confused&scared

LegacyUser

hey all this wee problem has been playing on my mind for months but particulary in the last week,so much so that i havnt been able to sleep,hope ye can help me!.I started college recently and a couple of months ago a guy i presumed was gay,acts very camp etc, told me through a friend that he liked me, this was quite a shock to me as we were really good friends and got on well. i really do enjoy his company etc and think i have grown to like him. But my major fear is of intimacy and a serious relationship, i never had a serious realtionship,that is a boyfriend before and of which i had hadn't treated me well,lost my virginity to a guy i thought i liked but didn't see me the same way,even had a pregnancy scare which seriously upset me,was distraught for weeks could have waited.
All my friends in college have told me to go for it and have been very helpful and supportive with lets just say Alan* but im very weary of how camp he acts,through speech,dress sense etc.I know he has a lot of sisters etc but im so scared that some day he'l turn round and say he's gay or bi. We were out in one of the pubs recently had i nearly kissed him but quickly turned away, i really don't know what to do.
Also because of me never being in a serious realtionship i'm terribly afraid that i will be tied down and wont be able to have fun whilst out in college with my friends...i enjoy being single and having my own space..but i do think Alan needs a n a..nswer.please help me i'm very inexperienced in this field.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Black Swan

confuzzled.... wrote:

Also because of me never being in a serious realtionship i'm terribly afraid that i will be tied down and wont be able to have fun whilst out in college with my friends...i enjoy being single and having my own space..

Life is full of choices. From what you said here, it would seem that you are not ready for a commitment of any type just now (no matter his sexual orientation)? If that's the case, tell him that you value his friendship, but you are not ready for a commitment with anyone.

dr.bollocko

It sounds like it would be easier for you to just stay single. You really dont seem very attracted to this guy, so why bother with him?
Just make sure that these worries you have are about his campness and your incompatability rather than your own fear of commitment resulting from the unfortunate way you lost your virginity. Also, you're in college. just remember that and smile once in a while, for me, a perma-wannabe student who misses it badly.

LegacyUser

It does sound like you're putting yourself under pressure here. He likes you, fine. But you don't like him. I think that you're worried if you pass up an opportunity like this it won't come again. Trust me, it will(Its college for God's sake!).

College is supposed to be the best days of your life, and as a final year student I agree. What this means for you, is that to make them the best days of your life you should sit back, relax, and make your own decisions. Don't let people tell you what you should do (In this case your friends) becuse if that happens once, it'll happen again through college and you won't enjoy it nearly as much as you could.

Take a chill pill, make your position clear to everyone and you'll be fine.

jellie

Do you actually like him in that way? I get the feeling you wouldnt even have considered him if you hadnt been told he liked you? Dont confuse liking the feeling of being liked with actually liking the person

dame

sar84 wrote:

Do you actually like him in that way? I get the feeling you wouldnt even have considered him if you hadnt been told he liked you? Dont confuse liking the feeling of being liked with actually liking the person

Exactly! Just tell him you like him as a friend and aren't ready for a relationship anyway, which you definitely aren't (from what you've said).

You don't have to go out with a guy or feel pressured to see him romantically, just because he's a really good friend who has shown interest in you that way. Much better to just be honest that you've never really fancied him, he's your friend. He may be hurt for a little while but he will appreciate your honesty and the air will be cleared and you'll probably even end up as better friends afterwards.

Also, don't tell him you think he acts in a camp way...he might get offended!

LegacyUser

Sar84 u have put it down to a tee!..before he told me he liked me never dreamed of liking him sure i thought he was on the other side of the fence!.i've left it 5 months now and i think i'm beginning to like him but i'll continue on with the friendship until i know if he's right or when i'm right to start a realtionship..at the end of the day it is my decision but it isn't helping when people say "we're perfect,why arn't ye together"? and the like.