Weight problem because I don't seem to eat, any advice?

theTinker

A small bit of background
I'm male, nearly 22 years old, 5' 9". 120lbs.
I've always been very thin for my whole life. In school(s) people would always do stupid things like wrap their hands around my wrists to see how much room was left between their fingers.(enough for 2 pens if anyone is curious). Over the years Ive gone through some small hate/OK stages about my looks/weight. More of the hate but thats probably normal for teenagers.

However, in the last few months I've made more proper friends and a few times, some jokes come up. They are never meant in a bad way at all so i didn't mind them much. Unfortunately they got too frequent so i had to ask some to stop. When ever I'm in a pub, i'll wear a shirt and my weight and thinness ALWAYS come up in conversation with new people. I try to laugh with them about things, or be honest and open about it but it dwells after for days.

Very recently its become an actual problem. I can't approach a girl because I really can't see how they could think of me in that way because of the way i look. Like come on, what girl wants a guy that looks thinner than them no matter how much they diet....That has proven a really big self esteem wrecker. Ive tried for years to increase my weight but it always fails. My eating habits are directly related to my emotions im sure and I've always had a problem with depression(which Ive conquered alot the last 2 years). I don't even see food as a nice thing anymore, Im constantly just trying to eat just to keep a calorie level up.
I was out with my friend the other day in the cinema. After being completely dismissed by a girl after a single glance, we watched the movie and i went home. My mam asked me if i had eaten, I bought fries in Eddies Rockets and i ate about 6.... I told her i had eaten fries, burger and coke. It was the first time I've ever lied about my eating. I knew saying i ate 6 chips and it filled me was too...dangerous to say. Later on that night, I found myself surfing the web for fashion sites to (google search-term) "dress to hide the thinness".. This pretty much scream danger when i realised what i was doing. The last 2 days I've hardly been able to glance down because i don't want to see my arms.
I'm lying in bed right now and my legs are actually sore because my shins are crossed and they feel a sweeping brush handle resting my leg.
Yesterday i was in my living room with my little brother and my mam. My mam hadn't done the food shopping yet and i said "who cares, do it later", my mam replied "see how come *my name* doesn't mind", My brother then replied "just look at him, he doesn't eat food". He didn't even mean it in a bad way, we have great relationship. He just said it because that must of been what his mind was thinking. I haven't been able to look at my arms or legs since without wanting to puke out of disgust. I wore clothes that were way too big for me yesterday so i could hide everything, i sat on the luas with a hood up the whole time trying to hide. When i woke this morning, my arm was sticking out of the blanket and i pushed my face upwards by instinct so i wouldn't see it.
This all screams to me that something big, wrong and horrible has just changed in me. I never liked my looks or weight but this seems beyond that.

Since I've been trying for years on different eating diets and failing. I think i need proper help. I went to a counselor over emotional problems before but i am not sure if this is what i need for this? something has to change or ill probably get worse.
Can anyone try point me in the right direction or have any advice about how to get a start on finding the right help? I've never thought of needing actual help before for this.
Is it a counselor or a psychiatrist i need? do i actually need one or is this the type of thing that i should go to one of them anorexia groups for?(I'm not anorexic though, I eat more than them and i never considered myself to be "normally weighted"). I've always just been thin. I'm just so worried and a bit scared right now.

Thanks for listening people.

weeder

See a dietician (sp?) they would definitley be able to put you on a weight gain diet if you need to gain weight they may also want to give you some sort of medication to slow down your motabolism(if such exists)

Sangre

What happens when you try to force yourself to eat?

Nasty_Girl

This probably won't help the root of your problem, but if it makes you feel better my boyfriend is 6 ft 4 and weighed about ten stone (140 stone) when we got together (aged 19) and it never bothered me that he was thinner than me and there were a few other girls on the horizon when we met too.

He would eat a lot one day then not so much the next day.

He's 22 and a half now and in the last few months he's started gaining weight.

