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Dating Issue

2»

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 812 ✭✭✭littlesurfer


    Spent a bit of time in the states and came across a lot of this....with girls dating more than one guy and basically keeping guys on their toes....


    ... I couldn't do it and i don't like the idea of it at all.

    i don't know how your managing to chill and enjoy yourself while you know this girl is doing the same thing with another guy. She's on what?, date four with him? and she's still calling it a date as apposed to just being mates with him! not cool


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 29,495 ✭✭✭✭_Kaiser_


    Have to say I agree with the "cake and eat it" sentiments.

    Fair enough, she's being honest and she should be given credit for that, but she's still trying to keep both guys sweet until she makes up her mind as to who she "likes" more, and that's not fair to EITHER of the lads involved IMO.

    Also that might be how it works back home, but as the saying goes, "you're not in Kansas anymore" and if it was an Irish girl doing this, I think the "walk away" vote would be closer to 80/90%


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Ok, i'm home now... Have to say it was a good night, most of it spent on the couch canoodling, kissing, whispering sweet nothings etc.

    Unfortunately for me, i am stubborn as fúck, and i don't really believe in dating etiquette hahaha. So nearer the end of the night i decided to bring it up. I basically said that i hope she's thinking a little clearer on the subject after tonight, even by a little. This started the topic of conversation and i basically said that i felt a little uncomfortable. That i don't get why she would agree to meet me if she's ''seeing'' this other guy.

    I asked her how she would feel if i was acting the same with another girl some other night, and she honestly said that she wouldn't mind. She truely sees nothing wrong with this at all. She also said that he had been over to hers as well, like me. And to be honest it sickens me to think of them on the couch, like we were tonight, kissing, canoodling, whispering sweet nothings etc... I mean, wtf? How insincere is that???? That's just fúcked up. She said i could stay over if i wanted, cos it's late and we were both exhausted, it was nothing sexual but we would have been sleeping in the same bed. I declined, but did she ask him the same thing? And did he?

    Also, the topic came up of meeting over the weekend, she suggested sunday, and i just asked what she was up to on Sat, she just replied ''busy''... Maybe i'm jumping the gun, but i'm going to assume she's meeting him then, as i don't think she would have had time to so far this week, apart from before Tuesday when she first met up with me. To be honest it's just not on, i think it's time for me to just nip this in the bud.'


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 7,486 ✭✭✭Red Alert


    i may be quite unusual as a guy but that wouldn't really bother me at all. if i did like the girl it would probably get my ass into gear and make sure i made a good impression.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85 ✭✭oranje


    Also, the topic came up of meeting over the weekend, she suggested sunday, and i just asked what she was up to on Sat, she just replied ''busy''... Maybe i'm jumping the gun, but i'm going to assume she's meeting him then, as i don't think she would have had time to so far this week, apart from before Tuesday when she first met up with me. To be honest it's just not on, i think it's time for me to just nip this in the bud.'

    This is actually a major downer. If you are clearly not her Friday or Saturday night guy then you are not in pole position. You have two choices. You can either enjoy being with her from a physical point of view and just accept that she is doing the same things with another guy or call it quits.
    It sounds like you like her too much to be the number two so maybe you should just tell her to get back to you if and when she wants to see you exclusively.
    I've been where you are a couple of times and I had to take the second option both times.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,375 ✭✭✭kmick


    Whatever you do - do NOT bring this up with her again. You will end up saying something you regret and be always on the back foot. Also you will lose face as you will seem desperate. Keep it cool and don't freak out. If she brings it up tell her you are fine with the whole non-exclusive thing. In fact you are so cool you also have decided that you would like to see other people as well. Play her at her own game. I have been out with a couple of girls from America and they are exactly the same as girls from everywhere else. She is measuring you up and seeing how you respond. Turn it around to your advantage. If she was going to pick this guy as her 'exclusive' she would have done so by now. She is hedging her bets. I know you are crazy about this chick but you need to think rationally. Have your second date and let her do the talking. If there is a third date to be organised dont agree on it straight away.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    '@ OP - you have to let her go. How long will this go on for? She's messing you around, you deserve better than that.

