Something for your tea-break.

Hagar

Two old women were chatting in a tea shop when one asks the other: "Did you come on the bus?"
The other replies: "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

>>>><<<<

Mickey Mouse is in court divorcing Minnie. The judge says: "so let’s get this straight, you're divorcing Minnie because of her bucked teeth?"
Mickey looked puzzled, turned to the judge and said: "I never said that, I said she was fuking Goofy”

>>>><<<<

I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off?

You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon.

What...? Say that again?... I'm cured?"

>>>><<<<

A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

"Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something
in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"

The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package
in the driveway. She brought it inside, opened it, and found a brand new
bathroom scale.

His funeral is on Saturday at 2 p.m

>>>><<<<

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would. Once she descends the ladder, he muses that he really should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view.

With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.

After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below.

She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you, too?”

"No," stammers the old man, "but it's a 'twitchin' !"

>>>><<<<

Billy-Bob and Bubba were sitting in back of their trailers shooting the breeze.

Billy-Bob asked Bubba, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out fishin an' screwed your wife, an' she got pregnant, would dat make us kin?"

Bubba scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think so.....but it shore would make us even!"

>>>><<<<

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night -- whether you're here or not

Car Mad

Hagar wrote:

A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

"Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something
in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"

The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package
in the driveway. She brought it inside, opened it, and found a brand new
bathroom scale.

His funeral is on Saturday at 2 p.m

---

Billy Bob and Bubba were sitting in back of their trailers shooting the breeze.

Billy-Bob asked Bubba, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out fishin an' screwed your wife, an' she got pregnant, would dat make us kin?"

Bubba scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think so.....but it shore would make us even

Rabies

Please think of the people using the cloud skin when posting jokes in a different colour.

Thanks

Hagar

Sorry about that. I didn't realise I had done it.
Post edited. I hope it's ok now.

Rabies

No worries. Thanks.

Kojak

fred funk }{

Very good