Toilet training - 3yr old boy

m_stan

My son is 3yrs and 4 months old. He is still in nappies and refuses to sit on the potty or toilet. We went through a hellish few weeks in the summer leaving him out of nappies (he'd scream the house down), coaxing him with a 'star-chart' that earned him treats for everytime he sat on the toilet which he did a few times, and praising him highly whenever he did this. However, we got nowhere. Aside from sitting on the toliet a few times, he didn't "do" anything and seemed more and more disturbed by the process as time went on. Coupled with all that, we suspect that he was put under undue pressure in his creche which made matters worse. In the end we decided that he wasn't ready for this and we made the call to drop the issue entirely until he showed more of a willingness to do it or at least an awareness of his bowel/bladder movements.

That was 6 months ago nearly. The only thing that has changed since is he first started to hide in a corner or under a table when he was doing a poo in his nappy. This went on for a while and we made no fuss about it, only recognising this by saying "oh, you're doing a poo" to help him recognise the fact. He's stopped this behaviour now, but now actually tells us when he needs his nappy changed. I would see these changes as positive ones and possibly signals that he is ready to be toilet trained but he still seems very anxious about the whole thing and any mention of him sitting on the toilet gets the same response - "On Friday Daddy". Of course, when Friday comes, its "On Sunday Daddy". Comical

We've been told by professionals that boys are usually les mature at this age than girls and generally don't toliet train until later - sometimes 3 and a half (I know there will always be exceptions, of which my boy might be one).

So. I'm looking for advice. Am I being impatient ? Does he need more time ? Is there another technique I can try ? Can you recommend a killer book that I should be reading on this topic ?

I know this will eventually happen but I want to help give him the independence that this will bring, while not making it a hellish experience for him.

Thanks in advance.

dame

I'm afraid I don't really have any advice for you but I've a girl almost same age, also being toilet trained. She too wants to do stuff in her nappy. We bring her to potty when we know she needs to use it but she will actually hold it in until we give up, then we'll have a puddle on the floor or in the new nappy. She'll happily sit on the potty but doesn't like doing anything in it, even though she knows that's what it's for. Had some success promising her lollipops for every wee in the potty but novelty quickly wore off. Like you, we tried during summer too and hoped to get somewhere over Christmas. Very frustrating. I'll be very interested in any advice given here too. One thing I will suggest to you is; why don't ypu let him stand infront of big potty on a step and wee that way, like a man? Maybe he'd like to do it like a big boy or like his Dad? You'd also get more opportunity to practise cos there are more wee's than poo's in a day.

TheBlock

Hi

Not a gloat but we have a little lad of 2.5 who is toilet trained already....he does have the ocasional lapse a does a # 1 in his nappy but this is usually if he is playing with friends and forgets to use the loo until its to late.

This may sound silly but the way we trained him was to leave the potty in the toilet and when we thought it was time for him to go (After meals etc) would always assume the position on the toilet whil he was on the potty. This worked wonders for us so much so that he actually refuses to use the potty now prefering to climb onto the toilet. We often find him doing his business of his own accord and usually only when he calls us to help with the tricky part of wiping. Once your young lad sees that this that this is the way we all go he should follow suit I believe.

Hope that helps.

Kimbot

There is a pampers toilet training pack in the shops, has a mat with stickers etc for kids. I found it excellent with my young lad.

Zynks

I was lucky to have mine trained by 20 months. It was a bit of a game. Everytime I went myself, I would leave the door open so he could figure out what was going on, and I made a bit of a game trowing in some audio effects like "pooopiiiiis" or "weeeee". He thought it was hillarious and got into copying the same sounds while he was on the potty trying to do it himself.