Overheal

Its something you would definitely go see a doctor about: it could be anything from an abnormally high metabolism to an abnormally small stomach: thats how fat people get fat; they get into the habit of stuffing themselves which only enlarges the stomach and has the adverse affect of increasing appetite.

I'd go talk to a dietician, I'm sure they have something for you. They put one of my friends on a vitamin-diet for 2 months and he came out of it with his stomach shrinking to half its size and he lost about 5 stone :eek:

It could be a psychological issue as well, but you are best to consult the dietician before the shrink imo.

theTinker

Sangre wrote:

What happens when you try to force yourself to eat?

About half of it usually goes down, the second half usually makes me wanna vomit if i don't stop. I've ignored it before but unfortunately, the warning is true, lol. Its not with every meal. I eat breakfast just fine.

Thanks nastygirl. If i was 6ft 4, i would be feel alot better about it, Height is good. His height/weight means that he is about the same proportions to me.

The more i think about this, the more i think its related to emotions. Every lunch time that comes, i go there with the opinion that i need to try cram calories in for health sake. I don't get this whole food thing like others. Its such a chore now for me. Every meal is just like something i have to endure. I'm sick of it.

Some days i eat well and i feel really proud of myself but something usually F*c*s it up and then i go for a couple of weeks eating poorly. Ive always been really thin though, as far back as i remember. My wrists and legs though are starting to look like one of those ads for starving countries. Its gross.

spinandscribble

my bfs skinny too. i'd say he could fit in my jeans, not that he's ever tried, from what you've said you seem about the same weight. tbh it wouldnt have stopped me dating him and before him i when for the big broad type.
maybe try to increase muscle mass with weights if you want a more manly body.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

spurious

theTinker wrote:

Like come on, what girl wants a guy that looks thinner than them no matter how much they diet....That has proven a really big self esteem wrecker.

My eating habits are directly related to my emotions

After being completely dismissed by a girl after a single glance,

The last 2 days I've hardly been able to glance down because i don't want to see my arms.

I'm lying in bed right now and my legs are actually sore because my shins are crossed and they feel a sweeping brush handle resting my leg.

I haven't been able to look at my arms or legs since

I'm just so worried and a bit scared right now.

All the above ring alarms for me. Your weight is over a stone under the lowest 'healthy' weight for your height and gender, but it is your self-view and 'relationship' with food that sounds most worrying.

I think you should talk to your doctor about how you feel. It's not just a diet issue by the sounds of it.

You've taken the first step though, and yes, many girls like skinny men.

theTinker

spinandscribble wrote:

my bfs skinny too. I'd say he could fit in my jeans, not that he's ever tried, from what you've said you seem about the same weight. tbh it wouldn't have stopped me dating him and before him i when for the big broad type.
maybe try to increase muscle mass with weights if you want a more manly body.

not exactly my aim but i did try doing that before. It was..successful to a point. I went from lifting 35lbs in 3*10 sets to 85lbs. I grew pectoral muscles and biceps during the months but my weight stayed constant, It actually looks odd having biceps my size without any fat. People are constantly wanting to see how odd they look in pubs etc cause i used to wear short sleeve shirts.

I never realized how big "normal" weight was, I've been reading up alot today because its what i do when I'm freaked out about something. I am underweight for my height and size(not lots and lots) but the top of 'normal' is miles away. I have definitely decided to go see someone really soon. Ill start googling dietitians and nutritionists tonight, If anyone has any recommendations, that would be very helpful.
I was a bit freaked out this morning by all this, so thanks for the support so far.

BrandonBlock

Do you smoke? If so I'd recommend giving up! Not only does it suppress your appetite, but when I gave up I put on about 1.5 stone in the following months from just eating anytime I craved a smoke. By the way, I believe everyone can gain weight, you aren't a genetic exception = take in more calories than your body needs = weight gained. Building muscle might be recommended more (especially on boards) because its healthier and muscle weighs more than fat, so youll notice it on the scales more. But I dont believe theres anything wrong with small amounts of body fat (at your height/weight you probably dont have any).

theTinker

BrandonBlock wrote:

Do you smoke? If so I'd recommend giving up! Not only does it suppress your appetite, but when I gave up I put on about 1.5 stone in the following months from just eating anytime I craved a smoke. By the way, I believe everyone can gain weight, you aren't a genetic exception = take in more calories than your body needs = weight gained. Building muscle might be recommended more (especially on boards) because its healthier and muscle weighs more than fat, so youll notice it on the scales more. But I dont believe theres anything wrong with small amounts of body fat (at your height/weight you probably dont have any).

