Love and lust

lil'one

Hey guys
Do you think its possible to be completely in love with someone but still really lust after others?
To be really happy with a partner have fantastic sex and truly love them and want to be with them but to still fantasize about other people, to want to have that feeling of being with someone new!?

Ruu_Old

lil'one wrote:

Hey guys
Do you think its possible to be completely in love with someone but still really lust after others?
To be really happy with a partner have fantastic sex and truly love them and want to be with them but to still fantasize about other people, to want to have that feeling of being with someone new!?

I would say so but you have to know where to draw the line and make up your mind whether or not you want to stay with only one person.

Smellyirishman

Yep.

Agamemnon

lil'one wrote:

Do you think its possible to be completely in love with someone but still really lust after others?

Of course, and it's completely harmless as long as it stays as fantasy. Why do you ask, lil'one?

P.S. Welcome to boards.ie!

lil'one

why thank you agamemnon:)
I'm extremely bad at phrasing things, what i'm trying to say very badly is - Do you think it means you love the person any less if you lust after others?

randylonghorn

No, it doesn't ... it's normal to feel sexual attraction for others, or to indulge in the odd fantasy moment.

If you genuinely love someone, tho', you keep it in your head (and in your pants!), and just enjoy the occasional pleasant daydream.

Pherekydes

randylonghorn wrote:

No, it doesn't ... it's normal to feel sexual attraction for others, or to indulge in the odd fantasy moment.

If you genuinely love someone, tho', you keep it in your head (and in your pants!), and just enjoy the occasional pleasant daydream.

Or nightdream.

And, yes, it is possible.

The Sweeper

Slow coach wrote:

Or nightdream.

This comes with a health warning if you talk in your sleep.

Tar.Aldarion

Yes of course OP. Lookie but no touchie.
you are only human and other people are good looking too.

free2fly

It's perfectly natural to be attracted to the other people. And no, it doesn't diminish your love

eiretamicha

As the above commenters, I also believe that it is normal to find others attractive. There are many beautiful men and women in this world, and acknowledging that they are attactive plus accepting it is healthy.

But, and this is just personal opinion, I do not believe that fantasizing about them (if you are in a long-term committed relationship) in a sexual manner is a good idea. Sometimes it is difficult to control our thoughts, and many believe that what goes on in the mind and stays in the mind is ok. I'm definitely in the minority when it comes to this type of thinking. However, I still stand by the belief that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. It's difficult to have your cake, eat it too, and control your craving for a different flavour of cake, ya know?

So anyway, yes, you can definitely fantasize about others while still being completely in love with your partner. But I, personally, do not think this is a wise choice. Ultimately, it may be harmful to your relationship.

SimpleSam06

Its a bit of a fine line sometimes alright. I mean when you think about it, sex really is more or less like sports, once you take precautions against pregnancy or STDs. It releases much the same hormones and chemicals in your body. On a purely physical level, its neccessary in fact to continuing good health.

When you figure in the emotional aspects, the whole scene changes. Thats more of a cultural issue than a human issue, however. I know of several couples that have what could be called "open relationships", although they do make sure their SO is alright with their choices.

Then we have hotwifing, men who actually enjoy their women going out and having sex with other men (which is different to cuckoldry, where they enjoy being humiliated, I don't think thats about sex at all, really), bondage, swingers, pollies, fetishists of every shape, colour and flavour (!). On the other hand the muslims and a good few cultures down through the ages have little problem with polygyny, multiple wives.

I can see the point that its a bit ridiculous to get jealous if your man or woman is going out doing the nasty with someone else, physically, once there are no emotional strings attached, but in this culture we have here, most people just aren't wired that way.

At the end of the day, whatever floats your boat.

Black Swan

If you are committed to someone, it's still OK to look (that's nature), just don't touch.

Dutchology

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

If you are committed to someone, it's still OK to look (that's nature), just don't touch.

*wholeheartedly agrees*

User45701

lil'one wrote:

Hey guys
Do you think its possible to be completely in love with someone but still really lust after others?
To be really happy with a partner have fantastic sex and truly love them and want to be with them but to still fantasize about other people, to want to have that feeling of being with someone new!?

I thought 2 things

1.If you love someone thats pretty much it

2.If its just a fantasy then there is no harm.

scojones

Being in love with someone and wanting to shag all around you is not good.

Why is this in After Hours?

Basq

randylonghorn wrote:

No, it doesn't ... it's normal to feel sexual attraction for others, or to indulge in the odd fantasy moment.

Anyone else giggle that this was posted by someone with the handle "randylonghorn"?....


