Why do I do this?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This may seem like a small problem in comparison to others, and while it may not seem that serious, I cant help but wonder why I do this...but here goes, hoping for some advice or something...

Im a 19 year old guy in college, not the happiest here but Im coping. Ive decided to drop out after this year and get a job - but thats not the problem. I have a girlfriend, and its fairly long distance (very southern Ireland to very Northern Ireland) so we only see each other maybe once a month. This gets to me a lot but we've been together 2 years so we must be doing something right. Again, this isnt the problem but Im just giving you some background information as it might help you analyse my situation a bit more.

The thing is, im normally very happy during the day, unless something drastic happens, something goes wrong etc. like anyone would be. But in the evening, and especially at night, I get more - how would I put this - emotional. Not depressed as such, but I tend to be more half empty than half full, if you catch my drift.

I know this sounds very dumb, and I would probably acknowledge as much, but I often pretend to be really depressed in front of some of my friends so they'll ask whats wrong and ill just say 'nothing'. I like the way they think theres something wrong with me. I honestly dont know why. I'll also listen to sad, emotional music and imagine sad things happening, like my own death and funeral, or fighting with my girlfriend and breaking up with her, or getting into fights in public (i never imagine myself winning). I'll also write dark poetry, usually with no hope or very little hope in them.

Again, I know it sounds silly, and almost goth-like but Im by no means a recluse or depressed person. I dont know why I do this - I usually feel very silly the next morning but I just have to ask - does anyone know why I do this? Is it because Im self-conscious, or am I unhappy?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

D-Generate

Dear Diary:

Mood: Apathetic.

My life is spiralling downward...
I don't know diary, sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me, you're my best friend...

How emo.

r3nu4l

Hi OP,

This is an habitual thought pattern that you have developed and like all habits it may be hard to break. You are unhappy with your situation in life right now as many young men of your age are.

When you leave the structured environment of school (like it or hate it) the world takes a dramatic twist and sometimes our more vulnerable feelings are expressed in ways that are stranger than normal.

Everybody gets down at some point and likes to wallow in self-pity which is basically what you are doing. It's time to realise that you are the person who has most control over the direction of your life from here on in. If you are happy with your gf and intent on finding a job, why not try to get a job up North? Or if you are unhappy in college (which you must be) what about finding a college course up North to be closer to your gf. Ask her how she feels about it.

To my mind you will then be closer to your gf and in college/job therefore remedying two of your 'life' problems in one go Those are the easy-to-make changes that you can pro-actively make.

Now you need some self discipline to tackle the wallowing in self-pity
I would suggest that instead of listening to emotional , depressing music you decide instead to listen to either good, upbeat music, read a book, go do some exercise, listen to meditation, take up evening classes, learn a craft and sell the products...anything to get you out of the habit of imagining poor little you getting beaten down in life.

Everytime you find yourself thinking these thoughts, leave the room you are in, watch a DVD, make a cup of tea, just occuupy your mind with something else. Make a lsit of goals and set about them with purpose and determination You are the one who controls your own life now my friend, no-one else, you can either sit back and hope for everyone elses pity or you can be the one that people look up to! Your choice

Beruthiel

D-Generate wrote:

Dear Diary:

Mood: Apathetic.

My life is spiralling downward...
I don't know diary, sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me, you're my best friend...

How emo.

Aren't you amusing :rolleyes:

Either make a helpful comment on how he snaps out of this or don't bother posting in here again.
B

InFront

Quitting college early is a reasonably drastic move, or at least it's not particularly 'normal'. Do you think there's anything in particular triggering that off which might be related to how you're feeling in the evenings? I know you said it's only background information, but could it be related?

biko

Op, you could also get into sports in the evening. This will give you an endorphins kick.
What's your diet like? Low blood sugar can cause mild depression and apathy.

Catari Jaguar

(U$)&#163 wrote: »

Hi all,
I'll also listen to sad, emotional music and imagine sad things happening, like my own death and funeral, or fighting with my girlfriend and breaking up with her, or getting into fights in public (i never imagine myself winning). I'll also write dark poetry, usually with no hope or very little hope in them.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

You are creating unhappiness and time to wallow in pity and negativity.

You're a lonely kid who's had a big life change. It'll pass.

Play happy music, watch comedy films, go out with friends at night. Its good that you have an outlet in poetry, it's healthy. And it's ok to be an emotional person so don't beat yourself up. Do you talk to your girlf online much? Try move closer to her.