Now I have another 19 month old, so time to start acting like a lunatic again...

littlebug

Hi m-stan. Patience really is the key here. I've been through all of this with my now 4 1/2 year old and we're still not out of the woods and she is still in pullups at night. She was about the age your little lad is now when we properly started training her i.e without her freaking completely and getting very very upset:(

It didn't start to work until I actually took her out of the creche (I was going to do that anyway) and she was at home full time with me so I could give her full attention at home. I picked a week and decided we just weren't going anywhere that week, nor having any visitors. I had a potty downstairs which we moved around from room to room so she wouldn't have to go far. I would praise her even if she didn't quite make it. (note carpets were not a good idea!). It was that week that got us started really and got rid of the whole fear factor. I think the fact that it was just me and her helped too, even if her dad was there I think there was too much attention/ focus on her and she would lose it a bit.


She still has problems and I believe she has an overactive bladder (though this hasn't been diagnosed medically) and at that age I think the whole getting wet in creche thing was just too much embarrassment for her. Is there any chance one of you could take a week out to just be at home with him to work on this without any fuss?
I also found that changing the reward system every so often works too... stars get boring after a while if it is taking a long time. Beads for making a necklace worked quite well with DD. I can't think of a boy equivalent just now but I'm sure there is one!

Above all I think it is important to take it slowly and try not to lose patience (hard I know). I'm thinking about trying nights again soon... I would hope that she will be completely dry before she starts school next September. Yup.. it's been a long haul and we've a long way to go yet.

This mightn't happen with your lad though. My nephew was trained at 3 1/2 and after 3 days never had an accident again and was even dry at night straight away... you might get lucky!
My little boy has just turned two so I'd say we'll be starting the whole process with him soon.

m_stan

thanks all for the encouragment and ideas. keep 'em coming for the benefit of me and anyone else that comes across this thread. I believe this will more than likely take a combination of some different approaches as every child is different, and I'm open to any of them.

TempestSabre

We didn't have much success with training until we went on holidays for a week and then could could him 24/7 attention for the week. That really broke the back on the training. We had a tiny portable fold up potty that took disposable liners, and we carried that everywhere. You could set that up in the back of a car or any small space to be honest. Hes almost trained now @ 3 but has lapses with #1's occasionally, and we've still pullups at night. We've gone the super nanny route of praise and punishments of taking away fav small toys when hes being stubborn. We also went the route of the potty in the toliet etc and eventually he moved to the toliet himself. Time and patience.

exCrumlinBoyo

I feel your pain. My son will be 4 in March and it was only last April / May that we made a break through. My Wife and I made an attempt from the age of 2.5 years to potty train out little devil but to no avail. We wanted to have him potty trained before his sister was born last March.

It was a torrid horrible time I recall. Battle is not the word for it. He would go Pee-Pee no problems, but when it came to Poo-Poo, not a bleeding chance with him. We tried all the bribes with charts and stars and presents for when he would go Pee-Pee to try and encourage him with the big prize for when he went Poo-Poo, it never happened. As I said it was a battle and myself and the Wife were so upset and distraught by the whole ordeal. We never let our son know the extent of our anguish.

When the height of the toilet training came to a head and we were getting now where we decided to cool of for a week or so and start again. It was the best thing we did. Since he went pee-pee no problems we decided to leave his nappy off him while he was running around the house. We would know when it was time for him to go Poo-Poo because he normally went after Dinner time.

At the beginning he would be like dog, We would try out best to keep an eye on him and before we knew it, he would be squatting down behind the chair taking a c rap like a dog would. When I tell you it was nasty, it was. In then end out son had a huge fear of the toilet. I sat his favorite teddy bare on the toilet one day and when he (my son) was not looking I dropped two pieces of chocolate into the toilet and my son thought his teddy bear had a poo-poo. It did not help immediately but it was a breakthrough In my sons thinking with regards going to the toilet.

So one day, probably of June last year, (he was 3 years and 3 months old) he was running around the house naked and he just had his dinner. I knew it would be time for him to have a poo-poo. He was watching me and I was watch him and I seen him squat a few times and I said to him, if you need to poo-poo, please use the bathroom, and if you do there will be a big surprise for you. He did not want to know, so as soon as my head was turned he ran to his favorite corner and he was going poo-poo on the ground again.

