Hides his phone from me

LegacyUser

Ok, half afraid to ask opinions on this but should I instantly think the worst when my bf switches his phone off when Im around?
I know he gets texts from girls cos he has a few female friends through work but Im ok with that and Ive told him its ok as long as he isnt flirting with them or anything. He says he hides it from me so I wont freak out at him.
I think he is just gonna make me think he has somethin to hide when he really doesnt. Or does he....aaaaaaargggggggh!

Sony

yeah sounds as though he's hiding something im afraid-very badly!!

Trinity

Depends really. How long have you been going out and how serious is the relationship.

Some guys hide things for sinister reasons and other just do it to avoid a possible confrontation i.e. they think you are going to freak and cant handle a row.

I know you might say you wouldnt freak but in their heads they imagine you will. Or you might have freaked out at him years ago but the memory stays in his head.

I had a similar problem, not with a phone but something else. When i found out it caused a bigger problem cos he made it seem he had something to hide. Sorry for being so evasive but i would rather not go into it.

His reason for not telling me is that he thought i would have been upset. I was actually only upset that he lied (or hid it from me)

The_Minister

Sounds like he has playful banter with friends, which might be misinterpreted as flirting.

fade2black

I'd say what he's hiding is probably harmless but methinks he knows you don't trust him so what's the point in showing you a text from a girl when he knows you'll just flip out.

Rb

Sony wrote:

yeah sounds as though he's hiding something im afraid-very badly!!

I agree. Yes OP, it really does seem as though he has something to hide, especially if he says he won't show you because you'll freak out.

Also, it seems you don't fully trust your "boyfriend", without trust a relationship is nothing.

randylonghorn

CMB2 wrote:

I think he is just gonna make me think he has something to hide when he really doesnt.

Quite possibly, if you've been going on at him about who he's getting texts /calls from ... that would annoy me, tbh.

Or he may be just winding you up, and not realise it's actually getting to you.

Or he may actually have something to hide, but that would be the worst case scenario, and if you're going to go through life always thinking the worst of everyone, you're going to give yourself a lot of grief.

If I had to guess, I would go for the first option.

AngryBadger

So he turns his phone off when you're around? And this is grounds for suspecting he's playing away because....

Sounds to me like you're paranoid. If he doesn't want you reading his texts that's his prerogatiove, if you're so insecure in yourself and your relationship that you can't deal with him enforcing whatever privacy he wants then break up with him :rolleyes:

Rabies

Sony wrote:

yeah sounds as though he's hiding something im afraid-very badly!!

Not really. I don't like people having my phone, that incuded my ex. She often asked, I told her no. Had no problem telling her who the messages or calls were from, but I draw a line at people reading my messages.

I wouldn't do it to a girl I was going out with, and I would expect the same. It is a matter of privacy.

Alter-Ego

It's probably nothing. Personally i don't let anybody have my phone. I've got nothing to hide i just don't like anybody looking at my messages etc..

Talk to him about it.

kaalgat

Don't think I would like if my bf switched off his phone whenever I was around.
Would make me feel like he's hiding something..

BeardyGit

There's no discussion to be had on this one as far as I can see.

Let him do what he wants with his phone and mind your own business.

Do that and you'll save the both of you some needless hassle.

gamer

Hes got something to hide,does he go out alot without out you ?is the rest of his behavior normal?A GF doesnt have the right to read every txt ,but knocking off your phone when your gf is around is strange.20percent of people in relationships have affairs.Either hes having affair,or he may be involved in sum illegal activity.OR he has a mental problem?Most of the blokes i know have had affairs ,while in a serious relationship.
I cannot think of a reasonable innocent explanation for this ,unless his female friends r slagging you,sending sexy flirty txts and he doesnt want to get in trouble with you ,because of thier behavior.Maybe hes a ladies man,getting txts from ex girlfriends.

Stench Blossoms

I'd agree with what a few people have said, it would seem that he's hiding something from you.

I had the same issue with my ex and it drove me mental and even more suspicious. Turned out that he was cheating on me in the end.

SoupyNorman

Strange one OP, sounds really suspicious but switching the phone off is so blatent it could be paranoia on his behalf not wanting to make you jealous. Would probably be worse if he was more secretive with his texting, like facing the phone away from your line of sight for example.

