To go or not to go

LegacyUser

hi all
don't mean to bore you all with another stupid relationship question, but I'm hoping I might get a few responses to take on board.
I've been going out with a girl for 2 years, that I love a lot. She's 32 and I'm 26. I have a brother that lives in New Zealand and I decided recently that I'm going to go down there for a while so I bought a ticket last week and I'm away on paddy's day. I've always wanted to live and work abroad again I'm just not ready to settle down yet.
In the meantime, my (ex) girlfriend has been transferred to her home country in Europe and she goes next month or april. She wanted me to go with her. I said I'd move there but I want to go to NZ for a few months first. Queue her going crazy yesterday, crying, saying I don't care about her etc., and never to contact her again. Now the thought of never talking to her again makes me feel pretty bad. I mean she could be the love of my life, I don't know. Do you think I'm doing the right thing here? If I don't go to NZ I'll regret it forever, but maybe I'll regret leaving this bird forever too. I don't see why she can't just wait for me, but there seems to be no reasoning there. As usual, women hate seeing their men having fun without them.
By the way I'm trying to be reasonable about this as I know there's no point in getting overly worked up about break-ups, I've been through this nonsense before.
Thanks for any help

Femelade

help....dont call your girlfriend a "bird" first of all.
Go...if its what you want to do. She will wait a few months for you if she loves you no?

I_and_I

I don't see why she can't just wait for me, but there seems to be no reasoning there.

Seems to me that there is alot of reasoning there, why should she wait for you. How does she know that you won't want to stay there for good and never come back to her, she has a life to consider as well. Plus you she probably feels you have all the time in the world being younger than here and all.

Black Swan

tenderhooks wrote:

If I don't go to NZ I'll regret it forever, but maybe I'll regret leaving this bird forever too.

It would seem from your statement that NZ is your first priority and your relationship comes in second? This would be consistent with your purchase of the NZ ticket? Haven't you answered your own question through your actions?

Moojuice

Go. Then arrive on teh girls doorstep a few months later, get the travel out of your system. If you settle down with her you might resent her for stopiing you from traveling.

LegacyUser

'I'd say definately go to NZ & tell her that you'll be in her home country in x amount of months. I reckon & going by my experience, regardless of whether you have a lond distance relationship for those few months, if you're supposed to be with this girl in the future then you will be.

If you're wondering my situation is that I met a guy after I'd planned to come to travel. Had a great few months together before I left. At the time I got a bit caught up in the emotion of the whole thing & suggested a LDR. He didn't think it was such a good idea, cue me thinking he didn't give a toss about me. So I've been away 6 months & we've been in touch a bit but not as much as I'd have liked so I really just assume that it's never gonna happen. I've with other people & assume he has too. Out of the blue last week I get a text from him saying he misses me & basically counting down the time til I come home.

Moral of the story, do what you have to do & don't let anyone hold you back and if it's meant to be it'll be.'

loismustdie

what's more important to you now, nz or gf?

beezkneez

tenderhooks wrote:

hi all
In the meantime, my (ex) girlfriend has been transferred to her home country Thanks for any help

Might also be wise when asking this question not to call your girlfirend your "ex".

Fanny Cradock

Am i correct in assuming that you bought your ticket last week and told her about it yesterday? If so that is a **** thing to do and she has ever right to tell you to get lost.

It is clear that you want to go travelling more. Reread your post and note how many definite statements regarding the trip: "I'll regret it forever [if i dont go]" compared to the half-assed indefinite statements regarding the girl: "maybe I'll regret leaving this bird forever too". There are other examples... take your pick.

Your last few lines are preposterous and they highlight your selfishness in the matter. In fact, the following choice lines ooze with self-centredness:

"I don't see why she can't just wait for me, but there seems to be no reasoning there. As usual, women hate seeing their men having fun without them."

So you expect her to wait around for a few months (how long exactly?) while you are off doing who knows what? What if you decide that you like it so much in NZ that you want to stay there a bit longer?

Breaking up is one thing - it happens - but not being able to fathom why she would react like she has is sad

LegacyUser

'yeah I suppose I never really let her get under my skin too much like I did with my only other previous girlfriend, I was in a bad way after she dumped me, for a long time. That just made me realise that you really have to prioritise yourself sometimes, because if one party is unhappy in a relationship so will the other party be. It also made me realise that there's a hell of a lot more to life than relationships and now I see men who don't follow things through or do what they really want to do because of their girlfriends as really, really, pathetic.
She knew I had been pondering this for a long time and we were broken up when I booked the ticket, we have been on-off for a while. If I didn't go I fear that I might resent her in some way because it's something I've always wanted to do. Anyway I'm just going to stop contacting her now, let her cool down for a while, she's a good looking girl so good looking girls don't remain single for long, maybe the next guy will give her all she wants.'

dr.bollocko

I think u need to leave for NZ to get the travelling out of your system while you're young, and also to grow up a bit.