Taking my "father" to court

LegacyUser

Hi guys ,

I have thought long and hard about weather to post this on the legal disscussion board or here , and decided that i really wanted to remain anonymous due to the personal implications.

So im a 23 year old male , rasied by a single mother and have grown into quiet a good man. Gone to college , have a long tern girlfriend , traveled the world etc.

But lately i have been thinking about a certain situation in my life that i have never focused on before and have discussed it with my mother who has neither gave me a yes answer or a no answer . "up to you answer"

My father left my mother when i was just born and basically never to be seen again, he has paid no child support payments over the years . This is my question or issue. Can i take him to court over this ? How successful would it be ?

I have no will to meet this man , as i have gotten on in my life quiet well without him . My mother and him are not married.

LundiMardi

If i were a ''jury'' so to speak... I would wonder what your intentions are to bring him to court after all these years. Money? That's what i'd think.

If he never paid a cent, then your mother is also to blame, as if she wanted/needed the money, she should have done something about it at the time. Then again, i don't know what the laws were way back when.

Dors1976

LundiMardi wrote:

If he never paid a cent, then your mother is also to blame, as if she wanted/needed the money, she should have done something about it at the time. Then again, i don't know what the laws were way back when.

I agree an arrangement could have been set up. If you don't want an emotional relationship with him then you really only want money from him.
But I have no idea how successful you would be if you took him to court, your best option is to ask a solicitor - maybe there is no precedent.

Best of luck with what you are searching for.:)

Sangre

23 means you're no longer dependant, even if in college. I'm not sure under exactly what grounds you could claim under. If there were continuing breaches these would no doubt have been nullified by the statutes of limitations. Any monetary duties owed were probably to your mother and not you directly.


If you really want money wait until he dies and contest the will if he has left you out. The court will likely make an order to ensure you've been provide for (court discretion though).

aidan24326

Why on earth would you want to take him to court now?

It was up to your mother during all those years to have sought child support payments from him, which she was legally entitled to. She didn't for whatever reason, and that time has passed. You are grown up now and have your own life. He no longer has any financial obligation towards you. I'm pretty sure you'd be wasting your time even attempting to take him to court, you'd surely have no case.

To be honest I would question your motivations in all this. Are you just after some easy money? You say you don't want anything to do with him, probably a wise decision at this stage, so why go chasing him for money? I'd leave it alone if I were you.

And despite what Sangre said about his will, he is in no way obliged to leave you anything in that either. He could leave everything he has to the postman if he wanted. That's the reality. Get on with your own life (which seems to be going ok) and forget him.

AnonoBoy

I think a judge would see this fo what it was - an attempt by you to get money and little else.

In fact I don't think you woul deven have a legal leg to stand on. Your mother minght do because she was the one he should have been paying child support to, but you however are not owed a penny AFAIK. You didn't spend your own money on nappies, baby food, clothes etc so you can't really claim you are owed anything monetary.

randylonghorn

I can't answer the legal question, OP.

I'm just noticing that everyone is assuming "money".

And maybe they're right, but I'm wondering if at least some of this is coming out of a feeling of anger / hurt / resentment that he made no effort over the years.

The fact that you say that you have only recently really focused on the issue, that you have no wish to even meet him, and that you "have got on quite well without him" only reinforces this idea for me.

aidan24326

randylonghorn wrote:

And maybe they're right, but I'm wondering if at least some of this is coming out of a feeling of anger / hurt / resentment that he made no effort over the years.

The fact that you say that you have only recently really focused on the issue, that you have no wish to even meet him, and that you "have got on quite well without him" only reinforces this idea for me.

You are probably quite right that it's partly fuelled by anger/resentment, though the OP can answer that one himself. But squeezing a few quid out of the father in court would be unlikely to make any of those feelings go away, even if there was a case to be made for monetary compensation. Which there almost certainly isn't.

the_syco

If ye want payback, let it be known to the judge that you want the proceeds of your winnings to goto charity. You don't get anything but the satisfaction.

Either way, you'll end up with nothing, at least giving it to charity may benifit someone (look up a single mom's organisation).

randylonghorn

aidan24326 wrote:

But squeezing a few quid out of the father in court would be unlikely to make any of those feelings go away, even if there was a case to be made for monetary compensation.

