Should I reply to my ex?

LegacyUser

Broke up with my g/f last October. I was annoyed how she treated me towards the end and was left pretty heartbroken and more disillusioned about how someone I thought was such a lovely person could hurt me so.
I broke off all contact and tried to get over her - not even sending a text over Christmas (mind you, she didn't send one either).
Anyway, I still think about her a fair bit. I really want to forget her and how she hurt me, but I know in my heart I loved her and probably still do in an odd way despite the hurt caused). Even flings over Christmas haven't helped in getting her out of my head. She dropped me a txt yesterday asking how I was etc... When I got it, my heart just sunk. I really never wanted to hear from her again. Well, that's how I feel now. I know from previously relationships, I'll be fine in more time. But what do I do now? Do I reply? I don't want to come across as a git who just ignores it. But I don't really want much further contact with her at the moment. Due to sharing mutual friends, we'll more than likely bump into one another this year anyway, so I know contact in inevitable, but now is just too soon for me.
Any advise? What have others done who've felt the same?

Baggly

from my experience, ive found its best to tell the girl what you have just told us, about it being too soon.

py2006

I actually wouldn't respond at all! If you do make contact it may make you feel better by eradicating the anomousity but it could and more than likely will prolong the feelings you have for her and prolong the hurt!

If you happen to bump into her you can explain that you changed your phone number! Actually it might be a good idea to do that!

The only way to get over somebody is to cease all contact and keep yourself busy with other areas of your life. Its hard as hell (I am in the process of doing that now myself) but I am assured that it is the only way to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Best of luck!

cold_filter

I was with a girl for 4 years. Loved her we broke up which broke me up. A month later she txts to see if i want to get together for a drink presuming we were gonna be best buddies. I told her it would take a long time before we could start to be friends. She accepted it and a couple of years later we talk on the phone have the odd drink. As you've said yourself it will take time if she's worth anything she'll respect that you need some distance.

Fizman

Ok well in this situation i'd recommend you reply (because if u dont then you will feel like your being ignorant, and she may think you ARE a git).
But make sure your reply is closed off (i.e. reply saying somethin like " Hi, im doing great, had a good xmas, etc etc).

DO NOT ask any questions. See how she responds. You don't need contact with her (you said yourself your heart sank). It'll do you no good. Be courteous and reply but leave it at that. A big long response and you will only come across as desperate and so on (maybe u are but u certainly dont want her thinkin that right ). IMO she is capable of hurting u again so leave it as it is.

free2fly

If it's going to make the pain worse then just don't respond. Don't lie to her about changing your number. If you run into her just tell her the truth, that it was just too early and your feelings were still too raw. And you weren't ready to talk to her. I had someone do that to me recently and I respected the fact that he just needed space and time to get past the hurt. It will get better OP

Skiesonfire19

This happened me when I was 16 or 17, the only way I got her out of my head was building a friendship again, I know it seems strange.

But we met up, I told her everything like i'll never be able to forgive a part of you for treating me like that yada yada yada, now she's a good friend, my every second thought isn't of her, and when she texts me it's just like 'oh hey a text message', my heart doesn't sink.

Skies

Tarakiwa

I broke up with my 1st love over the phone (I was the one being dumped)

Anyway I knew that I would always rather have them in my life than out of it so we stayed in touch as friends.

Our relationship has grown & we are now pretty much best friends.

Nothing will ever happen between us again & that is fine with both of us!

CathyMoran

I think that you should reply and give a reason for the lack of contact.

LegacyUser

'Ive been on the opposite end of the foot. After 2 attempts to end it with my ex (3.5 years together), she finally ended it after moving away from home n meeting new friends. I was devastated. Never wanted to end it before, just felt the spark was going. Loved one another but not in love is what she sais. anyhow we, well she more so decided we'd be friends in a while and said how sorry she was etc...

Anyhow to cut a long story short I begged and begged her back and couldnt get over breakup for a while...said alot of embarressing and stupid stuff. This put an end to any contact. Havent spoken in over a year. My bad, but probably for the best in the end.'

Nickibaby*

I don't think you should reply at all. The text she sent you has messed with your head. If you reply there will only be more texts that will wreak your head too.

Bill Andrex

DNR - Do Not Resuscitate! I've found this to be the best solution in the long run, relationship over = friendship over. I know that some people keep in contact, but I guess whatever works for you.

Dudess

It's a tricky one because if you don't respond, it'll be hanging over you the whole time and you'll feel a bit guilty (although you don't really have any reason to, but you still will since you seem like a decent guy who doesn't like to offend people). The fact that a window has opened now means things aren't as final as they seemed, and you might find yourself thinking "what if" the whole time. But it doesn't mean she is interested in getting back with you. If it does, then it's up to you, but she hurt you terribly and can you really trust her not to do it again?
If you do reply, you might hear nothing more, but then again you might, and this could open a whole new can of worms.

My advice would be to do a combination of the two: send her a text but word it in such a way that it's clear you're severing all contact. Something like "I'm good thanks. Hope you're well too. Take care." Not necessarily true or sincere but we all send those standard texts from time to time.

LegacyUser

I think that you should NOT reply and give any reason for the lack of contact.
She had her chance with U and she blew it.
I'm sure U both discussed the ins-and-outs of it all during the breakup.
Nothing more to say. Time to move on.

biko

Funny how some people wanna stay friends after they reached down your throat and ripped your heart out.

As Dudess I would respond something like "Had a good Xmas, hope yours was too. See you in the summer."

LegacyUser

First, thanks for all the replies. They mightn't all sway the one way, but have helped me think.

cathym wrote:

I think that you should reply and give a reason for the lack of contact.

She didn't contact me either since the breakup, or give me a reason for lack of, so I don't feel I should. Perhaps this explains my side better:
What annoyed me even more about this was that i sent her an email a couple of days after we broke up saying I didn't hate her for how it ended (she even admitted she treated me bad towards the end), and I genuinely wanted to be friends with her in the future (we knew each other kinda well for years before we went out). That email took a lot for me to write and she never replied. Even a simple 'thanks and good luck' would have done, but nothing. It really felt like a 'well, I don't give a flying f**k about you anyway' and made me more disillusioned about someone I thought I loved.

Dudess wrote:

My advice would be to do a combination of the two: send her a text but word it in such a way that it's clear you're severing all contact. Something like "I'm good thanks. Hope you're well too. Take care." Not necessarily true or sincere but we all send those standard texts from time to time.

Cheers for that. It was kind of what I was thinking, so I sent a brief and concise email back. I know nothing will ever happen between us again, so there's no fear of another can of worms anyway.
I guess it's just that it's come at a wrong time. Don't want to get into it, but this time last year was the happiest time of my life. I've been down recently (not over her, but other things), and this just feels like a kick I didn't need. I will get out of it though. Christ, there's so many people that have it worse. Gotta chin up and all that. Thanks again, and best of luck to anyone else feeling a bit down.

sweet-rasmus

ah yeah, she was civil to you, so best to be civil in return. it's all water under the bridge now. and she prob didnt reply to your email because it was far too soon after the break-up and i wouldn't blame her.

the only point at which you should begin ignoring texts is if she keeps texting and if you have hinted 'enough'. then i'd worry. but it's all done and dusted now, so step up and act like the gentleman you are