No i dont smoke. I did once consider taking it up so i could quit and put on weight though

Its the taking in calories part thats problematic. I tried the muscle building approach and i did indeed feel healthier. I think the scales went up a little but because i cant seem to get enough calories in, i think i decreased in mass. i now have large biceps on a wirey frame. I dont really give a **** about a scales number to be honest. Its more the gross look of my thin arms and legs and boney body, and obviously the mind frame thats developing from it has scared me a little. I have very lil fat, my arms look like bone wrapped in skin with enough muscle to move them. I capped out at 80-85lbs benching, i think it was the limit for my mass. I doubt adding muscle is the answer though, i will go see someone shortly, maybe this week about it and try get the ball rolling on something. Doing it myself for the last 6 or so years has shown that i cant do it by myself. Thanks for the suggestion

BrandonBlock

theTinker wrote:

Its the taking in calories part thats problematic.

Well to be honest (and I hope the mods dont ban me for this, I am genuinely trying to help) it all depends on the types of food you eat. I regularly take in 2000 calories in 1 meal (deep fried rashers, sausages, chips, pudding, white bread + real butter) which I kno is a lot of unsaturated/saturated fats, but I play football and run so Im still fairly healthy. I dont do any weights training at all. Also as you get older - 26+ your metabolism will naturally slow down. I dunno I wouldnt stress too much about it, so long as you're healthy who cares what ppl think!

theTinker

oh i hope i didn't seem dismissive saying taking in calories in the problem part. It was just intended as a fact, not as a brush off.

2000 calories in one meal!? i didn't even think that was possible. I get 1.2kish a day I THINK. I thought 2000kcal would be a guys natural daily intake. U must be huge.

I've been browsing google for the last 30 mins, Finding a nutritionist is alot harder than i woulda thought in this day and age. Does anyone know of any specifically that could handle late evenings or weekend visits? I work 9-5 with about 1 hour travel time and my job is really 'touchy' about missing time.

I've found some relatively close counsellors in my local hospital. I shall call these tomorrow and see if they handle this kinda of stuff also. I found 2 possible dietations on the indi.ie site(seems to be the main resource for them, quite lacking). Is a nutrionist and dietatican the same thing?

Faith

No, a nutritionist advises you on the food to eat to be healthy and live longer, a dietician advises you what you eat to lose weight (maybe to gain weight too, I'm not sure).

Maybe you should just start eating higher calorie food. Nuts and avocados are high in calories, but still good for you. And try eating little and often. Far too many people still adhere to the idea of 3 square meals a day, even though it doesn't suit them.

Overheal

At this stage though Faith it sounds like OP needs to seek third party assistance: trying to pack in calories doesnt seem to be working for him, and I have to agree with Spurious that something is deeply wrong with OP. Go see a nutritionist/dietician first and then if need be (I dare say its probable) go book a psychiatrist.

Caryatnid

Hi OP - maybe I have completely misunderstood you, but it seems you are underweight because you don't eat???
- Six chips couldn't be enough for anyone - it seems you can only eat half your dinner - you hate food

I defo recommend going to a doctor. It's sounds psychological to me, but also would probably be worth eating more carbs and changing (implementing?) your diet.
Also take up a sport/go to the gym, if you don't already.

theTinker wrote:

I get 1.2kish a day I THINK.

I'd eat AT LEAST that a day, and I'm a 7.5 stone female, who's not particularly active at all. I can't BELIEVE you consume only 1.2k a day and wonder why people slag you for being skinny?

edit: Just did a brief search, and found that a guy your age (between 19 and 50) needs about 2550 calories a day. You are wasting away man! Fix it! If you can't eat more, you gotta get proper help.

luckat

OP, may I suggest that you ask your doctor to send you for psychiatric help in case of an eating disorder?

