At the end of my tether

Shauna_K · 07-01-2007 9:11am #1

Hi there,

Im not sure who else to talk to at this hour of the morning but ive been up all nite and am at my wits end. Basically i started going out with this guy about 2 yrs ago and it got quite intense really fast, we broke up about 6 mths later and i found it really hard to cope with that, and i became quite depressed. So at the time i thought i couldnt live without him and we got back together for a few months,then we broke up cause we werent getting along, and we got back together and so the cycle goes and brings us to today.

I would say that i have cried over and because of this guy on average one in three days in the last 18 months, sometimes he is quite mean to me even when we are together and he supposedly loves me again. Its mostly just insulting comments but they hurt quite a lot.

I dont think im representing myself right, but how do i say this. In my heart of hearts i dont think relationships should be this hard, but i have such a low self-image that i cant imagine anyone will find me attractive. Before i met this guy i was outgoing, really happy with life and myself but now i feel like ive lost myself, and i dont know how to get it back. Dont get me wrong, im not blaming this guy totally for how im feeling, i have to take responsibility for the fact that i kept going back for more even though it was hurting me, i think i must have a self-destruct gene somewhere in me that becomes active every so often,

In my heart of hearts i think i would be better if i never spoke to this guy again, but i get on so well with his family that it would be really difficult. Also, he has so many forums etc that he chats on that i find it really difficult not to look at what he is up to and then i end up thinking he's met someone else etc, so i stay awake all nite thinking about it.......I am truely at my wits end and really need help. Unfortunately i cant tell my family and friends because they all really dislike him after seeing me so upset all the time and i hadnt told any of them we were seeing each other again (I am aware this in itself should have alarm bells going off ages ago, it did, but i ignored them).

I seem to lose all sense of perspective when it comes to this guy. If you have any words of wisdom, i would greatly appreciate them.

Thx

S

Hagar · 07-01-2007 9:26am

Not everyone you love or everyone who loves you is good for you.
Relationships based on a cycle of constant break-up followed by make-up cannot be good for anyone. The rows never really end do they? They just emotionally drain you until you can't fight any more so you make-up just to get a breather. Then the same issue re-surfaces a while later. Leave all the emotional baggage behind, you don't need it. Hard as it may seem you should forget about this guy completely and look for someone new.

Shauna_K · 07-01-2007 9:46am

Yes ur exactly rite, its the same thing over and over and over and noone can understand why i keep going back, i think that somewhere inside me i think that i deserve nothing more and i dont know how to over come that.

I had a really scary thought recently, i said something defending this guy and defending why i go back to him, and it sounded like something that someone might say if they were a victim of domestic violence and it scared the **** out of me because if i dont stop whatever it is thats in me thats driving me to destroy my sense of self one day i mite find myself with someone who really abuses me. And the worst thing is, this is not the first relationship of this kind that ive been in. Patterns like this arent healthy and all i want to be is happy and healthy, i want to meet someone who loves me like i love them, who cherishes me and vice versa. I have met nice guys who have asked me out or whatever, in the past, but im not attracted to them and its terrible.

And if i was to get over that how do u meet new people in Dublin though, i hate meeting people in clubs etc, its not me?

triona1 · 07-01-2007 10:14am

You dont need to go to clubs,theres someone for everyone,look after yourself and things will fall into place,the happier you are the happier life will become,trouble draws trouble,and misery brings misery,chin up smile and you will get it sorted,dont know what else to say,get rid of the bad,we can all only live and learn,this life is not a rehersal you only get one shot make the most of it and enjoy a new year full of hopes and everything else,hth

Hagar · 07-01-2007 10:17am

Shauna_K wrote:

I have met nice guys who have asked me out or whatever, in the past, but im not attracted to them and its terrible.

Why don't you go out with one of them? You don't have to be particularly attracted to them to enjoy a social evening out. It would do you good to see how well you feel about yourself in the company of someone nice.

