Family dont care

galwaydude

Today should be the happiest day of my life. My wife is 5 weeks pregnant, we are buying our condo next week, we both have good jobs etc. But there is one part of my life where i feel like a failure, my family. Some of them just dont care. The only calls we ever from home are my parents and the odd time my brother. Noone else and you would think especially with the news my other siblings would call.

I have really tried but i feel like whats the point anymore. Anytime i bring it up my mom always makes excuses for them especially my sister. We moved over to the states last year and i can prob count the number of times on one hand the number of times my siblings have called us. My wife is now part of their family too but she feels excluded. My sisters never call her to see how she is. We have called all of them countless times but do they return the favour heck no.

One of the reasons why i moved over here with my wife was because i wanted to prove to them and make them proud of my achievements. Well right now the only reason why we would move back to ireland are for my parents.

This has gone on for years. I dont know what to do hence why i am posting on boards. I tried talking to my mom about it but she brushes it off as them been busy.

iguana

Is there much of an age (or more accurately - stage in life) difference between you and your siblings? I have two younger brothers and neither of them call me. I don't think it's due to lack of affection, as we talk fine when I go home or get either of them on the phone. It's more due to the fact that they both still live at home and I moved out years ago.

We're at completely different life stages and the things that are important to me, aren't that big a deal to them. In fact they widen the gulf between us. There is such a world of difference between a single guy living with his parents and brother, and not settled in a relationship or job, and a married, dog-owning homeowner in a serious job. His world tends to revolve around his social life whereas mine revolves around the health of my boiler.

Perhaps your siblings don't mean to come across as uninterested in your life. But it just doesn't occur to them that you'd like to hear from them.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

The word that jumped into my mind was jealousy. Perhaps unfairly so, yes, but it was there. Or maybe just intimiadation... It can happen that your achievements make the rest of your fmaily feel a bit inferior? Not your intention, I know, but just a thought...

daiixi

Some people don't call.

I've said this before on similar threads. I last spoke to my mam on the 2nd January. I can't tell you exactly when I last spoke to my father, but it was probably October/November. I figure I should call but meh, I'm lazy. And I don't need to talk to them to know that they are there. Though we do email.

Last weekend my sister sent me a text which I pointedly ignored because she always seems to ignore mine. She then sent me a number of emails asking if I was at work, okay etc etc. I ignored them until they interested me and instead forwarded them to my mam saying she should have been named "Sun" because she only needs to communicate when she needs something. It's a fault of hers which I am well aware of. However she means nothing bad by it.

I have no advice but you're not asking for any. Instead, congratulations to your wife and you. All the best for the future.

/edit. You should not be proving anything to anyone but yourself. If you need constant validation from friends and family then I would softly suggest that perhaps it is you that has a problem. Also is your wife good friends with your sisters? If she's not, why would she hear from them?

LegacyUser

I feel the same as you OP and I'm 22. With a combination of having adopted siblings n 0 relations my age or near it...i'm not that close to my family...but hey whatever, i'm looking to the future...and you seem older than 22 so u should forget about it and look to the future.

little lady

I don't think it's that your family don't care but they probably are busy with their own lives, it's not a good reason but it's the truth.

My brother, his wife and their two children moved to the states just over a year ago and I never call him, every now and then I'd send him a mail saying hi but that's it and the rest of my brothers and sisters would be the same. He calls my parents alot and we hear how they are doing through them. It's not that I don't care about them but life just gets in the way.

I must say though, if his wife was pregnant again I would at least mail them, but I doubt I'd ring. Try not to take the lack of contact personally I'm sure that's not how they mean it.

Elphaba

OP, in my opinion some people just don't see family as important as others see it. I've got the same sort of situation with my brother. Him and his wife dont even acknowledge me if I walk in the room. that's how bad it's gotten
so I dont try anymore. I posted here before and people said nice things and don't give up but it's tough to deal with sometimes. You're not alone. Btw well done, you sound like a success story that many of us would like to aspire to. Go you!

ionapaul

My family are EXTREMELY important to me....but I could happily go weeks without talking to either of my brothers! I'm currently in Oz while they're at home, I should add, this was similar when I lived in the States some years ago. I guess we learned this behaviour from our Dad, who is close to his siblings but just isn't a 'keep in touch' kinda guy and dislikes being on the phone, as do I. Maybe your siblings are the same? I hope I'm making sense here, people sometimes find it funny but that is just how some of us are Families relate to one another in many different ways I suppose.

galwaydude

Thank you for the replies.

I understand we prob are not on the same page anymore in regards that i am married now and living in the states. I suppose i will just have to live with it and just be thankfull that my parents call.