need help with girls

LegacyUser

Hi

i don't know how to make and keep friends. Im a quiet guy,26, had only 1 girlfriend(even though it was nothing special).

I think im attractive, judging from the looks I get from girls.

But I don't know how to talk to them, ask em out, have a relationship. i never really had one.

Girls i work with give me that look, you know, but thats always as far as it goes. Of course , i shud ask her out, but i am really really un-sure of the out-come. What if she says YES?

What the hell do i do? I think the thing to do is to go to a movie, maybe a meal/drink after? is that ok with girls?

There is this girl, i really like, she works as a cashier in my company. She is really lovely, but man, i have no idea how to ask her out, and of i do, where?

does anybody have a good idea?

Thanks

humanji

Girls are people too. Don't talk to them like you're wanting to go out with them, just treat them like you do everyone else. Be friendly and talk about rubbish, that's all there is too it. Once you get used to talking casually, you'll find it easier to approach them or for them to approach you. And then you can go for the big fish, the cashier!

Black Swan

Miss Cashier yawns and irish_ie notices. Approaches her with a warm smile. "I know exactly how you feel, yawning like that. Was up reading an action novel a bit too late, and now I'm sleepy. Hey! Could I interest you in a cup of coffee or tea during break?"

Then just chat with her and see where it goes. Maybe invite her for lunch in a couple of days, cause lunches really imply no obligation and are casual. Take it slow and easy. No rush. Gradually get to know her. And most important, listen to her. Encourage her to talk about herself, her interests, things fun she as done or would like to do, then take it from there...

Kell

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Miss Cashier yawns and irish_ie notices. Approaches her with a warm smile. "I know exactly how you feel, yawning like that. Was up reading an action novel a bit too late, and now I'm sleepy. Hey! Could I interest you in a cup of coffee or tea during break?"

Far too much effort. itish_ie approaches irrelevant of yawn, smile, fart or other such invitation and simpley asks- "would you like to go out for a drink sometime".

Thats it. Case closed.

K-

tbh

I can just picture kell banging his head off his keyboard on this one EDIT: DAMNIT! too slow

OP, you don't want to go out with a girl you have nothing in common with, right?
so talk to the girl and find out what she's into. Don't think about asking her out till you know her a bit better. Then use that information to make the call.

You both like movies? Ask her to the movies.
You both like Italian food? Ask her out for dinner.

And so on.

Don't forget the reason people go on dates. It's to see if they'd like to go on another date.

Kell

tbh wrote:

Don't forget the reason people go on dates. It's to see if they'd like to go on another date.

:rolleyes:

And there was me thinking it was with a view to grinding pelvic regions either that evening or some future stage. Hmmmn. Must re-address thinking.

K-

tbh

Kell wrote:

:rolleyes:

And there was me thinking it was with a view to grinding pelvic regions either that evening or some future stage. Hmmmn. Must re-address thinking.

K-

I thought a keep-it-simple man like yourself would appreciate that little nugget. The fact that he doesn't know how to get from talking to bumping and grinding is freaking him out. I'm telling him to relax - y'know - practical advice. that's all. no need for the dreaded roll-eyes.

BaZmO*

Kell's my new hero! :rolleyes:

FFS. the guy said he's real shy and then you tell him to just go up to a girl and blurt out, "Wanna go on a date?"

While the direct approach is generally the best approach, if he's that shy he'll probably end up embarrassing himself if he tries to be too direct.

As has been suggested, talk to the girl. Try flirting with her and get a feel for whether or not she's inot you or not and then take it from there.

As for what to do on a date. Keep it simple. Going for a drink is normally the best option. A meal is too much hassle for a first date.

Thing is though, until you start to actually go on dates you'll just be wrecking your head wondering about if's and but's.

challengemaster

Kell wrote:

Far too much effort.

