Single and sick of it

LegacyUser

I kinda feel a bit silly posting this but its something thats been bugging me for a while.

I'm 24 years old, have plenty of friends and I've been told I'm attractive. Yet I've never had a boyfriend. Now this never worried me in my teens or early twenties cos I was happy being single and the thought of being in a relationship kinda freaked me out cos I just liked my freedom. But lately its starting to get to me. I'm sick of constantly being on my own. It would be nice every so often to have someone to snuggle up to!

I've never been good at making the first move on someone I like, I did it once and the guy in question felt the same way but circumstances meant nothing could come of it. I have been asked out a few times and have generally gone on one or two dates with the person but I just didnt feel anything for them, and I'm not the type to go out with someone just for the sake of it. But now I feel like I'm going to end up an old maid

I do get chatted up in bars sometimes but usually the fella has a few drinks on him and is only after one thing anyway. I prefer to meet men other ways. In my job there are far more men than women and I get on great with most of them cos I think they just see me as one of the lads. But why are so few lads interested in me?

I'm also worried that when (if!) I eventually meet someone he'll think its weird that I've never had a boyfriend at my age and I'm also a virgin

This is something thats really getting me down lately. I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyones got any advice or comments

Thanks

stepbar

Fed up wrote:

I kinda feel a bit silly posting this but its something thats been bugging me for a while.

I'm 24 years old, have plenty of friends and I've been told I'm attractive. Yet I've never had a boyfriend. Now this never worried me in my teens or early twenties cos I was happy being single and the thought of being in a relationship kinda freaked me out cos I just liked my freedom. But lately its starting to get to me. I'm sick of constantly being on my own. It would be nice every so often to have someone to snuggle up to!

I've never been good at making the first move on someone I like, I did it once and the guy in question felt the same way but circumstances meant nothing could come of it. I have been asked out a few times and have generally gone on one or two dates with the person but I just didnt feel anything for them, and I'm not the type to go out with someone just for the sake of it. But now I feel like I'm going to end up an old maid

I do get chatted up in bars sometimes but usually the fella has a few drinks on him and is only after one thing anyway. I prefer to meet men other ways. In my job there are far more men than women and I get on great with most of them cos I think they just see me as one of the lads. But why are so few lads interested in me?

I'm also worried that when (if!) I eventually meet someone he'll think its weird that I've never had a boyfriend at my age and I'm also a virgin

This is something thats really getting me down lately. I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyones got any advice or comments

Thanks

I have no doubt some man will get some brevity and ask you out. Its the same for men, we are afraid to put ourselves out in case we get rejected. There may be someone who is mad about you but is afraid cause he thinks that may get shot down.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I do get chatted up in bars sometimes but usually the fella has a few drinks on him and is only after one thing anyway.

Seriously usually not the case. Why don't you just chat back, if you think you like him try get a number & *don't* sleep with him that night. It's not against the law. Too many women assume men are just after one thing.

Burga Galti

Fed up wrote:

I kinda feel a bit silly posting this but its something thats been bugging me for a while.

I'm 24 years old, have plenty of friends and I've been told I'm attractive. Yet I've never had a boyfriend. Now this never worried me in my teens or early twenties cos I was happy being single and the thought of being in a relationship kinda freaked me out cos I just liked my freedom. But lately its starting to get to me. I'm sick of constantly being on my own. It would be nice every so often to have someone to snuggle up to!

I've never been good at making the first move on someone I like, I did it once and the guy in question felt the same way but circumstances meant nothing could come of it. I have been asked out a few times and have generally gone on one or two dates with the person but I just didnt feel anything for them, and I'm not the type to go out with someone just for the sake of it. But now I feel like I'm going to end up an old maid

I do get chatted up in bars sometimes but usually the fella has a few drinks on him and is only after one thing anyway. I prefer to meet men other ways. In my job there are far more men than women and I get on great with most of them cos I think they just see me as one of the lads. But why are so few lads interested in me?

I'm also worried that when (if!) I eventually meet someone he'll think its weird that I've never had a boyfriend at my age and I'm also a virgin

This is something thats really getting me down lately. I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyones got any advice or comments

Thanks

Hey, I'm sure your a great gal and you will meet the right guy sometime. Thing is though, the guys who aren't just after one thing are just as bad at making the first move as you think you are.

Like Smoke said - chat to guys you like the look of and get the phone number by all means. Make it clear that your going home on your own though. Then call them the next day and see if they're interested in meeting up with you for a coffee or some equally sober pastime.

Oh, and don't worry about being a virgin. If they find it weird that you'd wait for someone special to come along would they really be that special person?

cognos

I know how ya feel, change 24 to 21 (i get fed up quicker i guess) and woman to man and the post could be written by me. I wouldnt worry about people thinking it wierd that you've not had a boyfriend - it may be that a lot of people would have had serious relationships by 24 but I dont think that you not being one of them would put anyone off.

If theres someone u fancy I'd say just ask em out! Of course thats the kind of advice that I wouldnt follow but hopefully you're not as silly as me. Seriously - whats the worst that could happen? If they say they're not interestd it might be embarrising for like 30 seconds, but if they say yes you never know what might come of it.

