Any advice?

Eve83

I would really like some advice about my life. I'm a 23 year old girl, with great friends and I'm enjoying college but I do have one area of my life that sometimes gets me down. I know this is really selfish considering all the true hardship people suffer in life but sometimes I get lonely. I've never been in a relationship or even been asked out on a date. I go out and enjoy myself but never seem to attract any guys. It's not really the fact that I'm single now but It's that I don't think I'll ever be anyones girlfriend. I think the reasons for this are the way I look and also my personality. Being realistic I'm quite ugly, even when I really put in an effort with my hair, clothes and make up I still look awful. I would definately be the ugliest girl in my class. I'm very shy as well and am quite boring to talk to. So really I've nothing going for me. It's sad to think that I'm so unloveable. I know no guy could really ever fall for me and I know I have to just accept that but its hard sometimes. I really would appreciate any advice. Thanks

Cake Fiend

Eve83 wrote:

I know no guy could really ever fall for me and I know I have to just accept that

Not true. I'm going to do you the courtesy of not lying and saying that looks aren't important to most guys, but there are blokes out there (believe it or not!) whose priorities are elsewhere, more so as they grow up.

Twinkle-star15

Your friends obviously don't think you're boring! Or unlovable, for that matter. Have you talked to them about how you feel? You probably should confide in someone.

You need to say (to yourself!) 'I have problems: they're as valid as anyone elses'. Then, you need to forget about them. If you start thinking along the lines of 'oh god, my ______ is HUGE', that's your cue to do something. Anything, as long as requires basic concentration. Watch a movie, play/listen to music, go on the net (stay away from body/relationship-related sites), go for a walk, talk to friends...

Try not to stay on your own too much for a while. Volunteer for something, get a job, just do something that won't let you be on your own to think. Try to focus on other things and not yourself.

Ruu_Old

You have lots of friends, so you are obviously not boring. You will find someone out there for you (easier said than done, sez yourself).:) Do you take part in any clubs or societies in college?

Eve83

Thanks for all the advice I really do appreciate it. I'll take it all on board. I have spoken to a few friends about it and they usually just say that I should be more outgoing and maybe try and let guys know that I like them. To me that seems really tough. I don't want to be the ugly annoying girl that makes them cringe when I talk to them. I do get involved with college socities and I have met some great guys. But nothing ever seems to happen, they talk to me but I think its just because they're really polite and don't want to tell me to get lost.

Carrigart Exile

I know right now this is not going to help but as men get older they start to appreciate the finer qualities that a woman can bring to their lives. As for being plain, don't think that of yourself and you'll suddenly see others don't think it of you.

Sam Vimes

Eve83 wrote:

I have met some great guys. But nothing ever seems to happen

have you ever tried to make something happen?

by that i mean ask them out

Anti

Being single can be a bitch. But like Ruu said, you have lots of friends so your not socially retarded or plain boring. It will come for you.

Also why dont you try comming onto a guy? We love that sort of thing ya know

Twinkle-star15

Eve83 wrote:

I don't want to be the ugly annoying girl that makes them cringe when I talk to them[...]
But nothing ever seems to happen, they talk to me but I think its just because they're really polite and don't want to tell me to get lost.

But why wouldn't they want to talk to you? Don't put yourself down so much!!

LegacyUser

'Im 22, im overweight, and imo not in the slightest bit attractive. in my group of friends all others are definitely prettier. & up until recently id never had a bf.

everyone always says youll find someone when youre not looking for it. i thought this was stupid, cause when you try not to look youre still actually thinking about not looking etc etc. but thats exactly what happened - i was distracted with other things, and i met a great guy who for some reason was totally mad about me. we've been together 4 months, and its going great.

OP, dont give up. and dont worry about it! these things happen when youre not expecting them. just relax, take life as it comes and enjoy it '

Rb

Don't worry OP, you will find someone, and he'll fall for you as you will for him. It just takes time, not everyone we meet we'll click with and fall for, but theres only one way of finding out and thats by getting yourself out there, chatting to guys (you can keep a friend beside you for support) and enjoying yourself.

Confidence is always an attractive trait in people, even though you may not feel particularly confident, project it to those you meet that you are. Never come across desperate or needy, and just go out and have fun and be a fun, confident young woman and you'll have absolutely no problem finding someone. Never let your insecurities shine through either, you may have some alright, but others don't need to know that, particularly guys you're interested in.