I get paraniod sometimes when girls bebo me but my gal knows i'm a one woman man!

sweet-rasmus

most likely he doesn't want you freaking out when he receives texts from other girls. and expecting they may arrive when you are together, this may be his solution at not worrying you. (if you've made a big deal about any in the past perhaps?)

then again... but you can't let that worry you. if you notice anything else amiss, then worry, but you have to trust him otherwise. try not to think about it!

the_syco

fade2black wrote:

I'd say what he's hiding is probably harmless but methinks he knows you don't trust him so what's the point in showing you a text from a girl when he knows you'll just flip out.

Agreed. No offense, but it sounds like you want a reason to confront him, and he fears you'll loose your head over any filthy jokes they send ye.

Anti

I dont let anyone look at my phone. Its mine, and i would be offended if someone went through my phone.

My ex did this to me while i was in the shower one morning. She told me straight away. And i walked out of the relationship there and then. And there was nothing to hide. Its just a personal thing.

TriWannabe

Let me ask you all this..........Of all of you who say they don't like other people to read their messages, look at their phone or whatever....how many of you Actually TURN OFF your phone when GF or BF are around????

Draw your own conclusions

Rabies

My phone is never off. But if my g/f had a habit of snooping, then I would.

The OP needs to talk to her b/f about her concerns. If he can't give a valid reason, or even show his g/f some of the messages to put her mind at rest. Then I would agree that there is a strong chance he is hiding something.

TriWannabe

Oh, and by the way, I think there is a point that is being missed here.........

HEEEEEEE is creating a problem here. HEEEEEEEE is turning off his phone because HEEEEE doesn't TRUST his GF to either not look at his phone or not like what messages he gets or phone calls he gets etc.

HEEEEE doesn't trust HERRR.

I don't recall CMB2 saying she has ever actually looked at his phone.

BeardyGit

TriWannabe wrote:

Oh, and by the way, I think there is a point that is being missed here.........

HEEEEEEE is creating a problem here. HEEEEEEEE is turning off his phone because HEEEEE doesn't TRUST his GF to either not look at his phone or not like what messages he gets or phone calls he gets etc.

HEEEEE doesn't trust HERRR.

I don't recall CMB2 saying she has ever actually looked at his phone.

Radiohead's 'Just' chorus always starts playing in my head when I read these threads....

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself

I'll bet she kicked this off by not minding her own business about what texts he was getting in the first place. I'll bet her insecurity took over there and she backed him into a corner over texting women etc. Anything that made her feel a little nervous came right to the surface. Maybe there were tears, maybe there was a tantrum. But damn sure she didn't give him room to move.

The moment a mobile phone causes a problem in my relationship, I'll throw the phone in the canal quicker than a 12 year old can turn on a playstation.

You brought this on yourself OP.

Heinrich

My phone is always on and I have absolutely nothing private in it, why should I?

It is a bloody phone not a personal diary! If you can't trust someone that's one thing but if you can't be straight then that's another.

Trust is 2-way

rick_fantastic

maybe the boyfriend just doesnt want to be interupted while spending quality time with the OP ????

my last girlfriend used to love getting her grubby little hands on my phone when i wasnt around, read all my texts and then reply to the ones she didnt like threatening them and then deleting the messages and denying she did it......

seamus

Gil_Dub wrote:

I'll bet she kicked this off by not minding her own business about what texts he was getting in the first place. I'll bet her insecurity took over there and she backed him into a corner over texting women etc. Anything that made her feel a little nervous came right to the surface. Maybe there were tears, maybe there was a tantrum. But damn sure she didn't give him room to move.

I'd agree with that. Chances are the OP used to ask "Who's that?" every time her boyfriend got a text, and then put on a sour face if it was from one of his female friends. It's lose-lose for the man. If he says it's one of the female friends, then the girlfriend either goes on the offensive or sulks. If he tells her to mind her own business, she gets offended.

There's also a good chance that the OP may have mentioned in the past that she doesn't like/doesn't trust one or more of her boyfriend's female friends, so he avoids having to answer the above question by turning off his phone.

Tar.Aldarion

seamus wrote:

I'd agree with that. Chances are the OP used to ask "Who's that?" every time her boyfriend got a text, and then put on a sour face if it was from one of his female friends. It's lose-lose for the man. If he says it's one of the female friends, then the girlfriend either goes on the offensive or sulks. If he tells her to mind her own business, she gets offended.