Black Swan · 07-01-2007 10:20am

From your comments, it would appear that this relationship is not working and has no future? Time to move on and find someone new. Sure, I will go with friends to drink and dance, but I too don't find the pub/club scene a good place to meet someone new. If you are a uni student, join a SOC. If not, join a voluntary group of people who enjoy doing something you do. You might even find a group that hooks up for a common interest on these boards?

darkflower · 07-01-2007 2:20pm

Originally Posted by Shauna_K

I dont think im representing myself right, but how do i say this. In my heart of hearts i dont think relationships should be this hard, but i have such a low self-image that i cant imagine anyone will find me attractive. Before i met this guy i was outgoing, really happy with life and myself but now i feel like ive lost myself, and i dont know how to get it back. Dont get me wrong, im not blaming this guy totally for how im feeling, i have to take responsibility for the fact that i kept going back for more even though it was hurting me, i think i must have a self-destruct gene somewhere in me that becomes active every so often,

It is normal to feel ugly when you're at the almost end of a relationship. Believe me, just carry on. Exist. Don't mind if you feel like you're no longer living. Someday soon you'd feel that this happening made you a lot stronger. Get out from the PAIN while you still can.:cool:

j0e · 07-01-2007 9:28pm

well its good uve come to the realisation of the ongoing self destructive cycle, if something in your life is causing you this much pain, remove it and be thankful children arent invovled

bronte · 07-01-2007 10:28pm

I know how you feel about 'having to make excuses' for someone.
I used to do that, but eventually had to ask myself 'why am I doing this for them?'
I suppose I wanted to feel proud of the guy I was with..but he kept letting me down so I just couldn't.
I read something recently that made sense to me... it said
"Are you going to miss HIM, or are you going to miss who you WISH he was?"

kinda hit home with me!

You DO deserve better... i know it's scary....but being single is sooo much better than being with someone who you aren't happy with.

You come across as an intelligent, articulate person, and you will in time find someone who loves you for you.

LegacyUser · 07-01-2007 11:48pm

aww you poor thing. The best thing to do is try your best to get over him. This relationship is not good for you and there is no point in being in something that causes you to feel like this. dont allow yourself to go onto any of these forums checking to see what hes up to even if that means shutting off the internet for a while. go out with friends, enjoy being single, go shopping, get a new haircut, etc. -- making yourself feel like a million dollars is the first step. you have to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. once you have the confidence girl, you can get anyone!! most people think its appearance and all that but if you are totally happy in your skin and give off that air of confidence you'll have no problems. go back to being the bubbly, happy person u said you once were!

i've had a similar situation where i stuck with someone because we had that intense amazing feeling of love at first that went after a few months but you stay with them in hope of feeling it again. Truth is - this guy is not the only person you can feel this way with. You'll meet someone else for sure! when i broke up with the person i realised i hadnt been this happy in so long! even my friends noticed the bounce in my step.

anyways i know this is turning into a book but just to finish - let him go. its your time now and you can do whatever you want with it! when you do finish with it all you'll see it from the outside with a much better perspective!

Good luck!

the_syco · 08-01-2007 12:11am

Shauna_K wrote:

I have met nice guys who have asked me out or whatever, in the past, but im not attracted to them and its terrible.

A funny thought: say yes to them, and dump the current abusive sh|t by text.

Kell · 08-01-2007 1:14pm

Shauna_K wrote:

i think that somewhere inside me i think that i deserve nothing more and i dont know how to over come that.

Perverse as it may sound, its probably comfortable for you too i.e. better the devil you know.

Shauna_K wrote:

if i dont stop whatever it is thats in me thats driving me to destroy my sense of self one day i mite find myself with someone who really abuses me.

And how do you propose to find the time to figure it out if you are dating someone at the same time? Its not possible.

If you are in or have just come out the far side of an abusive relationship, you need a serious time out to figure out why you accepted that much bullshít in the first place. After that, you need to fix whatevers broken inside you that lets you accept shít, and lastly you need to make sure you'll never accept that sort of shít again. It takes time and you wont be able to devote enough time to working things out if you are also devoting time to a new partner.