I'm not making a diagnosis here - I'm not qualified to do this. Just a suggestion.

theTinker

Caryatnid wrote:

Hi OP - maybe I have completely misunderstood you, but it seems you are underweight because you don't eat???
- Six chips couldn't be enough for anyone - it seems you can only eat half your dinner - you hate food

I defo recommend going to a doctor. It's sounds psychological to me, but also would probably be worth eating more carbs and changing (implementing?) your diet.
Also take up a sport/go to the gym, if you don't already.


I'd eat AT LEAST that a day, and I'm a 7.5 stone female, who's not particularly active at all. I can't BELIEVE you consume only 1.2k a day and wonder why people slag you for being skinny?

edit: Just did a brief search, and found that a guy your age (between 19 and 50) needs about 2550 calories a day. You are wasting away man! Fix it! If you can't eat more, you gotta get proper help.

Yes it is because i dont eat enough i think. I dont wonder why people comment, I only have to glance in the mirror to see that. Its not that i dont eat at all. Like i had cereal for breakfast this morning and in about 1 hour ill have a ham sandwhich for lunch. Tonight i may miss dinner because i have to tutor later but ill do my best to eat. I just find it really hard. I only feel hungry in the morning. The rest of the day my body doesnt particularly want it. I obviously still make it eat but i lose often.

I've rang a whole bunch of nutrionist from the indi.ie list. 3 places didnt have an appointment till May. I was hoping a week or 2...
Ill keep looking around but if anyone knows a place/person (especially weekends would be great), then please pass their details to me.


Edit: I found a place that does late evenings. I found it on a psychatrist list but the lady said counselling on the phone. didnt notice till now. Anyways, they will get back to me later tonight with times/dates. i'll keep you all updated. Any more opinions etc are welcomed but thanks for all your advice so far.

spinandscribble

spinandscribble wrote:

my bfs skinny too. i'd say he could fit in my jeans, not that he's ever tried, from what you've said you seem about the same weight. tbh it wouldnt have stopped me dating him and before him i when for the big broad type.
maybe try to increase muscle mass with weights if you want a more manly body.

Fit in your jeans? My jeans fall off my bf. I'm not fat, but he's skinny as a rake and all he does is stuff himself with food.
Skinny guys aren't unattractive, OP. But since you have such issues with food and your body, it might just be a vicious cycle. Sounds a bit psychological to me.
Is there any food at all you like? Anything sweet, pastries or chocolate or anything? Something you just enjoy without thinking "must get calories in"? Do you ever try to eat without thinking about calories?
If so... I don't know. Hope the nutritionist apts work out for you!

C_Breeze

Mate im not much heavier than you and im the same age and 6ft. ike yourself i have pretty skinny wrists etc. Not 1 of my mates or anybody really comments about ...dont know why, they are probably not the type to do that , or maybe just got used to it , or knowing me they will know ill say something smart back.

But anyway , seriously , cant believe you are so down about it. I've got a Stunning girlfriend (..and not just personality wise ) and even before that never had any problems scoring when i went out. I could go on and on but tbh, i think its just your attitude. You need to be more confident ... theres no problem being skinny ..(as long as u can make it look good :cool:) and its certaily not as off putting as, say , a chick that looks like a beached whale.

I think its just the comments (although meant to be unhurtfull) that are bothering you and are taking them to the heart.

Dont worry bout it!

