Am I overreacting?

bolliwoodi

Last night my bf and I were in my house watchn a film.I was a bit ill so i was taking medication-I ended up taking a bit too much and was kinda dozy.The conversation turned to parents and I started crying(Its my mothers annivsery next week so i got a bit emotional)He was great-He held me and told me to let it all out....

And I thought he was the best

Until while hugging me he turned around and said" will ya give me a ****"

I went mental and Kicked him out-Told him i never wanted to see him again!

Hes been calling emailing and texting all day and im not replying.Im not mad cos he asked that(Cos weve slept together plenty of times)Im mad cos he asked it when i was crying about my mother-Sounds a tad overdramatic but I feel he was disrespecting my mothers memory!

I know he didnt know her but thats not the point-You just dont do that when someones upset-Espically about someone who died!

Am i right or am I overreacting?

Kinetic^

Probably best to talk about it. See what he has to say for himself.

He may have thought that you were finished being upset and felt like the mood had changed.......somehow.......talk to him, it's the only way you'll find out.

super_furry

No, you're not. He was completely insensitive and selfish and you have every right to react the way you did.

Twas a tad stupid for him to say but he seems to be genuinely sorry by calling you etc.Maybe it was an ill judged attempt by him to lighten the mood.

LegacyUser

'Are you sure he wasn't joking? Sometimes id say something like that after something serious to try and cheer a person up

Anyway, talk to him about it. No point asking the internet!'

bolliwoodi

Kenny 5 wrote:

Probably best to talk about it. See what he has to say for himself.

He may have thought that you were finished being upset and felt like the mood had changed.......somehow.......talk to him, it's the only way you'll find out.

Hes been explaining through text-Said that he couldnt think of another way to change the subject- I think its bull-I personally think it was ignorant-He knew my mothers anniversery was soon-He knew how upset i get over her and he still did it!

Miss Fluff

Deleted User wrote:

Twas a tad stupid for him to say but he seems to be genuinely sorry by calling you etc.Maybe it was an ill judged attempt by him to lighten the mood.

I agree. I don't think you were overreacting at all, but I do think he seems genuinely sorry for what he said. Let him grovel though.

limklad

bolliwoodi wrote:

Last night my bf and I were in my house watchn a film.I was a bit ill so i was taking medication-I ended up taking a bit too much and was kinda dozy.The conversation turned to parents and I started crying(Its my mothers annivsery next week so i got a bit emotional)He was great-He held me and told me to let it all out....

And I thought he was the best

Until while hugging me he turned around and said" will ya give me a ****"

If I did this to my girlfriend in this situation where she was vulnerable, then I would expect her to be very upset and react badly. After consoleling you, his animal brain saw an opportunity to satisfied himself. It looks like it was immaturity in his part. I say he will learn from this. If he doesn’t, well you know what to do.

RobbieTheRobber

I think he may be teeling the truth some people use humour as a way of distracting people when they are upset to ease their minds.

maybe thats what he was doing

BaZmO*

I don't know the guy so I really can't say what was going on in his had to have said that. But from the sound of it, he like a lot of guys, felt slightly uncomfortable being around a female when she was upset and as a sort of knee-jerk reaction tried to lighten the mood by saying something silly. Unfortunately his comment was also in extremely bad taste.

It sounds like he knows he's done wrong by the amount of times he's tried to get in touch with you. You need to give him a chance to explain himself face to face. And also for you to tell him how inappropriate his remark was, although I'm sure he more than already knows that.

iremex

it was a rather insensitive/stupid thing to say. we all make mistakes and will continue to make so.

to answer your question, no you didnt over-react. you are 100% entitled to react the way you did.

the mind is a cool tool as the heart is frivolous so it needs both.
i think you should talk to him face to face and see what he has to say.then follow your gut feeling as to what decision you want to make. can you forgive him or is it a "break-up" or maybe you need some time to re-evaluate your relationship.

wish you all the very best of luck and i'm sure you will make the right decision

roflmao! thanks for posting this...best laugh i've had all day.

Kinetic^

I agree with all of the above.

