What do people think?

LegacyUser

Ok Lads and Ladies,

Occasional poster here but going unreg for this one.

I'm 22, just finished my Degree in Cork and now doing a Masters in Dublin. I've been offered what is pretty much my dream job so on the whole job and career front things couldn't be better. I've a good network of friends and generally happy with my life...apart from one niggling thing.

When I was 18 and at the very start of College I stumbled into a house party fairly hammered with a friend. There were a bunch of girls there along with a few of their friends and we didn't know anybody from Adam but all of us being freshers at the time we got away with this on the basis that their college house was right beside ours.

Anyways my friend really fancied one of the girls and spent a good half an hour flirting with her but got nowhere. I, on the other hand, was instantly smitten by this other girl in the corner. By no means would she be the prettiest girl in the world but something about her personality drew me to her and I spent the night thinking that whatever happened I had to get her number.

I managed to do this and spent the next few weeks texting her and we became very good friends until one night we ended up flirting away in a nightclub and scored. Once, just once, when I was still 18. At that point she was only the second girl I'd ever kissed and I was so uncordinated I still can't stop laughing at the memories of me missing and hitting her nose I don't know how many times!! Thing is that afterwards it never happened again and after a period of things being awkward between us when we had a chat about it and I said I'd like things to go further.

We eventually kind of forgot about it and became great friends again, or at least she did because even though I've never kissed the girl again I'm still sort of infatuated. Since then I'd describe her as being one of my very best friends and she's definitely the girl I'm closest to.

Thing is that ever since it seems that about once a year we both go out, have a few drinks too many and it seems like something is going to happen, as in dancing really really close, and then nothing does happen. This is always followed by a period of intense awkwardness in which I'm almost made to feel like it was my fault, which it wasn't I know there's something mutual about it, but I'll eventually apologise and things go back to normal.

Its a mutual friends birthday this weekend and we're both going. She's still in Cork and I'm probably in Dublin to stay at this stage so we've seen less and less of each other. I've been getting a load of texts saying how its been so long since we've been out, or seen each other, and how she really misses me. Thing is that this could be seen as friendly but I think theres something more behind it.

My friends think she's the greatest pri*ktease known to man and are never finished telling me that I should just walk away and forget about her completely both as a friend and in the romantic sense because they reckon I'm just light entertainment for her when shes bored. I can see their point and would normally be a fairly astute person but regardless of whether I know this or not I would still ask how high if she said how high.

I know this question has probably been done to death before now. Are my friends right and should I just walk away or what is really going on here?

Sorry for the length of the post by the way but I'd really appreciate your comments!

Black Swan

Uncertain wrote:

Thing is that ever since it seems that about once a year we both go out, have a few drinks too many and it seems like something is going to happen, as in dancing really really close, and then nothing does happen. This is always followed by a period of intense awkwardness in which I'm almost made to feel like it was my fault, which it wasn't I know there's something mutual about it, but I'll eventually apologise and things go back to normal.

Its a mutual friends birthday this weekend and we're both going.

Cut back on the booze and have a chat with her. If your feelings are not mutual, then you can always catch up boozing with your other friends.

Carrigart Exile

Discipline yourself at this next party to be your friendly self but don't initiate anything. If she wants to slow dance with you then let her do the asking. It might also be worthwhile paying attention to other women at the party you never know you may find someone whom you won't feel awkward with next morning.

Hagar

Take the job. You're 22, stop trying to make the score that you should have made 4 years ago. Get over it and move on. Your career is more important at this stage and there's lots of nice girls out there.

Beruthiel

Agree with Hagar.
That ship has sailed. Plenty of women out there who won't keep you wondering after 4 long years.

BeardyGit

Hagar wrote:

Take the job. You're 22, stop trying to make the score that you should have made 4 years ago. Get over it and move on. Your career is more important at this stage and there's lots of nice girls out there.

On the money.

Lots of us have been there I reckon and it's tough to see where you're really standing as you've lost perspective on the situation. Without wanting to get into the whole 'friend zone' thing, I think your window of opportunity is long, long gone. Be happy you've made a great friend out of it, but it's unlikely to really ever be more.

As Hagar very correctly states - There are lots of nice girls out there. Go and meet some more. You'll find that if you're not wrapping your head and your heart up in knots over this other girl that there are many more who'll do the same thing she did for you four years back. And that's just a great thing.

Good look,

Gil

Red Alert

Tough call: on the one hand if you're not putting the rest of your sex/relationship life on hold for this girl then you don't have an awful lot to lose by letting things just take their course. If on the other hand you've been saying no to other people or anything then it's time to do as Beruthiel says.

limklad

Uncertain wrote:

Ok Lads and Ladies,

I, on the other hand, was instantly smitten by this other girl in the corner. By no means would she be the prettiest girl in the world but something about her personality drew me to her and I spent the night thinking that whatever happened I had to get her number.

I managed to do this and spent the next few weeks texting her and we became very good friends until one night we ended up flirting away in a nightclub and scored. Once, just once, when I was still 18. At that point she was only the second girl I'd ever kissed and I was so uncordinated I still can't stop laughing at the memories of me missing and hitting her nose I don't know how many times!! Thing is that afterwards it never happened again and after a period of things being awkward between us when we had a chat about it and I said I'd like things to go further.

We eventually kind of forgot about it and became great friends again, or at least she did because even though I've never kissed the girl again I'm still sort of infatuated. Since then I'd describe her as being one of my very best friends and she's definitely the girl I'm closest to.

Thing is that ever since it seems that about once a year we both go out, have a few drinks too many and it seems like something is going to happen, as in dancing really really close, and then nothing does happen. This is always followed by a period of intense awkwardness in which I'm almost made to feel like it was my fault, which it wasn't I know there's something mutual about it, but I'll eventually apologise and things go back to normal.
!

You love her and she your best friend. Sounds like you found your wife to be.

Uncertain wrote:

Its a mutual friends birthday this weekend and we're both going. She's still in Cork and I'm probably in Dublin to stay at this stage so we've seen less and less of each other. I've been getting a load of texts saying how its been so long since we've been out, or seen each other, and how she really misses me. Thing is that this could be seen as friendly but I think theres something more behind it.

Talk to her and let her know how you feel. Do not tell her about the wife bit. You just might frighten her off. Ask her out on a date. You have the perfect opportunity to say your piece. At the end of the party, you will know where you stand.

Uncertain wrote:

My friends think she's the greatest pri*ktease known to man and are never finished telling me that I should just walk away and forget about her completely both as a friend and in the romantic sense because they reckon I'm just light entertainment for her when shes bored. I can see their point and would normally be a fairly astute person but regardless of whether I know this or not I would still ask how high if she said how high.

Sound like your friends are jealous for they might not feel towards their women as you do yours or just tried of you talking about her.
You call er your best friend!!

Uncertain wrote:

I know this question has probably been done to death before now. Are my friends right and should I just walk away or what is really going on here?

Sorry for the length of the post by the way but I'd really appreciate your comments

It is always your choice, If I was you I go for it. You would not have any regrets afterwards not matter which way it goes. Trust me on this.
Good luck and go with your heart.