I love my best friend(and ex)

bolliwoodi

Sorry this is so long.

Basically 3 years ago a guy texted my phone(It was a wrong number) we got talking and it turned out he lived in the next town.I never really cared much about him-We were just text buddies and I was happy out with that.About a year later I was in town and he text me saying he was in my town and asked to go for a coffee-So i said ok.We got on brilliant and met up regulary as friends-I never had any feelings for him-Until the day he admitted he was falling for me- and I reliased i felt the same(Sounds stupid i know)

We had a relationship for about 6 months-It was great-The sex was fantastic and i thought everything was brill.He wanted me to meet his parents etc.

One night he got drunk and told me he had been lying to me!Apparantly he never mentioned me to his parents-He had not loved me before-He only wanted me for sex-But said that he fell for me once we had started dating. But the thing that annoyed me the most was he had told me he lost his virginity at 18 to a girl in a club-More lies-He had lost it to me he said- and that made me SO mad!

I told him to get lost and leave me alone!But he constantly called and texted-And when i changed numbers he sent letters!Eventually i moved and heard nothing from him.

Then one night about 4 months ago I was out on a night out with my girlfriends and I bumped into him-I ignored him hoping he wouldnt see me-But he did!We got talking and he tried to kiss me-I pushed him away and told him I didnt like him that way.He said he was sorry and that he wants to be friends-We swapped numbers and i went back to my girlfriends.

Since then weve become really close-Hes fast becoming one of my best friends-We see each other everyday-and talk about everything.I had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and he was brilliant about it and really helped me.(My bf at the time left me when he thought i was)

Now his father has gotten cancer and hes really down so I am doing all I can to help him-But the other night he was crying on my shoulder and I reliased just how much i still love him! Its so ****ed up-I dont know what to do-I forgave him for the whole lying to me thing cos he said he was really ****ed up in the head at the time.

But this is one of my best friends-I cant be in love with him-I dont want to be.But I dont want to lose him!

LegacyUser

thats a toughie

LegacyUser

is him loosing his virginity to u a problem or is it because he lied about it?

its a tough one alright, maybe you should ask him how he feels?

if he doesnt feel the same you'll know, you can try and move on to another uy, note I say try, its never easy!

if he does, you might want to talk to him and see if its what you both want to do, do you want to risk a close friendship for love , but if ye get along as well as ye do, it might be worth the chance!

ats

bolliwoodi wrote:

Sorry this is so long.

Basically 3 years ago a guy texted my phone(It was a wrong number) we got talking and it turned out he lived in the next town.I never really cared much about him-We were just text buddies and I was happy out with that.About a year later I was in town and he text me saying he was in my town and asked to go for a coffee-So i said ok.We got on brilliant and met up regulary as friends-I never had any feelings for him-Until the day he admitted he was falling for me- and I reliased i felt the same(Sounds stupid i know)

We had a relationship for about 6 months-It was great-The sex was fantastic and i thought everything was brill.He wanted me to meet his parents etc.

One night he got drunk and told me he had been lying to me!Apparantly he never mentioned me to his parents-He had not loved me before-He only wanted me for sex-But said that he fell for me once we had started dating. But the thing that annoyed me the most was he had told me he lost his virginity at 18 to a girl in a club-More lies-He had lost it to me he said- and that made me SO mad!

I told him to get lost and leave me alone!But he constantly called and texted-And when i changed numbers he sent letters!Eventually i moved and heard nothing from him.

Then one night about 4 months ago I was out on a night out with my girlfriends and I bumped into him-I ignored him hoping he wouldnt see me-But he did!We got talking and he tried to kiss me-I pushed him away and told him I didnt like him that way.He said he was sorry and that he wants to be friends-We swapped numbers and i went back to my girlfriends.

Since then weve become really close-Hes fast becoming one of my best friends-We see each other everyday-and talk about everything.I had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and he was brilliant about it and really helped me.(My bf at the time left me when he thought i was)

Now his father has gotten cancer and hes really down so I am doing all I can to help him-But the other night he was crying on my shoulder and I reliased just how much i still love him! Its so ****ed up-I dont know what to do-I forgave him for the whole lying to me thing cos he said he was really ****ed up in the head at the time.

But this is one of my best friends-I cant be in love with him-I dont want to be.But I dont want to lose him!

I can understand your anger about the lies, not the whole being a virgin bit he may have felt like he couldn't tell you. but when he fessed up to the not loving you before, that took some stones.

why can't you be in love with him? coz he's a mate? so what? my wife is my best friend. We started as friends, then added some benifits and here we are married now.