Besides, think of the next person you start seeing if you do it in a hurry. Ask yourself if you would be happy to bring a load of baggage to the next relationship or would you prefer to have your head/heart straight before you got involved with someone again.

K-

vermont · 08-01-2007 1:32pm

Shauna_K, sorry things are so hard for you at the moment. But you know in your heart and soul that this guy has to go. Definitely I'd recommend you get even a small amount of counselling. I remember something happening to me once (nothing similar to your experience), and I just couldn't get past it. Friends were telling me I should talk to someone but I was hesitating (I don't think we really have a 'shrink' culture here!). Eventually I went, and it was the best thing I ever did... I only had three sessions but they made me stand back and look at the situation I was in, and once I saw things objectively, I was able to start afresh and move on.

Also, like other posters said, there are lots of ways you can socialise. Here's a few suggestions:
- book club
- drama group
- creative writing group (you could share some of your experiences)
- voluntary charity
- try a musical instrument with group
- some type of sociable sport like hillwalking, sailing, golf etc
- go on a holiday with a group of like-minded strangers, maybe an
activity holiday, you're guaranteed to have fun!
- film club

The list is endless, just have a sit down and think about what interests you.
In a couple of years, you'll be looking back wondering was it really you with that loser.

Best of luck!

dellas1979 · 08-01-2007 2:17pm

Ok.

From reading your posts, you dont see a future with this guy.

Are you hoping he will change?

I think most people can understand, if not a little, what its like.

One minute he does something nice and you are all "oh I love him, hes great", it might not even be something that great. And then he does something real sh*tty and you fall to bits.

Well, you can either put up with him and let your confidence hit rock bottom. Or go through pain for a while and pick yourself back up. I would prefer and have had to do the second.

If you fall to bits, you know you can put yourself back together again. You dont need him sweetheart. You seem like a lovely caring person. Give that caring, when you can, to someone who deserves it.

PM if you want someone to chat to.

Marksie · 08-01-2007 2:34pm

Shauna_K wrote:

In my heart of hearts i dont think relationships should be this hard

Quite correct

Shauna_K wrote:

But i have such a low self-image that i cant imagine anyone will find me attractive. Before i met this guy i was outgoing, really happy with life and myself but now i feel like ive lost myself, and i dont know how to get it back. Dont get me wrong, im not blaming this guy totally for how im feeling, i have to take responsibility for the fact that i kept going back for more even though it was hurting me, i think i must have a self-destruct gene somewhere in me that becomes active every so often

Yes you are right again this situation is a two way thing you have allowed this behaviour pattern to dominate, you know its destructive and you know it is damaging your inner self.
There is only one person to change that you... you dont want to at the moment despite what you say. If you are not wallowing in it yet, you are pretty close to it.
I could pat you on the back and say there there, because i know what its like, but that wont solve the issue. Better is to say ARE you going to do anything about it?. If you are then get of your Ars* and do it.... and mean it. Look yourself in that mirror and ask yourself what you want and be honest.. it may be that you like the security of the known and that being a doormat is what you find acceptable. If it is then accept it, if not then dump him and cut all contact.

Shauna_K wrote:

In my heart of hearts i think i would be better if i never spoke to this guy again, but i get on so well with his family that it would be really difficult.

Bulls*it, thats just an excuse, you arent having a relationship with his family.

Shauna_K wrote:

He has so many forums etc that he chats on that i find it really difficult not to look at what he is up to and then i end up thinking he's met someone else etc, so i stay awake all nite thinking about it.......I am truely at my wits end and really need help.

It would be better if he did to be honest. You are in your own head in this all the time.

Shauna_K wrote:

Unfortunately i cant tell my family and friends because they all really dislike him after seeing me so upset all the time and i hadnt told any of them we were seeing each other again (I am aware this in itself should have alarm bells going off ages ago, it did, but i ignored them).

