Long-term single

LegacyUser

Sorry for posting unregistered but I regularly post in other forums... the usual story.

Anyway, here's my problem: I'm a 33-year-old guy and I've been single so long it's driving me nuts. I've had the odd fling (a week or two) but nothing serious since I was about 16. I had sex in college once, and once with another girl a year later. I've gone 11 years without anything even resembling sex, and have gone up to 18 months without so much as a kiss. Currently counting 9 months without...

I'm getting on very well otherwise in my life - I've a decent job and I've just bought a house. I'm not bad looking (no, I don't think I'm ugly!) and I'm lucky enough to look about 25, whereas most of my friends are balding and greying :-) I'm not short on charm, wit or intelligence either - I'm popular at work and among my friends.

I have no doubt that there are some women out there attracted to me, purely on probability grounds - every dog has his day! However, I'm absolutely useless at reading the signs. Even if I think I have a chance, I just clam up when it comes to showing any interest. Even when I get to the date stage, I absolutely always f**k it up at the end, either chasing what I don't have, or blowing a chance that I had.

I've left Dublin recently, living in a large provincial centre now, plenty of friends, all in relationships. Dating websites are OK for people in Dublin or Cork, but there is no choice at all where I am. I see women every day that I would love to be with, but either they're already attached or we exchange a smile and then never see each other again.

Valentine's day is coming up and reminding me of my sorry situation! What would you do?

littlesurfer

there has to be single females around your area....maybe you could convince one of your friends to have a party you might meet someone at. Obviously the social situations you've been in haven't produced any chances for you so maybe its time you tried something new.

is there somewhere you could take an evening class,...you know cooking or learning a language,...even if you don't meet a nice girl there your sure to meet someone who might introduce you to a different social scene!

Zebra3

Bornagainvirgin wrote:

I see women every day that I would love to be with, but either they're already attached or we exchange a smile and then never see each other again.

Well, break with the norm. Don't just smile at them, actually say hi to them. Single or not, you'll probably make their day and who knows?

py2006

Hey,

I am in a very similar situation to you. I was actually going to use bornagainvirgin as my name on this.! :eek:

I was going to suggest to you that a lack of self confidence and self esteem would be a huge factor in this but it doesn't seem that you lack in either of those. People pick up on people who lack confidence.

I am a couple years younger than you but I suffer from the same problem. I get on well with everyone. Women often tell me I am a lovely guy and can't believe I am not with anyone. But I can't bring myself to chat up women and ask them out. Unlike you though, I took a fair aul beaten with the ugly stick.

I often get upset about missed opportunities.

You sound like a decent bloke with his head screwed on plus you have your own place and a decent job. So you should have no problem with the ladies.

I guess you will have to bite the bullet and make a huge effort to chat with the ladies more. The more you do it the easier it will get.

LegacyUser

'Also going un-reg. Just wanted to take up your point on the dating sites. I'm again in a similar situation and I joined one some time ago, I don't know if I can mention the site by name but it's currently being advertised on radio.

I most definitely live in the sticks and my problem has not been trying to find someone who might be interested in swopping a few emails but in trying to keep up with all the messages flying back and forth via the site. Everyone seems very open and friendly, now I'm not saying that the site has turned me into an online Cassanova not at all but it has tought me that there are lots of genuine women in a similar position who would like to meet someone and I think the freedom and annonimity they and myself find on the site opens everyone up to at least saying hello and getting a rapport going and simply seeing what happens.
I have been fortunate enough to have had a few dates from the site and from what I see any one on the site who's honest and genuine will at least find some one to have date with and after that the natural laws of attraction will apply and go from there.
So to finish I can whole heatredly reccomend online dating......'

LegacyUser

'maybe u are waiting for that special woman and the mainstream is not for u. i could have written your post 4 years ago but then i met her, that special woman...'

Frequent

Try going to http://www.okcupid.com. I'm not even single and I have a profile there, because I enjoy the quizzes and banter. It's a really nice site to meet new people, and at least two of my friends have developed successful relationships with people they've met there. Good luck!

texas star

Hey not being funny but maybe if you went out and tried to meet more women they would be more responsive. If you think you tick all the boxes, women may see that as being over cocky and wont bother. Lets face it self praise is no praise.:p

BEAT

do like the bathroom walls say... call Beat for a good time

Beruthiel

BEAT wrote:

do like the bathroom walls say... call Beat for a good time

No pimping yourself in this forum Beat!

BEAT

ehhh ooops sorry, had a Dr. D moment there

Kell

BEAT wrote:

do like the bathroom walls say... call Beat for a good time

Wheres the number? Now THATS pimping Anna. Beat PM me!

K-

AnonoBoy

I have gone long periods of time being single. I think when you settle into a single, nothing's happening kind of thing it can weigh down on you.

You're decent looking and not socially inept but it's been so long that you always presume a girl isn't going to be interested or you'll blow it if she is. Whether you're consciously thinking this or not it may be in the back of your mind. This kind of defeatist attitude can be picked up on - maybe the girl thinks you're not interested in her or you're already taken because you're not doing any of the small flirty things - holding eye contact, smiles, etc.

Take it from someone who was like this for ages. Women seem to have a sixth (even a seventh) sense about this sort of thing.

I had to just shake myself up a bit and start talking to girls more in social situations. Asking for numbers, getting shot down, smiling and pretending like it didn't bother me. If you don't try you'll never know.

You don't have to be a lech. Just be a nice friendly guy. Girls really don't mind being asked out, in fact the vast majority will be flattered as long as you do it at a time that's not going to cause embarrassment for her or do it in a way that's sleazy.

So get out there dude and chat up some of dem der women!

darkflower

It's okay being a single for as long as you are happy with the kind of life that you have, what matters is you are contented with what you have right now and also you know the real you, do not mind what people say if you remain single for the rest of your life. Just remember that you are the only who knows what is best for you.