Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
If we do not hit our goal we will be forced to close the site.

Current status: https://keepboardsalive.com/

Annual subs are best for most impact. If you are still undecided on going Ad Free - you can also donate using the Paypal Donate option. All contribution helps. Thank you.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.

Fancy my boyfy's friend - help!

124

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 209 ✭✭DiscoHugh


    I have to say fair play to the OP for coming clean. You did a horrible thing but bit the bullet and fessed up knowing that you'd be in for a world of hurt. You definitely did the right thing. And whatever happens from here on in you'll have a (relatively) clear conscience.

    Personally if it was my gf I'd dump her right there and then and never talk to the "best friend" again but I'd still be grafeful for the honesty and not being made a cuckholded fool.

    Give him the space. Any contact from you will probably just piss him off more.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    Respect. You've done the right thing, now just give him some space. I think there's alot of people out there that wouldn't have the balls to come clean about their mistakes and quite frankly, it disgusts me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭junior_apollo


    leave her alone - do what you want girl - u only live once - enjoy it...

    Your not married - if you feel like sleeping with his friend then do it... if it doesnt work out - move on... who cares...

    You can obviously get a new guy anytime anyway so dont worry about it...

    If he takes u back even better - least u can always throw it in his face at the end of it...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    I am not looking for someone to tell me it's ok to cheat on my boyfy
    Christ almighty!!! Is it really that difficult to type BOYFRIEND??? :rolleyes:
    And if you are going to abbreviate a word do it in such a way that makes sense like BF or something similar.


  • Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 18,821 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    Maybe "boyfy" is an affectionate abbreviation she uses in speech, not just something to make it handier to type?

    Aside from that, telling your boyfriend is selfish. I'd say he's pretty annoyed about it, and you could have saved him the hurt. Again, it's your life and they're your mistakes, so I just hope you get the benefit of it.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    ...I'm not sure whether to contact him+tell him again how sorry I am, or just give him some space....

    Think about your BOYFY :confused: for once and give him the space he asked for :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭junior_apollo


    [QUOTE=....I'm not sure whether to contact him+tell him again how sorry I am, or just give him some space....[/QUOTE]


    Dont be even more stupid than when you told him in the first place... the longer you leave it without contacting him the more its gonna get worse... just send him a text, you've said sorry what more does he want like... im sure he's made mistakes in the past - everyone does - except dragan who is a bit of a closet monster by the looks of things... as you've said you love him he loves you so he'll get over it with time - yerself and john didnt sleep together so thats the main thing. Think of it this way... only way things can be worse is if you dont text him - he'l be stuburn and not text anyway so if you dont then neither of ye will be in touch... do it!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    Dont be even more stupid than when you told him in the first place... the longer you leave it without contacting him the more its gonna get worse... just send him a text, you've said sorry what more does he want like... im sure he's made mistakes in the past - everyone does - except dragan who is a bit of a closet monster by the looks of things... as you've said you love him he loves you so he'll get over it with time - yerself and john didnt sleep together so thats the main thing. Think of it this way... only way things can be worse is if you dont text him - he'l be stuburn and not text anyway so if you dont then neither of ye will be in touch... do it!

    :rolleyes: OP, ignore the silly advice above, just give the dude time. Also junior_apollo, I suggest you get a dictionary or a spell checker.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Kenny 5 wrote:
    :rolleyes: OP, ignore the silly advice above, just give the dude time. Also junior_apollo, I suggest you get a dictionary or a spell checker.

    Kenny
    I've been watching your posts over the last few days in here, rarely do they add anything to the thread.
    You are close to being banned from this forum for trolling.
    I suggest you refrain from commenting unless you have something helpful or useful to add.
    B


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    I said give the man time. I feel that the advice being given by JA is stupid tbh. The girl has broken the trust with her boyfriend and JA expects him to just accept and get on with their relationship, I think we both know that's highly unreasonable of JA and the OP to expect that to happen.

    I'll take the ban, I don't mind but imo my advice has been constructive.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,977 ✭✭✭johnny_adidas


    everyone is entitled to their own opinion. you shouldnt be taking a sly shot at someone in your post.

    In my opinion, if she's desperate to get back with him, the longer she leaves contacting him the better the chance he will move on, ie over the weekend a lot could happen. I dont agree with what she did but fair play for owning up, took a lot of bottle. now that she has had a taste of what life would be without him, and should he be able to accept it and move on, who are any of us to say that things might not work out even better than before


  • Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 18,821 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    I don't mean to flit wild accusations about, but johnny_adidas, what relation is junior_apollo to you?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,977 ✭✭✭johnny_adidas


    excuse me?


  • Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 18,821 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    I said, "what relation is junior_apollo to you?"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,977 ✭✭✭johnny_adidas


    Going off topic here with this but seeing as you didnt realise it wasn't meant as a question, none.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭junior_apollo


    sorry firstly I didn't realise this was a spelling contest, and that slang wasnt acceptable when giving advice to people...

    Im not expecting him to just accept what happened - but if he cant move on then he'll forever stay in one place. He's gonna have to learn to move on either way and if he loves her then moving on with her is the better of two evils...

    Everyone seems to be just judging this girl as if what she did was punishable by death. It's not - mistakes happen... get over it... The sooner the boyfy (oh wait am i allowed to use already used slang?... or is this bad typing also) realises that ok a mistake was made, and ok she is sorry, the better. If she loves him she should be able to make the right decisions from now on - ie. don't do it again... learn from your mistakes and move on... it's life


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13 coffeeadddict


    Boyfy is a term that my mates and I use all the time - can't believe it has been such a source of annoyance to some people!
    And no, I didn't tell him just to ease my own conscience, I don't feel any better or any less guilty after confessing.
    He just texted there+wants too meet up later to talk........deep breaths!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭junior_apollo


    I agree - slang shouldn'd be knocked here - its the advice not a spelling or grammar test.

    Anyway - thats great news that he's text - hopefully everything will work out like I said... Im sure he'll realise too that mistakes happen and ya just gotta move on... best of luck anyway and im sure everything will be fine...

    Leave us know what happens anyway...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭Crea


    OP - best of luck for later. Whatever happens telling him was the right thing to do.


  • Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    The OP made a conscious decision to hop into bed with her boyfriend's friend. Where is the mistake there Junior apollo?
    It wasnt a mistake at all.
    Now I have a lot of sympathy for the OP because she just did something stupid. It wasn't done out of malice, or any wish to hurt her boyfriend or ruin his relationship with her or his friend. Its just a pity that this youthful lustful mistake may affect the boyfriend really badly. And I just hope that he gives you a chance to more clearly explain yourself so that you can make him see that it was stupidity and not malice that caused this.

    It was a conscious decision on your part. Remember that.
    Lust came into it, the OP had her eye on this fella.
    OK she might have had a few drinks or even a few too many drinks, but where is the excuse in that? People do things drunk that they want to do sober. I mean I can see your point that its more a foolish lustful act of whimsy than a calculated decision to undermine her boyfriend and ruin his relationship with a friend. But regardless of how silly the act was, it had the same effect. I can't speak for how this guy will react, but you may well have ruined his trust in you. Not only that but his trust in his friend too.
    It was only a kiss to you, but here's the rub, the reason why I think I might have an insight is that the exact same thing happened to me before, (girl cheated with my Best friend, but it was only a kiss, and we were all young and stupid.) This happened due to the exact same reasons as you listed, drunkenness and losing the head in the moment etc.
    The girl came clean the very next day, as soon as she regained sobriety, and only now looking back I can see how brave that was. This was no horrible girl, actually quite the opposite, but she just made a dumb decision. Ditto with the guy. He was a best friend of mine for ages and I couldn't believe that he crossed me like that. I mean really close friends. But with a lot of time to mull it over, I realised that I and my feelings had nothing to do with what happened that night. They weren't trying to hurt me. They weren't even disregarding my feelings.

    It was just some **** that happened on our way to knowing better.

    I can also see how desperate she was to make me see that she wanted me and that it was nothing more than a mistake. At the time I was so immature that I just didn't react well to it at all. It completely and totally ****ed me up for a long time. I stopped going out, and lacked the ability to open up to anyone because I automatically assumed a betrayal was only a few drinks away. (All this over a stupid kiss!)
    Again, looking back, I feel that my behaviour was more reprehensible than either of theirs. I pushed a huge amount of blame onto their shoulders because of my inability to cope with or understand the situation. I dealt them out a disproportionate amount of guilt because of how I couldn't handle it. Many months later, after I was mentally over it, I felt it was time to clear the air. We all talked and managed to work it all out. I shaked my best friends hand and really felt that it was all ok. OK I wasnt going out with the girl anymore, but I had been friends with her for 2 years before we even started going out, so I was just glad to have her back as a friend too. Its hard to lose two close ones at the same time, you know?

