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A little advice needed...

  • 11-01-2007 05:37PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, ok basically i met this girl last week in my local (oddly enough as she lives locally and i have never seen her before around the place even though we live out in the sticks.).So anyway i was invited back to a house party with her...etc. etc. we got on very well and i felt we had some sort of connection albeit i didnt know her very long but i mentioned i would like to get to know her better.She to me seemed like she was genuinely listening and interested.So happy days! We kissed anyway and i asked her for her number, weve just started textin however since i dont know her,how do i go about gettin to know her? I was possibley thinking of asking (.i.e textin)her down to the local pub again but my head is telling me its too soon and also it is somehow a bit lazy or cowardly to text someone to ask them out.. Id just like a 2nd, 3rd or 50th opinion on how to go about get to know her better without comin across as desperate or as a pyscho in her eyes,e.g overtextin or whatever. Id just like to initiate somethin but i dont know how to rightly, and i do get every person is different.i.e textin maybe someones bread and butter...its not for me though.... but is there any compromise?????I hope this makes sense. Im a pretty confident guy,e.g. as in id have no hesitation in ringin her up for a date but i dont want to scare her off,but at the same im not afraid to put myself out there...(cue the jokes)Im not afraid of rejection either its just i feel that there is something about this girl and i dont want to **** it up.....

    P.S i just feel textin is a bit childish or for a better word impersonal, but i do understand that it is nearly the main way of communicatin these days, especially in these 'courtin days'.Any comments or advice is appreciated, thank you!


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,787 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Phone her, ask her how she is, make some small talk and tell her that you are heading to the pub* tomorrow night, would she like to come along. If you feel chicken, say that you are heading to the pub with some friends and would she like to come along.


    * Assuming the pub has a reasonable reputation and isn't a dive, in which case pick somewhere a little bit classier.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Thanks a mil for the reply Victor!!!'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Thanks for the reply Victor! Am gonna try it later..ill update ya'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hmm i tried ringing twice, both times no answer.. Tho i did ring with my number turned off.... Any suggestions on what to do next?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭free2fly


    that's what I was going to suggest as well. Phone her. Ask her to the pub. Good luck and let us know what she says ok? :)


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 131 ✭✭Iluvjazzmasters


    Hooraay finally foound my password!!!!... Anyway heres an update, i rang 3 times in the last 2 hours and she didnt answer, i did turn my number off before i rang though.. Im thinking of tryin again tomorrow nite i.e ask to the pub for saturday night...any suggestions what i should do next?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,746 ✭✭✭0utshined


    Why did you turn your number off? A lot of people don't bother answering withhled numbers - she could be one of them. All she knows now is she's got missed calls from someone but doesn't know it's you.

    Give her a call tomorrow for sure but let your number show. If she misses your call at least she'll know you called and can get back to you.

    Best of luck.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 131 ✭✭Iluvjazzmasters


    The reason why i turned off my number was cos if she saw my name come up, maybe she would be thinking what the hell is this lad ringing me for,he doesnt know me etc..(insert mentalist here) or whatever,haha but yeah now i know she wouldnt answer it on private number.Thanks for the tip tho, ill try again tomorrow with my number on this time.


    Fingers crossed


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,746 ✭✭✭0utshined


    Ah I know what you mean, self-doubt is terrible but from your post you've got nothing to worry about.

    1) You kissed her She reciprocated
    2) You asked for her number She gave it
    3) You started texting her She texted back

    Now if she didn't like you in some way she could have set you straight at any of those three stages or at any other time. It could be that when you call she doesn't want to meet up but believe me you will regret it if you don't man up and call her. Don't build it up into a big thing though, you're going out regardless and you'd like her to be there. Oh yeah, have a definite venue and time in mind before you call.