Sparky

Just try and be yourself and not let it bog you down. If guys are coming over and chatting you up, that's half the work done. Chat to the guy like any normal person. We all hate rejection when it comes to asking a person that we feel attracted to if they want to go out etc, but it has to be done. In many cases what have you to lose?

Don't worry about being a virgin, there is plenty out there in the same position. You're not alone.
When you do happen to meet a nice guy, if he get freaked out about you not having a BF previously and that you are a virgin, then frankly he should not be worth the time of day. If his emotions for you are real, he wont even care about that.

Basically don't worry too much about it. Go out with your friends and have a good laugh and be confident in yourself. The very time something comes along is the time you don't expect it.

Black Swan

Pubs and clubs are not the best place to find a meaningful relationship. Sure, they occur sometimes, but you can increase your odds by looking elsewhere. Is there something you really enjoy doing? Join a group that does this, and has a good mix of young single males and females and then become an enthusiastic member. Enthusiasm draws people to you. When someone you fancy shares your interests, it will be a lot easier for them or you to say, "How about a bite and a film?"

AngryBadger

It's not abnormal that you don't have a boyfriend, and are a virgin. but if you want to change either of those things then it's on you to make the effort.

if guys are chatting to you in pubs/clubs/wherever maybe chat back, as was suggested try for a number if you like them, or give them yours. Don't necessarily assume that if a guy has drink taken he's only after one thing.

Motley Crue

Id go out with ya, so i dont see why anyone else wouldnt

Petey2006

Fed up wrote:

I kinda feel a bit silly posting this but its something thats been bugging me for a while.

I'm 24 years old, have plenty of friends and I've been told I'm attractive. Yet I've never had a boyfriend. Now this never worried me in my teens or early twenties cos I was happy being single and the thought of being in a relationship kinda freaked me out cos I just liked my freedom. But lately its starting to get to me. I'm sick of constantly being on my own. It would be nice every so often to have someone to snuggle up to!

I've never been good at making the first move on someone I like, I did it once and the guy in question felt the same way but circumstances meant nothing could come of it. I have been asked out a few times and have generally gone on one or two dates with the person but I just didnt feel anything for them, and I'm not the type to go out with someone just for the sake of it. But now I feel like I'm going to end up an old maid

I do get chatted up in bars sometimes but usually the fella has a few drinks on him and is only after one thing anyway. I prefer to meet men other ways. In my job there are far more men than women and I get on great with most of them cos I think they just see me as one of the lads. But why are so few lads interested in me?

I'm also worried that when (if!) I eventually meet someone he'll think its weird that I've never had a boyfriend at my age and I'm also a virgin

This is something thats really getting me down lately. I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyones got any advice or comments

Thanks

It's not easy for guys either. We're automatically fighting a losing battle considering women think you're only after one thing.

Saruman

Where were you when i was that age and never been kissed.
27 now and married! It will happen.
Pubs and Clubs are rubbish. Try some Tag Rugby instead, every one is doing it these days to meet people.

Mighty_Mouse

I do get chatted up in bars sometimes but usually the fella has a few drinks on him and is only after one thing anyway.

all blokes want sex.
BUT it might not be all they want. Dont sleep with them or take them home the first night swap numbers. etc..........

But I wouldnt rule out a bloke just cos he's had a few and is in a bar!!

The virgin thing is a plus from a lads point of view

LegacyUser

Hey OP, I'm a guy and I'm in exactly the same situation. I'm 24 and I've never had a proper gf and I'm a virgin too. I just want you to know that you're not alone and that the feelings you're having about wanting to experience a relationship and level of closeness with someone else are exactly the same feelings I have regularly.

At least from your point of view its made easier by the fact that guys come up and chat to you in pubs/clubs etc. Girls don't make the first move chatting up guys very often and I'm usually way to nervous to go and chat up a girl (I don't drink either so I've no dutch courage). I think that in both our cases getting up the nerve to push things a bit more would help the situation. And please be nice to guys who come up to talk to you when you're out, they're putting themselves on the line and probably had one or two to drink cos they need the courage! I know I wouldn't like to think that if I initiate conversation with a girl in a pub she thinks that I only want to shag her because its not what I'm looking for. (Well obviously I want it as part of a relationship, but the relationship would come first for me).

Also one final point regarding work. I work in an area thats heavily dominated by men and we have one or two very nice girls working with us and they are indeed "one of the lads" - this does NOT mean that we don't find them attractive, in fact I know in my case it just makes the thought of asking them out more scarey because rejection by them would mean more than rejection by a random girl. So don't rule out the guys at work yet and if there's one you like get to know him better ... coffee breaks etc.

Good luck OP ......... and if we're both still in the same situation when we're 30 come looking for me, I'll be on top of the empire state building!!!!

LegacyUser

'Thanks for all the replies, hope you're right!

As for thinking blokes are only after one thing if they're in a bar and have drink taken... I'm not saying thats always the case or that I'd rule a guy out in that situation. Its just that I've seen it happen so many times with friends, they meet a guy on a night out, go home with him, get number, he seems keen, she likes him, he never contacts her again. Maybe my friends have just been unlucky but none of them have met boyfriends in bars

To the last poster - no jumping of buildings til we're at least 40 '