    She and I split up over it right away, and by the time we worked it out I was with another. But because of this, I lost my closest friend because he made a dumb mistake once, and U know what, yeah the air is clear, and there is no guilt on anyone's shoulders anymore, but I havent spoken to either of them in maybe five years. And I guess that is probably my biggest regret about the situation. so there you go.
    My 2 cents anyway.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    I agree - slang shouldn'd be knocked here - its the advice not a spelling or grammar test.
    That may be so, but taking advice off somone in the form of txtspk? It's hardly the best way to get your point across now is it? It just sounds like the advice is coming from a 12 year old.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭junior_apollo


    The OP made a conscious decision to hop into bed with her boyfriend's friend. Where is the mistake there Junior apollo?
    It wasnt a mistake at all.
    Now I have a lot of sympathy for the OP because she just did something stupid. It wasn't done out of malice, or any wish to hurt her boyfriend or ruin his relationship with her or his friend. Its just a pity that this youthful lustful mistake may affect the boyfriend really badly...


    Oh so it its not a mistake its a youthful lustful mistake?

    Look I really dont care - IMO she made a mistake, shes sorry for that, stuff happens, move on, and hopefully he can too ... like you said you wished you coulda moved on - thats all I was sayin... best of luck to you girl...


    Bazmo - we're all entitled to our own opinions in whatever way shape or form we decide to give it.. be that in txt speak or pictures or anything else we feel like as the medium... if someone doesnt have great english does that make their opinion any less valid? :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    if someone doesnt have great english does that make their opinion any less valid? :D
    Possibly not, but it does make them sound like a tard.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 811 ✭✭✭mal1


    Something similar to this also happened to me. Only difference was that I found out about it from a third party and the guy wasn't my best friend but a friend of a friend. I don't know if finding out from a third party is worse or not. Broke up with my girlfriend but we are back together. Was very difficult but i reckon if you really want to get back with him then give him time, but don't loss contact since he might start thinking that you don't care and that you have moved on. Expect him to be going out this weekend scoring random girls even if he tells you that he won't. If he loves you then the random scoring won't make him feel better and eventually he might come back to you.

    I still feel angry over what happened and don't believe that I'm really over it totally yet but i do love my girlfriend and need to give it another chance. My biggest fear through it all was that she might do it again the next time a guy shows an interest in her or the next time the excitement in our relationship dies for a while. It is a massive shock for him and i doubt he is getting much done over the last couple of days. His feelings will probably swing over the next couple of days from loving to hating you and you should take the good with the bad if you want him. If your having any doubts than this is the time to finish it and limit the emotional damage to this poor guy. Remember too that he might have a few revelations about his past and he might just want to tell you about it now so be prepared.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭junior_apollo


    K ur getting completely off topic now - and I really admire the way you view disabled people.

    As I said anyway - best of luck to the OP which is what matters here anyway...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,522 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Quit squabbling.

    Yes, txtspk is annoying and heartily discouraged in our charter but if you start referring to posters as tards then you get booted. Stick to the topic and report posts if you think they are inappropriate/conflict with the charter. Thanks.
    K ur getting completely off topic now - and I really admire the way you view diabled people, really mature, much more than a 12 year olds opinion. Well done.
    I deleted a post by you yesterday that was akin to something a 12 year old would write, so please practice what you preach.

    Back on topic or there will be bannings. If you wish to reply to what I said then PM me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13 coffeeadddict


    Well, just to update ye guys with whats happened with me and my boyfy....I'm soooooo upset....We met up on Friday night as planned and had a big talk about everything, he said that he still loved me but wasn't sure if he could trust me again so didn't really know if we should continue with our relationship, I kept saying how sorry I was+how it would never happen again...in the end we were both just emotionally drained from all the talking+kinda left things hanging....he said he'd contact me....anyway, I stayed in on the Sat night+didn't hear from him until last night....he called over + basically said that he'd slept with someone else on Sat night that he'd met in a bar when he was out with the lads...he said he had harboured such anger towards me that he just wanted to hurt me as much as I'd hurt him....I can't believe he did that...and he wants to get back together now coz he thinks we're even!! But I don't know if I can get over this....I mean I made a mistake but he intentionally went out to shag someone else and hurt me....surely there's no justification for that kind of behaviour? I'm in a right state at work today, I feel physically sick.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭junior_apollo


    Ok firstly ya that was kinda vindictive and childish of him, but then again even if he did sleep with someone (regardless of what he says his reasons behind this were) it shouldnt make any difference as ye are not together now so he's free to do what he wants...

    On the flip-side of the coin - sleep with his mate now without any remorse...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,224 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    On the flip-side of the coin - sleep with his mate now without any remorse...

    Why should she do this? :rolleyes:

    He acted a bit childish but ya can hardly blame the lad. It's probably best that you end it as neither of you will hold any trust for each other ever again.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13 coffeeadddict


    Yeah, but I was under the impression we were still a couple and we were just taking a break while we worked things out....


Advertisement