Agreed, aidan. I suppose I was more trying to suggest to the OP that he think about why he was doing this, and what he really wanted out of it, as that might help him decide whether he actually wanted to do it anyway.

spurious

The best way to 'get back' at your father for how you were treated by him is to make sure you never do the same to a child of yours.

You're hurting of course, but a court action would not make this go away. Your father is the one who really lost out by not being there for you.

Dors1976

aidan24326 wrote:

And despite what Sangre said about his will, he is in no way obliged to leave you anything in that either. He could leave everything he has to the postman if he wanted. That's the reality.

That maybe the case but OP is entitled to contest his father's will if his father has no properly provided for him.

Carrigart Exile

longterm user wrote:

Hi guys ,

I have thought long and hard about weather to post this on the legal disscussion board or here , and decided that i really wanted to remain anonymous due to the personal implications.

So im a 23 year old male , rasied by a single mother and have grown into quiet a good man. Gone to college , have a long tern girlfriend , traveled the world etc.

But lately i have been thinking about a certain situation in my life that i have never focused on before and have discussed it with my mother who has neither gave me a yes answer or a no answer . "up to you answer"

My father left my mother when i was just born and basically never to be seen again, he has paid no child support payments over the years . This is my question or issue. Can i take him to court over this ? How successful would it be ?

I have no will to meet this man , as i have gotten on in my life quiet well without him . My mother and him are not married.

If you are in full time education you could sue for maintenance for you until you reach 25. I have never heard of a retrospective award. Also, you only know one side of the story, your mothers. Perhaps she denied him access for many years before he finally gave up; you might be opening up a pandoras box that will affect your relationship with your mother.

One other thing, do you actually know where your father is? If so, meet him, ask him, involve lawyers and there's only one winner, the porche driving lawyer

I'm puzzled as well as to why the OP suddenly wants to do this. I've never met my father either and I've no interest in looking up a relationship or money from him...
have you spoken to your mother about this?

LegacyUser

I have spoken to my mother regarding the situation over the years of course i have , and also have asked her to be Truthful which she has always done.

To be honest its not about the money really but the principle behind it.
Somebody suggested that im hurting due to not having a father , far from it actually i have no feeling towards this man.

Im just thinking strongly about the legal route , surely it cann't be a unusual case?

seamus

Nobody here is going to give you a yay or nay on whether you should or not pursue this. Speak to a solicitor and they'll give you actual advice on the steps you can take.

I've no problem with the discussion on the ability of *one* to claim restrospective child support payments however. At a push, I'd say that in any such case, if the judge ruled in favour of the child/plaintiff, then any payments would be made to the primary carer of the child, and not the child themselves.
After all, child support payments are made to the guardian of the child to assist in the child's upbringing, they're not paid to the child. So IMO, the child has no grounds to sue for restrospective maintenance.

Beruthiel

longteruser wrote:

To be honest its not about the money really but the principle behind it.

Have you thought long and hard about that part?
You say you have no feelings towards this man, but might I suggest some bitterness is there if you feel strongly enough to go to court over this.
If anyone was within their rights to take him to court it would have been your mother, she chose not to and managed to bring you up to the man you are today.

It will take years to do this, legal fees which you may end up paying and perhaps all you will have at the end of the day is debt and a bad taste in your mouth.
This is just my opinion, but I would think that you would be a much happier man if you just got on with your life and just forget about him.
I could have chosen to bring someone to court a long time back, I decided not to. My reasons were, I need to move on, to be happy and not to have that crap hanging over me for years.
Think about that, if you are still bent on it, go see a solicitor and see what they have to say on the subject.

Marksie

I would agree with beruthiel on this.

What exactly is the "principle" you are referring too?

I did wonder if it was some kind of revenge/recognition of what your mother underwent you were seeking rather than the money.

Is it worth it though, all the time/effort you would expend, the potential heartache and reawakening of old feelings and hatreds.

You are at a stage now where you should be looking forward not back perhaps concentrating more on acknowledging what your mother did rather than what your father didn't do.

If you still feel that some gesture has to be made, then perhaps, and it is only a perhaps. Write everything down in a letter, get it out of your system and send it to him.

Black Swan

Blood money? Retribution? In the long run, neither will make you feel good about him or yourself. Looks like a lose-lose situation, no matter the court decision. Learn from it, and get on with your life.

