Once Best friend => now evil ex...

LegacyUser

I became friends with a guy in my class+ we were really really close for almost 3 years. The best of friends. We did everything together. Then one night, he asked me out. I really liked him more than as a friend (bt had put any such previous thoughts out of my mind). We ended up going out for a few months... and I thought everything was great. But he broke up with me... + I honestly was alright about it. Yes... a little upset, but I wanted to be friends right away (I'm rather good at stopping myself from liking people... strange I know).
We met up etc... but he needed more 'space'... + started going out with our mutual friends etc without me. I felt a bit left out. I confronted him one night about it...+ I said 1 'bad' thing to him... that I didn't want for him to cast me aside, as he did that to other people before.

Now, since we returned to college, he was still odd with me... + I made SUCH a big effort for things to go back to normal...
I started going out with someone else (great guy)... + my ex, told another one of or friends that he was deliberatly being 'odd' with me, because of what I had said to him ages ago. AND he doesn't remember me apologising for that one thing.

Sorry, this is long. Basically, the guy has completely broken my heart as a friend. I'm in the same class as him.. every day.. + I hate being there. Just while ago... me+ 3 friends were walking down a corridor+ my ex held the door open for all of them+ let it go, as I was walking through. AND he's started hanging out with a different crowd.. doing drugs etc. I don't know what to do, as it's totally affecting my college work having to be there all the time with HIM there too.

Anybody ever been in a similar situation? thanks

AnonoBoy

Sounds to me like even though you thought you were fine about the breakup straight away you weren't really.

People can very very rarely (if ever) go from being in a relationship to being close friends straight away. It takes time and people need space. He had every right to go out with mutual friends without you. You don't own them and perhaps he thought it would be awkward so soon after your break up.

You could have just told him that you still wished to be friends with him and then in time that may have happened. However saying you didn't want to be cast aside like he has done to people before was unneccessary - why did you have to phrase it like that? It sounds like you wanted to get a dig in because he was being a bit more honest and wasn't jumping into a fake 'we're still great friends' rountine. You shouldn't have said it to him in that manner.

You say that you hate being around him but you seem annoyed that he's hanging around with new people and not your old gang. So what if he's taking drugs? I'm guessing it's a small amount of recreationals - nothing to be overly worried about. You are in college after all - lots of people do it with no ill-effects.

Did you ever apologise to him? Perhaps what you said really offended him? Maybe you should talk to him. Say you're sorry for what you said and explain that all you really meant was that you would like to continue to be on friendly terms with him. Acknowledge that you realise it will take time (because you're just being naive if you think it'll happen immediately) but you would like for the two of you to be civil etc.

You may find that's all it will take. It will be awkward for a while but maybe it might get better.

Kell

2007whattodo wrote:

(I'm rather good at stopping myself from liking people... strange I know).

From the rest of your post, thats a bit of a contradiction in terms. What you need to do is put this tosser behind you. Your comment re closing a door in your face says it all about the amount of respect he has for you.

Advice- forget him and move on.

K-

speaktofrank

don't let a loser get in the way of your college work. you feel guilty about one thing you said? He was the person who dumped you, i wouldnt even want to be friends with him.
as for him doing drugs, its his life let him destroy it, dont destroy yours by letting this get in the way of college.
just ignore him from now on

free2fly

He sounds very immature letting the door close on you. Why would you even want to friends with someone like that?

Talliesin

There's going to be losers and assholes around all your life I'm afraid. Particularly sucks that you used to date this one, but that's no reason to treat him any differently to any other asshole.

Rb

Talliesin wrote:

There's going to be losers and assholes around all your life I'm afraid. Particularly sucks that you used to date this one, but that's no reason to treat him any differently to any other asshole.

Agreed.

Best thing you can do OP is forget about him and get on with things, start inviting your friends out and don't bother informing him. Cut him out and let him off to do his drugs and whatever and get on with your life happily.

Mighty_Mouse

In my experience its impossible to go from friends to lovers and back again.
Usually its over 99% of the time. If ye can be civil and talk about the weather for the rest of the times ye meet you're doin well!!!

Don't fry his head with deep and meaningful bs every time ye meet. Just chill out and if you are genuinely sound about the break-up then maybe eventually ye can drift back towards friendship.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the replies people.

Anonoboy:

(Quote/) 'Did you ever apologise to him?' (/Quote)

Yes I did. In a pub one night. But he must have been too drunk to remember (or else, maybe is just saying he doesn't... as an excuse for his behaviour over the last few months).
I didn't want to get back with him or anything... I was totally easy going about the situation, which is why I have been so confused about his behaviour. He just messed things, up by DELIBERATELY treating me like crap (+ like I said, told a mutual friend this).

(Quote/) Perhaps what you said really offended him? (/Quote)
Even if I hadn't apologised, I wish that he would have valued me as a friend more+ have come to me, explaining the problem he had with what I said. But that's irrelevant, as I did say sorry.
This is the best excuse he could come up to a friend with for treating me the way he has. A friend reckons he's just jealous of the guy I'm going out with now+ can't stand to see me so happy everyday.

(Quote/)So what if he's taking drugs? (/Quote)
They're tablets. And he has a heart condition. He was told by a docter not to drink soft drinks.

(Quote/) Acknowledge that you realise it will take time (/Quote)
Tried that for 6 months+ was deliberately treated like crap. I'd love for him to be really sorry for his behaviour, but he's too stuborn to say sorry to me for his behaviour.
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Kell- thanks for your reply. What I meant about being good at stopping liking people, was that I care about my friends alot... but if I fancy one of them, or even go out with someone, I'm good at going back to seeing the person just as a friend+ blocking out any feelings I have for them. It is strange, as I don't know anyone else that can do that. I've never been in love.. but I'm sure things would be different if I was.
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Mighty_Mouse - (Quote/) In my experience its impossible to go from friends to lovers and back again (/Quote)
So true!.. but it's a shame, that usually it's the person that gets dumped who can't accept things+ doesn't want to be friends again (I think).+ this is the other way around.

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Free2fly: (Quote/) Why would you even want to friends with someone like that? (/Quote)
Well... I know... I shouldn't want too.. and am realising since posting this with everyones replies.. that the best decision is to cut all ties with him for good..
I just wanted to be friends with him, as I never confided in someone so much+ neither did he. We were SO close as friends. He has some psychological problems... stuff he's getting help for... + he told me about it in deep detail... + I was there for him. I really was. But it's too late.'

Kell

2007whattodo wrote:

he told me about it in deep detail... + I was there for him. I really was.'

I sense an expectation that as you were there for him, you expect things from him. Unfortunately, people are a funny kettle of fish. With few exceptions people will not treat you as you treat them nor as you would like to be treated. Trick is to not take offense by it.

Best thing for you to do is to just forget the dude as already stated.

K- have a nice day

dame

The guy sounds a bit immature. Maybe he's not as good at handling the break-up as you are. Perhaps he feels vulnerable that you know more about him than anyone else does, since he confided in you so much. I would like to suggest having a little chat with him, just to say that there is no need to treat you like crap or feel awkward with you, but I feel that it would probably do you no good. You'd probably be better off just ignoring him and keeping your distance although it's a pity.