    She's not buying a car FFS. How many test-drives is she intending to have? I say let the other guy work away, it's cutting you up and she's not worth it. Sounds like a self-centered nut job to me.'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    shes being honest with you op, and its your choice whether to put up with it or not. it'd be COMPLETELY different if she was seeing this other guy on the sly, but she did the decent thing and now it's your call. Of course you could get hurt, but you might not - you just have to make a decision and stick with it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Ok, last update methinks.... I ended ''it'', turns out there was a 3rd guy also. So told her to take a running jump.

    No matter what, NO girl is worth ''competing'' over. Fúck that shít.

    It's unfortunate, as i thought she was a nice girl, but **** it. She's not worth my time.

    Thanks for all the advice guys.'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭King of Kings


    she is wrecking your head.
    how can even try and fool yourself into thinking those sweet nothing are remotely genuine,
    Value yourself and don't accept such shoddy treatment.

    OP - if you were a girl this thread would be full of uproar and the shabby way the chap was treating you.


    I would run away fast.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    'Ok, last update methinks.... I ended ''it'', turns out there was a 3rd guy also. So told her to take a running jump.

    No matter what, NO girl is worth ''competing'' over. Fúck that shít.

    It's unfortunate, as i thought she was a nice girl, but **** it. She's not worth my time.

    Thanks for all the advice guys.'

    Jaysus!! 3?? Is that normal in America?
    Well done man. You did the right thing. Best to end it now. Would have been so much worse had you beed led on for longer as it would have hurt so much more.
    A girl like that doesn't deserve you, or anyone for that matter.
    Chin up and have fun man.:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    whiskeyman wrote:
    Jaysus!! 3?? Is that normal in America?
    Well done man. You did the right thing. Best to end it now. Would have been so much worse had you beed led on for longer as it would have hurt so much more.
    A girl like that doesn't deserve you, or anyone for that matter.
    Chin up and have fun man.:)

    so she is polyamoury..big deal. She was honest and upfront.

    She didn't lead the OP on.

    as for fun..likely he could have had.

    a "girl like that" deserves as much respect as any other.. where was she cheating? The OP knew ther was at least one other.

    Accept it for some one partner is not an option, different partners supply different needs


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    so she is polyamoury..big deal. She was honest and upfront.

    She didn't lead the OP on.

    as for fun..likely he could have had.

    a "girl like that" deserves as much respect as any other.. where was she cheating? The OP knew ther was at least one other.

    Accept it for some one partner is not an option, different partners supply different needs

    I never said she cheated, i do realise we were never in a relationship.

    Going for coffee with a few guys, or a meal, is a date. This i don't think i would have a problem with as long as it's innocent on all parts (including mine)..

    However, inviting someone to your home, sharing an evening with them, saying the things that we were saying, doing the things that we were doing, and asking me to spend the night and share her bed. Well, that to me, is a little more personal than a date. This to me showed that i meant something to her and visa versa. Now, this is all good, if the other guys are only getting coffee and a meal...

    But! To do the exact same thing with the other guys(at least one) AS WELL. That is what my problem is. Because it just shows that what we did that night was all a sham.

    Oh yeah, i forgot to say.. I did actually explain my reasons for thinking this, and she did actually say that i made a lot of sense. And that she thought she should take a step back from everyone. And do the whole friend thing, so she could still meet up with the all guys as ''friends'', no pressure on a relationship. But that there would still be cuddling but not kissing..... WTF??? The woman is crazy, simple as.

    Anyway, it's done and dusted, i've told how what i think in no uncertain terms, so i doubt there will be much contact after that hahahaha:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 204 ✭✭greenteaicedtea


    I grew up in Canada and I only date one person at a time, so I don't think every North American does that dating-many-people thing. I thought that belonged in the 50s with the poodle skirts and sockhops.
    but it's not right to be flirty and kissing more than one guy
    that's how I feel too.

    If I met someone who said they were dating other people, I would just write it off as an informal friendship and move on. But that's just me. :rolleyes:


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