Duh, can't you see the dsicrepancy here... your family hate him and yet you are worried about his family?

Shauna_K wrote:

I seem to lose all sense of perspective when it comes to this guy. If you have any words of wisdom, i would greatly appreciate them.

Words of wisdom maybe, molycoddling no. You are as responsible in this as he is, it is classic repeat behaviour patterns.

Forget about dating anyone else, you know what you have to do.

Ask yourself one question:

1) am i happy being a doormat

yes: then it isnt a PI because it is what you want
no: then dump him, no contact, no looking at forums

Shinners23 · 08-01-2007 4:06pm

You dont need to go to clubs,theres someone for everyone,look after yourself and things will fall into place,the happier you are the happier life will become,trouble draws trouble,and misery brings misery,chin up smile and you will get it sorted,dont know what else to say,get rid of the bad,we can all only live and learn,this life is not a rehersal you only get one shot make the most of it and enjoy a new year full of hopes and everything else,hth

Triona1 This is brilliant - we should all live by this. the relationship shouldn't be that hard. I think its time to break the cycle - Chin up girl

Shauna_K · 09-01-2007 9:31am

Thanx everyone, I think what you have all said makes perfect sense and its time to cut this guy out of my life and focus on myself. And its all the more apparent since he told me he has found someone else who he is officially going out with even though this time last week we were together...............does anyone need this in their life?

Its hard because i have this thing in my head that ive put so much of myself into this relationship that i should try to be friends at least, but ive decided i cant be, ive deleted all emails, blocked him on email etc, have deleted my profile on various forums etc and havent looked at them in 2 days, this is progress rite?

As for counselling im going dont worry just have to source someone.

I guess he's someone else's problem now, though i do dread the next while feeling lonely and sad and wondering what he's up to with herself, i mean theres still some of my stuff in his house and i have his......the bed isnt even cold from me

But im really trying to move on and someday ill get there, im sure.

xx

Marksie · 09-01-2007 11:49am

Shauna_K wrote:

Thanx everyone, I think what you have all said makes perfect sense and its time to cut this guy out of my life and focus on myself. And its all the more apparent since he told me he has found someone else who he is officially going out with even though this time last week we were together...............does anyone need this in their life?

Yes, it is time you did, in some perverse way this is the best thing that could have happened to you. DO focus on yourself, reconnect with the real you, the one who was there before this guy. Go on a spar retreat and pamper yourself. You deserve it.
No no one needs it in their life, but it happens. Learn by it, especially if you find yourself falling into the same pattern

Shauna_K wrote:

Its hard because i have this thing in my head that ive put so much of myself into this relationship that i should try to be friends at least, but ive decided i cant be, ive deleted all emails, blocked him on email etc, have deleted my profile on various forums etc and havent looked at them in 2 days, this is progress rite?

It is definitely still buzzing around your head at the moment. but remember this guy was causing you a lot of tears anyway and he wasnt worth it. So ride through the pain, and remember he didn't car about you for or as and of yourself. Why would he care about you as a friend. No contact is an improvement, but try and visualise this as an addiction if you like, like cigarettes, where you quit and go back, quit and go back. This time be determined remember the harm being caused to you and stick with it, it will hurt for a while but eventually the hurt will fall away.

Shauna_K wrote:

As for counselling im going dont worry just have to source someone.

if you need counselling then by all means go for it, but the strength comes from within you

Shauna_K wrote:

I guess he's someone else's problem now, though i do dread the next while feeling lonely and sad and wondering what he's up to with herself, i mean theres still some of my stuff in his house and i have his......the bed isnt even cold from me

That is just your upset and hurt feeling, it is also the thoughts rattling around your head. Be positive, it is likely he will treat the new one like he treated you. .. and remember he did treat you like a doormat, you were there to be abused and probably just for sex until he found someone else.