    Rooting for you man, hope it goes well.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 131 ✭✭Iluvjazzmasters


    Cheers dude, i know the self doubt is horrible, i mean this girl believe it or not came on to me, but i have a horrible feeling that it was just drunk talk off her when we were talking at the house party..its just thats the exact same circumstances happened not too long ago with a different girl (tho i didnt click as much with her, but i still wanted to get to know as a friend at least). The mistake i made then was texting her askin her to meet somwhere and i got the usual ur a nice guy etc... where are all the decent/up for a laugh gone girls gone to??? Oh well....you live and you learn!! Ill let ya know what happens 2moro..thanks again for the advice


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    Well, since your number was off don't bother mentioning that it was you trying to ring her. Tomorrow stick your number on and give her a shout, if she misses the call then she'll more than likely return the call when she has a chance, or at the very least text you. Thats on the provision that she has manners anyway, some girls though... but keep optimistic about it anyway! If it rings through tomorrow night, don't bother sending a text saying "Oh I tried to ring you" or whatever, she'll know and depending on her she'll either get back to you or not.

    Anyway, best of luck with it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    i know the self doubt is horrible, i mean this girl believe it or not came on to me, but i have a horrible feeling that it was just drunk talk off her when we were talking at the house party..

    Jeebus. You really must have nothing else on your mind that 1, yes 1 night with a randomer would cause you this much thought and consternation.

    OT question- if so many people dont ask people out, how do we have such an "apparantly" promiscuous society?

    OP- call the girl. Dont withold your number and arrange to meet her in the local this weekend. Honestly, it really is that easy. If you dont get to speak to her, LEAVE A MESSAGE. If she doesnt call you back SHE ISNT INTERESTED. At least you know one way or the other and you wont be plagued by this "self doubt" of which you speak.

    K- have a nice day


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31 Princess78


    I don't answer withheld numbers so definately turn your number on.

    I gotta say I like texts cause it's easier to think about what to say rather than being put on the spot by a phone call. If she doesn't answer your call I would either leave a voice message or a text saying just tried to call, do you fancy going to the pub etc etc. Getting missed calls with no messages is one of the things that drive me nuts. If someone doesn't leave a message I assume they're going to try and ring me again.

    Oh and one other thing - don't say you're going to the pub with friends and does she fancy coming. a. this sets it up as a friends only situation b. I wouldn't like to go out with a group of lads I don't know.

    But this is all just my opinion!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 131 ✭✭Iluvjazzmasters


    Ok heres an update. Rang her earlier anyway and she answered, asked her would she like to go to the pub tommorow, however she did hesitate (obviously)but replied she was already goin out to her sisters house and possibley out to a nightclub.. Ok now i thought here yeah-yeah your not interested( see you, good-luck) untill she asked me do i ever go out to this niteclub..Hmm?? What does that mean? Anyway another bit of a weird thing was that she kept talking to me on the phone for about 10 minutes, it seemed to have a very natural flow of converstation if you get me..I thought id mention that i hate texting with a passion and she said the same thing about textin...Anyway the conversation was left with her saying she'd call or text me tommorow to let me know what she'd be at??(i.e if she goin out is what i get from it) Hmm i dunno im just a bit sceptical...Ok what the hell do i do now or should i just cut my losses and leave it??

    If it makes any difference im 22 and shes 23.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    See what happens tomorrow. If she calls and says shes heading out, personally I wouldn't turn up at the place shes going to without her specifically inviting me. You could always try heading somewhere different and saying something like "Well I'm heading to x with my friends, you're welcome to join us if you're interested" and see what happens.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 131 ✭✭Iluvjazzmasters


    i dont know if this makes a difference but i forgot to add that before she replied that she was heading to her sisters and out etc. she asked whereabouts am i goin for a few drinks?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    i dont know if this makes a difference but i forgot to add that before she replied that she was heading to her sisters and out etc. she asked whereabouts am i goin for a few drinks?
    Then arrange to head out with a friend/some of your friends and tell her where she can find you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    It could just be that she doesn't want to walk into the pub on her own to meet you and your friend, especially if her sister and friends have already decided to go elsewhere. She might be afraid you wouldn't be there or that she'd come across as a bit desperate if she turned up alone. Kinda the same reasons you probably don't want to go out to meet her and her sister at the night-club.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,678 ✭✭✭ArphaRima


    Organise everything using texts at first. She has time to think about it that way. Go meet with her in the nightclub. Though it isnt ideal, especially with you being as nervous as you are, and her likely to have had a few drinks in. Dont arrive smashed.
    After that she sounds about as nervous as you do. Dont confuse nervousness with hesitation or doubtfullness. You'll be fine. Just calm down.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 131 ✭✭Iluvjazzmasters


    Thanks for all the replies!!! really appreciated.. So i guess i have to play the waiting game and wait for her to text or call if she does....At any point in the night should i text her asking if shes going out or just leave it?? jaysus i know im analysing everything, sorry!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 350 ✭✭GusherING


    Thanks for all the replies!!! really appreciated.. So i guess i have to play the waiting game and wait for her to text or call if she does....At any point in the night should i text her asking if shes going out or just leave it?? jaysus i know im analysing everything, sorry!

