Addicted to porn?

LegacyUser

Hello,

Long time viewer, first time poster etc......

Anyway, I seem to have developed a bit of problem with online porn. I was always a fan (what bloke isnt) but I broke up with the GF last year and it seems that I am now 'addicted'.

Now before I go any further, I dont want replies that say 'go and see a counsellor' as they are far too expensive and anyway, it would be kind of embarrassing.......

It began when me and the missus parted ways, she moved out leaving me to my self. I had a few dates etc nothing major but whilst I didnt miss the ex, I missed the sex so after a few crappy dates I turned to online porn for my 'fix'.

The first thing I noticed was that it makes you secretive and paranoid. My mate moved in after the ex moved out to help me with the bills etc and he had no PC and was always asking to use my broadband enabled one, which I of course let him being my mate of course but I really had time of it making sure he didnt find out what I was looking at.

I have read lots of literature on it and to be honest, most of it was christian based nonsense all about how praying and all will help you out. Yeah, if your retarded maybe?

However, some of it rung true and I am worried I am becoming desensitised as I had a date over the weekend which got physical yet afterwards I kept thinking how dull and 'normal' it was. Would I need more and more and nastier forms of arousal to get me going in future. I think I am a pretty normal bloke this issue aside and I dont want to be a situation like that again on saturday night, whereby I was with a very attractive girl who would have had me barking with desire in the past!

I am also worried that I might one day do something monstrous although I am pretty solid in my views on consent etc., I am not so arrogant as to think that I or anyone else could be warped beyond recognition.

So, anyone have any ideas (beyond an expensive shrink) on how to stop this before I turn into a complete pervert??????

Marksie

The question you have to ask yourself is: Why have you moved to this artificial stimulus rather than enter into actual physical relationships? What is it actually taking the place of?

Is iut that the porn has become a psychological prop for you, an easy way to IMAGINE intimacy without running the risk of being hurt, the excitement, second hand without the emotional turmoil?.
in essence are you using it to hide from yourself and being hurt again?

You said that you went on a few crappy dates after your G/f left and that may have coloured your opinions as well.

Aas part of this you have gone into the mental fascination that this is how real people should act when in a physically sexual situation. It isn't.
Turning the computer off and learning to reconnect with real women, remove from your minds eye the image of what the digital people do, and learn to rediscover the joys of intimacy and connection.. gte out of your head and into real life.

On the subject of desensitisation, if you feel that such behaviour will at some point cause you to do "somethng monstrous," then stop it. It may be that it will cause you to treat any potential lovers in that way.
If this obsession becomes a compulsion, then i have to say that professional help may be required.
I know of a couple for whom the male has gone into counselling over issues like yours where he took porn and then expected his partner to act in the same fashion (e.g. going to random men in the street and asking them back for sex, webcam acts for others to see). In the end he HAD to go into counselling, and in the end it came to the fact that he was using p*rn sex as a release to mask deeper tragedy.

Nevyn

Counsollers don't cost THAT much and by the sound of it would not be out of your price range and it may do you some good to talk not only about the porn but about the relationship you just got out of.

LegacyUser

Talk to your doctor about it. Apparently its a growing problem. Anyway I know Holles ST have a group counceling going. If you dont want to go to your doctor you could try and contact the hospital direct.

Good luck

Seraphina

see this is why i feel slightly uneasy about porn sometimes. i feel it is overused alot these days due to its availability, and these overdone movies and stars can desensitise some people to real experiences. people can laugh all they want and say 'its only a fantasy' but living in fantasy land too long can warp your perception of reality.
try going without for a while. if you want to masturbate, try using your imagination, and remember sex is not just about gratification, but also intimacy and pleasure gained from a shared experience, and the joy of pleasuring someone else.
obviously it will be tricky to rediscover intimacy if you are single. next time you are will a girl, take it slow and concentrate on the aspects of her that you miss in porn. the feel of her skin, hair, her smell etc etc. you need to remember there are forms of sexual stimulation other than visual.

InFront

Be open and honest and frank with yourself, and admit that you have a problem,
Take active steps to rid yourself of this problem, go ahead and just cut off your attachments to pronography, or get rid of whatever pornography you have.

Then try to analyze how you have got to his point, and see to it that it doesn't happen again.
This is the internet, and human beings are easily tempted into this sort of thing, but as marksuttonie said, there must have been something else that got you to this state.
Figuring that out is the key to freeing yourself from this problem in my opinion. Try to focus on fixing that.

Good luck.