.... no, just me so!

tbh

lil'one wrote:

Hey guys
Do you think its possible to be completely in love with someone but still really lust after others?
?

100,000 years of evolution can't be wrong

Tar.Aldarion

sjones wrote:

Being in love with someone and wanting to shag all around you is not good.

There is a difference mon ami.
Say I have a fantasy about avril whilst having a gf, which would never ever happen, of course.
*I would never do it in real life given the opportunity.
*If somebody would, they need to reconsider things.

scojones

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

There is a difference mon ami.
Say I have a fantasy about avril whilst having a gf, which would never ever happen, of course.
*I would never do it in real life given the opportunity.
*If somebody would, they need to reconsider things.

Tar, my asexual friend I think you might have misunderstood me.

I didn't say being with someone and having an unrealistic fantasy about someone you will probably never meet is a bad thing.

I said being with someone and wanting to shag all around you is a bad thing. Shagging all around you, meaning that you want to be with random strangers because you get a thrill out of it.

Wanting to be with random strangers because of the "new" feeling is bad. Bad!

randylonghorn

basquille wrote:

Anyone else giggle that this was posted by someone with the handle "randylonghorn"?....

.... no, just me so!

Tar.Aldarion

sjones wrote:

Tar, my asexual friend I think you might have misunderstood me.

I didn't say being with someone and having an unrealistic fantasy about someone you will probably never meet is a bad thing.

I said being with someone and wanting to shag all around you is a bad thing. Shagging all around you, meaning that you want to be with random strangers because you get a thrill out of it.

Wanting to be with random strangers because of the "new" feeling is bad. Bad!

Yes, bad, bad!
I know what you are and were saying, just pointing out that it may still be ok to want a/that feeling, be curious about it, if you would never really entertain following it up.
Mmm, smurfs.
<_<

Of course, if somebody does what you suggest, bad, bad!

Sparky

Yes you can indeed have a lust feeling for another person even when in and out of love with someone.
It's a natural feeling, but the one key to remember is to never let it go past the feeling when in love with another person. Your partner would get hurt if those lust feelings turned into actions towards someone else.

Lust and love are seperate altogether. Love will involve a caring for a person, being concerned for them, being there for them etc.

Lust is more an attraction for something and in this case more things sexual towards another person, you wont feel worried for them if they went missing the next day however!

lynnsback

I disagree with what most of the posters here say so my opinion is likely to be unpopular.

I have been on both sides of the coin here in that I have been in relationships where I lusted/fantisised over others and then relationships where the thought never even entered my head. The fact is if one is TRULY in love with their partner they really think they are the most special person ever and feel lucky and blessed every day to be with them. So that if an attractive man or woman comes along they might notice but would certainly never fantasise sexually about them. I am saying this as someone who has experienced both perspectives.

If you find yourself fantasising about others regularly you are:
a) very young and hormonal
b) In the wrong relationship but scared to leave it or
c) Scared to really let yourself be close and intimate with someone. The easiest way to avoid doing so is to spread your sexual energy around the place, even if you are only doing so 'mentally' rather than physically

Society seems to encourage this kind of thinking and I know it led me to stay in a relationship that wasn't right as I was led to believe that it was ok and 'normal' to be looking/lusting after others. IMO if one feels this way they shouldn't be in a serious relationship. I really respect people who have the courage to say that they don't feel able for that.......... way more than those who hide in a monogomous relationship for security whilst secretly lusting over others.

Really being in love is such a passionate experience that even after years together other people just pale in comparison to your partner. I think it is worth the time and effort it takes to find this type of love rather than settling for less.

Thrill

What about men in other cultures who have more than one wife?
Their capable of loving more than one woman and have sex with all of them as well.

lynnsback

Yes they may love all those women. That does not mean they are experiencing the best relationhip they can.

faceman

yeah lil'one its perfectly ok. You should tell your other half, he/she wont mind at all.

faceman

thrill wrote:

What about men in other cultures who have more than one wife?
Their capable of loving more than one woman and have sex with all of them as well.

There is a tribe in kenya called the samburu where the men can have more than 1 wife. (although not vice versa)

Heres the best bit. The women all must live in seperate houses (and the women must built the houses) The man chooses each day which house he is going to stay in that day. The women do the cooking and child minding. Them men are either warriors, farmers or teachers. Everyone lives in the sam village.

Downsides: the houses are made of dry poo and none of the chicks are hot!

hottstuff

Most men will say yes and most women will say no.

It is part of a mans design to lust after things he cannot have , which makes it even more appetising.
Fantasizing is healthy as long as that is all it is , in a attached situation.:)