a very structured way, and that was what I loved about the programming I did in secondary school. It was "here's a problem, now come up with a solution to it". And there was no one solution. And you could be creative in the approaches you took to solving it. But when I started studying in college, there were lots of subjects which were very abstract, very rigid, boring...it wasn't fun to study. It's done me well in the long run, but even now I'll still be more excited about doing work where the problems are open-ended, and there isn't a fixed solution (which is one reason why I've spent so long doing research) than working on problems which require you to memorise and apply a formula. And while I was in college, it was confusing because I was studying Software Engineering, right, which was about computers , right, and I love computers...don't I? So why am I bored witless sitting here?

    Time, experience, work, and travel brought perspective and clarity to me. It'll come to you too, just give it time.
    I just don't know what to do... I've always been a high achiever, got mostly As in school, 590 in the LC and was always the one that extended family would say to my parents "you're so lucky, she never gives you any bother and she's always top of the class blah de blah". Understandably my parents were pissed off when I failed 3 exams but I passed it off as there being 3 modules of the 6 that I didn't like and found extremely difficult which is true. However this time around there's 5 modules I like and I could still fail several.

    Don't let yourself be pressurised by other peoples expectations of you. Exam marks, degrees, qualifications, and further down the line, cars houses etc. are arbitrary, and are not the true measure of a person. It's your life, if you're not happy with some aspect of it you're entitled to change it. 590 in the LC doesn't oblige you to do anything.
    I think what's bringing it all to a head at the moment is the amount of work I have to do. I have 3 huge continuous assessment projects and stress is just piling on everywhere.

    When I was finishing up my undergrad, I didn't think I was going to be able to cope. Life was throwing everything but the kitchen sink at me (in terms of both personal stuff and workload). It was tough, but I got through it. And to be honest life continues to throw everything but the kitchen sink at me, but I've developed the emotional know-how to deal with it. Talk to your counsellor, read self-help books, whatever you want. If you continue your studies, there's an opportunity for emotional growth here. Sounds wanky I know, but at some stage in your life, your going to have to put in the hard yards and deal with whatever crappy hand life deals you. Whatever you do, don't start a pattern of running away from stress.

    I think that college is very different from what you expected it to be, and it's mostly different in a negative way. I notice you still live at home. I left home to go to college, and I wouldn't have had half as much fun or growth if I stayed at home. I can't imagine it'd be much fun to sit through lectures bored rigid, knowing that you're just getting the 5.30 train back home at the end of the day, instead of going out, meeting people, participating in clubs/socs, experimenting in all kinds of ways...if that was me I'd feel I was missing out!

    Nobody can tell you whether you should/shouldn't drop out, only you can make that choice. There are so many pros/cons to either choice, I couldn't even begin to advise you. Bear in mind though that if you do decide to change career completely, being able to work part-time as a pharmacist will be very handy. And there may be graduate courses that your primary degree will get you into.
    I don't think I can talk to my parents, I think they'd just give out, and I don't want to disappoint them.

    Maybe they will give out. Maybe they will be disappointed. But it's your life. According to one wise old sage I met, other than a bad marriage, there's nothing that will cause you more heartbreak in life than the wrong job. Would you let your parents dictate to you who you should marry? Why should you let them dictate to you how you earn your money? It's easy for me to say this I realise, and making choices that contradict the wishes/expectations of your parents is difficult, but still, sometimes it has to be done...
    Part of me is thinking I could try and sit it out for another year and a half, then pre-reg year and I'd still only be 21. A lot goes with Pharmacy - ability to afford a house at a young age... probably shouldn't be a factor but it is.

    Who cares what age you have a house at? It's just an arbitrary number. Do your 590 points in the LC help you sleep at night? :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,176 ✭✭✭angeldelight


    Ok firstly thanks a million to everyone who replied... I'm trying to get as many points of view as possible. I spoke to my best friend today who's in the same course as me... she'd known something was wrong so I told her everything today. I did have a very difficult Summer last year with 1 family member I was extremely close to and 2 others dying in the space of 12 weeks.. she pointed out that I may not be in the best frame of mind because of that anyway which I suppose could be true.

    I think saying that the stress of the assignments earlier was probably incorrect. I actually genuinely like studying, doing assignments etc if I have even a tiny bit of interest in the subject matter... just don't have that for pharmacy any more.

    Another thing, I'm in RCSI not Trinity... Arranged to speak to one of my lecturers tomorrow morning, not my mentor but someone I feel more comfortable speaking to. I think she'll listen to me and try to help etc but I get the impression the whole college policy is pretty inflexible so I'm not exactly sure how it's going to pan out. Also commuting really doesn't bother me at the moment, I just read a book or sleep and I'm honestly happy enough.

    Meeting my best friend from school tomorrow for lunch too so should be able to get his opinion on everything before broaching the subject with my parents at the weekend.

    I know I have to earn a living somehow and lots of people don't like their jobs etc but pharmacy is just so much hard work, it's really difficult to do well and so much effort when it's torturous is just really getting to me.

    My friend suggested I make sure and come to every lecture between now and Easter so I'm making an informed decision rather than just basing it on thinking I don't like it so I'm going to do that too. Otherwise I'm still sort of at a loss

    And yes I know when I have a house etc is arbitrary for some... but pharmacy is a career where there's going to be jobs as soon as I graduate paying a lot of money and when I have ambitions to settle down early and start a family while young... money is a big deal!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    I would try and finish the degree even though you don't like it. You can use the grade to apply for a postgrad in a topic you may be more interested in. I've only started to enjoy college now in final year (english and history) and last semester was so interesting. Now the lectures are less so, and it is definitely harder to motivate myself. I know that if I apply myself I'll do well and I can get the postgrad I want. If you still like science and want to work in that field I'm sure there are plenty of courses that your degree will help you get into, or at the very least do a h.dip and get in that way.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 402 ✭✭newestUser


    Personally I think that putting pressure on yourself to be earning a large amount of money ASAP in order to start a family is a strain you don't need right now. You've enough on your plate!
    And yes I know when I have a house etc is arbitrary for some... but pharmacy is a career where there's going to be jobs as soon as I graduate paying a lot of money and when I have ambitions to settle down early and start a family while young... money is a big deal!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,893 ✭✭✭j4vier


    op if you are really confused as you seem to be i would take some time out
    its better to take an year out and come back and get a good degree than stayin
    demotivated and get a crap degree.
    and since u already did 3 years i wouldnt just trow them in the bin..

    dont let the money thing be the drivin force of your studies, that its pretty sure to get you nowhere


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,893 ✭✭✭j4vier


    I would try and finish the degree even though you don't like it. You can use the grade to apply for a postgrad in a topic you may be more interested in.

    i dont know if its a general rule , but in chemistry u need at least a 2.1 to be eligible for postgrad studies and since the op already failed few modules i dont think that would be a good idea.
    i would work on gettin the motivation back


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,701 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    just quit
    work for a while then go back to college

    do be pressured

    i studied electronic eng didn't like so quit

    then chemistry liked finished and now i work in business

    education shoul not be training it should be education

    my pov anyhows


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