Girl I think I like

LegacyUser

Basically I'm a guy in my early 20s and I met a girl on a night out recently, we got on really well kissed and swapped numbers. We were texting and we met up a few days later for a date and we got on really well,she is such a kind, caring, easy going girl. I suppose personality wise she is all that I'd look for in a girl.

But the thing is she isnt as attractive as I remembered her to be,even though I had very little to drink that night! I think she is pretty but I wouldn't call her "hot" or anything. I know that this sounds so shallow, especially because if she was more attractive I'd be thinking of myself as the luckiest guy in the world! I think that she really likes me. Even though I only know the girl a week and a half, I dont want to do anything to hurt her. I guess that I'm just wondering what to do?

Some friends have told me if I dont find her attractive dont keep seeing her but others have said that you get more attracted to people as time goes on in a relationship so give it a go (in my previous experiences I havent really noticed that) but is it true? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks.

Dave

I suppose it is pretty shallow, but at the same time you are entitled to as many standards you want to set. If you're not attracted to this girl, then you're not attracted. There's nothing you can do about it, so the fairest thing, in my opinion would be to let her go, tell her you're not looking for a girlfriend at the moment or something. Not "Well if you were hotter I'd totally want to be with you"

viggi-tea

I think if you need to decide whether you like her more as a friend, without considering whether it's superficial or not. If you think she's pretty and you get on well then there's a good start to a relationship there, but if you're really not feeling any sort of proper attraction to her it would be unfair for you to string her along. The more you guys bond, the more hurt she will be if you want move on so I advise deciding soon. Just use your gut instinct .

Talliesin

If you find someone hot, you find them hot.

If you don't find them hot, you don't.

Act accordingly.

Black Swan

OK, suppose you find someone who is a stunner, you date, then commit, and eventually marry. You are together for a few years, she gets older, and in many people's eyes, not as attractive as when young. Do you trade her in for a newer, more attractive model? Or what if, as you age, she thinks you are not as physically attractive as when young? Does she dump you for a newer model lad? Something to contemplate?

shatners basoon

whattodo? wrote:

Some friends have told me if I dont find her attractive dont keep seeing her but others have said that you get more attracted to people as time goes on in a relationship so give it a go (in my previous experiences I havent really noticed that) but is it true?

Thanks.

Both are true, it all just depends what kind of person you are.

If you're a guy that puts a hell of a lot of stress on looks (which is fine by the way considering most do) then if you don't find her particularly attractive now then its unlikely to change (might even like her less for that fact but thats not likey)

However it is true that the more you get to know someone and the more you like them (should that happen) that you get more attracted to them. This happens especially to girls but often to level headed guys too.

Heck if you're not a complete ass when it comes to breaking up with people (worried you might crush her forever?!) and you like her go for it. There's no need to look down the line too far when you're just hanging out or whatever. If things aren't serious then don't sweat it!

Talliesin

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

OK, suppose you find someone who is a stunner, you date, then commit, and eventually marry. You are together for a few years, she gets older, and in many people's eyes, not as attractive as when young.

What does "many people's eyes" have to do with it?

If he's settling for other people's views of what is attractive then he is indeed shallow (and has very low standards).

He said the girl was pretty but that he wouldn't call her "hot".

Maybe he's judging "hot" on some silly basis of what he thinks he should find attractive. But maybe he just doesn't think she's hot.

Dragan

Talliesin wrote:

If you find someone hot, you find them hot.

If you don't find them hot, you don't.

Act accordingly.

I just want to echo what was said here, as it pretty much sums up the whole issue.

If you do not find the girl very attractive then you need to rethink where this is going. How would you feel about lying to her telling her she looks hot? That’s not a very good foundation for a relationship.

tuckmill

Did anyone ever hear the term "beauty is only skin deep" and make-up works wonders we all have our standards im with you on that but i feel communication and being able relax around someone is way more important. Usually girls / boys that are as you put it "hot" are way harder to connect with as are image based - im a girl i know... By the sound of it you like this girl but more concerned on what other people might think if your seen with her in my opinion id rather snuggle up to a frog i enjoy being round than a person snuggled up with a mirror, we all fade in time.

Talliesin

tuckmill wrote:

Usually girls / boys that are as you put it "hot" are way harder to connect with as are image based

Doesn't sound very hot to me. Just to me, mind, lots of other people have different criteria for hot, but if someone is hard to connect to they aren't going to do it for me.