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boyfriend won't help with housework

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 984 ✭✭✭NextSteps


    Although my partner is much, much better than this, I can sympathise to a point. I suspect there's something about some men - or people who were catered for too well as children, and that's usually men - that makes them not see mess. If you're the sort of person who sees mess, and who can't relax in a messy room or when things need to be done (I know the feeling!), you're in danger of being labelled a moan or, worse, a nag. Or you're likely to do the lion's share of the work.

    I don't know what the solution is. Giving him a list of tasks isn't satisfactory: I think that what you want is for him to NOTICE what needs doing, and then to DO it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,020 ✭✭✭Dr_Teeth


    Delete his main WoW character, that should bring home to him the seriousness of the situation! :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'It sounds like he doesn't repect you very much and is taking you for granted. Are ye both paying equal rent... when you say you work from 'home'... do you own the house etc?
    I think alot depends on if you do pay equal rent etc.. if you do, then he probably feels that he can do whatever he wanted. I just reckon, if he was afraid of losing you+ really cared about you, then he would clear up his mess out of respect for you, as you're the one who is working at home all day+ has to put up with it. Do you really want to be with someone like that?... there's a book.. it's called something along the lines of 'why ment like bitches'... an interesting humorous read...'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭limklad


    To be honest, it is an attitude that is very very common amongst young student males,

    You need to say I total disagree. When I was in collage and looking for accommodation, several house owners told me, that he would not rent out to girls, because of lots of experience with them destroying his houses. He initially rented to girls because he though that the house would be fine. He had lots of trouble with girls tenants. He then rent out to boys and then found the complete opposite. I hear more horror stories about girls in rented houses than I do about boys in collage. Some who are total freaks about spotless cleaning or the complete opposite trash the place.
    OP
    Yes there are idiots out there, who do not respect or care about doing their bit.
    When I first started working after college, the First house I was in, which was clean and nice. We kept it nice and then a room came free, and the landlord let in his soccer buddy into the house. Big disaster, he left huge mess after him, sat around watching TV all day, and every month he gets his mother to clean up after him and washes his clothes. He would not give any money for paying the bills and was stealing our food and say that he saw the other guy taking it. We ended up locking things away and he broke the locks. We complaint several times about him (landlord believe his buddy) and so did the neighbors.
    We moved out after 3 months (already had 9 month of the yearly contract) leaving himself there and for the landlord to deal with him.
    Most of my experience in rented accommodation, it is the minority (mainly mummy boys and girls who did everything for them), are the ones who will always causes the biggest headaches in life.
    You best bet is to break up with him unless you want to marry him and be his slave for the rest of you life.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭limklad


    To be honest I think it’s a symptom of a bigger issue. He's not ready to grow up, in some way he equates making an effort to do some housework as being domesticated, settled, tied down. He doesn't want to be settled down with me, simple as!
    Why did he and you move in together? This is the biggest step in settling down.
    He is using you and wants you to do what he only wants.
    He has answered you question about your long term future through his behavior, which is NO FUTURE as a couple.
    You are his Free servant in every way (just like his mammy) and a free ride whenever he in the mood to.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,909 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    bug wrote:
    Don't do anything for him, and do all your own house work.
    Don't cook for him. Don't clean for him. DO NOTHING. No matter how much you might be tempted because of the filth.

    Let the place go to pot except for your own bits and what's necessary.

    In a few weeks time when you get totally pissed off, pack the bin bag with rubbish, double pack it, (so it doesn't leak) and put it in his bed with the covers over it. (you can make arms, legs and head for the fun of it if you want)

    DON'T BITCH

    Then progressively move all the crap he creates on the way or around the PC (cups etc).

    Apart from the bold paragraph I'd agree with this. (His bed is her bed, so I doubt she'd want to sleep with rubbish.

    Ime as long as the mess is cleared up many men are actually unaware of the work that goes into stopping a house from sliding into a complete tip. I'm a complete slob, so I'm being a bit hypocritical here.:o But a week isn't long enough. You need to let everything become a complete mess. Make sure he has no clean clothes, especially underwear. He is possibly so slobby that when he first runs out of clean underwear he will buy some more. If you do this, you have to be prepared to out last him. And obviously as you work from home, it will get to you more.

    But it will either cop him on, or make you less sensitive to mess. (It's what happened to me when I tried this tactic.) Either way you will find a compromise you can both live with.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    Yep. Stop doing the invisible tasks.