Be positive, look at this as the first day in reconnecting with the bubbly bright shona who was there before... and the next day and the next.
BUT do express your hurt and feelings, dont bottle it. you stand the very real danger in bottling of becoming bitter.
Let yourself become open to others now you are out of this, enjoy life, weekends away, walking whatever.. don't stay in your room and brood. Get out enjoy the days... a good sensory stimulation will help stave off depression and show you that there is much more to life than what you had previously
good luck

LegacyUser · 09-01-2007 12:20pm

Shauna_K wrote:

And its all the more apparent since he told me he has found someone else who he is officially going out with even though this time last week we were together

Nice guy there you're better off without him.

Shauna_K wrote:

Its hard because i have this thing in my head that ive put so much of myself into this relationship that i should try to be friends at least, but ive decided i cant be, ive deleted all emails, blocked him on email etc, have deleted my profile on various forums etc and havent looked at them in 2 days, this is progress rite?

fair play, thats the hardest part to do to be honest. making the decision to just walk away, though gut wrenching, everyday as you begin to feelt better about yourself you will realise it was the best decision you ever made. you may have put a lot into teh relationship but relationships are a two way street. you need to get more out of it instead of pain and suffering. intread of thinking of it as waisted time and effort instead think of it as a lesson learned, that way the time wasn't wasted. you have learned this this guy and these types of relationships are not for you.

Shauna_K wrote:

I guess he's someone else's problem now, though i do dread the next while feeling lonely and sad and wondering what he's up to with herself, i mean theres still some of my stuff in his house and i have his......the bed isnt even cold from me

But im really trying to move on and someday ill get there, im sure.

xx

counselling will help, but only if you are willing to let it. My brother went to a counsellor for years to deal with his depression. but he wouldn't allow them to help. he turned up, took his meds and so on but couldn't move on with his life and get past that which caused the problem in the first place. he's as bad now as he was all those years ago. but if you are willing to open up to these people and listen to what they have to say they will be able to help you find your self worth.

as for your posessions, thats all they are possessions. maybe even reminders of him and thay may hinder your healing. that said obviously some things you do need back, like family stuff that holds sentimental value. but crap like TVs and so on let him have them in my opinion.

your situation reminds me of a friend i had. she was in a relationship with a guy and they had a child. but like you they kept fighting all the time. so they split up. but shared the same house. I met her not long after the break up and over time we ended up getting together. but she was alway on about how he would feel knowing she had moved on. this guy was of in Ibiza for his daughters first birthday party BTW. anyway 6 months later he starts hassling me, I got sick of him hassling me, and hassling her. me offering advice and money for her to take legal action but her still talking to him on the phione and replying to his texts. so i just walked away, met up with her and just told her straight i didn't need the hardship, that i cared for her and her daughter very much but my life was worth more to me and walked away. last i heard they got back together. through our time together he kept sending her messages abusing her, I gave her a new phone and told her to ditch the old one but she wouldn't but kept asking him not to contact her. he kept texting her. anyway they get back together and he then issued proceedings to get custody of the baby and have her removed from the house. had her followed and everything by a PI, even had me followed one or two times. now she's worse than ever. and in my opinion because she didn't realise that though she loved him she couldn't live with him because he was not healthy for her. I since cut contact with her because even after she and i split he was abusing me, so my phone went in the river one day, while he was shouting abuse down teh phone at me. took my car off the road coz he knew my reg, put it in lock up. went abroad for about 3 weeks. came back moved out of my rented accomadation and moved to a newflat the other side of town then bought a new car. as luckk would have it i also changed jobs shortly after cutting contact so neither he nor she know where i live, work or what i drive, i have actually sat beside her in traffic on a number of occasions, but I have had teh windows tinted on the car so you cant see in. I set up new email addresses and let my closest friends know my new address and phone number etc, that was 6-8 months ago. I feel better about myself and my life. I've met a great girl a few weeks ago and things are looking good.

anyway my point is that at some point you need to just take stock and realise that the relationship will destroy you if you don't get out. you've taken the first and hardest step, ketting him out of your life. now its time for you time. learn to love yourself. when you do you'll be surprised how easily it will be for someone else to love you. I wouldn't jump back into dating again coz it wouldn't be fair to the nice guys that deserve a chance if you haven't dealt with your baggage (from experience). but why not contact some old friends you've lost contact with (that don't associate with him). join a gym if you're not in one already it'll make you feel so much better about yourself. other clubs and hobbys to immerse yourself in will help with the healing. but you do need to break the cycle and once you are out of it you'll realise it very quickly if you are nearing a similiar situation and can run a mile from it.