Caryatnid

Hello theTinker. Check out:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2007110690,00.html

Webmonkey

I used have problems not eating much getting full to soon until i started eating fruit. Now i don't now if it is just me or not, but if I eat an apple or two, I get really hungry within an hour. I eat to max, which is more than usual, then eat another apple hour later and then a few hours later hungry again and can fit more. Amazing really. I don't know if that i just me now or not but worth a try.
To gain appitite eat fruit
Good luck in it anyways

Crea

I'd say as well as getting counselling go to your doc too. He/she will probably be able to give you something to stimulate your appetite but you do need to look at your relationship with food too.
I went out with a guy who was 6ft 1 and 10.5 stone. I thought he was gorgeous so there are girls out there who like skinny guys so don't sweat that side of things.

juanveron45

The first thing I want to say to you is you can get bigger if you want to but you have to do 2 things

A.KNOW WHAT TO DO

B.DO WHAT YOU KNOW

you have got to get yourself into A gym and read up on bodybuilding nutrition and supplementation.You only need to learn how to do 3 exercises,just 3 will do

A.BARBELL SQUATS

B DEADLIFTS

C.BENCH PRESS

you wont ever have to do any other exercise as these 3 will make your whole body grow,have a fitness instuctor or personal trainer help you with proper form with these exercise and after warming up aim for 4-6 reps per sets ,6-9 SETS and rest 2-3 mins between each set.you only need to go to the gym 3 days a week and only do one exercise each day, for example monday could be squat day,wednesday could be deadlift day and friday could be bench press day,when trying to gain size short but intense sessions is best recovery is very important.

Now the second part of the equation is good quality nutrition you have to feed the machine, you at your current wait need to eat at least 2400 cals a day more if you can.Your diet should be spit like this

50% CARBOHYDRATES

30% PROTEIN

20% FATS

you also need to split up your eating into frequent meals, 6 meals a day is best and since your on 2400 cals 6x400 cal meals would work well.

QUALITY CARBS

PORRIDGE
POTATOES
BROWN RICE
WHOLEMEAL BREAD
LOWFAT YOGURT
FRUIT

QUALITY PROTEINS

FISH
CHICKEN
BEEF
COTTAGE CHEESE
EGGS
TURKEY
WHEY PROTEIN POWDER

FATS

Healthy fat is very important also, good sources are oil fish,flax oil and udos oil

I have a program on word format that goes into this in more detail,pm me your email address and ill send you a cop.

Best of luck

Talliesin

theTinker wrote:

I can't approach a girl because I really can't see how they could think of me in that way because of the way i look. Like come on, what girl wants a guy that looks thinner than them no matter how much they diet....

Plenty. Don't worry about this in that regard.

Now, getting yourself healthier will make you more attractive to more people, but you're certainly not in a no-hope situation in this regard just because you're underweight.

theTinker wrote:

My eating habits are directly related to my emotions im sure and I've always had a problem with depression(which Ive conquered alot the last 2 years).

This bit (and a few other bits of your post actually) I can identify with a lot. I used to be very similar in many regards. Now, I'm still thin and chances are I'll be a thin guy for a long time if not forever, but I made big progress on this at around your age, and more progress that I didn't even know I needed to make since.

As much as possible make food an enjoyable thing.

Of course this is a lot easier said than done right now, so start with aspects indirectly tied to eating - who you are with (eating food with company is a lot more enjoyable on many levels, and if nothing else there's the enjoyment of the company for itself even if the eating itself is still a chore), what music is playing, having a good book or magazine to read as you eat, eating in pleasant conditions (try to keep the kitchen clean, if it's hard to motivate yourself to eat it'll be impossible to motivate yourself to fish out a clean pot and then eat).

Learn how to cook interesting foods, even if the cooking part is the only interesting bit of it right now. Buy the better quality ingredients. Don't go to Eddie Rockets if there's a proper restaurant open and never go to McDonalds or Burger King.

Even if you fail to get much interest at a particular meal, it's a lot easier to pick at six chips and then chuck the lot when it's some flavourless crap than if you've something decent in front of you.

theTinker wrote:

After being completely dismissed by a girl after a single glance

Happens to us all. Indeed will also be done by us all, even in cases where the people in question are found generally attractive by many people.

Patricide

hey man im in a similar boat to you here, im 6'2 and skinny as FOOK, dont know my weight but god im one skinny bastard. I have freinds who do stupid **** like the thing with my wrists and call me skinny bones and **** and to be honest sometimes it buggs the hell outta me too but i realise that at the end of the day there my freinds, they arent saying it in a malicious way so why should i care.