As soon as I realized where he was I made a dash for him and caught him, for use of a better word, with a turtle head. Well I picked him up all the while trying not to get poo-poo on my self or the ground and sat him on the toilet and he had no choice but go poo-poo in the toilet. Once he was done, we wiped him bum for him and he looked into the toilet. He stared for a minute and he said, my poo-poo is in the tunnel, I want to do it again!

Once he got over that first initial block about going to the bathroom for a poo-poo it was plain sailing ever after,.


I do have to say it was the most stressfull time I ever had with my son and the important thing is not to get mad or angry at them. The toilet can be a scary thing for a 3 year old.

Best of luck.

dame

Hi OP,

Update on situation here. We had a hard slog over the Christmas toilet training our little girl but we were pretty much there by the end of the two weeks at home (she'd hold it for about 2 hours then usually make it to potty on time). When she returned to creche she reverted back to wetting herself and forgot all about potty on first day. On day two we brought her potty into creche with her and put it in their bathroom. No problems since then. Nearly every day she comes home in same clothes she went in. She seems to like using her potty now that she's noticed other kids in the room being potty trained too, she never noticed that before. Only thing now is she seems to be very tired by the time she comes home in the evening and is more than happy to get her nappy on for bed. We're fine with that, she's not ready for dry nights yet anyway.

Hang in there, it will happen!

Advice; bring his own potty into creche. He'll hopefully be proud of himself to start using it and being a big boy like the rest.

King of Kings

hey OP
My son was 3.5 and refused to sit on the potty or toliet. in fact he screamed blue-murder and tbh i felt like giving up. He had speech issues too that didn't help.
what worked was we sent him to montessori where he say all the other kids going and him the only one in nappies. within 3 weeks nappies were gone (except at night - which is the current battle lol)

Gurgle

A break in routine is a good time to make the switch from nappies to pants. The bigger an event the better, start of the holidays for example. And then stick with the pants and deal with the mess without fuss. He won't like the feeling himself so he will come around to the toilet idea.

Carrigart Exile

m_stan wrote:

My son is 3yrs and 4 months old. He is still in nappies and refuses to sit on the potty or toilet. We went through a hellish few weeks in the summer leaving him out of nappies (he'd scream the house down), coaxing him with a 'star-chart' that earned him treats for everytime he sat on the toilet which he did a few times, and praising him highly whenever he did this. However, we got nowhere. Aside from sitting on the toliet a few times, he didn't "do" anything and seemed more and more disturbed by the process as time went on. Coupled with all that, we suspect that he was put under undue pressure in his creche which made matters worse. In the end we decided that he wasn't ready for this and we made the call to drop the issue entirely until he showed more of a willingness to do it or at least an awareness of his bowel/bladder movements.

That was 6 months ago nearly. The only thing that has changed since is he first started to hide in a corner or under a table when he was doing a poo in his nappy. This went on for a while and we made no fuss about it, only recognising this by saying "oh, you're doing a poo" to help him recognise the fact. He's stopped this behaviour now, but now actually tells us when he needs his nappy changed. I would see these changes as positive ones and possibly signals that he is ready to be toilet trained but he still seems very anxious about the whole thing and any mention of him sitting on the toilet gets the same response - "On Friday Daddy". Of course, when Friday comes, its "On Sunday Daddy". Comical

We've been told by professionals that boys are usually les mature at this age than girls and generally don't toliet train until later - sometimes 3 and a half (I know there will always be exceptions, of which my boy might be one).

So. I'm looking for advice. Am I being impatient ? Does he need more time ? Is there another technique I can try ? Can you recommend a killer book that I should be reading on this topic ?

I know this will eventually happen but I want to help give him the independence that this will bring, while not making it a hellish experience for him.

Thanks in advance.

Went through similar hell with our daughter. My first piece of advice is throw the books out of the window, every kid is different. We did insist that when the nappy was being filled this was done in the toilet, we also removed the nappy as often as possible and got a breakthrough with 'wee wees' in teh pan. Ironically it was on holiday (and possibly out of teh comfort zone of the familiar) that we got a braek thorugh with the number 2s, and seriously never looked back. Clear of nappies within 2 days of this breakthrough. Good luck and don't feel under pressure, every kid is different and will do things at their own pace.