I have a bf and I sleep around?

trawingtroll

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 month and I'm still sleeping around. He asks me about the people I shag. He knows I love him, but I love my sex with radomer. We have like 3somes and stuff, but they can be had to arrange. He gets upset that I'm sleeping around but not caz I'm "cheating" caz of how people in Ireland view him. In the culture where he's from he can have 4 wife, why can't I have a few bf and just one primary bf.

Should I change and become Monogamous, what the advantage?

Smellyirishman

Love the handle.

Gordon

Why is this your second account?

trawingtroll

Gordon wrote:

Why is this your second account?

Never. I don't know who you think I am.

Smellyirishman wrote:

Love the handle.

I like alliterations.....


Now back to the problum at hand

mike65

Ho hum

Mike.

Dudess

Me senses a banning in the air...

letterman

maybe one is for the boyfriend and the other is for the strangers she shags at 3somes!!

Dudess

Nicely spotted letterman. Boards is indeed a metaphor for shagging around.

Kintarō Hattori

Quality stuff- I've never posted in one of these before.

To avoid a banning myself:::::::::::::::::::::
OP, do you seriously want some advice on why this might be wrong?

trawingtroll

letterman wrote:

maybe one is for the boyfriend and the other is for the strangers <b>he</b> shags at 3somes!!

Is any one going to take this seriously.

Gordon

trawingtroll wrote:

Never. I don't know who you think I am.

I think you are the other account that you are.

Are you male or female by the way? You're male aren't you.

trawingtroll

eo980 wrote:

OP, do you seriously want some advice on why this might be wrong?

YES

Dudess

OP, to answer your last question: nope.

letterman

oh lets see shall we, how about aids, any sti you would care to mention and based on the content of your original post, the possibility of an honour killing waiting in the wings. Cop on to yourself.

Talliesin

trawingtroll wrote:

Should I change and become Monogamous, what the advantage?

You live in a society where monogamy is the norm, at least as an ideal. The advantages are those you've heard growing up. The disadvantages are those that are obvious to you as someone who isn't monogamous. Simple.

JungleBunny

Why do you have a "primary bf" and loads of other randomers?? Whats the point?
Respect yourself a bit more!
Can't believe that he puts up with that to be honest.

You want to know the advantages of a monogamous relationship? Feeling good about yourself for one. By the sounds of it you feel a bit guilty about what you are doing.

Nevyn

Some people have open relationships, they have one main partner and see other people, somel people have several relationships with anyone taking precendant.

It is your life as along as you re not hurting others ( even through dishonestly )
it is up to your decided what you want and need in your life.

r3nu4l

Open relationships are fine so long as both partners are happy with them, once one partner becomes unhappy with that you have a problem.

If you love the 'main' partner and he/she becomes unhappy with the arrangement then either stop sleeping around or dump the 'main' partner. EndOfStory

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

So join a swinging club. Job done.

littlesurfer

Carcharodon

Is your username supposed to be ironic or something ??? trawingtroll

bringitdown

- What age are you?
- 16
- 18, all right.
- Mom!
- I like where this is going.

c - 13

trawingtroll wrote:

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 month and I'm still sleeping around. He asks me about the people I shag. He knows I love him, but I love my sex with radomer. We have like 3somes and stuff, but they can be had to arrange. He gets upset that I'm sleeping around but not caz I'm "cheating" caz of how people in Ireland view him. In the culture where he's from he can have 4 wife, why can't I have a few bf and just one primary bf.

Should I change and become Monogamous, what the advantage?

Pfft, you havent really slept around until youve had narcolepsia.

joebhoy1916

Fancy meeting up

Nevyn

Any more smart alex off topic and unhelpful posts and I am going to start banning people, you have ALL been warned.

LegacyUser

I don't think it's fair what you're doing. If you wanna be with this guy then focus on him, if you wanna keep going with randomers then dump him. It's just not fair what you're doing on the poor guy. you're obviously not ready to settle down and be in a relationship, so end it before you hurt him.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Thaedydal wrote:

Any more smart alex off topic and unhelpful posts and I am going to start banning people, you have ALL been warned.

I think you'll find the term is smart ALEC
And before banning, I'd like to post out that my previous post in this thread was one of the serious ones..

hmmmm

Unregreg wrote:

I don't think it's fair what you're doing. If you wanna be with this guy then focus on him, if you wanna keep going with randomers then dump him. It's just not fair what you're doing on the poor guy. you're obviously not ready to settle down and be in a relationship, so end it before you hurt him.