Chin up, keep smiling and find teh real you. and sure if you have no one to talk to there's always Boards.ie plent of forums to just have a chat in and maybe make new friends.

Beruthiel · 09-01-2007 12:24pm

Shauna_K wrote:

I guess he's someone else's problem now, though i do dread the next while feeling lonely and sad and wondering what he's up to with herself

It's all in the outlook.
Once you find your thought wandering in that direction, stop, remind yourself you're better off and find something else to think about.
You should take this single life time to work on yourself. Build on your self esteem and realise the sky will not fall in if you are single. If you do this right you will come out of it a more confident person.
Good luck!

jdivision · 09-01-2007 12:51pm

I know a lot of people, girls in particular, who are almost afraid of not being with somebody. My advice to you would be not to go to meet somebody new straight away but instead to be single for a while so you get to know yourself. People who don't know themselves well enough, in my experience, tend to end up with the wrong type of people.

Shauna_K · 10-01-2007 7:58am

marksuttonie wrote:

and remember he did treat you like a doormat, you were there to be abused and probably just for sex until he found someone else.

Harsh but fair, God ive been an idiot for the last 2 years, well 1.5 years it was gud for like 5 months..........Id love to just slap him. I would really like him to understand how i feel and every so often i have this urge to call and try to "talk", i havent done it and know id be really upset if i did. I guess it wouldnt make any difference to either of us in the long run, it wouldn't make him change and it'd only delay my progress..........

One of you said it's like an addiction and thats how i feel, i'm on day 3 now, and i know from chocolate withdrawl that day 3 is always the worst

Skiesonfire19 · 10-01-2007 8:03am

As I said, 'noone is worth your tears, and one who is wont make you use them'!

I never understood why girls can stay in such a relationship, if a girl actually got me to tears i'd leave her, what's the point beibg in a relationship if your THAT unhappy in it?!

Skies

Shauna_K · 10-01-2007 8:19am

I cant speak for other people but somewhere inside i dont really like or respect myself so i guess somewhere thats what i feel i deserve...does that make sense. I dont think this is evident only in relationships for me but also in how i look after myself (or not as the case may be).

I dont know if i believe that someone out there will love me for who i am, so maybe thats why i have settled for less in the past. But like i said above im genuinely afraid that if i dont deal with this now then i will end up in a relationship where im really abused.....tho some people thought this was a abusive relationship?!? So maybe im already there............either way its time to deal.

that make any sense?

Kell · 10-01-2007 9:52am

Shauna_K wrote:

I cant speak for other people but somewhere inside i dont really like or respect myself so i guess somewhere thats what i feel i deserve...does that make sense.

Makes perfect sense. Thing to remember is that you just dont arrive into the world in that frame of mind, someone coached you into having a poor self image. Any ideas of who might have helped you hate yourself?

K-

The Sweeper · 10-01-2007 10:07am

Shauna_K wrote:

Id love to just slap him. I would really like him to understand how i feel and every so often i have this urge to call and try to "talk"

That's a pretty natural feeling.

When someone treats you like dirt, you start to wonder if you deserve it.

Then you become pretty sure that you don't deserve it.

Then you progress to wanting to talk to that person and make them see that you're not a horrible person, you're not stupid, you're not ugly, you're actually a bright, intelligent, desirable person. And of course it doesn't matter how often anyone else tells you you're bright, funny and desirable - it only rings true if it comes from the person who apparently regards you the same way as something they found on their shoe.