However people do react weird when dealing with stuff like this. I had a friend who when his girlfriend was told her granny died, he burst out laughing - no joke. It's because he gets these fitss of laughter when he's nervous or uncomfortable. Not saying this is what your bf did but just be aware of it.

r3nu4l

I agree with most of what's been said here so far!

It sounds like immaturity and something that most guys would do or say at some stage in some relationship, especially when younger!

To be honest, the guy has probably had time to reflect on what he said and most likely feels like a complete idiot for saying what he said! My guess is he'll be completely embarrassed by it and would rather the ground swallowed him right now.

You're right to be upset but don't let it wreck a lot of things for you. Sounds like he knows he was an idiot, that's enough. I bet he's dreading seeing you again and will be a right bag of nerves He knows you're mad at him and knows you are right so give him an earful by all means but give him some room to get back on the right side again and I'm sure he'll behave himself for a long time to come

dame

Sorry to hear about your mother's anniversary. It must be a hard time for you alright. As has been said, he was just a bit immature in his approach to lightening the mood. It's also possible that he genuinely thought that you had calmed down and were just hugging him by then. Either way, talk to him, explain how you feel about it and he should get the message that that was not acceptable. Sounds like he has already to be honest. Once you've made your point there's no sense in holding a grudge for too long.

Overdosing on medication is not a good idea. Try to be more careful taking it.

nitrogen

I laughed, out loud. I thought your boyfriend's comment was hilarious. But, it should be in a comedy script and not occur in a serious discussion like that.

Yes, it's bad OP and you're not really over reacting. He was extremely selfish.

cast_iron

That's made my day.:D
God, I'm easily amused.

Nevyn

Rebekah Tall Bather, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

zervi2003

Oh I would be upset too.

Youve let him stew.....

Think its time now to made amends.

Some people do behave like fools when they dont know what to do. See it like that. He was being very foolish. Think he learned a lesson. Which we are all entitled to learn.

kaalgat

Don't think you're overreacting. My feelings would've been hurt had my bf done that to me.
This coming from someone you care about, and who's supposed to care about you.
Kick him out is right

event

people are saying he is immature and he probably is but what age are you both and how long are you going out?

DublinWriter

Oh I shouldn't laugh, but you couldn't script a better line!

Are you sure he wasn't joking with you OP and trying to relieve the tension a little? (sorry...no pun intended, etc etc).

dame

event wrote:

people are saying he is immature and he probably is but what age are you both and how long are you going out?

The OP is 21 max and they've been going out for less than a year probably, considering he never met her mother.

sweet-rasmus

i'd say give him another chance. he may well have been trying to change the topic lightheartedly (he may have been overwhemed by your tears), or perhaps (this is a strange suggestion) he may have let auto-pilot kick in; all the hugging may have made him quite aroused. it's not a good excuse, but perhaps he wasn't thinking straight.

i'd say he's learnt his lesson.

AngryBadger

Even I have to admit, that was fairly insensitive. But I think you're overeacting as well.

You're with this guy 7 years, and you turf him out for one misdemeanour? get over yourself would be my advice.

The Sweeper

It's up to you how you feel about it. I think he'll always be the bloke who wanted you to pull him off when you were sobbing over your dead mother. Can you get past that?

It sounds like his judgement and sense of humour let him down.
Remember theres a difference between deliberately setting out to offend somebody and accidently doing it.

I'd imagine the poor guy feels awful.You do too for different understandable reasons.
If this has upset you so much and you can't live with his sense of humour (as others have said and he has said to you,he may have in vain in his own way tried to lighen you up or make you laugh) then he's not for you.

If you can accept his mistake towards you as not being deliberate and can accept that he didn't realise how you would take what he said-then go and kiss and make up,it is a thing of nothing

Incidently my Mum died only 2 weeks ago and my father 8 years ago so I've some idea of the emotional rollercoaster that puts you on.

Motley Crue

bolliwoodi wrote:

Am i right or am I overreacting?