But then again he knows the situation. He can decide what he wants to do. If he's not happy with the situation he could just dump her. It would be different if the OP was lying and saying that she doesnt sleep with other guys.

Nevyn

Oh get over yourself Ikky Poo2 I did not single you out but made the warning a general one.

Oh and if you really feeled compelled to point out any futher of my dyslexic error please do so via pm.

LegacyUser

'

hmmmm wrote:

But then again he knows the situation. He can decide what he wants to do. If he's not happy with the situation he could just dump her. It would be different if the OP was lying and saying that she doesnt sleep with other guys.

I know what you're saying but she says that he gets annoyed about it, to me it sounds like he doesn't want her doing it but doesn't want to tell her to stop. I could be wrong, but that's how it sounds to me.'

LegacyUser

gooo you
right, i have a friend in the same situatuon
if he really liked his gf he wouldnt be sleeping around
fact: he still did
fact 2: still does it, so move on and stop hurting the guy

hmmmm

Unregreg wrote:

'

I know what you're saying but she says that he gets annoyed about it, to me it sounds like he doesn't want her doing it but doesn't want to tell her to stop. I could be wrong, but that's how it sounds to me.'

I agree - of course he doesn't want her doing it but if he thinks the negatives (i.e. the sleeping around) outway the postives then HE must decide to leave her. I can imagine it would be hard but it is not up to the OP to do the dumping just because of her lifestyle choice.

OP, more than likely you will lose this guy eventually as he clearly does not like the fact you are still sleeping around. ONLY YOU can decide which you love more - your boyfriend or the sleeping with the randomer.

Black Swan

The "troll" part in your character name explains some of the responses to your OP? That and the nature of your post makes everyone wonder if you are for real?

If you are for real, you already acknowledge, as do others, that open relationships are not the norm. The mere fact that you are asking us in this forum should suggest the answer to yourself?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Thaedydal wrote:

Oh get over yourself Ikky Poo2 I did not single you out but made the warning a general one.

Oh and if you really feeled compelled to point out any futher of my dyslexic error please do so via pm.

Apologies! Wasn't intended eriously!!

darkflower

trawingtroll wrote:

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 month and I'm still sleeping around. He asks me about the people I shag. He knows I love him, but I love my sex with radomer. We have like 3somes and stuff, but they can be had to arrange. He gets upset that I'm sleeping around but not caz I'm "cheating" caz of how people in Ireland view him. In the culture where he's from he can have 4 wife, why can't I have a few bf and just one primary bf.

Should I change and become Monogamous, what the advantage?

never met one as liberated as you dear. just be careful though. as for the primary bf, so long as he accepts it pretty well then good. you can have a few more.;)

trawingtroll

bringitdown wrote:

- What age are you?

23

trawingtroll

Unregreg wrote:

I don't think it's fair what you're doing. If you wanna be with this guy then focus on him, if you wanna keep going with randomers then dump him. It's just not fair what you're doing on the poor guy. you're obviously not ready to settle down and be in a relationship, so end it before you hurt him.

I tried to "dump" as you call it, didn't work, he wouldn't let me, and I don't really want to, why would I.

rick_fantastic

i thought monogamy was a type of wood.....

all messing aside though, if you dont want to settle down and your happy with your situation then happy days.

Miss Fluff

trawingtroll wrote:

I tried to "dump" as you call it, didn't work, he wouldn't let me, and I don't really want to, why would I.

Quite frankly this is more like a blog than a personal issue. If you want to dump him, dump him. If not, don't. Simple as.

Nevyn

If you want to cut someone out of your life you can, if you really want to.

If you still want to maintain your primary relationship with him then you have to
come to an agreement about what is acceptible to the both of you.

Lots of people date and have casual relationships with more then one person but if you are going to have a primary relationship you have to take them into consideration and thier feelings and what they consider to be deal breakers between you both.


I think it is a personal issue. We judge how we should be in relationships by what we see around us or what we know of relationships.
This person has come to find out if other types of relationships happen and if they are possible and yes they are.

Marksie

I doubt monogamy is for you at this point in time. It is society which convenes monogamy as the way to go, but really it is up to the individual, it is important that you and your boyfriend are clear on limits and what is and is not acceptable between the two of you, on both fronts.

