Girl with boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hi guy's first time postin here so goin unreg'd.

Yesterday I hooked up with this amazing girl, the hottest I've ever been with but I know she has a bf. She's a friend of a friend and we all usually meet up for big matches and go on a bit of a session so to speak. So anyway she starts on about her bf and how she's dumpin him, but she hasn't done it yet as she's askin her friends what they think.
After a good few drinks we move off to another bar, she sits next to me and after a while I notice her rubbin my leg with hers. Cue me 'divin in' forgettin about what she was sayin about her bf. It wasn't till after I walked her home that I remembered what she'd said.
I feel a little guilty about the other fella but I also don't want to let her go without a fight. Should I ask her out or hold out till she dumps the bf.
It's wreckin my head, any advice?

xebec

Dodgy situation, is she dumping the boyf for you? If she is, what's going to stop her doing it again with you? If she's out kissing you while still with her boyf are you sure you'll be able to trust her?

Imo, at least wait till she dumps him, and then only move in if you're absolutely sure!

challengemaster

let their relationship run its course. you have no right to go and break up any couple. when she's free - go for it. for now, hang back and wait.

Sony

Say to her that what happened last night was a mistake and you shouldnt have been together in light of her having a boyfriend. tell her you like her (assuming you do) but that nothing can happen between you while one of you is seeing someone else.

After this stay well clear of her until she is single. If you really like her I hope you realise that having a relationship with this girl will have difficult times in the future...think about it she cheated on her boyfriend last night, I dont care if shes dumping him(supposedly) or not she still cheated on him and why would she not do the very same thing to you down the line if you were to start seeing each other?! How could you possibly trust this girl.

Anyway hope whatever you do is the right thing , I know I wouldnt pursue this but im not you.Glad youre at least feeling guilty for her boyfriend,shows youve a bit of sense about you! Best of luck:)

Ruu_Old

Agreed with the above responses, you don't have any right to interfere in their relationship. Make it clear you don't want to be the 'other guy' as well.

Miss Fluff

Sony wrote:

Say to her that what happened last night was a mistake and you shouldnt have been together in light of her having a boyfriend. tell her you like her (assuming you do) but that nothing can happen between you while one of you is seeing someone else.

Seconded

Beruthiel

pool4life wrote:

Yesterday I hooked up with this amazing girl, the hottest I've ever been with but I know she has a bf.

And yet she had so little respect for him that she goes and hooks up with someone else while they are still together. I'd have serious doubts about a person who treats someone else like this.

BobTheBeat

You were wrong to persue her while she had a boyf., regardless of whether or not she plans to dump him. She has gone and made a fool out of him and out of you by allowing it to happen.
You should explain to her that you can't take things any further until she ends the relationship.

LegacyUser

I know what you guys are saying but I also want to let her know I am interested and I suppose I need to do that without actually saying it. I've had a rough few months and last night was the best thing that happened to me in a long while. She is really a cracking girl. She's definately not the kind of girl that sleeps around and i know that's gonna sound rich.
I've just been told the bf is in my mates words 'a big fecker from South Africa'. I don't want to get my ass kicked but is there anything wrong with me say textin her just askin how she is. I'm gonna stay out of it untill they break up but it's gonna be hard to find that out as my mate doesn't know the bf at all and has never met him.
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

'

bobmeaney wrote:

You were wrong to persue her while she had a boyf., regardless of whether or not she plans to dump him. She has gone and made a fool out of him and out of you by allowing it to happen.
You should explain to her that you can't take things any further until she ends the relationship.

She came on to me bob, I didn't initiate it she did. I got caught up in the moment and honestly forgot about her bf.'

LegacyUser

'She sounds like an absolute loser. + part of the attraction is probably that she's already taken+ the whole wanting what you can't have thing. Personally, I'd never be able to trust her. She has to ask her friends is THEY think she should dump her boyfriend. Like, does she have a mind of her own!??. The exact same thing would probably happen with you.'

