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1st Time Sex??

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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭Carrigart Exile


    dame wrote:
    You're both very young and I have to say it, underage. How long is awhile? At any age, sex isn't something to be rushed into and I think you really do need to slow down and think some more before doing this.

    You say "I think we're ready" and there are "a few questions I want to clear up" first....
    I think that you are a normal 16 year old male and just dying to experience sex. It sounds like you're pushing your girlfriend into it though. You don't mention love anywhere. For girls, sex is often more emotional than it is for the fellas. Girls generally want to wait until they are good and ready and are in a stable, loving relationship, with someone they feel they can commit to. No offence, but it doesn't seem like your relationship is in any way stable or loving. You're a young guy who wants sex, plain and simple. Yourgirlfriend on the other hand is a young girl (at an impressionable age) who I feel sure would like more time to really get to know you, feel comfortable with you and ready to do this the most intimate of acts between a couple.

    I don't believe the "We're both mature people so we never abuse it or anything like that" line. Everyone thinks they're more mature than they actually are, expecially teenagers. I think you just threw that line in cos you thought it sounded good.

    Your questions can be answered by the pharmacist or the leaflet inside the packet when you buy them. General rule, don't buy cheap stuff or you'll get cheap goods. Of course there's a chance of a condom breaking. They do all the time, especially when people rush putting them on or are rough with them.

    Your question about your grilfriend bleeding or not, is I suspect just an exciting prospect for you. Sorry to disappoint but not all virgins bleed, that's a myth. The use of tampons or any number of different things may mean she'll only bleed a little, or most likely not at all.

    Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching to you but you need to hear it. The first time you have sex needs to be a comfortable, loving experience NOT a hurried stick on a condom, stick it in to see what it feels like, then that's it type of thing. You don't want your girlfriend to feel used, wishing she'd waited for someone special, or cheated and thinking "that's it" do you?

    Go and think long and hard. Do you love your girlfriend? Does she love you? Are you sure? Do you really NEED to have sex now or can it wait even a few months? If it can't wait then why not? Is it just you who can't wait? Is there something else you could do that would feel good but not be full sex?

    The thing you have to remember is that your girlfriend is only 15. You do not want to have a situation where you may have forced her or took advantage of an impressionable young girl.

    You presume a lot there Dame and if you do not mind me saying so come across slightly sexist. For the OP i would suggest waiting until your girl is 16at least that keeps things legal. With regard to contraception, condoms do split, it might be worthwhile considering using two.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,658 ✭✭✭Patricide


    You presume a lot there Dame and if you do not mind me saying so come across slightly sexist. For the OP i would suggest waiting until your girl is 16at least that keeps things legal. With regard to contraception, condoms do split, it might be worthwhile considering using two.
    DO NOT USE 2 CONDOMS, that is the stupidest thing you can do the 2 rub off against each other casing them to split and fall apart and leak.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,566 ✭✭✭GrumPy


    There's alot of conflicting advice on this thread, some of it is shear madness!

    OP: an internet message board isn't the best place to look for advice

    Bottom line is What you considering doing is illegal, and there is ALWAYS a possibilty of pregnancy.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    . With regard to contraception, condoms do split, it might be worthwhile considering using two.

    Carrigart Exile that is not just unhelp but stupid and dangerous any more such advice and your posting privilages for this forum will be revoked.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    On the morning after pill suggestion, afaik it's often prescribed as early as 14.


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  • Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 7,944 Mod ✭✭✭✭Yakult


    ok, I have talking to her, and I took in all you said and well I told her everything and she stills wants to go ahead... Tho Im am slightly considering it until she is 16 like said above!! So thanks guys!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14 sophiemarie


    Hey, I know how exciting it is to be romantically involved with someone at such a young age. Your first time is a significant experience for you and your girlfriend. There are a few things you might consider before going ahead with it.
    Girl's tend to be more emotional and insecure than guys. Some teenage girls have sex for the wrong reasons such as the need for acceptance and peer pressure so I'd make sure that she wants to have sex with you for the right reasons such as she loves you. In spite of this I think shes quite young to make this decision. Sex is a significant experience and can have significant consequences on a young girl. She will respect and admire you all the more for acknowledging this.
    Protection is an extremely important issue. It prevents unwanted pregnacy and STDs. Practicing with the type of protection you will be using is a good idea. It will make you more relaxed and confident when the real occasion arrives. Invest in a reliable brand such as Durex to ensure safety. Condoms can occassionly snap when putting them on but if this happens just relax and try another one. Buy a large(the amount of condoms in the pack)pack to ensure you have one when you need.
    Sex is going nowhere and neither is your relationship if ye are in love so theres no rush. It can be an even better experience when ye have proved that ye really love each other by waiting until ye're mature enough to make the right decision. Respect each other.
    There's more to a relationship and love than sex.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,787 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    For the OP i would suggest waiting until your girl is 16at least that keeps things legal.
    Don't you mean 17?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    While CarrigartExile's post wasn't serious, the way things are going the chances are the law may have changed so that the age of consent is 16 by the time she's 16.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    Hey, I know how exciting it is to be romantically involved with someone at such a young age. Your first time is a significant experience for you and your girlfriend. There are a few things you might consider before going ahead with it.
    Girl's tend to be more emotional and insecure than guys. Some teenage girls have sex for the wrong reasons such as the need for acceptance and peer pressure so I'd make sure that she wants to have sex with you for the right reasons such as she loves you. In spite of this I think shes quite young to make this decision. Sex is a significant experience and can have significant consequences on a young girl. She will respect and admire you all the more for acknowledging this.
    Protection is an extremely important issue. It prevents unwanted pregnacy and STDs. Practicing with the type of protection you will be using is a good idea. It will make you more relaxed and confident when the real occasion arrives. Invest in a reliable brand such as Durex to ensure safety. Condoms can occassionly snap when putting them on but if this happens just relax and try another one. Buy a large(the amount of condoms in the pack)pack to ensure you have one when you need.
    Sex is going nowhere and neither is your relationship if ye are in love so theres no rush. It can be an even better experience when ye have proved that ye really love each other by waiting until ye're mature enough to make the right decision. Respect each other.
    There's more to a relationship and love than sex.

