Guilty Conscience - advice please!

LegacyUser

I would appreciate some opinions on this.

A relative of mine is the manager of a business, owned by someone else. 6 years ago, I began working there during my summer holidays to earn a bit of extra cash. When I went back to school, I didn’t work there any more, but to help me out, my relative carried on filling in timesheets for me so that I kept getting paid. This has been going on for approximately 6 years. I didn’t care at first, but suddenly I have felt that it is wrong and must not continue. Obviously I will tell my relative to stop paying me now, but I’m not sure what to do about the money I have already taken without earning. I could never pay it back as it runs into thousands, and I can’t work it off as I don’t even live in the same country anymore.

Also, I am at college in another country now. I lied on my student loan form to get more money. I said that I am estranged from my parents, which I am not, so that I can get extra money which I don’t have to pay back.

Without both of the extra monies mentioned above, I don’t know how I would survive. I only spend it on rent, food and college books, not luxuries. Without the extra money my parents would bankrupt themselves trying to pay my rent and food. I live in a tiny little town where its impossible to get a job.

So my main concerns are: If I stop taking the unearned money from the business, do you think that’s ok, or should I right my wrongs somehow?
And what about the extra money I get for college? I can’t call them up and say “Sorry, I lied on the forms.” I would get done for fraud! But I have now developed a conscience and don’t know what to do.

spinandscribble

stop taking money from the company but just leave it be with the college. your relative could get in trouble over this right? im in college too and i know finding the hours to work is hard but if you have to work you'll find a way.

dumbyearbook

You'll cause some upset with your relative if you tell them, but feck it come clean and tell them?

The person must be loaded anyway and seeing as your parents would find it hard to support you the rich relative might understand?

Or stop taking the money and say nothing - just live with it; ppl have done worse and you did nt waste it.

LegacyUser

Its not my relative's money I have been taking. The money belongs to someone unrelated. My relative has just been procuring it for me. Thats why I can't come clean, I don't want my relative to go to prison or something because of me. I was just wondering if there was something else i could do to make amends.

yevveh

In my opinion it was done out of necessity. If you feel its wrong perhaps you could ask your relative to stop doing it. Remember that a college is more than likely a huge firm and the little extra money you have been getting will not be a speck on the finance sheet. Of course if everyone did it it would be a problem, but its probably on a small scale, so nothing to worry about. With the college it seems you have to keep it up but your relative can easily say you quit to the owner (I mean if he's saying you've been working for the last 6 years, its a lot harder to cover up someone who's not there than it is to say someone who isnt there quit!). Its up to you if you want to keep accepting the money or not. I understand a conscience is a hard thing to quiet so look towards the present and the future and try and forget about the past - how you felt at the time was the only way you could possibly have felt, if you weren't thinking about the consequences I assume it was because it was an issue of survival and your education. Its your life, people do what they need to get by, and as dumbyearbook pointed out people have done much worse.

Black Swan

It's theft. If you truly feel guilty about it, but don't want to get enmeshed in the legal system, or blow your college education, or be cause for your relative's loss of employment, immediately stop taking this money. Then start thinking about restitution, or ways to unobtrusively repay the money over time when you have an income?*









*Disclaimer: This is not a qualified legal opinion, but rather just the feelings of the poster.

Marksie

GuiltyConscence wrote:

Its not my relative's money I have been taking. The money belongs to someone unrelated. My relative has just been procuring it for me. Thats why I can't come clean, I don't want my relative to go to prison or something because of me. I was just wondering if there was something else i could do to make amends.

Obviously stopping recieving the money from your relative is the first step. If you are serious about making amends, then giving it back to owner would create lots of problems. It is theft and deception.
One thing to sak yourself is.. if they had been taking from me how would i feel.
One option then to salve a guilty conscience could be to set up a standing order with charities and pay it back that way.

Zambia

GuiltyConscence wrote:

But I have now developed a conscience and don’t know what to do.