Or else they say, ' I bet that's <insert girls name here> etc.
If you have no other reason to not trust him, don't...

Magic Pips

rick_fantastic wrote:

my last girlfriend used to love getting her grubby little hands on my phone when i wasnt around, read all my texts and then reply to the ones she didnt like threatening them and then deleting the messages and denying she did it......

PSYCHO!:eek:

OP: Chill out, his space is his own and you should leave it like that

rick_fantastic

Magic Pips wrote:

PSYCHO!:eek:

OP: Chill out, his space is his own and you should leave it like that

yeah tell me bout it.

twas a rough two years i tell ya. she put me off relationships big time.

Kinetic^

TriWannabe wrote:

Oh, and by the way, I think there is a point that is being missed here.........

HEEEEEEE is creating a problem here. HEEEEEEEE is turning off his phone because HEEEEE doesn't TRUST his GF to either not look at his phone or not like what messages he gets or phone calls he gets etc.

HEEEEE doesn't trust HERRR.

I don't recall CMB2 saying she has ever actually looked at his phone.

Prevention is better than cure imo.

Heh- it's funny, when I showed the OP to the boyfriend he said "wow, sounds like the guy is hiding something".
I would have said the same but after reading these posts, I'm not too sure...
OP, did you ask "who's that" all the time?
I mean, sometimes I do cos I'm curious, but I don't give a damn if they're male or female or whatever...

dvega

I was texting another girl while going out with someone,eventually the night came where that girl text me while i was with my gf.I had to mke a quick excuse and tried to delete the message while in the toilet,she knew something was up so from then on i turned my phone on silent....nough said...

hunnymonster

I really don't know on this one. It could be either way as far as I can see. To be honest, if it was me, and everything else was good in the relationship I would just put it down to him being what my mum would call "a wee bit odd" and get on with enjoying myself with him.

Jumpy

My god. I honestly question the maturity of some people here.

Trust is the basis of any relationship, if your partner decides to show you the text that they get then great, but if they dont they are not hiding anything and if they are then it will come out in the wash eventually. Paranoia is the relationship killer.

Also a message to those teenagers here who think they know all about the world and how people act - Generally people write here for advice, not to get messages like "omg he luks like he sooo has something to hide, I wud neva trust my bf if he did that lol".
Theres always at least one per thread.


Edit: Just read Gil_Dubs first response. Best Answer Ever.

IrishMike

To the OP im in a similiar situation to you except im the guy!
I have female friends and i had no problem with my g/f reading my messages
Then she started to get paranoid whenever i got one from a friend or got a
drunken phonecall when they were out and i was with her
She is insecure and used to get freaked out so i basically told her to stay
away from my fone and that i wouldnt be telling her a thing about any messages
or phonecalls i got in future
I know it seems harsh or petty but what other choice does a person have?
I have about 1000 messages in my inbox at any one time she used to read
every last new one whenever we met and then ask me about them as
if i was doing something wrong
Yet she deletes every single message she gets instantly

Kinda ranting here
Basically what im saying is that unless he feels comfortable showing
you his messages then they are really none of your business
No need to be paranoid or anything, maybe ye havent gotten to the stage
of your relationship where he feels that comfortable with you

And for the "helpful posters" who keep saying he is definitely cheating
have any of ye been in a proper relationship for crying out loud?
Get real because he wont show you messages he is cheating, if thats what
you think with no basis or evidence then enjoy being single for most of yer lives

kippy

Dont post in this forum much but will this time.
There are two males whom I know who NEVER let their other halves near the mobile phone. These two males are consistant cheaters and do have something to hide. If their girlfriend got a hold of the phone, and had the cheek to check it, all would be over in a flash.
I do now very faithful guys at the same time who dont let their other halves near the phone for various other reasons.
However, as many have said, trust is a two way thing. If before you mentioned you didnt like him talking to other girls etc he may feel he has no other option but to leave the phone off around you.
I would also ask is there anything else you are suspicious of in your relationship, have there been any trust issues?



PS - What happened before we had mobile phones? This wouldnt have been an issue at all-I personally dont know why anyone would want to keep them that private from someone UNLESS they had something major to hide-but that is my opinion.

ELLIEJ

Your gut is never wrong. If you feel he is hiding something he is......

Nevyn

oh really and people are never unjustly paraniod ?