Lorax

Eve83 wrote:

Thanks for all the advice I really do appreciate it. I'll take it all on board. I have spoken to a few friends about it and they usually just say that I should be more outgoing and maybe try and let guys know that I like them. To me that seems really tough. I don't want to be the ugly annoying girl that makes them cringe when I talk to them. I do get involved with college socities and I have met some great guys. But nothing ever seems to happen, they talk to me but I think its just because they're really polite and don't want to tell me to get lost.

Hiya, would u ever consider some volunteer charity work?

Shauna_K

Anti wrote:

Also why dont you try comming onto a guy? We love that sort of thing ya know

Really???

Cause i have been quite forthcoming with guys and in my experience if u let a guy know ur interested, they lose interest???


OP: You sound like a warm hearted, caring person. And this is the oldest cliche in the book (and i need to learn to take my own advice) but really u need to love urself before anyone else can love u.......what can u do to help u love urself??????????

Sam Vimes

Shauna_K wrote:

Cause i have been quite forthcoming with guys and in my experience if u let a guy know ur interested, they lose interest???

depends on the guy

dame

Another cliche but it's valid: People respond to positive people.
Try to be positive about yourself and other people will find it nicer to be around you, although you seem to have no problem with friends. You're really just putting yourself down as regards the opposite sex. Naybe you always shy away and hide behind your "prettier" friends when a fella comes along? Think about it, you have as much to say and as much personality as any of them.

King of Kings

Shauna_K wrote:

Really???

Cause i have been quite forthcoming with guys and in my experience if u let a guy know ur interested, they lose interest???

the fools.
it pretty cool to have a girl that is forthcoming.
it cuts out all lot of bull

Pigman II

OP, have you ever considered going after guys who are just as ugly and boring as you? I'm sure they'd be happy to settle for less.

Rb

Commander Vimes wrote:

depends on the guy

This is true. There is such thing as coming on too strong which may put some guys off.

Pigman II wrote:

OP, have you ever considered going after guys who are just as ugly and boring as you? I'm sure they'd be happy to settle for less.

As harsh as this may sound, it does carry some merit. Dropping your standards could be a step in the right direction, at least until you get on your feet with regards to guys.

Sam Vimes

rb_ie wrote:

This is true. There is such thing as coming on too strong which may put some guys off.



As harsh as this may sound, it does carry some merit. Dropping your standards could be a step in the right direction, at least until you get on your feet with regards to guys.

or off your feet *nudges OP in the ribs suggestively*

Black Swan

You're in college. Join a SOC that does something you enjoy with a good mix of males and females. Become an enthusiastic member, and others who enjoy the same thing will be drawn to you. Some of them men.

poobum

dont always wait for guy to make first move...but dont be to pushy either...alot of guys hate having to make first move alot of the time, also just go and talk to!guys! ud be surprised! and sure even if you dont get the guy, you could make a mate in the processs...its kinda a win win situation

Rb

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

You're in college. Join a SOC that does something you enjoy with a good mix of males and females. Become an enthusiastic member, and others who enjoy the same thing will be drawn to you. Some of them men.

To be very honest here Blue_Lagoon, theres s.f.a men who'll turn around and go "Oh shes so into <insert activity here>, shes sooo hot". Joining a soc will introduce you to new people, but it won't make them attracted to you.

Sangre

I don't think Blue_Lagoon can post in a PI thread without telling people to join a soc/club.

spinandscribble

take care of your appearance, seek professional advice regarding hair, make up ect. i know so many "plain" girls that only make matters worse by looking like they dont give a **** how they look. it looks like they've given up and its not attractive to look unconfident and arkward.
one of my best friends has model looks/experience and is 20 this year and has never had a bf or been close to it. shes only had one kiss infact. shes not awful, shes a lovely girl but terribly shy around guys. looks alone will not catch you a guy and if it does he's not worth having.
personality is key as is being a caring person. you have friends so you're not unlovable. noone is especially if they're as nice as you seem.
try not to be shy and treat every guy, fanciable or not, as a friend. get your mates to help you flirt while with guys you like.
i hate to be a bitch but you're not one of those ppl who only fancy really good looking ppl are you? i just know someone who sounds like yourself but he cant stop from only fancing girls out of his league. he's not shy but really shallow as regards to looks so he tends to see himself as ugly when he's not great but ok looking but compared to what he views as attractive he cant measure up.
work on your body if you need a boost. you CAN change how you look and increase your attractiveness and confidence. you shouldnt need to but at this age in life, looks matter usually and it should help with the confidence which is the main thing

