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How to get over a crush?

  • 22-01-2007 10:39PM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 386 ✭✭


    Hi there,
    Can I get some advice on how to get over a crush I have on a girl?
    Here's some background:
    I'm 37, married and currently suffering from depression for the last few months. I'm a member of another forum and I've got a crush on a girl who's also a member there.
    She's 32, single and lives in London. I've seen her picture and think she's gorgeous. She's funny and likes the same music as me and on-line, we get on really well.
    I've never spoken to her or met her but I probably will meet her at Easter (there's a big forum meet happening).
    She's posting about her nights out and I wish I was there, she posts about the dates she's going on and I get a bit jealous. I'm really happy when I see she's on the forum at the same time as me and if I get a PM from her then it makes my day, even though she's normally just replying to one I sent her.
    I know it's stupid, nothing will *ever* happen, like I said - I'm married and we live in different countries! But I still can't help these feelings about her.
    What can I do to stop feeling like this?

    Thanks for any advice

    Del


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Be careful if u havent met her in real life or even spoken to her, often the image we build up of people we havent met doesnt turn out to be realistic because its easier to portray yourself as a different person online than it is in real life.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 273 ✭✭geminilady


    Hey here is my advice: spend time wit ur wife and if ur marriage is having problems go to counselling. Spend less time on the internet take up a hobby anything to stop ur head from thinking about her. If ur depressed dont suffer alone go to the doctor. Just dont go on the internet that much restrict urself for a time limit. And maybe dont even talk to her. I think u just totally need withdrew ur self from thinking of her.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭Carrigart Exile


    Mate, a woman has made a real commitment to you (your wife) not a virtual chitty chatty relationship you have with this person you do not know. You know absolutely nothing about her except what she has told you through a PC. No doubt chatting with her feels fun because you have no responsibilities or commitments to get in the way; its completely false, she might be a shrill bunny boiling haridan for all you know. Go give that woman that shares your bed every night the attention she deserves and dump the virtual wisp because that's all she is.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭free2fly


    Well OP, I think you need to sit yourself down and figure out what is missing in your marriage that makes you want to chat up women on the internet. I'm not judging you by any means. I've been in the same place and have done the exact same thing. I completely understand the excitement of the crush. But this is a sign that something is lacking with your relationship with your wife. I was going to say that if you'd like to PM I can give you a bit more detail about why I did what I did, but then you'd be talking to another woman online ;) But you can PM if you'd like. Maybe I can help you get past this.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Simple, stop logging on to the forum.'


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,585 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    Joe - I think your problem involves more than one issue.

    Firstly, what has gone wrong in your marriage for you to end up in this situation? I am of the real world, and I do realise that sometimes people get married, young and/or for the wrong reasons, but you really need to reconcile the issues with your current relationship before embarking on another.

    Secondly, the online thing. People in an online situation present the ideal face that they want to present. There is an element of the fantasy (not just sexual) and the day to day grind of picking up your Significant Other's dirty smalls from the bedroom floor doesn't enter the equation.

    Remember, fireworks are nice and pretty, but burn out pretty damn quick.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,769 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Cause you are married, the rule is: "You can look, but can't touch!" It's natural for us to look. But you have gone beyond just looking, and have started establishing a relationship that exceeds friendship... (at least in your mind). You said "I wish I was there"... "I get a bit jealous"... "these feelings about her"... "I probably will meet her at Easter." You are setting yourself up to become a cheat at Easter, even if she turns you down. If you love your wife, you will break off your contacts with this girl immediately, get a grip and chill out! If not, then perhaps marriage counseling?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 386 ✭✭Revelation Joe


    Thanks to all those who have responded. Maybe I was a bit 'dramatic' in calling it a crush. Maybe an infatuation is better?

    I have absolutely no intention of sleeping with this lady at Easter or at any other time. There will be a huge group of people there including my wife. When I say I will probably meet her, that's it. I will introduce myself and my wife and say Hello and be pleasant and have a drink and a bit of a laugh but absolutely no more than that.

    I haven't 'chatted her up' nor has she chatted me up. We exchange occasional PMs about music, books etc. and she has asked me how my treatment for depression is going. She is an online friend who is a girl but she is not an online girlfriend. I have no intention of having a relationship other than what we have now.

    Let me try and put the situation another way. *If* I were single and knew her socially (eg - we socialised together as part of a group of friends), I would ask her out. As I'm not single, then the matter doesn't arise.

    Blue_Lagoon said '...a relationship that exceeds friendship...' but it's just that, a friendship and a virtual one at that. Maybe it's not the girl, maybe it's the life she has (loads of gigs, cool holidays, great mates) that I don't have stuck in rural Galway

    I'm not putting this very well. I'll post again when I've sorted out the best way to say what I want to say


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Maybe it's not the girl, maybe it's the life she has (loads of gigs, cool holidays, great mates) that I don't have stuck in rural Galway

    Someones elses life always sounds better when they tell you the best bits. You've built this girl up in your head to something she could/would never be.

    Going to gigs, taking holidays and finding yourself some great mates is something you can do for yourself. Work on that and see where it leads.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭free2fly


    I'm curious about something. Is this site a dating site? If so, your wife is very understanding.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 386 ✭✭Revelation Joe


    free2fly wrote:
    I'm curious about something. Is this site a dating site? If so, your wife is very understanding.
    No it's a forum very much like this


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    Sounds like you need to stop contacting her and looking at her life details. Just because she posts them doesn't mean you have to look at them. You said yourself it's you who initiates the contact. You're verging on getting obsessed and becoming her online stalker. You're a married man who sounds like he's going through a bit of an early mid-life crisis.

    As others pointed out, it's easy for anyone's life to sound exciting if they only post the good stuff. Also, she's obviously going to be posting the best pictures of herself that she has, so she may not even really look like she does in a picture or two. Just stop contacting her and forget about her, fix your relationship with your wife and then try and make some new friends.


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