ArphaRima

Personally I think he's most certainly hiding something. He is by definition hiding the contents of his phone.

I give my phone to my girlfriend all of the time. She does me too. I never look in her inbox though. That's rude. But to HIDE it. Thats just downright suspicious.

Shauna_K

yup, he's hiding something i would think.


My ex used to do that sometimes and i was very suspicious of it but he always just laughed it off, turned out he was developing a relationship with someone else who he started seeing the day after we broke up!

However, we still talk sometimes (via txt) and i know when he's with his new girlfriend he turns off his phone but there's nothing going on with us and there never will, but i can imagine she'd be fairly pissed if she new we were still in contact.

TriWannabe

OP ???? Read posts and give more info???

sobriquet

The OPs BF has a right to privacy. If he's switching off his phone it may well be because the OP is being overly concerned and touchy about it and he doesn't want to have to sing a chorus or reassurance every time his phone buzzes.

A female friend of mine always refers to me as 'babe' in text messages and signs off with lots of xxx's. Were a girlfriend to see that she could very well draw the wrong conclusions - but my friend is like that in every text she sends to any of her friends. In a situation like the OPs that might sound like a lame excuse.

Personally, I'm pretty touchy when it comes to privacy. I'd have to be very close to someone to let them read the contents of my text messages or give them a password to an email address say. It shouldn't be a cause for paranoia - as has been stated already, there has to be mutual trust.

bugs90

Only you can answer your own question and that comes down to trust!
Seems a bit dodgy to me but could be innocent.
I've only had one ex be overprotective of her phone and it turned out she was having an affair but you can't generalise...

Slutmonkey57b

The day some scientist invents a portable mind reading device, there'll be some woman posting on here going

"Oh Goood my bf won't let me read his thoughts, what is he hiding???!!one"

Yes switching off his phone around you isn't normal.
No it doesn't mean he's cheating. There'd be other signs as well.
Ask him why he does it and don't freak out at the response. If he refuses to say, then ask him if it's because he thinks you'll freak out.

red_ice

sounds to me like the OP is insecure. I dont let anyone look at my phone, and i intentionally dont show my GF. I dont have to share my private texts with her, those messages are ment for me and i will act on them as i wish. That doesnt make me a bad person, it makes me normal. Every now and then (couple of months), if my phone is unlocked i ask her to pass me my phone, and if i notice she hasnt gone to read my message ill say 'would you read that out for me' before i've even read the message, but thats if i see shes been trusting on her behalf.

Relationships are based on trust, if you dont trust him (which you clearly dont), you should probably do something about it... i think its terrible that a men these days cant have something to themselves

red_ice

ooh god theres more...

Yes switching off his phone around you isn't normal.
No it doesn't mean he's cheating. There'd be other signs as well.
Ask him why he does it and don't freak out at the response. If he refuses to say, then ask him if it's because he thinks you'll freak out.

Maybe he switches off his phone because he doenst want to have to deal with you wanting to read every single message that he gets. Maybe your constant need to read his messages causes an arguement? It is possible he could be cheating, but its also very possible that we are hearing it from your paro mind. I seriously doubt hes cheating, there'd be other signes. If you go to looking for these signs now, you definitly have a trust issue.

Silverfish

Maybe he's switching it off for the reason one of my exes always switched off his phone around me?

'The only person I want to hear from ever is sitting right here with me'


Awwww!

(cheating swine)

chump

if ya really want to wind up the bf/gf, when you get a txt, laugh to yourself and put phone away - say no more.

Dutchology

If you really trust this guy let it go! If I felt the need to I could read the messages on my man's phone - when he's not looking. I have access to and know all of his passwords for possibly everything, but that does not make me log into his e-mails and other things in order to "check up on him". I'm pretty sure however that if I asked I could!

Let it go!

IrishMike

Red_Ice totally agree. Its none of the OP business what messages he gets imho

@chump thats genius, im off to try it out (*braces himself for WW3!)

Seraphina

i cant believe the amount of girls who seem to think its normal to just read their boyfriends or friends texts. i was out with my boyfriend one night and his friend (female) just picked up his phone off the table and started going through his texts. i couldn't believe it, it was like it was totally normal (turns out a few of them apparently do it all the time)

i have never and would never read a bfs texts without him asking me to, and i would expect the same from a bf. i have nothing to hide, but its basic privacy, almost like listening in on someones phonecalls or something...