Eve83

Wow I'm really surprised by all of the replies. It's really nice to see that so many people would take the time to help me with their advice even though they don't know me at all. Thanks
I wouldn't be able to ask any guy out at the moment, would just seem like I was setting myself up for rejection. They would prob think 'who does she think she is the state of her'?
About dropping my standards, the main things that I look for would be nice, caring, funny guys. Don't want to go out with a horrible guy just for the sake of it, wouldn't be fair to him or me, just knowing that there's no point to the relationship. Also I haven't met that many ugly and boring guys that I could try and persuade to drop their standards.
I suppose there is always room for improvement with my appearance and regarding my fitness.
Lately as well I've been avoiding talking to guys I like on nights out because I'm so worried that I'm annoying them while they're trying to attract someone nice. Could try more of a positive mental attitude I suppose!

Rb

Eve83 wrote:

Wow I'm really surprised by all of the replies. It's really nice to see that so many people would take the time to help me with their advice even though they don't know me at all. Thanks
I wouldn't be able to ask any guy out at the moment, would just seem like I was setting myself up for rejection. They would prob think 'who does she think she is the state of her'?
About dropping my standards, the main things that I look for would be nice, caring, funny guys. Don't want to go out with a horrible guy just for the sake of it, wouldn't be fair to him or me, just knowing that there's no point to the relationship. Also I haven't met that many ugly and boring guys that I could try and persuade to drop their standards.
I suppose there is always room for improvement with my appearance and regarding my fitness.
Lately as well I've been avoiding talking to guys I like on nights out because I'm so worried that I'm annoying them while they're trying to attract someone nice. Could try more of a positive mental attitude I suppose!

Exactly. Have a positive mental attitude about yourself and for the love of God stop thinking of yourself as ugly and untouchable, this will only be projected on the people you talk to.
Learn to tell if a guy is interested, if you're in a club and a guy stands there talking to you for a while theres a good reason for it, and they're not just being polite or taking pity on you. Be able to project that you're interested in them when you're talking to them, make eye contact, smile, laugh at they're jokes etc., flirting in general but never ever come across desperate or needy or insecure, guys hate that.
Looks aren't everything, believe me, I've been attracted to some girls that if it weren't for them having a great personality I would never have had much interest in them.
If you can get your personality across and seem confident in yourself, you'll do well. For your own sake though stop thinking negatively about yourself, think postively. Look in the mirror and focus on the positive aspects of yourself, everyone has some. If you focus on the negative sides of yourself, you'll come across an extremely insecure person and it won't do anything for your own confidence.

Don't over do it with the make up either, if you need help with it go and talk to professionals about it at make up counters, you'd be surprised what some of these girls (and some guys) can do. Same goes for your hair. A little effort will go a long way.

If you're overweight, sort that out. Losing weight will do great things for your confidence. If you're a healthy weight though you can ignore that part.

Drift

Like everyone else said OP, looks aren't everything.

I know for me a girl with average looks and a good sense of humour will beat a model with no presonality every day of the week. And the great thing is (in my experience anyway) almost everyone has a good sense of humour its just a lot people haven't found out how to let it shine through yet. Just try hard to be more outgoing and other things will gradually fall into place.

Lorax

I would recommend some volunteer charity work. Its the only way to go

mrsdewinter

You're only 23. There's no rush into a relationship. You should be having fun. You have lots of friends - they obviously love you and regard you as good company. In ten years' time, you'll look back and wonder why you wasted your days a single girl. Looks really aren't that important. I forget who said it, but beauty is all well and good, but after three days of living with it, you hardly notice good looks any more. Something that men come to realise as they get older. In any case, you'll probably find you'll grow into your looks - or at any rate, as you get into your mid-twenties, you'll find a style that suits you, and a persona that will carry you through most work situations.
If all else fails, look around at all the people you know who are going out with people. There is no correlation between looks and having a successful relationship.

Skiesonfire19

Hey cheer up, noone is ugly! There is a special someone in this world for everyone! Some just take longer to find than others!

Skies