She Has Ruined Everything

LegacyUser

I’m really lost and confused here and I don’t know what to do.

About 2 years ago I met Liz- the most wonderful lady in the world- but she had a boyfriend. I fell madly in love with her and as time went on she fell for me too. But she refused to leave her boyfriend as she loved him a lot. I loved her SO MUCH I said ok that Id rather have her in my life that way than not at all.

Since then we have been on and off all the time-But I always contact her and beg her to have me back-I adore her-I cant really explain it-She just has a grip on me.

One night during another “Break up” I got v drunk and went on a chat room and got talking with this girl “Laura”. We became fast friends- Called/text /emailed every day. She eventually said she loved me-I didn’t know what to say so I said I did too (I didn’t want to hurt her feelings) Bear in mind id never even met this girl.

During this time I discovered that Liz had dumped her BF and was single, I was thrilled and really hoping we could salvage something cos I still loved her SO MUCH. She didn’t want to at first but I eventually talked her around.

The other day Laura rang my phone and it went to voicemail. At the time I had my calls transferred over to Liz’s voicemail cos my phone was broken (water damage) Anyway Laura left a message saying she loved me and she wanted to come over to Ireland to see me etc and to call her. Of course Liz heard this and FREAKED OUT. She accused me of cheating on her-I told her that I was friends with Laura when I wasn’t with her anymore and that I hadn’t talked to her in weeks. She barged out of the house and I haven’t seen her since.

I have called/text/emailed/called her folks/friends-everything! She won’t talk to me! I told her I will change my number and she can have control over my emails etc so she will know I’m not doing anything wrong but so far to no avail.

I know it sounds desperate and pathetic but I love this girl to bits and I’ve FINALLY gotten her all to myself and Laura’s ruined everything, I just don’t know what to do.

chump

Sounds like an episode of Nerd Creek...

Suggestion: join the real world, tell your gf exactly what the story is, lay it on the table, and tell her 'This is it, take it or leave it' ... she'll make her decision, and that'll be that

Ruu_Old

I think its selfish of you to blame someone else for the mess you got yourself into. Tell Laura it was a mistake on your part and let the poor girl down easily for a start. Get your head straight as I don't think you need a relationship right now, give Liz sometime to cool off.

OfflerCrocGod

I can see how it's all the fault of this woman you have been stringing along and telling her you loved her......clearly her fault.

King of Kings

i think you are better off without Liz.
laura's message (BTW not her fault) has done you a favour.
Time to move on cos you've wasted a whole load of time.

Black Swan

Liz and Laura? Decisions, decisions? Well, I cannot blame Liz for splitting after reading the love message from Laura. Of course, Laura has been kept in the dark, thinking that her online infatuation may lead to something more? Oh well, live and learn from your mistakes? You can try to talk with Liz, and explain your side of the story, but I would not be too hopeful. Then again, you could followup with Laura and not tell her about Liz? Decisions, decisions?

Talliesin

funksoulbrotha wrote:

I know it sounds desperate and pathetic but I love this girl to bits and I’ve FINALLY gotten her all to myself and Laura’s ruined everything, I just don’t know what to do.

What you need to do is this.

Get the first clue about things.

You've just explained how you messed around two women. This counts as acting like an asshole. Contemptible, but nobody's perfect and we've all acted like assholes at some time.

However, you then blame one of them. This indicates that the reason you were acting like an asshole is that you are an asshole.

Right now Liz needs to decide whether you were being an asshole because we're all imperfect or you are an asshole. If you keep blaming Laura for this, she may well have enough cop-on to realise that this makes the latter more likely, and you've no hope.

Telling someone that they can have control over your emails is essentially saying "how about we get back together, but you act as if I'm completely untrustworthy and I act as if that's the case and letting you have a degree of supervision over my activities that's frankly rather creepy". Wow, what a catch!

Stop being a bull****ter. Look at the big stupid mess its got you into and just stop. If you get back with Liz (in which case she's either smitten enough about you to overlook a hell of a lot, or pretty thick) or not, if you try things with Laura or not, just stop being a bull****ter and try living with a bit of authenticity.

WhiteWashMan

Talliesin wrote:

This indicates that the reason you were acting like an asshole is that you are an asshole..

man, thats the funniest thing i have read on this forum in soooo long.

Kinetic^

*High fives Tally*

Seriously though OP, you pwned yourself, there's nobody else to blame.

Talliesin

WhiteWashMan wrote:

man, thats the funniest thing i have read on this forum in soooo long.

Well, it's just the other side of what I've often told friends bitching about their partner's actions, "Yep, s/he was being an asshole. If it's because we're all assholes sometimes, you two need to talk; if it's because they are an asshole, dump them".

00112984

funksoulbrotha wrote:

...But she refused to leave her boyfriend as she loved him a lot. I loved her SO MUCH I said ok that Id rather have her in my life that way than not at all... I always contact her and beg her to have me back.

During this time I discovered that Liz had dumped her BF and was single, I was thrilled and really hoping we could salvage something cos I still loved her SO MUCH. She didn’t want to at first but I eventually talked her around.

Liz didn't like you enough in the first instance to leave her boyfriend for you. Then, when they did break up, she didn't come running to you to take you up on all of your offers.

Now, you admit that you've practically forced her into a relationship. Face it, she's not interested, was on the rebound and you've been used. If she really loved you, a simple voicemail wouldn't've made her left. But she did. Obviously, she was just looking for an excuse to leave. Nothing would have made her stay.