    Launder nothing. No clothes, tea cloths, towels.
    Don't hoover.
    Don't dust.
    Don't even pick up the post. Leave the mail that doesn't belong to you on the floor.
    Don't wash any floors.
    Don't clean the loo.
    Don't rinse the soap scum off the sink.
    Don't clean the bath or shower.
    Don't do any dishes.
    Don't put anything away.

    For a week or so, revel in being a slob yourself and make an even bigger goddamned mess than he does. Buy a sleeping bag and sleep in it, on your bed, so you don't have to sleep in skanky, unchanged sheets.

    Eventually, either he'll cop on, or he's too stupid for words.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,909 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    Buy a sleeping bag and sleep in it, on your bed, so you don't have to sleep in skanky, unchanged sheets.

    Ooohhhh! Good idea.

    And they will get skanky fast when he can't take a shower as he has no clean towels.:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 29,495 ✭✭✭✭_Kaiser_


    Just dump him already. He clearly has no respect for you and is betting on the fact that no matter what you say, you'll end up doing all the housework anyway (just like mammy did).

    I disagree with the idea of not bothering either then though. Why should you live in a pig sty to make a point to a guy who clearly isn't listening already and doesn't seem to care anyway. If he's sitting playing Warcraft all night instead, it sounds like he needs to grow up anyway.

    Actually.. I take back part of the above.. do help him out, by packing all your stuff and leaving! You deserve better than to be treated like a maid/substitute mammy!

    (and I'm a guy btw.. not a neatness freak, but I wouldn't live like that) :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    Try turning housework into an rpg where you get points for doing tasks and level up like in WOW?

    I'm another (occasional) WOW widow!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,644 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    simu wrote:
    I'm another (occasional) WOW widow!

    Pfft, I barely play once a week tbh. :(

    Your idea is also unworkable, unless they start selling some form of epic washing up liquid that you have to wash 10,000 spoons in order to be eligible to purchase.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    First, you have to use the cheap-ass unbranded lemon liquid of watery doom.

    When the bottle is gone, you can level-up to a branded variety.

    Your highest level is Fairy Power Spray. That's when we start giving you acoutrements like the teflon-safe sponge/scrubber +4.

    /me gets coat.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 589 ✭✭✭Borat_Sagdiyev


    When was the last time this guy surprised you with a bunch of flowers? (has he ever?)

    When was the last time he went out for a drink with just you?

    When was the last time he did ANYTHING in ANY way nice, for you, and not for an ulterior motive? (ie to get back on your good side for whatever reason)

    If you can't get satisfactory answers to those questions, then what the hell are you doing with this fella?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 79 ✭✭Procrastinator


    Don't mean to be rude but,
    Are you his Ma or his girlfriend?
    he sounds like that sulky teenager on the Harry Enfield Show...
    You're in your twenties yes? you want a child now so?
    not yet you say?...sounds like you already have one, and he's guilted you into acceptance of all kinds of rubbish behaviour on his part.

    Good god... Who pays the bills in the house if he's in College and you're working from home?
    I hope that you don't pay for everything. But if you do, that's why he's treating you like his Ma. Time to cut those aporon strings girl! Give him his freedom, from nagging, your moodiness, your resentment, your withholding of 'relations', but of course freedom from that also means he'll be equally free from your tidyness, your cleaning up after his mess, your cooking, and your breadwinning!
    Anyway, I'll finish now. Can feel myself getting annoyed.


    A few years ago in University, a house of 4 lads told me that a girl was comming down to their hgouse and cooking for them about three times a week. They couldn't understand why she was doing it, but none of them said anything because they couldn't be bothered cooking for themselves when they had someone willing to do it for them...they just let her do it.
    To her face they were really friendly, but to me and behind her back to everyone else they thought she was thick.
    That conversation was a serious eye-opener.
    Good luck.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭kelle


    simu wrote:
    Try turning housework into an rpg where you get points for doing tasks and level up like in WOW?

    I'm another (occasional) WOW widow!
    What does WOW mean?


  • Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    World of Warcraft
    Its an Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. Or MMORPG, cos thats clearly much easier to say! :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 204 ✭✭greenteaicedtea


    He says he is sick of my moaning and that if it wasn't the housework I'd moan about something else.

    If it wasn't the housework he was slackign off on, it would be something else, IMO

    I'd say leave him outright, or live apart instead.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,644 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    kelle wrote:
    What does WOW mean?

    It's also known as Warcrack, due to it's addictive tendencies. ;)


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