6 years of thieving and now you have a conscience. You can do nothing without causing a lot of upset in fact you may still be chased for this money if the business is looked at severly. Chances are this relative of yours has more than one phantom staffer on the books if he is caught you could still get chased for this money in the investigation. In short you have robbed thousands of pounds/euro from a business

As for the lie about your parents (if you where my son/daughter and said that I would be devasted) thats wrong and you should feel bad.

As for necessity well thats the excuse of people who draw the dole and work ,cause they need the money.

This sounds harsh but you basically need to earn more money in a legit way.

LegacyUser

'I thought about giving money to charity (when, of course, I have money, which right now I don't) but do you think that would be enough? Would it count if its not to the right person?

btw, my parents know that i said i am estranged from them, they encouraged me to say that because they want me to get an education and they can't afford to give me one.'

dumbyearbook

My mistake thought it was you relative that owned the business - from what i know of and this comes from both an owner and employee perspective - overpaid wages are never mentioned (except in the staff room on the qt)

6 years of this though is alot, how much do you owe?

Personally id stop taking the money and then get over it - give back another way take out a direct debit for a charity straight away - will make you feel a bit better anyway?

Your relative will get the sack you'll all be mortified and you'll actually be no better off if you tell. Maybe confessions might help:D (if ur RC that is !?)

LegacyUser

'I reckon I owe about 27000 euros.'

Carrigart Exile

GuiltyConscence wrote:

I would appreciate some opinions on this.

A relative of mine is the manager of a business, owned by someone else. 6 years ago, I began working there during my summer holidays to earn a bit of extra cash. When I went back to school, I didn’t work there any more, but to help me out, my relative carried on filling in timesheets for me so that I kept getting paid. This has been going on for approximately 6 years. I didn’t care at first, but suddenly I have felt that it is wrong and must not continue. Obviously I will tell my relative to stop paying me now, but I’m not sure what to do about the money I have already taken without earning. I could never pay it back as it runs into thousands, and I can’t work it off as I don’t even live in the same country anymore.

Also, I am at college in another country now. I lied on my student loan form to get more money. I said that I am estranged from my parents, which I am not, so that I can get extra money which I don’t have to pay back.

Without both of the extra monies mentioned above, I don’t know how I would survive. I only spend it on rent, food and college books, not luxuries. Without the extra money my parents would bankrupt themselves trying to pay my rent and food. I live in a tiny little town where its impossible to get a job.

So my main concerns are: If I stop taking the unearned money from the business, do you think that’s ok, or should I right my wrongs somehow?
And what about the extra money I get for college? I can’t call them up and say “Sorry, I lied on the forms.” I would get done for fraud! But I have now developed a conscience and don’t know what to do.

I am tempted to say if the business has such poor systems of control then they deserve to get ripped off. However, you have recognised its wrong perhaps its time for you to 'leave'.


If your religious you'll know the heavens celebrate when a sinner returns to the fold; one day i'll give them an excuse for a party:D

sweet-rasmus

firstly, i hope your relative has 'fired' you at this stage! just forget about that and move on; hope that no one starts asking questions.

as for the grant, you did what you had to do. people use all sorts of white lies where they feel necessary. i wouldn't worry about it all too much.

i would assume that it wouldn't be in your best interest to get a job while in college; you know, only young once, and that way you can focus on college life. but you make it sound like money will be a struggle for you when you begin to pay back your loans, from your description of your current financial situation. perhaps a summer job, anywhere, would help for the next academic year.

and as for giving money to charity; dont give it a second thought! your financial situation can't handle that! or even in the future. the best thing to ease your guilty conscience is do some honest hard work and begin earning the time presents itself. don't worry about it while you are living the college life.

dumbyearbook

I agree with most of the above - dont worry about the college stuff yer grand, but as for a charity donation they are like €7 a month or something (i dont have one myself mind)

The OP feels a bit guilty so its a nice idea if only a small way of giving back! - OP do give it a second thought!

and dont be so hard on yourself whats done now is done;)

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone. I will definitely look into getting involved with charities somehow to try and redress the karmic balance!