Thankfully, you've realised that if you ring him to have the "listen you, I'm not actually a horrible person" conversation, he'll treat you like dirt again and you'll be left back at square one. Gotta love self-perpetuating negativity like that.

These are some of life's hard lessons, but:

Some people are just bastards.
It is infinitely possible to have a loving, happy, healthy relationship with someone who doesn't play mind games and doesn't treat you badly.
Relationships where you are being treated badly are not acceptable.
You cannot 'fix' other people. You can help them, but if they have a problem you can't make it better for them.
Whatever inadequacy and control issues he experiences that make him treat you badly, they are his problem, not yours.
Therefore you can't make them better.
It is possible that someone will treat you like scum, when you don't deserve it, because there's something in them that's broken.
It's not your fault.
No, really, it's not your fault.
You are better off without it.
Welcome to the rest of your life. Consider yourself now better-armed to deal with it.

Shauna_K · 10-01-2007 7:24pm

Aww man....i have to learn all of those lessons?!?

Thanx a mill everyone, i have genuinely found all of this very helpful.......when u have family, friends and people u never met in ur life telling u he's not worth it u start to really believe that maybe he's not.........

Talliesin · 10-01-2007 7:41pm

Shauna_K wrote:

In my heart of hearts i dont think relationships should be this hard

Here's a hint for the next one.
That isn't a relationship being hard. A relationship being hard is when one of you has issues that the other helps them work through, but with the onus still being on them to sort their own **** out, or when the **** hits the fan and something bad's gone to hell for your lover and you stand beside them through it. That can be very hard indeed. It can also be rewarding. Same as how the friends you know you can count on are the ones that were there when things got bad (assuming you've neither been so lucky as to never need friends that much or so unlucky to find that none of them were there).
You didn't describe a relationship being hard, it's a relationship being abusive, and that's a whole different thing.

Shauna_K wrote:

but i have such a low self-image that i cant imagine anyone will find me attractive.

Here's another hint for the next one. A good relationship makes you feel better about yourself.

ats · 11-01-2007 9:05am

Shauna_K wrote:

I cant speak for other people but somewhere inside i dont really like or respect myself so i guess somewhere thats what i feel i deserve...does that make sense. I dont think this is evident only in relationships for me but also in how i look after myself (or not as the case may be).

....I dont know if i believe that someone out there will love me for who i am, so maybe thats why i have settled for less in the past. So maybe im already there............either way its time to deal. ?

To Quote Bon Jovi for a second

When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes

I remember a close friend of mine saying exactly what you have just said and I basically played that one track from them and part of the lyrics are above. she laughed at me at first but then realised that it was true and from that moment on she decided to love herself. she came into the office the following monday, had got her hair done that weekend, new cloths etc she looked a hell of a lot better but more importantly she felt better. It was hard for her to move on and probably still is hard for her when she thinks back at the type of person she was then, but it has made her stronger. she wont let anyone put her down no and is so full of confidence its scary you wouldn't think that 6 months agao it was teh same person.

your're on teh right path now you know this guy wasn't good for you you know you are worth better and deserve better. so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. but remember teh lessons you have learned. you're a door mat for no one and as some one said about no one deserving your tears. i couldn't agree more.

Shauna_K · 12-01-2007 6:47pm

oh my god, im dreading the wk end.....for the last 2 yrs i spent practically every wk end with him, and now he's with her for the wk end and i feel sick when i think about it and just want to sit here and cry

kittenkiller · 13-01-2007 11:44am

Do something you want to do and have been putting off because he wasn't interested.
Call a friend for a catch up (make a point not to talk about him and all the nasty stuff you've been going through, it'll help keep your mind on more positive things).
Go shopping, to the gym, afternoon tea with your Gran....
Keep busy doing something that you like to do and that keeps your thoughts positive.
(Might be a good idea to avoid booze for te time being though. Those "I really shlove you" phone calls at 3 in the morning are rarely made while you're sober.)

Best of luck.

At the end of my tether

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