No, it sounds like something a mate of mine would do, but to be fairly honest I reckon you shouldnt end a relationship over it. Theres nothing wrong about being sensitive over an anniversary, explain to him that you felt his comments where inappropriate and you wont tolerate this behaviour anymore, but youre willing to continue the relationship and forget about it if he'll remember what you say and make sure never do something so stupid again

Chinafoot

AngryBadger wrote:

Even I have to admit, that was fairly insensitive. But I think you're overeacting as well.

You're with this guy 7 years, and you turf him out for one misdemeanour? get over yourself would be my advice.

Eh....?

Where exactly did you see that then?

OP: I guess it all depends on whether or not he was serious.

If he genuinely wanted some knuckle-shuffle lovin' then you're totally right to be so upset.

If it was a poor attempt at humour to lighten the mood then perhaps you should have a chat with him.

Chances are he'll never admit to the first instance, but you know your boyfriend, we don't. I wouldn't throw a relationship away over it unless he was actually serious.

Kold

If you like him, forgive him. It's bollocks to be angry because you think you should be. Just an error in judgment. Get over it.

JustCoz

I don't think you were over-reacting. I would have done the same thing.

event

dame wrote:

The OP is 21 max and they've been going out for less than a year probably, considering he never met her mother.

where does it say any of that?

free2fly

Tristrame wrote:

Incidently my Mum died only 2 weeks ago and my father 8 years ago so I've some idea of the emotional rollercoaster that puts you on.

Sorry about your losses Tristrame and OP. I lost my mum this past Christmas Day and my dad's 4 year anniversary is coming up next month. So I know what you are feeling as well OP.

You're not overreacting, but it does sound as if he's very sorry. Have you talked to him yet?

LegacyUser

'Maybe he hadn't wanked it off in a while and 'd baby gravy' started to build up and got the better of him - and then he got really horny while comforting U.

Nevertheless - I'd say 'd little head' was doing the thinking for 'd big head'.

Under the circumstances, I think it was a bit ignorant - but, then again, no one is perfect. If he is a half-decent fellow and not normally that ignorant, I'd probably forget about it if I was U.'

Carrigart Exile

bolliwoodi wrote:

Last night my bf and I were in my house watchn a film.I was a bit ill so i was taking medication-I ended up taking a bit too much and was kinda dozy.The conversation turned to parents and I started crying(Its my mothers annivsery next week so i got a bit emotional)He was great-He held me and told me to let it all out....

And I thought he was the best

Until while hugging me he turned around and said" will ya give me a ****"

I went mental and Kicked him out-Told him i never wanted to see him again!

Hes been calling emailing and texting all day and im not replying.Im not mad cos he asked that(Cos weve slept together plenty of times)Im mad cos he asked it when i was crying about my mother-Sounds a tad overdramatic but I feel he was disrespecting my mothers memory!

I know he didnt know her but thats not the point-You just dont do that when someones upset-Espically about someone who died!

Am i right or am I overreacting?

Are you sure he wasn't trying to crack a joke

BeardyGit

unroggggie wrote:

'Maybe he hadn't wanked it off in a while and 'd baby gravy' started to build up and got the better of him - and then he got really horny while comforting U.

Nevertheless - I'd say 'd little head' was doing the thinking for 'd big head'.

Under the circumstances, I think it was a bit ignorant - but, then again, no one is perfect. If he is a half-decent fellow and not normally that ignorant, I'd probably forget about it if I was U.'

Ah, there it is - The intelligent contribution.

OP, you're over reacting. He said something stupid and innapropriate, whether he was horny or trying to be funny, or both.

Get over it or just move on but don't make out that this 'problem' is all his fault, because it's clearly not.

Gil

craichoe

He probably just took the situation up the wrong way...

Are you having sex or just giving each other hand love ?

dame

event wrote:

where does it say any of that?

She said in the OP that he never met her mother...since her mother died one year ago it is a reasonable assumption that they've been going out for less than or just about a year. In her post about being disappointed over job interviews the OP said she'd done her Leaving Cert three years ago....hence an age of 21 max.

chuci

id have been offended too dont think your over reacting but i suppose let him apologise and let him know why you got so upset. also see if he has an explaination for waht he said. i mean its bound to be worth a giggle