Social life/meeting friends

LegacyUser

Hi, Is there anywhere I could meet good friends, and have a bit of a social life? Growing up I always had lots of friends, but being in 4 different schools as a result of the combination of house moves, and my parents trying to make a better life for me. Each time I moved, I moved on with new friends and new groups, I've such fond warm memories of all of them, funniest times and great companionship but they're so far from where I am now, to be honest, I lost contact completely with them, and it wouldn't be the same if we got together - since, every1 has moved on in different directions and completely different lifestyles.

So basically, I've no stable group of friends, no one I can actually say I could turn to.

As a postgraduate in college, most of friends have moved to other countries to study, moved back home and moved on with their lives (in other counties), and its basically happening again, so I'm basically on my own all the time, and feeling quite isolated, and have lost heart in making friends, lost heart in making good conversation, and feeling like I'm not really wanted around as a result (though its probably im making myself feel this way, rather than anything else)

I've come to chat with some kind people in college, who I've known to see but just started to get to know them, and seem to be befriending me, including me in the group, are kind, and started to text. Although they're probably just being polite. I would like them to become my stable friends. They're already mates, how do I become good mates with them, without appearing to be clingy or needy or feeling like the odd one out cos they're already good friends?

I don't know how to become intimate with anyone anymore, and conversational skills have gone out the window. Outside college, Is there anywhere I could meet good friends, and rekindle a social life?? I'd appreciate some advice.

cornbb

You've made friends before and you seem to be on the verge of making friends with these new people in college, so I'd say you're the sort of person who is predisposed to befriending new people. Losing touch with friends and making new ones is entirely natural and is a side effect of having a life, starting a career, changing your lifestyle, having a family, moving cities or whatever. It can suck for a while but you need to lead your own life.

The problem in your case seems to be one of insecurity. Maybe you've lost confidence because of all the friends that have come and gone, but if you look on the bright side of it, it makes you seem like the sort of person people like to be friends with.

I'd suggest socialising with these new people, if you like them. Go to the pub, gigs, table quizzes, sporting events or whatever. Through these people you'll meet more new people. Intimacy may follow but will take more time. Just don't fret, don't be clingy, and enjoy the new experience.

Miss Fluff

Anyone?? wrote:

I've come to chat with some kind people in college, who I've known to see but just started to get to know them, and seem to be befriending me, including me in the group, are kind, and started to text. Although they're probably just being polite. I would like them to become my stable friends. They're already mates, how do I become good mates with them, without appearing to be clingy or needy or feeling like the odd one out cos they're already good friends?

Don't be so tough on yourself! These people have been welcoming and are obviously trying to include you. Go along to things they invite you to. I have lived all over the place and I think it makes you very open to new people and new experiences. Count yourself lucky, some people have the same friends since they were toddlers and never expand their social circle at all.

These people obviously like you, they in turn will introduce you to others etc etc. Invoke some of that old confidence you obviously have within and get yourself out there and have fun. Be realistic, you're not going to develop hugely-deep-meaningful-friends-for-life status with anyone over a matter of weeks etc but you may meet some bloody fantastic people along the way.:)

limklad

Anyone?? wrote:

I've come to chat with some kind people in college, who I've known to see but just started to get to know them, and seem to be befriending me, including me in the group, are kind, and started to text. Although they're probably just being polite. I would like them to become my stable friends. They're already mates, how do I become good mates with them, without appearing to be clingy or needy or feeling like the odd one out cos they're already good friends?

I don't know how to become intimate with anyone anymore, and conversational skills have gone out the window. Outside college, Is there anywhere I could meet good friends, and rekindle a social life?? I'd appreciate some advice.

They must like you if they are continuing want to talk to you and they i bet they want to be your friend. Be yourself and not everyboby have good conversational skills. I met serveral people through my life who where too shy or lack of self confidence to talk to others and once i start talking over time the began to come out of their shell. Now i can't shut them up nor do i want to
You made good friends before and you will do it again, that i have no doubt.

The more people you meet the more of life you learn.
Talk to them, Have fun with them.

Saruman

Are you a woman by any chance? You did not make it clear!
The reason i ask is that women in this country seem to group together and have their own friends and its very hard for someone else to be brought in to a group it seems. My wife is American and found it very hard to make friends. She has now finally after a few years as she is now working in a multinational company and finally has made some Irish friends she can hang out with. However its always easier for her to make friends with people who are not Irish!

I would be like yourself in a way, find it hard to make friends but its probably more to do with the fact that i do not have a real need to be around people. with the exception of my wife of course who is my best friend. For instance since i moved from Dublin to westmeath i pretty much know no one down here and so do not socialise at all! Then again i have not actually made a real effort because again.. i have no "need". Im perfectly content with how i am, would just be nice to be able to socialise sometimes though.

limklad

Saruman wrote:

Are you a woman by any chance? You did not make it clear!.

It does not matter what sex you are. Us men may like our caves but still we still like to talk too sometimes. Even here on the web board.

Saruman wrote:

The reason i ask is that women in this country seem to group together and have their own friends and its very hard for someone else to be brought in to a group it seems. My wife is American and found it very hard to make friends. She has now finally after a few years as she is now working in a multinational company and finally has made some Irish friends she can hang out with. However its always easier for her to make friends with people who are not Irish!

They got to know her by observing her interaction with others. Therefore trust is earned.

Saruman wrote:

I would be like yourself in a way, find it hard to make friends but its probably more to do with the fact that i do not have a real need to be around people. with the exception of my wife of course who is my best friend. For instance since i moved from Dublin to westmeath i pretty much know no one down here and so do not socialise at all! Then again i have not actually made a real effort because again.. i have no "need". .

Hug and kiss that wife of yours, you don't know lucky you are. If you don't, can i have her?

Saruman wrote:

Im perfectly content with how i am, would just be nice to be able to socialise sometimes though.

So am I. It does not matter how content you are, As one telcoms ads says "It is still good to talk" You feel lonely otherwise, It just take men longer to feel lonely. Again it is our cave man mentality that is coming into play.

It is all about understanding why they won't talk to you and you trying to overcome that barrier. Each situation can be different than the next. Do what babies do when learning to walk, one step at time.
Friendly, confident smile approach can help to remove barriers. Pick a relevant topic for the situation you and your target to break the ice.

hunnymonster

Op, you're becoming friend with these new poeple. They're including you. They would not do that just out of politeness. Just try not to rush it. As we get older it just takes longer to become very close friends with people and you might be comparing your current experiences with those you had as a teenager when falling into friendships was easy. In order to not appear too clingy, make sure you have other interests and experiences to bring to the group. Are there any clubs or societies in college you are interested in? You can really enjoy your time as a postgrad in college because there is less exam stress yet you still have all the colege oppertunities open to you.