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Number 15

  • 22-01-2007 1:36am
    #1
    Rawr!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 227 ✭✭


    Once again, I hear a slow beat
    I think to myself, isn't this sweet?
    How can this be, I say, but then:
    Has my heart been born again?

    All the hurt my heart went through
    Oh yes! But then I guess it grew.
    You broke my heart, it ceased to breathe.
    I wished it was me who ceased to be!

    You told me you loved me, I though it was true.
    Silly me, I had no clue.
    What you wanted, I thought it was me,
    But I guess it was just my virginity.

    That was then and this is now,
    No more will I be the silly cow!
    So I locked up my heart and swallowed the key
    No-one else wil be hurting me!

    So what is this beat, that shouldn't be heard?
    Is it a plane, or is it a bird?
    No! It's my heart, beating in me,
    Has somebody found the key?

    They have unlocked my heart, and my soul
    But! I do not think that they know!


Comments

  • #2
    Dylan_James
    Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭Dylan_James


    "Once again, I hear a slow beat
    I think to myself, isn't this sweet?
    How can this be, I say, but then:
    Has my heart been born again?"

    Good opening. Setting out the theme running through.

    "All the hurt my heart went through
    Oh yes! But then I guess it grew.
    You broke my heart, it ceased to breathe.
    I wished it was me who ceased to be!"

    Slight repitition of "heart" (used 3 times so far). Last line is good.

    "You told me you loved me, I though it was true.
    Silly me, I had no clue.
    What you wanted, I thought it was me,
    But I guess it was just my virginity."

    Great stanza here. I almost spat out my tea reading it!

    "That was then and this is now,
    No more will I be the silly cow!
    So I locked up my heart and swallowed the key
    No-one else wil be hurting me!

    So what is this beat, that shouldn't be heard?
    Is it a plane, or is it a bird?
    No! It's my heart, beating in me,
    Has somebody found the key?"

    Good here again, although at this point you have used the word heart 5 times.

    "They have unlocked my heart, and my soul
    But! I do not think that they know!"

    Excellant work again from Rawr. She obviously works hard on her work. Not afraid to use comic value when appropriate. Really just a few extra touches on this poem would be perfection.


  • #3
    Rawr!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 227 ✭✭Rawr!


    Awww, thank you!

    That was really nice of ya!

    Yeah... I wrote this poem about a ****head!

    but yeah.... enough said there ;)


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