    Very nicely put there Sophiemarie. OP, this is good advice.


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  • Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 7,944 Mod ✭✭✭✭Yakult


    dame wrote:
    Very nicely put there Sophiemarie. OP, this is good advice.
    ya I know!! I've read it twice!!! ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23 zstar43


    i say go 4 it!! ;) ppl here are making it out as if its de biggest ting in de world.. maybe cos der older im 15 nd a virgin bt i dnt tink it matters dat its illegal if ur both comfortable, willing 2 face de consequences den go 4 ittt


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,205 ✭✭✭_CreeD_


    When is anyone 'ready' for their first time? When is anyone 'mature' enough to decide to become sexually active? We can all look back in hindsight and give well intended advice to wait but did we? Regardless of the actual age at which it happened who here can really say they were perfectly prepared and it barely caused a ripple in the old psyche (beyond the obvious good ones).
    Sex is the most complicated and the most simple thing in the universe, the former comes from the amount of significance we place on it (often purely for the sake of glorifying the act or justifying it) the latter...well...that parts natural. Pressure and being judgmental won't help. None of us, bar the one poster who claims to know the OP, are in any position to really judge the guy's maturity and as I said what do we gauge it against? That hindsight we only gained because there came a time when WE finally decided to go ahead and do it for whatever reason. The maturity being espoused is most commonly gained through the experience.

    For the record - In my opinion yup they're too young, but it's their choice - regardless of the law they realistically can and will do what they want and they will deal with the consequences (which have been pointed out pretty well by this stage).
    What I will say is this.
    If you do proceed MAKE IT SPECIAL. Don't rush, don't try and get it all over with and sure as hell don't worry once you're together - do that part before hand and prepare well (plenty of great advice has already been thrown at you). Make it romantic, and laughing helps, feelings are more likely to be hurt by awkward silences. The memory it leaves and the effect it will have on you both is purely down to you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,401 ✭✭✭✭Anti


    Well done on being so mature to actually stand back and think of the risks. like pregnancy and sexually tranmitted diseases.


    At your age normal condoms will fit, unless your hung like a donkey....

    Chances of her bleeding depend on how sexually active she has been.

    And about the condom breaking. Just stop every few mins, and inspect it for a rip or a tear. Contraception is a good idea. But it will take a month for the effects to start. And can have some side effects for her. Its best for her to talk to her parents ( if she can ) or go to her GP to get some advice on which is best.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    Patricide wrote:
    i would deffinatly disagree there, sure the majority of 16 year olds arent mature and stable minded but that doesnt mean that all of them arent.

    NO 16 year olds are mature. None. It is not possible to have the life experience at that age to know how to act correctly.

    Generally 16 year olds and young people think they are, but that is part of the general know-it-all attitude that comes with immaturity.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    zstar43 wrote:
    i say go 4 it!! ;) ppl here are making it out as if its de biggest ting in de world.. maybe cos der older im 15 nd a virgin bt i dnt tink it matters dat its illegal if ur both comfortable, willing 2 face de consequences den go 4 ittt

    This proves my above point. You need life experience to know how little respect you get on a board if you type in text speak when you have a full keyboard in front of you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    anti wrote:
    but it will take a month for the effects to start. And can have some side effects for her. Its best for her to talk to her parents ( if she can ) or go to her GP to get some advice on which is best.

    If the oral contraceptive is started on the first day of a period and taken every day at the same time for the duration of the packet and the woman is not ill or throws up with in 4 hours of taking it then she is covered from starting the packet.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,790 ✭✭✭cornbb


    I'm not going to offer advice, as plenty of other advice (of varying quality) has already been posted. But I will say this: don't expect an amazing experience. It is a big deal and it will change your life. But there will be a lot of fumbling. The first time is often a bit crap, whether you're male or female.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,495 ✭✭✭Mr. Presentable


    You are getting a lot of good advice here OP, but no-one has pointed out properly that under the law (think of it what you will) at 15 your gf is under the age of consent and therefore you are commiting an act of rape. This is what her parents could accuse you of, and what would go on your record if you were charged.

    Think long and hard about this. Be aware her parents will almost certainly find out, she'll tell her best friend and who knows who she'll tell, and when they find out they are unlikely to look kindly upon you.


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