Been irresponsible,... how irresponsible?

LegacyUser

25 year old male - In 2005/2006 i embarked on a severely reckless spree of heavy drinking and casual sex, took many, many high risks during a period of private turmoil (no excuse). I guess it was a release, an escape, to go get hammered every night of the week and go home with someone different. I dont think i ever stopped to think about consequences once during the period - getting someone pregnant, STI's etc

Eventually went for a complete STI test midway thru' 2006 and miraculously came back all clear for everything. The scary nervousness waiting for those results made me think it was long overdue that i changed my tune. Whatever about treating my own life with disrespect, it was simply not on risking others in this manner - For all i know , i could have had an STI or HIV and could have passed that on. Irresponsibility personified.

Fast forward almost a year and i've cleaned up my act so to speak, drink far less, a lot fewer sexual encounters and 100% use of condoms. However, once the condom has split and on another occasion burst due to not been put on correctly when drunk. Also oral sex has been performed nearly 100% of the time (give and take).

In this recent period i have been seeing a lot more of an ex, someone i like and care about. But have not gotten re-tested. i'm going for another test soon, if it turns out i have something and may have passed that on to her (or others), does it make me any better than say a drinker-driver hitting a passer by? I mean is it just stupid/irresponsible/idiotic/criminally negligent? If i do have something, how would i approach telling her? Clearly wouldnt say a whole lot about me as a person if i have needlessly passed on something to her.

--- Just as a side issue, is their a higher/lower/equal chance of passing diseases by oral sex over regular/anal ---

loismustdie

eh, where to start...

you rectified your inital irresponsibility. some people's morals wouldnt agree with casual sex but you used protection, the girls you were with obviousley weren't completely innocent as they too were having one night stands.

i think, but could be very wrong that oral sex can only pass on herpes but you should look transmission of std's up. obviously your in trouble with the anal and condom breaking isn't the best scenarios, i suppose it might be important to know what happened after the condoms split, did you still have sex, how did the girls react.

your ex is another story, did she know you were sleepin around and was she?
however it is possible to only have sex once and catch an std, maybe unlikely but possible.

it's your own discretion but i think most agree sex is better in a relationship. obviously if the test comes back positive you'll have to tell your ex and other girls and deal with it from there

Nevyn

http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/sexual_health/sti/oralsex.htm

Can I get an STI from oral sex?
Yes, STIs can be transmitted during unprotected oral sex. Oral sex is a much lower risk activity than intercourse, but there's still a possibility for transmission. Not using a condom, dental dam, or other barrier puts both partners at risk. This means that performing and receiving oral sex puts you at risk. Some STIs are more likely to be transmitted during oral sex than others, including:


Herpes is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact with a developing or existing sore. The virus can be transmitted from genitals to mouth if the person giving oral sex has or is developing a cold sore. It can also be transmitted from mouth to genitals if the person receiving oral sex has or is developing a genital sore.


Gonorrhea is transmitted when bacteria are present in body fluids. A person giving oral sex can get a gonorrhea infection of the throat if their partner has gonorrhea.


For the person receiving oral sex, there's little chance of contracting HIV, although it's difficult to pinpoint when HIV has been transmitted because people rarely engage in only one type of sexual activity. In the case of fellatio (oral sex on a man), the HIV virus theoretically could gain entry from the mouth to the opening on the tip of the penis, or through an open cut or lesion on the penis. If you receive oral sex, however, you mainly expose yourself to saliva, which has negligible concentrations of HIV.

For the cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) recipient, the chance of HIV transmission is also low, although the entire vagina is a mucous membrane through which, theoretically, the virus can be transmitted. A woman receiving cunnilingus is more at risk of getting herpes or gonorrhea from her partner than HIV.

The risk of HIV infection is greater for the partner who performs oral sex. A person performing oral sex on a woman should avoid it during her period, for menstrual blood can carry the HIV virus. Research presented at the 7th Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections in February of 2000 concluded that 8 of 122 cases in an HIV-transmission study were possibly attributable to performing oral sex on a man. Of these 8 infected people, some reported having had recent dental work or having cuts in their mouths, suggesting that HIV transmission by oral sex is associated with cuts, lesions, or irritation of the tissues in the mouth.

Other STIs that can be transmitted through oral sex, although less commonly, include:

HPV ( Genital Warts)
Hepatitis B
Syphilis
Chlamydia
Chancroid


What are the symptoms of an oral STI?

If you have an oral STI infection, you might experience a sore throat, tonsillitis, oral lesions, or cold sores. However, many oral STI cases are asymptomatic. If your partner(s) is diagnosed with an STI, you should see a medical provider to be tested and possibly treated.

How are they treated?

Treatments vary based on the STI diagnosed and the severity of the case. For example, gonorrhea can be treated with antibiotics but HIV cannot. Refer to the specific infection in the STI section to learn more about particular treatments.

How can I protect myself?

You and your partner need to make decisions based on an understanding of the risks involved and respect for each other's comfort level. Click here to read more about sexual decision-making. The safest choice is to use a latex barrier during every act of oral sex. Using a condom or a dental dam during oral sex will prevent STIs transmitted by skin-to-skin contact or by fluid transmission. Here are some suggestions to incorporate into your sexual activities:

* Use the latex barrier from start to finish of oral sex.
* Use a non-lubricated or a flavored condom on a penis or sex toy. Spermicide condoms can numb the mouth and don't taste very good.
* Don't use food products like whipped cream or chocolate sauce with the condom or dental dam because they may be oil-based, and oil-based lubricants break down latex.
* For oral sex on a woman or for oral-anal stimulation, use a dental dam, use a plastic food wrap, or cut a condom lengthwise to make your own dental dam. Be sure to place the latex barrier over the entire vulva.

You have increased risk of being exposed to STIs in the following situations: you have gum disease, cuts or sores, you've had recent dental work that bruised any tissue in your mouth or you have vigorously brushed or flossed.

During the 6 weeks after any type of oral or genital piercing, avoid any type of oral sexual contact. Wait 6 weeks even if you are in a mutually monogamous relationship, because until it is completely healed, the piercing is an open wound and provides easy access for bacteria and viruses.

Talliesin

recklessnesss wrote:

if it turns out i have something and may have passed that on to her (or others), does it make me any better than say a drinker-driver hitting a passer by? I mean is it just stupid/irresponsible/idiotic/criminally negligent?

You took risks at a certain level with people who agreed to take the same risk.

That certainly isn't analogous to drunk driving (most of us who use the roads do not agree to share the risk of someone driving while drunk). It isn't even analogous to driving an SUV (many of us who use the roads do not agree to share the risk of someone driving an SUV).

Also, that elevated risk level is not a simple black-and-white case. It's quite possible that if you do have something it was caught during one of the cases of protected sex, because no protection is perfect.

Wise action is about balancing risks in a sensible way, but there is no absolute way for any of us to get that balancing act 100% right. It would seem that you are now of the believe that you got that balancing act wrong. I would agree, but the most important thing isn't that someone agrees or disagrees with you on this, but that you go on to approach risks in life (all risks) in as sensible way as you can - whether anyone agrees or disagrees with what risks you decide to take is something to take into consideration as further input into that risk-analysis, but the decision and the consequences either way are with you.

recklessnesss wrote:

If i do have something, how would i approach telling her?

Straight facts would be the only way.

recklessnesss wrote:

Just as a side issue, is their a higher/lower/equal chance of passing diseases by oral sex over regular/anal

It is generally believed that oral sex is less risky than vaginal or anal intercourse for most STIs. There's a lot of factors involved, so that's only a very rough indication of how the risks compare.