Still though wouldnt mind gaining weight but unfortunatly it seems impossible, ive even tried the macdonalds diet and although i did put on weight according to the scales(got up to 13 stone) theres not a hope in hell that you would ever be able to tell the difference.

Jumpy

Patricide wrote:

hey man im in a similar boat to you here, im 6'2 and skinny as FOOK, dont know my weight but god im one skinny bastard. I have freinds who do stupid **** like the thing with my wrists and call me skinny bones and **** and to be honest sometimes it buggs the hell outta me too but i realise that at the end of the day there my freinds, they arent saying it in a malicious way so why should i care.

Still though wouldnt mind gaining weight but unfortunatly it seems impossible, ive even tried the macdonalds diet and although i did put on weight according to the scales(got up to 13 stone) theres not a hope in hell that you would ever be able to tell the difference.

Its not impossible, as hard as your post is to read I think I managed to translate it all.
McDonalds is pointless, if your metabolism is high then all you are doing is eating food that has very little nutritional value, if anything you will stay skinny and bulge out in weird places.
If you want to put on healthy muscle with a small layer of fat then I suggest following a proper diet.
A common misconception is that dieting causes you to lose weight, the correct healthy diet should also be followed to gain it.

Talliesin

Jumpy wrote:

McDonalds is pointless, if your metabolism is high then all you are doing is eating food that has very little nutritional value, if anything you will stay skinny and bulge out in weird places.

And if you are finding it hard to motivate yourself to eat, as the OP is, having a bag of tasteless crap in front of you in an environment that is garish and foul-smelling is hardly going to help.

LegacyUser

You should start with light weights on the bench press, probably no more than 20kg, leave it at that for 4 gym visits and then for each 6 visits after that move up another 10kg. Don´t go roo heavy as this will only strain the muscles and could cause injury, allow the muscles adapt naturally.

Also I reckon any weight above 70kg for your height would be fine.

I don´t know why everybody all is using lbs and stones for in this day and age. Sometimes I wonder is this the 51st US state? Im Irish and in my thirties and I have no idea how many lbs are in such asuch or how many stones there are.

Lets use a stanard modern measurement eh? So that we can communicate properly! Thanks

Patricide

haha, i do not like eating mc donalds, i just did it as a test to see if itd work. After watching super size me and seeing what it did to jason spurlock i was positive itd have SOME effect on me but seems not haha.

Good thing MY weight doesnt really put me down, i just wouldnt mind putting some on, for me its not an essential thing though.

Went through the same thing. I'm 19 and have a mood disorder most likely related to my former inability to cope with any stress facing me. My body reacted by caving in, not getting the sufficient amount of enery from foods, and generally feeling very depressed about my identity and place in social situations.

As far as therapy, a think that a combination of food therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) would be quite good for this.

Food intake and energy intake is directly linked to your emotions, your physiology will show this. You need to develop new reasons for eating. Don't eat to impress anyone, to reassure anyone about who you are - instead, eat to comfort and nourish the young, dynamic body that you have.

When people comment on your weightm, no matter how you percieve it, it's still a way of shifting attention away from themselves, and onto you.

A question; Do you suffer from unexplainable pains in parts of your body (shoulders, lower back, etc)? Pains more like noticeable tension than classic pains?

All the best with improving how you feel about these issues.

Takeshi_Kovacs

have a look at Weightlifting nutrition, or the fitness forum on boards.. They have some great tips on proper nutrition. Like you i am kind of skinny,6 foot and about 150 lbs and while i could eat a lot in one sitting, other days i mightn't eat much more than the brekkie and a few sammys. In the last few weeks though, i';ve started eating better, and have gained weight (and not fat either). I found the best change in diet was eating small and plentiful during the day. It was awkward at first cooking so many meals, but after an hour or two i am feeling hungry again so it is working.. a bit like Webmonkey and his 'nanas