You say that your BF is jealous not because you sleep around but because of how it reflects on him? Although his culture accepts many wives, are you happy with him having one primary g/friend and several others as you want one primary b/friend and several others?.

The other B/friends are they one night stands or more polyamoury in nature?

It appears that threesomes are acceptable, so perhaps as someone suggested explore the swing scene more. Or is it that you just like the opportunity to play alone?

I think you and your primary b/friend have just to underline what it is that is causing the issues between the two of you and actually draw up the limits and stick to them.

Beruthiel

Thaedydal wrote:

This person has come to find out if other types of relationships happen and if they are possible and yes they are.

All types of relationships are possible, but only if everyone involved is happy with the situation.
The problem here is the OP wants it one way and his b/f wants it another.
So either you move on from the b/f because he is not happy and hurting him is not on.
Or
You care about him enough to change in order to make him happy.

Marksie

Beruthiel wrote:

So either you move on from the b/f because he is not happy and hurting him is not on.
Or
You care about him enough to change in order to make him happy.

Thats it in a nutshell better than all my waffle with the addition that both could compromise on an acceptable median

trawingtroll

marksuttonie wrote:

You say that your BF is jealous not because you sleep around but because of how it reflects on him?

This is it, he's worried that people will look down on him if they know I'm a "slut". Do/would people look down on him? I think they more look down at me. He's been live in western countries for a while and adopted western culture even parts of the religion.

Although his culture accepts many wives, are you happy with him having one primary g/friend and several others as you want one primary b/friend and several others?

This is changing the feminists are growing stronger and putting law reform though to ensure the first wife is given the house in her name. (I'll find the article later). I don't think I'd mind if he did.

The other B/friends are they one night stands or more polyandry in nature?

More one night stands, I'm not about to open a harem.

trawingtroll

Oh and to all those with back ward views on polygamy and sex read.
Westerners 'are more promiscuous'

Marksie

trawingtroll wrote:

This is it, he's woried that poeple will look down on him if they know I'm a "slut". Do/would poeple look down on him? I think they more look down at me. He's been live in western countries for a while and addopted western culture even parts of the religion..

Things are changing as regards sexuality and i personally wouldn't look down on anyone for expressing it.
But it may be more in his head: things like would people think he couldn't keep you satisfied, would people think he is being used. That sort of thing.
Then again, do you advertise? Do you announce to people that i have a boyfriend but i do one night stands?
So i think maybe it is his own perception rather than what others are saying. If he was truly happy with it, he wouldnt worry what others think, although yes, in general society is prudish.

If it is more one night stands then perhaps a discussion on visiting clubs abroad may be in order. you get the excitment and the freedom to express that you desire, within a framework where no one will be judging.

Still you have to sit down and work out an acceptable formula for the pair of you

vermont

Trawingtroll, on behalf of unsuspecting randomers everywhere, and your bf of course, can you assure us that you're using protection, like condoms, every time??

Also, do people really think 'Lots of people date and have casual relationships with more then one person....' ? So lots of people have boyfriends/girlfriends and sh*g randomers on the side?

Jeez, I'm starting to think my life is pretty boring....

Bob the Builder

Well think of it, You're not actually going out with your "boyfriend". If you were you would be dedicated to him!

Yes, sex feels great etc, but honestly, it's not like he has an STD or sumting, does he? ..Can you not get the same from him?

In my age group, they call people like you "slut's" or "whore's". Yes, people will look down on your bf, for managing to put up with an "open to the public, whore". I'm sorry, but thats the way it is, if he;s dissappointed with you...I'm sure you can guess why. Of Course I'm just a culchie 14year old but thats the way it's accepted in our society...

vermont wrote:

Trawingtroll, on behalf of unsuspecting randomers everywhere, and your bf of course, can you assure us that you're using protection, like condoms, every time?

...?

vermont

Oi nevf! Hope ya don't mean me !!

Good for you lad/lass. Nice to see the very young have some standards...

Nevyn

It is not about having some standards or some morals but just different ones.
What does a 14 year old reared know about relationships tbh only what he has obeserved in his 14 years and that is not the sum of the varitation of relationships that exsist.

vermont

You call what the OP is talking about 'relationships'?


Nevf, sorry, trawingtroll is just describing another totally valid and acceptable way of having relationships, y'know, 'as long as no-one gets hurt' etc....