Meanwhile, poor Laura is simply wearing her heart on her sleeve for a man she believes in is love with her and you're responding to that like an idiot.

Liz played you for a fool and it was very easy.

LegacyUser

'

funksoulbrotha wrote:

I’m really lost and confused here and I don’t know what to do.

About 2 years ago I met Liz- the most wonderful lady in the world- but she had a boyfriend. I fell madly in love with her and as time went on she fell for me too. But she refused to leave her boyfriend as she loved him a lot. I loved her SO MUCH I said ok that Id rather have her in my life that way than not at all.

Since then we have been on and off all the time-But I always contact her and beg her to have me back-I adore her-I cant really explain it-She just has a grip on me.

One night during another “Break up” I got v drunk and went on a chat room and got talking with this girl “Laura”. We became fast friends- Called/text /emailed every day. She eventually said she loved me-I didn’t know what to say so I said I did too (I didn’t want to hurt her feelings) Bear in mind id never even met this girl.

During this time I discovered that Liz had dumped her BF and was single, I was thrilled and really hoping we could salvage something cos I still loved her SO MUCH. She didn’t want to at first but I eventually talked her around.

The other day Laura rang my phone and it went to voicemail. At the time I had my calls transferred over to Liz’s voicemail cos my phone was broken (water damage) Anyway Laura left a message saying she loved me and she wanted to come over to Ireland to see me etc and to call her. Of course Liz heard this and FREAKED OUT. She accused me of cheating on her-I told her that I was friends with Laura when I wasn’t with her anymore and that I hadn’t talked to her in weeks. She barged out of the house and I haven’t seen her since.

I have called/text/emailed/called her folks/friends-everything! She won’t talk to me! I told her I will change my number and she can have control over my emails etc so she will know I’m not doing anything wrong but so far to no avail.

I know it sounds desperate and pathetic but I love this girl to bits and I’ve FINALLY gotten her all to myself and Laura’s ruined everything, I just don’t know what to do.

How can you even start a thread saying 'SHE has ruined everything'?? Can you not see, that it is not Laura to blame, but you??? How can someone be that ignorant. In fairness. Both of them are better off with out you.'

im_invisible

ah, go easy on the man. he seems to have gotten into a situation where he cant be in a relationship unless hes being used, he feels somehow inferior, and really believes he deserves to be treated like this. the whole letting liz have total control of his emails, etc. she say 'jump', he say 'how high?'

and then this laura, who wants to marry nice irish boy, and come live in ireland????

eviecarwash

I think Liz was looking for an escape route... Move on, "she's just not that into you". Sorry, that's how it seems to me anyhow..:o

AdMMM

It's very ignorant of you to try and blame Laura. You said that you were drunk when you first got talking, but I'm guessing that you weren't drunk for the flurry of txts/emails/conversations that followed that drunken night. You had plenty of opportunity to distance yourself from her but then you say that you love her! What did you expect really?

Pigman II

Yeah buddy, you should have never have told cyberwank-woman that you loved her. Big mistake! Bigger still tx-ing your voicemail your gfs phone while you have this skeleton in your closet? Crazy!

Don't know whether you're naive or just a fool but either way you don't sound as bad a guy as people here are making you out to be. The best thing you could do is just move on a stop being such a pussy. Women don't respect you the way you're acting atm.

dame

This Liz sounds like a bit of a hypocrite. She had no problems cheating herself but blows a fuse when you get a voicemail from another girl you told her you got friendly with while you two were split up. Poor Laura is the one getting the rough deal here. Let her down gently. Liz and yourself are as bad as each other. Keep playing your games with each other if you like - ye deserve each other.

Victor

Talliesin, harsh.

funksoulbrotha wrote:

Since then we have been on and off all the time-But I always contact her and beg her to have me back-I adore her-I cant really explain it-She just has a grip on me.

During this time I discovered that Liz had dumped her BF and was single, I was thrilled and really hoping we could salvage something cos I still loved her SO MUCH. She didn’t want to at first but I eventually talked her around.

You were being a player and you got injured. You wanted it all, but ended up with...... only Laura, who seemed good enough at the time, but not now.

LegacyUser

'Man - U sound to me to be totally pussy whipped.

I agree with Chump - put your cards on the table and let her take it or leave it.'

gamer

BE honest ,tell her you had online flirting going with this woman, you have never met her in real life ,theres no way shes in love with u unless she is deluded,or naive.Of course sum americans use love in a very casual way ,ie the love any1 whos nice to them,for 5minutes ,ie paris hilton said she loves britney,i dont think its LOVE ,romantic love.I think its more like i really like you,we are close friends .BE ,humble honest ,maybe she might give you another chance.You were,immature ,foolish to say i love you to an online penpal,who you never met.

Zambia

I think you should forget both move to another country and try and start afresh with the female species.

Classic This indicates that the reason you were acting like an asshole is that you are an asshole..

event

Talliesin wrote:

This indicates that the reason you were acting like an asshole is that you are an asshole.

:rolleyes:

that not personal abuse?

Kinetic^

event wrote:

:rolleyes:

that not personal abuse?

No, it's stating a fact, now move along.

Talliesin

event wrote:

that not personal abuse?

I think what indications his girlfriend(s) will be looking for as to his character are rather on topic.

"You're a lovely fella, I can't understand why she's upset" is not helpful.

ergo

chump wrote:

Sounds like an episode of Nerd Creek...

lol

seriously though OP, how could you tell a girl you've never met you love her....Jaysus! Sure take your chances with Laura, it's all you've got left by the sound of it......