Going Demented

I'm kinda in the same position you were. I never knew my "father". I traced him when i was 23. My mother never got a penny from him. Thing is my mother never wanted a penny from him. If anyone was entitled to go look for money its our mothers. For whatever reason your mother didn't. Your mother would have been the one to make the sacrafices so you had what you needed. She would be the only one entitled to money if it was possible at this stage. I bet you she wouldn't want it even if she could get it now.

I never wanted a penny when i went looking for him. I just wanted a face and a name. I was offended when he gave me 1000 as i was going on holidays shortly after i met him. I would not take it. He was adamant i took it, it would make him "feel better". I was highly offended and advised him i had not searched for him for money, i did not need nor want it, i just wanted answers. Left without the money.

He posted the money to me then. I went to my mother told her about the money and said she could have it, she made the sacrafices through the years, she had the financial issues. She said she wouldnt take it. That money was posted straight back. This money issue continued several times, my birthday, and another thing. This was within six months. I felt like he thought everything was sorted with money - i stopped contact. I wasn't getting answers and i didnt want money.

Why do you want to go after this man for money? This is insane. You don't want a relationship yet you want a piece of his money. I can't understand why you would think like this, even coming from a similar situation as you. Our mothers didn't want the money, it wasn't given when it was needed. You don't need it now, why go search for money.

littlesurfer

i was in a similar situation.....why do you want the money? Its not going to make you feel better at all. And if your trying to make a point to him then in my opinion its the wrong point to be making. Believe me i know the money is an issue but if i was trying to make a point to my father it would be about his not being there...not about the money.

Either way you're going to open up a can of worms. And also remember its a worm can not just for you. Think about how many other people this will open up old wounds for.

Julietta

OP, I am 7 weeks away from giving birth to a baby who's father does not want any contact with at all and the question of suing him for maintenance (have no doubt court is where it will end up if I pursue it) is one I am struggling to answer - for me, it's not about the money, it's about trying to make him think about his baby at least once a month when he looks at his bank statement but on the other hand, I am tempted to go down the route your Mum took for whatever her reasons were at the time and leave it alone, I just don't seem to be able to find the right answer.

A solicitor is the only person who can answer your query about the legal route and I can only give an opinion as to whether you should pursue this - if you are adamant that you have done some soul searching and truly have no desire to meet your Dad to try to establish a relationship/get some answers to the past, then I would leave it, I doubt very much you will feel better if handed a cheque after a lengthy legal case as I imagine this would be.

You say "it's the principle behind it" which does suggest some bitterness and resentment which is perfectly understandable but I just don't think this is the right way to move on from it.

Hope you work it out,

Julietta

Zambia

I would have to agree with everyone let it go..

Chances are

1: He will be just an annoyance
2: He is broke anyway , even if you got the ruling.

Sounds to me like something else has happened and your in the mood to blame someone for something and its come back around to him.

Think of the Honda Ad ,,,"more forwards please"

dame

OP, you say you're not hurting but deep down you must be feeling rejected and this is why you want to "make a point". What good would it do? Is this bothering you now because you've found out he has since gotten rich (or maybe he was all along) and married/had another family and his other kids are spoilt rotten?

If you want to make a point why don't you just write him a letter as suggested or else go and meet him? If you just go straight down the legal route he won't see that you're making a point and will just think that his son has been raised as a selfish, money-hungry little man. He may even blame your mother for you being like that.

I'd suggest meeting him, even just the once, there are two sides to every story after all and who knows, you may even be able to build some sort of a relationship with him and your half-siblings if you have any.

chuci

if you have no will to meet or want to know this man why bother bringing him to court.lot of people have sh#t parent/s and cant help.dont think it would go in your favour to be honest

LegacyUser

I think U have been offered some excellent advice here - especially from those people in the same situation as yourself.

U should listen to this advice because I think if U go down this legal/muny road, one way or another, U will be making a stick to beat your own back with for a very long time. And U could be making yourself look vengeful and foolish. Afterall, I think your mother brought U up to be a little better than that !!! Would U not agree ??? And, U don't want to let her down on that last point either.

As for his will - and I am not a lawyer - but as I understand it :
since U are over 18, he could now leave all of his wealth to the cats and dogs home and U could not do anything about it. Under 18 is a different matter, as I understand it.

It was upto your mother - all those years ago - to pursue it.
Since it didn't bother her sufficiently - then, it should not bother U now.
U should never think about it or mention it again.
Best of luck.