I'd be careful that the "love" you feel is not sympathy for him because his father is ill. I wouldn't go telling him how you feel (at least not right now) and if he tells you he loves yuo maybe take with a pinch of salt, it could all be down to timing. I think you should try figure out how you really feel about him, springing it on him may not help matters now, he has a lot on his plate with his father.

and sure if the sex was great years ago imagine what it'd be like now he's got a few more miles under the hood

CathyMoran

From the experience of having had a sick parent I would not suggest making a move on him while his dad is ill...on the plus side, I was going to leave my now husband when my mum got ill, him being there for me when mum was ill made me realise how wonderful he was, he never pressed me into the relationship and we are now happily married.

humanji

I don't mean to sound negative, but are you sure his Dad is ill? It could be that he just made it up in order to try and win you pity and have you go back to him. Now, maybe he is genuinly in love for you, but on the other hand he could be just a little "nuts" for want of a better word. In the end, it's up to you, but just make sure you know the full story.

bolliwoodi

backToFront wrote:

is him loosing his virginity to u a problem or is it because he lied about it? QUOTE]

The fact that he lied about it

bolliwoodi

ats wrote:

I can understand your anger about the lies, not the whole being a virgin bit he may have felt like he couldn't tell you.QUOTE]

Ya but it hurts cos he made such a big deal about not being a virgin and about all the girls he had-He said he didnt tell me d truth cuz he didnt wanna look like a wimp-But it wouldnt have mattered to me

bolliwoodi

humanji wrote:

I don't mean to sound negative, but are you sure his Dad is ill? It could be that he just made it up in order to try and win you pity and have you go back to him. Now, maybe he is genuinly in love for you, but on the other hand he could be just a little "nuts" for want of a better word. In the end, it's up to you, but just make sure you know the full story.

Ill be honest that did cross my mind-But im pretty sure he is-Youd wanna be sick in the head to make that up

m_stan

Sorry to question your feelings but are you sure you love him ? I mean, if you really really loved him (in the true sense of the word) would you not have realised before he put his head on your shoulder ? Are you sure you're not just longing for the same closeness that you shared before ? Being in love with someone is quite different to just wanting to be with them.

Not that not loving him is a bad thing. That's fine. But you need to be careful about classifying this as love in case it's just lust/lonliness/whatever.

I'd also question how truthfull he's being with you since he has a history of lies.

That said, if you go into this with an open mind you have less chance of being hurt.

Once you are both free and single, I'd be one to encourage trying it out again. But only with an open mind to his ways, and your true feelings.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

'The reason he admitted all that stuff to you is because he loved you. He couldn't go on lying any more, being drunk was just an excuse to tell you. I know it probably hurt like hell hearing it, but it showed how much he loved you. I mean he never ever had to tell you that, he could have kept lying.
You've fallen for him again, I say tell him. You have too much history for him to stop talking to you if he doesn't feel the same. The fact that you met him again after trying so hard to get away from him really says something. If you feel so strongly for the guy, five it a go.
You might not get another chance. Let us know how it goes.'

bolliwoodi

Unregreg wrote:

'The reason he admitted all that stuff to you is because he loved you. He couldn't go on lying any more, being drunk was just an excuse to tell you. I know it probably hurt like hell hearing it, but it showed how much he loved you. I mean he never ever had to tell you that, he could have kept lying.
You've fallen for him again, I say tell him. You have too much history for him to stop talking to you if he doesn't feel the same. The fact that you met him again after trying so hard to get away from him really says something. If you feel so strongly for the guy, five it a go.
You might not get another chance. Let us know how it goes.'

i know i should= but with his dad ill i dont think i can- it would be selfish really i thinkplus i am worried that he will hate me

ats

bolliwoodi wrote:

Ya but it hurts cos he made such a big deal about not being a virgin and about all the girls he had-He said he didnt tell me d truth cuz he didnt wanna look like a wimp-But it wouldnt have mattered to me

but he didn't know that. there are guys out there that think being a virgin is something to be ashamed of. espeically if they are older. Hell I was 20 when i lost my cherry. it was someone i met in a club and that night I told her straight before anything even happened. She was fine about it, actually she thought it was cool and kept on telling me that if i didn't want to it was fine. and i suspect most people would have acted as she did.

my advice would be try and find out exactly how you feel. is it really love or is it some residual feelings and sympathy for his present situation? now I'm in no way saying that you dont love him, just that I wouldn't go springing it on him with everything else he has going on. and maybe try find out how he feels about you again remember he may be messed up with his dad and all. but if you both do love each other then waiting a bit until he's come to terms with his fathers illness isn't going to make much of a difference except propbably make the time you have with him harder coz you haven't told him.

LegacyUser

'

bolliwoodi wrote:

i know i should= but with his dad ill i dont think i can- it would be selfish really i thinkplus i am worried that he will hate me

Just stick with him through his dads illness, whatever happens, whether he gets better or not when it's all over you'll be closer than ever... Then tell him how you feel... There is no way he could hate you for falling in love with him... Worst case scenario, he'll say he doesn't feel the same anymore but you'll have gone through so much together, he will not leave you... You'll remain friends...'