Sony

None can stop you doing this but YES THERE IS something wrong with you texting her to ask how she is.

If you dont either (1) stay clear and forget about her *OR* (2) tell her like I told you before that nothing can happen until you are both single , then Im afraid youre just interfering in something youve absolutely no right to be interfering with...I know exactly how id feel about you if I were in this south african guys shoes and knew what was going on.

Im sorry but If you do pursue her without doing the decent thing first then id go as far to say that I hope it doesnt work out for you both - reason being : I hope it doesnt work out for her cause shes a cheater and then for you trying to snatch some other guys loved one

AnonoBoy

People in glass houses......

Listen, let her know that you're interested but obviously she has a boyfriend so tell her to give you a call if she'd like when she's single.

Done and done. Personally I'm sick of all the moral high horsing that goes on on this board sometimes. I know plenty people who met when one was attached and their mutual attraction was too great. Something happened, then the attached person dumped their significant other and they got together. Some of these people are married now so all of the 'if she does it to this boyfriend, she'll definitely do it to you' is bollocks.

Now if you're only after a quick shag then I say back off and stay away - but if you genuinely think that there's a future with this girl then let her know and then stand back and let her decide.

Overheal

Seriously: I don't even go looking for a new job until I've quit my old one, leave alone cheating

As far as her relationship goes stay well away: but don't let that stop you from hearing about it (?) if you are going to hook up its something you may be interested to know....

Caryatnid

pool4life wrote:

So anyway she starts on about her bf and how she's dumpin him, but she hasn't done it yet as she's askin her friends what they think.

Sounds like a great girl, who really knows what she wants. Maybe she should ask her friends should she get with you? How old is she? 14?

pool4life wrote:

Should I ask her out or hold out till she dumps the bf.
It's wreckin my head, any advice?

How can you go out with her if she has a boyfriend? Surely you actually have to wait - unless you want to be a 'bit on the side'?

And you say you met her yesterday!???!

Wibbs

AnonoBoy wrote:

Listen, let her know that you're interested but obviously she has a boyfriend so tell her to give you a call if she'd like when she's single.

Agreed. This is the best advice. Make sure she's actually single too.

I know plenty people who met when one was attached and their mutual attraction was too great. Something happened, then the attached person dumped their significant other and they got together. Some of these people are married now so all of the 'if she does it to this boyfriend, she'll definitely do it to you' is bollocks.

I agree it happens and can turn out well. It depends hugely on the circumstances of the existing relationships though, the age of the couples involved, the length of the existing relationship, the seriousness of the existing relationship, etc. All too often if he or she does exhibit betrayal of trust issues like this, they will do it again for usually the same reasons. The reason many here express this view is not always high horseism, but through common experience. I know I've seen it more than I've seen the happy ending for the new couple. Rebound is an obvious description, but so often used, because it's so often true. Sometimes they'll even go back to the original man or woman after such a time(often to figure out where the original relationship stood). It's not gender specific either, both men and women may do this.

Now if you're only after a quick shag then I say back off and stay away

Unless of course that's what she's after too as a bridge and a bit of excitement between relationships, especially if the latter was a longterm thing and boredom had set in.

but if you genuinely think that there's a future with this girl then let her know and then stand back and let her decide.

Agreed, but be careful about jumping in with both feet too quickly. While that's good advice in any new relationship, it's moreso in this case.

ZiabR

xebec wrote:

Imo, at least wait till she dumps him, and then only move in if you're absolutely sure!

I agree with this to be honest. Wait it out and give her some time to decide what she wants.

louisecm

Why not send a text saying, "had a good time with you would love to do it again sometime when you don't have a boyfriend". I reckon that makes your point pretty clearly.

But as others have said - would you ever really be able to trust her? Imagine some match day or something that you had to work/family event/other reason you couldn't go out, and she was out with all her mates or whatever. Would you not be thinking...hmm...I wonder is she rubbing her leg on some other guy? I would. Well. Not about her obviously. And not about a girl. But if there was a guy like... You know what I mean.