    Play it cool ice cold! :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19 Shauna_K


    ok, im intrigued.....any updates???

    Cant believe a guy exists that puts this much thought into meeting girls, I'm not complaining, just think i must live in seperate universe cause i aint ever met one............. I hope it works out!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 729 ✭✭✭Kazooie


    This is brilliant. It's like a cyber soap. I need to know what happened.:D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19 Shauna_K


    Kazooie wrote:
    This is brilliant. It's like a cyber soap. I need to know what happened.:D

    :D

    Thats what i was thinking!!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 131 ✭✭Iluvjazzmasters


    Haha cyber soap!!!!Brilliant!!!! Well this latest installment will probably be the last. What happend was really weird. Right i sent a text early last night saying was she headin out and then all of a sudden i get a call off an unknown number, turns out it was her askin am i goin out? I said yeah i was goin out but to a different niteclub (think i made a mistake there)with my mates but still in the same town..THEN SHE COMES UP with the idea of meeting up after both niteclubs are over, hmm ok i thought but SHE also told me to ring her AFTER as she has no credit and we'll meet up etc..Hmm so anyway had a good nite any way and rang her but then she tells me she is in a taxi on the way home with no explanation????WTF??? You women are mental!!!I dont get that? After all it was her idea to meet up and heres me waiting round like a gob****e!!!I understand if some unforeseen circumstance unfolded but could she not have at least apologised or given me an explanation??I dunno,but what strikes me weird was that as i was walking to the taxi rank to go home i met her best friend,(who was pissed)..Phew this is a long rant..Apparently she left without her too.Hmmm. SO the best friend rang her (she was supposed to be staying at her house)and she replied that she was at home, and (yes the mate did ask was she alone)...She was.. Blah blah got a taxi home with the mate any way but the mate kept telling me how much this girl likes me and i should ask her out etc, she really does like you etc. What the hell???? Im really confused...Make sense of that if you will?

    Should i leave it now with some sort of dignity left or give it 1 more shot?
    Cue Eastenders theme song.............


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,365 ✭✭✭hunnymonster


    <dons scriptwriters hat>

    She likes you (always believe the best mate, good or bad). She probably had a few drinks in the club and pushed the post-club date the the back of her ming and automatically headed home. I'd call her pretned to be all upset about being stood up and arrange another date.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,182 ✭✭✭killbillvol2


    I reckon she was just pissed and decided to leg it;
    a) in case you'd think badly of her or
    b) in case she got carried away by your charms!

    Either way, relax and arrange to meet her next weekend, ideally not after you've both had a skinful. She's obviously just as nervous as you about this so take the initiative and don't be such a wuss. What've you got to lose?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,678 ✭✭✭ArphaRima


    You are both about as nervous as people get. Get some balls and invite her out. Either that or wait until next weekend and run the risk that she meets someone else. You rock for each other. Just because you are equally as scared of each other!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    Cue Eastenders theme song.............

    D'ya remember the cat from the intro to Corrie that used to curl up on the wall? Use it to scratch your eyes out.

    Jeebus. Q- Do you like the girl?

    A) Yes- ASK HER OUT AGAIN
    B) No- quit worrying

    And ignore fluffer who reckons plans should be made by text. Text is too impersonal and a call is always more appreciated.

    K-


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,981 ✭✭✭Caliden


    She could have left the nightclub early in the hope you would too so you could meet up or whatever and got tired hanging around her drunken friend.
    If her best friends tells you she likes you, then she really does.

    Try calling her later this week and arrange something for Saturday night or whatever. Don't leave it till the last minute.

    I would try and stop being so paranoid about it and just relax or you could very well end up scaring her off.


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