<sarcasm> Yes because we all know that girls arent worth any effort what so ever... even if any one of them has the potential to be your future partner for life. i mean why bother at all.</sarcasm>

i think the reason blue said that was so he doesnt just seem like some idiot, just walking up to someone and going 'you wanna go out for xyz', as im sure the girl might get a little freaked.

also taking note in what she's doing might imply that you actually do like her and pay attention to her.

tbh

I think you might be missing the point a little. What Kell is saying is that it really isn't a big deal to go up to someone and ask them to go for a coffee or whatever - we would do it without thinking if it were someone in our family, or a mate or whatever. So a lot of the problem is self-inflicted if you like, because internally we're panicking because we have an agenda, and we're worried we won't know what to do if we veer off that agenda - if you can get over that, then why would you be worried about asking someone out? I agree that it's sound advice to say "just do it" but my way of giving the same advice would be to lead into it a little no offense kell, I always enjoy your posts.

So my initial point was pretty much his, just packaged a bit differently. OP, just take your time - you're panicking that you won't know what to say or whatever, so why not rehearse? Think of a few topics you'd like to ask about and just keep them in your head for when the opportunity arises - don't shoe-horn them in. If you appear confident, then she won't know that you are not. Don't forget to ask her lots about herself, and listen to the answers.

Just relax. Get to know her, and if you still like her you'll be much more relaxed about asking her out. Do your homework first

challengemaster

ah right, just seemed to me like kell was saying you shouldn't bother making an effort, especially the way the post looked! anyway, yeah. go at your own pace OP and just be confident(not cocky), i hear the wimmins like that ^_^ when talking to her/others.

LadyJ

OP,if a girl gets the impression that you feel awkward as fcuk talking to her then generally she's going to start feeling awkward too so as nervous as you might feel,try not to let it show too much if you can help it.

Also,most people feel awkward approaching a girl/guy that they fancy but all you need to do is engage her in conversation and then tell her that you're off for a pint after work and casually ask if she'd like to join you.

If she says the dreaded Y word then go out ,drink with her and chat to her and see if you get along. If you do,ask her out again and so on. You don't have to fondle her and lash it in, ask her to marry you and have your babies all at once! Just take things one step at a time. If there's chemistry between you then sex etc. will happen naturally so just calm down and work on getting a date first.

LegacyUser

Blue Lagoon - I luv your scenario.
BUT
What if she answers - <Yaaaawwwwnnnn> 'too much sex with my boyfriend' !!!!

Chucky the tree

wouldnt go up to her and ask her straight out, if she has never talked to you she might be a bit freaked out by it.

Next time you see her just smile and say hello. Then the next day do the same but ask her how her day is going. Then just keep building it up until its a good time to ask her out. Dont leave it too long though, after about a week it should be safe enough to take the plunge.

Goodluck.

AnonoBoy

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

"I know exactly how you feel, yawning like that. Was up reading an action novel a bit too late, and now I'm sleepy. Hey! Could I interest you in a cup of coffee or tea during break?"

An action novel?????

Do not say this OP.

An action novel.


Sheesh.

Red Hand

AnonoBoy wrote:

An action novel?????

Do not say this OP.

An action novel.


Sheesh.

There are worse things you could say!:) Conversation can be about anything.:)

I'd support the school of thought whereby you first strike up any bit of conversation first with the girl your interested in rather than going point-blank, "Will you go out with me?"

At least you may catch her name, and maybe some common interests you could both share.

Rb

Anonoboy wrote:

An action novel?????

Do not say this OP.

An action novel.


Sheesh.

I agree.
Action novel...lol.

Kell

challengemaster wrote:

<sarcasm> Yes because we all know that girls arent worth any effort what so ever... even if any one of them has the potential to be your future partner for life. i mean why bother at all.</sarcasm>

I never suggested that women are not worth the effort. They are, in fact, worth a huge amount of effort. BUT- there is no need to devote time and attention to something that "may" happen.

If the OP is unsure and lacking in confidence, the best way to overcome this is to feel the fear and do it anyway. She "could" like him and if she does she will be thinking after three months "is this limp wristed eejit actually going to make a move or what" <ref any similar posts of which PI's is flooded>

Women apparantly* like confident men who have the balls to cruise up and ask them out as opposed to waiting in the wings like Colin Firth always does in chick flicks as is backed up by

LadyJ wrote:

if a girl gets the impression that you feel awkward as fcuk talking to her then generally she's going to start feeling awkward too

tbh wrote:

I'm telling him to relax - y'know - practical advice. that's all. no need for the dreaded roll-eyes.

I am surprised my sarcasm was lost on you!

K-

*based on a study of all my female friends of which there are a lot**

**Speaking entirely subjectively